A/N: Once again thank you all for your comments! :)...there were some remarks about one particular part of the previous chapter. I would just like to remind you all that this story is based on true events. If you don't like what I'm writing and the way I write, then don't read this story. Like I have said before, many people have different reactions to situations of sexual assault. Some people just shut themselves away, some people feel like they're fine and then breakdown, some people carry on as normal and the emotional repression manifests later on in life. Like I said, this is based on a TRUE STORY, told through the characters of JK Rowling. (Read my A/N from the beginning of chapter 10). Many Thanks dear readers! :)
A/N – Chapter Warning – Bad Language, mentions of suicide and sexual assault
Chapter 14: The Astronomy Tower, The Greenhouse, and The Dungeons
Hermione was stood in the great hall, the last thing that she wanted to do right now was eat. She quickly fled the hall before anyone could see her. She wondered where Draco had gone to, and went in search of him.
After walking around for what seemed like hours, she gave up, she couldn't find him and that was a dangerous thing.
Being alone gave her more time to think about what had happened earlier. Severus had not spoken to her in that tone for a long time. She only really got that treatment when she spoke out of turn in class. When she was being reprimanded and talked down to, as if she was nothing more than an irritating child.
He told her not to spread her legs. She didn't want to spread her legs in the first place and now he was using that against her. What had she done wrong? She had tried replaying the conversation out in her mind and couldn't even think about why a comment about Draco would cause such a reaction.
She was only making a comment, she didn't mean any harm. Maybe he had not appreciated her talking about his godson in such a way. After all Severus had been Draco's godfather longer than he had been her friend. She also knew that in Slytherin it was family loyalty above everything else. Maybe she should apologise for what she had said, even though she didn't quite understand what was going on.
Hermione realised where her feet had taken her, and she began climbing the stairs. She loved coming up here, it was her second sanctuary, the library being her first, and she loved looking at the stars as if every star could tell a separate story.
Hermione was sat miserably in the astronomy tower. She wanted to be alone; no one would want to be with her anyway. She was a whore and that was that.
Severus had called her out on whorish behaviour, Draco would be next and then she would lose what fragile relationship she had with Harry, and the others, and then she would be alone.
Dark thoughts began creeping in again, as she looked down from the tower. If she jumped no one would care, if she jumped no one could stop her, if she jumped she would have no more problems.
Without realising, she had stood up and climbed over the other side of the railing. She just teetered there, as if she was letting the wind decide her fate. She could feel the cool autumn breeze, feel the calm breeze, and she opened her eyes and took in the sight before her. This place was truly beautiful and she was proud to call this place her home.
She sighed, still stood dangerously close to the edge, and she prepared herself to jump.
All of a sudden, her death was ripped away from her, and she was pulled up and over the rail by strong arms.
She squealed at the sudden contact and began wriggling, trying to break free.
"Hermione! Stop! You're going to hurt yourself if you're not careful. What the hell do you think you are playing at" he exclaimed, shocked at what he had just prevented.
Hermione whirled around to face the person who had-. She wasn't sure whether he had done her a favour, or caused her more misery.
"Neville, I'm sorry" she mumbled.
Hermione looked at Neville's face, and noticed that it was void of any colour and he was looking at her with such an intense expression on his face that she didn't know what to do.
"What's wrong with you lately? You've been acting odd ever since we got back to school" Neville stated.
Neville had obviously heard the rumours about her, but he didn't believe them for a second. Hermione was his first friend, his first crush and he was going to give her the benefit of the doubt and the chance to explain her actions.
"I've just been through a lot Neville, nothing to worry about" Hermione said him trying to shrug it off as if it were nothing.
"Nothing to bloody worry about?!" Neville exploded.
"Hermione, had I not swapped rounds tonight, you'd be a bloody pancake now!" he said, realising what could have been had he not come up to the tower.
He sat the girl down on the floor and then he sat himself next to her.
