When two hours after hugging Kara on the roof, it's still the only thing she can think about, Lena comes to the logical conclusion that she is utterly fucked. The uncanny warmth of Kara's body pressed against hers, the way her entire being realigned to be in synch with her, and the always present scent of lavender that is slowly redefining all she ever thought about comfort are all she can think about. She expects to feel guilty, to do something crazy like googling the typical mourning period one should observe after breaking up with one's toxic girlfriend, or to beat herself up for hugging her very attractive neighbour. Instead, she changes into her most comfortable sweatpants, eats her cookies straight out of the container, and watches reruns of The L Word. When she's too tired to think straight, she goes to bed without doing the dishes. She sleeps better that night than she has in weeks and wakes up bright and fresh, a feeling so foreign to her that for a second, she wonders what's wrong. But for the first time in as long as she can remember, she can't point to anything that could be.
Her alarm clock displays an hour that would be indecently early for anyone but doesn't differ much from her usual wake up time. What's different is she isn't tired, and it really is a vast improvement. She lays in bed for a moment, stretching and yawning and thinking about Kara. She takes the time to wonder about silly things, like on which side of the bed she sleeps, if she's a morning person, and what she eats for breakfast when she isn't trying to impress girls with croissants. She chooses to believe that Kara was indeed trying to impress her, and that she wasn't just being nice. It occurs to her that maybe her hope is teetering on the edge of being out of control, but she doesn't have space, in this early happy morning, to care about it.
When she finally gets out of bed, she makes a very important discovery ; the wall are thin. It's not a discovery per se, she had an inkling that they had to be in a building such as this one, but they are thin enough that she can hear Kara taking her shower when she enters her own bathroom. Mostly, she just hears water running, but her imagination supply for the missing parts quite efficiently. It's not just water running, it's water on a body, Kara's body, Kara's naked body. She shakes her head so fast to get rid of the mental image that it's a miracle it doesn't get teared off right of her neck. She's beyond the point of not lusting after her neighbour but even she can acknowledge that this might be going a little too far. She strips off her clothes in record time and most definitely doesn't trip over the edge of the bathtub in her hast to turn her own shower on to cover the sound of Kara's morning ablutions. As it turns out, being naked when she knows Kara is naked as well isn't helpful at all. And yes, Kara has been naked in her apartment plenty of times before, it's a given considering that she's a living breathing human being that does thing like changing her clothes and taking showers ; but there's something different about it now that Lena has allowed herself to think about it. Washing up, running her hands on her skin, certainly is an experience.
Later that day, when her soldering iron goes straight through the lab table, she cannot really deny that it's because she was thinking about Kara's biceps. Unfortunately, it happens as she's working side by side with Mr Spheer, and she doesn't have a ready made excuse for forgetting about the tool in the first place. Sorry, my neighbour is hot, doesn't strike her as something she wants to share with an employee. However, forgetting to turn off a soldering iron is unprecedented in the history of Lena Luthor, and her suspicious secretary is very much aware of this. Lena spends the rest of the day purposefully avoiding Jess which proves to be very hard because she suddenly has an enormous amount of documents to sign that apparently can't be delivered in a single trip. By the end of the day, she's sure she's signed some of them twice. Fortunately, Jess doesn't ask any questions ; unfortunately, Lena can feel her eyes trying to read her soul everytime she enters the room.
Her good mood shrivels down to nothing the moment she steps a foot in her building at the end of the day. It's so sudden that it's almost painful ; she wouldn't feel more out of sort if someone had dumped a bucket of ice on her head after spending a day in the sun. On the cork board in the hallway a slightly ruffled piece of paper announces the next roof-top party and asks her to sign up for the food she'll be bringing. She categorically refuses the excuses of the ugly yellow post-it apologising for putting it up late, with two childish smiley faces. The party is this week-end and there's no way she's going ; as the newest neighbour, there's also no way her absence will go unnoticed. It's not that she doesn't like parties ; she understands the concept and their importance when it comes to galas and charity balls. But she isn't equipped to deal with a small gathering of normal people who probably drink warm beer and rosé and talk about their children. To attend such a thing, she would have needed a two weeks notice to get ready and to find a potential excuse not to go ; she has three days.
Sullenly, she makes her way up the stairs (because nobody fixed the goddamn elevator), wondering if it's too late to put together a decent sized gala for a good cause, and also if it's worth it just to get out of this party. Jess would be pissed, and it would cost a lot of money, and she'd have to invite her mother who would probably take the opportunity to question the value of her existence. It would still be better than making a fool of herself in front of her neighbours.
She's so caught up in her own thoughts that she misses Kara standing in front of her door and barrels straight into her. Running into a brick wall would have most likely hurt less. Lena reels backward with much more momentum that she had when moving forward and doesn't have time to prepare herself for impact. There is no impact. Kara is holding her by the waist and stopped her downward course inches from the ground. They stand like that for a long second, frozen in a graceful dance, before Kara slowly moves them back to the vertical and Lena ends up flattened against her chest.