Hermione was looking at the floor ashamed of her actions. It had been the same feeling she had when she had cut herself, it was automatic and she had been feeling numb. It was better to feel pain than nothing at all. Wasn't it?
Her eyes welled up and Neville recoiled and regained his control. He didn't want to upset her further, she was clearly in a delicate state and he had no idea how to help. He decided to take on a gentle approach.
"Hermione, what's wrong?" He asked her quietly.
Hermione looked at Neville, she wanted to tell him but she knew he would be a big risk and so decided to tell him what she could without telling him the whole truth.
"Something happened over the summer, something bad, and I've been having difficulties getting over it. It's had an impact on me and sometimes I just think that things would get better if I didn't know they had happened. The easiest way to that is to...well you got a first-hand viewing of that" she told him.
He knew she was holding back but he didn't press her any further. He decided to just let her talk; she would tell him if she was ready.
"And with everything that's going on here, the rumours, most of my friends freezing me out, and the stress of everything going on this year, it's just really difficult. I didn't mean to scare you Neville, I'm sorry" she said pathetically, knowing that it wouldn't justify her near death.
"I don't believe a word of anything that's being said, it's obviously impossible that you even know Sirius Black, let alone- you know. I also don't agree with what's going on. But I think things will get better this year Hermione and if you ever need to talk, you can open up to me" he told her, hoping that she would talk to him before leaping to her death.
"Thanks Neville, I will be fine" she told him.
Neville just looked at her.
"And I'm supposed to take that as gospel coming from a girl who nearly threw herself off the astronomy tower" he questioned her seriously.
Hermione opened her mouth to object.
"SHE NEARLY DID WHAT?" a voice yelled from the doorway.
The teens jumped up and automatically drew their wands in warning at the sudden intrusion and turned to face the doorway.
Draco Malfoy was stood in the doorway, clearly on his prefect rounds of the castle and he had stumbled across two Gryffindor's and the conversation he had overheard had been most perturbing. Draco glared at his new friend, hoping that he had heard wrong.
"Well? Is it true?" Draco asked her.
She looked down at her feet, and that was all she needed to do to confirm his worst fears.
"Longbottom, leave" Draco growled at the cowering boy.
Neville straightened up, ready to tell Malfoy to piss off, there was no way he was about to leave Hermione, in her state, on her own with the silver prince, the snake.
Hermione saw this and quickly stepped in.
"It's ok Neville, honestly. Please go, I'm sorry for everything and for scaring you. It was a moment of weakness and I shouldn't have let it happen. Draco won't cause me any harm, I will be fine. I need to speak to him anyway" Hermione said to her oldest and dearest friend.
Neville gave her a curious glance and she gave him a reassuring nod in return. Not wanting to do so, Neville made his move to leave the tower.
"Neville! Please don't tell anyone about this" Hermione called after him. She didn't need any more rumours being spread.
Neville agreed and left the tower. Hermione knew that he would keep her secrets; she trusted him completely and didn't doubt him for a second when he promised to keep everything that had happened up here tonight, a secret.
After Neville had gone, Draco looked at Hermione once again. He had his arms crossed and he was staring at her waiting for an explanation.
She sighed.
"A moment of weakness Draco, I nearly jumped off this tower tonight and believe me, I really wanted to" she said quietly, as she confided in him.
Draco breathed out, giving up on his angry stance, and practically tackled Hermione to the ground with the ferocity that he threw his arms around her and gave her a hug.
"I know what happened today was rough, but don't you ever do that to me ever again! I mean it Granger, I will find a way to bring you back just so I can kill you myself if you accomplish your aims next time" he warned her, half angry and half panicked at how close he had come to losing her.
She giggled at his protectiveness but also realised the severity of the situation and kept apologising for her behaviour.
Draco naturally forgave her and they sat on the astronomy tower for a while and just watched to stars and the moon in a comfortable silence until they separated for the night to go back to their houses.
.
.
.