Kara moves and Lena follows, not just because she's tucked into her safe arms, but because if she didn't, she fears that the very base of her atoms would tear apart. In the last two seconds, gravity has changed several time, from firmly below her feet, to somewhere around where her body was supposed to touch the ground, to Kara where it's anchored now, probably forever. They're linked now, and she doesn't understand how something so Earth shattering could happen in so little time, but she doesn't dare to question it, she embraces it because going against it would only lead to disaster. Her heart beats loudly, but it's not because of her fear of the party anymore, no, the organ is deeply aware of its new mainstay and is both revived and terrified by it.
"Are you okay ?" Kara asks, her voice lower than it has ever been, her breath warming and caressing her face ; letting her go doesn't seem to cross her mind. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you coming. I was going to warn you about the roof top party. I forgot to put up the announcement and I was wondering if you wanted to cook on your own or if you'd like to bake with me. I'm making pies for dessert."
"You drew the smileys ?" Lena asks rather dumbly.
"Um, yeah ?" Kara mumbles, finally letting go of Lena to take a step back and fiddle with her glasses. Lena shivers at the cold that encompasses her and has to consciously stay put against her want to follow Kara. "I figured that since you told me you don't really like surprises and it's a bit late to warn you about the party you might want for us to make something together so it'd be less stressful."
"Sure," Lena replies, realising when Kara makes her offer for the second time that it would be a good thing to answer instead of criticising her post-it note. "You're right, I'm a bit stressed and I really appreciate you remembering that."
"I pay attention," Kara says with an illicit smile, briefly looking down at her shoes before she turns her gaze to Lena, her eyes full of care. "I was thinking we could eat lunch together and then bake all afternoon ? The party starts at five but we don't have to be the firsts there."
"It works for me, I'd love to have lunch with you." Somehow Lena doesn't think her words pay justice to the thrill of spending more time with Kara ; but her neighbour doesn't seem to mind her ineloquence.
"So, I'll see you on Saturday ?" Kara asks, her body simultaneously moving forward as if going for a hug and backward towards her apartment.
"Do you want to watch a movie ?" Lena blurts, threatened by the possibility of Kara doing something as inconceivable as going back to her own home.
"Yeah, I'd like that," Kara replies with a smile, freeing a breath Lena didn't know she was holding. "Let me go change into something a little bit more comfortable, and I'll be right back."
As she walks away, Lena gets the perfect view of her broad shoulders under her blue shirt and of her ass on which her trousers seem to have been moulded ; she really wouldn't mind if she were to stay dressed like that. She does change her mind however when Kara comes back in sweatpants and the tightest V-neck known to humankind.
Kara is mumble-singing along to Moon River, and Lena will be damned if it isn't the cutest thing she's ever seen. She's glad Kara chose this movie because she's seen it ten times already, and knows it by heart which allows her to bask in the woman next to her instead of actually paying attention. In the glow of the television, Kara looks ethereal, out of this world. Her sharp features flicker in and out of existence along with the light of the movie's scenes. She barely moves at all, her regular breathing the only thing that disrupts her stillness. From times to times, she catches Lena looking at her, but she only smiles, and turns back to the TV. Each time their eyes meet, Lena can feel her body temperature rising, and she knows the faint blush she can see on Kara's cheeks is mirrored ten times on her owns. The progression of the movie shows on Kara's face ; she laughs at all the jokes, smiles at all the sweet moments, and looks genuinely sad along the characters. Several times, she excitedly turns towards Lena for the sole purpose of sharing a special scene with her. Lena has seen this movie over and over, but she's never seen it like that ; she'd gladly watch all the movies in the world just to see Kara like that again.
Holly and Paul kiss in the rain and it's raining on Lena's face too ; the ending gets her everytime. Surreptitiously, she tries to wipe away her movie induced tears before Kara can notice ; but of course, she does. Instead of mocking her though, she extracts a deep blue handkerchief dotted with little stars from her pocket and passes it to her with a small smile.
"I always feel so bad for the cat," she says. "I swear it's clean," she adds quickly when Lena stays unmoving, staring at the piece of fabric like it's the oddest thing she's ever seen.
"What are you doing with a handkerchief ?"
Kara shrugs. "I like them better than paper tissues. They produce less waste and they go well with my aesthetic."
"You and your aesthetic," Lena says, laughing wetly as she takes the handkerchief from Kara's hand to wipe her eyes, "beer, handkerchiefs, what else ?"
Kara shrugs again, then laughs brightly. "Plaid shirts I guess. And space."
"Plaid shirts ? How butch of you," Lena snickers with no malice, reaching with the intention to playfully bump her shoulder but stopping abruptly when what she just said registers in her brain.
Without missing a beat, Kara picks up the sudden change of mood and completes Lena's statement, leaning fully into it. "I also have an excellent pair of walking boots that looks like it's been looted off a lumberjack's feet so yeah."