A couple of weeks later, Hermione Granger opened her eyes and immediately felt nostalgic. Today was her sixteenth birthday (well, without the use of the time turner anyway. She was probably about 16 years and 8 months old…ish) and she wasn't sure how she really felt. The last two weeks had been a whirlwind, trying to get into a routine with all her classes and homework. Her friendships with Draco, Neville, Harry and Ron were getting stronger every day. The rumours had completely died down and everyone was now interested in the new Professor Umbridge and what exactly her motives were. They were also talking about the new Weasley products that had begun circulating around the school, and who had missed the most lessons. Everybody was now fully concentrating on their studies and the 'scandalous affairs of Hermione Granger' had become old gossip. Nobody talked about her anymore, they decided just to ignore her instead, and Hermione had never felt so satisfied at this.
The only shadow that remained in her life was the absence of her Professor Snape, he had been avoiding her and she thought that it was because of her. Draco had tried to convince her that it was other reasons that had caused Severus to shout at her, but he refused to tell her exactly what had happened and because of this, Hermione still believed that it was because of her.
The other thing that was making her sad on her birthday was the absence of her parents. She had no idea how they were, or where they were and she didn't get many reports on them just snippets of them being ok. She hadn't been able to communicate with them for about six weeks and with everything that had been going on recently, she felt homesick and wished nothing more than for her mum to be there to talk to.
She had been rebuilding her friendships with her friends and it meant that Hermione spent her birthday with them (obviously Draco spoke with her separately) and she had an enjoyable day overall. She received some gifts and she even got a mystery parcel delivered to her that she promised to open later.
She looked at the label attached to the gift and saw the phrase 'Happy Birthday' in handwriting that she recognised very quickly. She looked up towards the head table at Severus. He wasn't looking at her, but he gave a nod of acknowledgement when no one was looking. She opened the gift and found a new leather journal that she loved but could never afford, and she also got chocolate. She instantly loved her gifts and smiled, completely uplifted in spirits.
Another development was that on October 1st, her Prefect status was discreetly reinstated, upon seeing that Hermione, Ron and Harry were getting along again, Dumbledore decided that Hermione could have her responsibilities back. Hermione almost refused but knew that her Prefect duties would distract her from morbid thoughts, should they come back at any time.
She had been getting back into routine and her grades had picking up in classes. She was beginning to feel slightly normal again, she knew she wasn't all the way there yet but she was at the start and she felt that it could really only go up from here. The weather was changing and it was no longer all that warm out, it was as if the summer had left for another year and Hermione felt overjoyed because with winter coming, there was no way to be reminded of the summer and its hot days and bright evenings. Instead it was cold and the nights were darker and Hermione couldn't be more thrilled.
.
.
.
About two weeks later, around October 16th at early evening, Hermione and Neville out in the greenhouse, they were picking plants that had to be picked at a particular time at night, Neville had promised Professor Sprout that he would do so and Hermione offered to help. It would get her out of the castle for a little while at least.
"So how are you?" Neville asked as they worked, he wanted to ensure that her mental state was stable and that she really was alright.
"I'm always alright" she replied, trying to make light of the conversation. Neville wasn't having it; he was not going to let her play it off like that.
"No offense Hermione but a few weeks ago you nearly jumped off the astronomy tower. I'm really worried about you" he told her seriously.
Hermione opened her mouth to reply.
"What did you just say Longbottom?" said a low and angry voice from behind them.
The students turned.
Neville almost pissed himself there and then. He had never seen his potions professor look so wild and angry. Neville began stuttering trying to compose a response.
"Er-we..." he tried nervously.
"What did you just say?" Severus said, tone cold and anger just below the surface. He was looking at his worst student.
Neville clearly didn't answer quickly enough and Severus focused his attention on Hermione.
"Is it true?" Snape glared at her, nostrils flaring in anger.
Hermione couldn't speak so she nodded instead.
Without taking his eyes off the girl he snapped at Neville.
"Boy, get out of here" he said
Neville hesitated and glanced at Hermione. Hermione tried to smile reassuringly, and Neville fled the greenhouse.
After a few moments of Severus just staring at her, Hermione was beginning to get worried. She didn't know what was going to happen next.
Severus suddenly grabbed her wrist and dragged her out of the greenhouse, and back towards the school. He then frogmarched her to the dungeons and practically threw her into his office. He locked and warded the door and he forced her into the chair that was adjacent to his desk.
Hermione felt sick, she was pale and shaking. She had eaten quite a lot at dinner, she couldn't remember the last time she even ate that much in one sitting but Severus was making her so nervous that her dinner was threatening to make a quick reappearance and she was feeling very faint.
Severus stood and stared at her for a moment before sighing and then he sat down.
"You nearly jumped from the astronomy tower" he stated.
Hermione nodded.
"Why?" He asked.
"I don't want to be in a world where you think of me as a whore" she told him.
He stopped, feeling angry again.
"That's no excuse. Everyone has been spreading rumours, about you being a whore, for weeks. Now you're telling me that it is because of me that you attempt to commit a selfish act?" he told her.
"You're the first one to think of me as a whore and know the whole story. The rest of the student body haven't a clue what's really going on. But you do, and yet you insinuated that I was a whore. I've never been so insulted, not even when I was being assaulted. You're the one person I thought would never-" she whispered, tears forming once again. She was trying hard not to show weakness.
Severus relented and felt bad. He knew he had cocked up that day, he knew he had done wrong and he would never have guessed that this would have been her reaction. It scared the shit out of him to even think about what he had nearly caused.
"You're all I've got at the moment, besides Draco, who knows my story and is still willing to be around me. When you said that to me, I didn't know what to do, I went into automatic mode and the next thing I know, Neville is dragging me back to safety behind the railings" she told him.
Severus didn't know what to say, or what to do. He was just staring at her, he knew he should apologise but he had no clue how to even begin.
"Don't worry, I wanted to thank you for my birthday gift, and I promise that what nearly happened that night, it won't happen again" she said as she dismissed herself and headed towards the door.
"I was jealous" Severus blurted out.
Hermione spun to face him confused. What could he possibly be jealous about?
"Of what?" she asked.
"When you made that comment about Draco, I was jealous. I-I had hoped that you might-. I wanted to tell you-" he stuttered, not having a clue what to say, how to finish. But Hermione understood him and tried to help him.
"You were jealous because I made a joke about Draco? As in, your godson who would never look at me in that way because of him being-" she cut off and cursed herself, she had nearly betrayed her friends secrets.
"I know about him. He told me when he came to rip into me after I had snapped at you. Yes, I was jealous. I, I care about you, in a way that I probably shouldn't, but I do. I want to give you the world but I have nothing good to offer. It upset me knowing that I can't give you what you deserve but someone like Draco, someone better, could. I got angry at my own selfishness and I took that anger out on you. Also, I have never been more thankful for the existence of Neville bloody Longbottom because had he not been there that night-" he was full of emotion and couldn't finish his thought because the near severity of the situation was destroying him.
Hermione stared at him in disbelief. She knew she had a crush on her potions professor but for him to return, even consider returning, her affections.
"You-you want to-" she didn't know what to say.
He nodded.
"I have the worst timing, I can't fight it anymore. I want to be more than a friend to you but I would never act on it if you refused. I'm old, I'm hideous, I'm the greasy bat of the dungeons, and you are this shining siren and it destroys me. I could never be enough for you and not only that, you are underage, and acting upon this would make me worse than…him" he poured his heart out to her. There, he had told her, in a typically Severus way, that he had more than friendly feelings for her.
She walked towards him, mesmerised by his words. She took his face in her hands and stroked his cheeks lightly with her fingers.
"You think you're old, you think you are hideous, but do you know what I think?" She asked him.
He waited, bracing himself for the rejection he had been used to his whole life.
Hermione smiled.
"I think I've finally found my Colonel Brandon" she whispered as she closed her eyes and placed a light and gentle kiss on his lips.