Meeting Lena midway, she catches her hand from where it's suspended between the two of them and briefly squeezes it before bringing it back to Lena's lap.
Nonetheless, Lena feels the need to apologise. "I didn't mean to stereotype you," she whispers averting her eyes. "I'm sorry."
"Don't sweat it, I know you meant no harm. And your analysis was spot on," Kara says, nudging her until Lena accepts to look at her again. When she does, she drops her hand and rests it on top of hers, squeezing lightly. It's slightly bigger, visibly stronger, and it engulfs hers completely. Flabbergasted, she cannot help but stare at it, wondering how she never noticed that every single second of her life has been leading to this exact moment.
Kara's door has been propped open with a shoe box and music filters out in the hallway. Lena went out for some fresh air, to get rid off the extra energy that fills her restless body at the thought of a whole afternoon with Kara. She was beginning to go a bit crazy, pacing in her apartment and waiting for an appropriate time to show up at Kara's. 11:59 for lunch is a perfectly reasonable time, right ? On her way up, she had to dodge the whirlwind of activity on every floor, kids running up and down the stairs, dozens of cooking smells, and widely different music blasting behind every door. The fourth floor is her favourite. It's quieter, with only the faint sound of piano drifting to her ears, and it's Kara's and hers.
"You can come in !" Kara shouts when Lena's fist isn't even halfway raised to knocked on the door. "I have good ears," she adds, pointing to her head with a grin when Lena comes into view with this exact question on the tip of her tongue. "It's good to see you."
"It's good to see you too," Lena says back, her words muffled by Kara's shoulder when she gives her a short hug. Neither of them mention that they've seen each other not twenty-four hours before, when a slightly disheveled Kara came knocking on her door to ask for her opinion on dried tomatoes. "It smells amazing in here."
"Vegetarian lasagna. And I made a dried tomato and goat cheese salad. Is that okay ?"
"It sounds amazing," Lena replies, not bothering to add that she'd probably eat anything as long as Kara is cooking it. "I know that music, but…"
"It's Bach," Kara supplies, "Goldberg Variations. But played by Alexandre Tharaud not Glenn Gould."
"I like it," Lena muses. "It's less aggressive."
"I can burn you a CD if you want," Kara says as she grabs a tea towel to get a golden bread out of the oven.
"You can burn me a CD ?"
"Um yeah," Kara says, puzzled. "You know, put music on a disc from my computer and then you put it in your computer and you have my music ?"
Lena tries not to laugh, but really, she can't stop herself. The sound bubbles past her lips as her body shakes with hilarity. "I know what burning a CD means," she whizzes, wiping a few tears from her eyes. "I just didn't know people still did that."
"Oh," Kara mutters, a wave of light pink overtaking her cheeks, "well I do. It's a bit old fashion but I like it. It makes Alex laugh, but she's always happy when I make her a special mix for her birthday and take the time to draw something on the cover."
"It is old fashioned. But it suits you. I think."
"So it goes well with my aesthetic ?" Kara playfully asks, sliding a warm piece of bread with melting butter towards Lena.
"At this point everything you do go with your aesthetic," Lena replies, rolling her eyes teasingly. "Shit, that bread is amazing."
"Thanks, it's a family recipe. And it's important to stay on brand."
"On brand ?" Lena repeats pointedly, holding back her laugh so she doesn't choke on her food.
"What ?" Kara asks, leaning against the counter in an unfairly seductive way and taking a comically large bite of her own slice of bread.
Lena sighs, her heart growing two sizes at Kara's antics. "Nothing. You're just, you're something."
And if she sounds a bit lovestruck, well it's better not to dwell on it.
For some reason that Lena doesn't quite understand, there is flour everywhere. Including her hair. She remembers Kara making fun of her for having flour on her nose ; and then flicking some to her to level the play field. Right, Kara sent a handful back in retaliation ; that's why she's covered in flour.
White speckles twirl and fall around them and Kara stands unmoving in their midst, a childlike grin on her face. Flour has accumulated in her tears of laughter and Lena can feel a similar mush coating her own face. Lena thinks she looks ridiculous, and absurdly happy, and can't help but hope she looks the same. Never would Lena have pictured such a situation. Not only the act of baking and food-fighting with Kara, but not feeling uncomfortable, when most of the time, she can't stand the mere idea of filthiness. She feels nothing but pure bliss, utter exhilaration ; it's different, but welcome.
"You've got a little something here," Kara says raspily, her hands slowly moving towards Lena's face.
"I have a little something everywhere," Lena replies, rolling her eyes which is definitely not a good idea because it causes more flour to fall into them and there's a very high chance that she will never be able to take her contacts out.
"Here," Kara whispers, her hand reaching its destination right on the corner of Lena's mouth.
Idly, Lena wonders if it's what death feels like. Everything stops to focus on the single action of a thumb wiping an inch of skin ; her heart doesn't beat anymore, she doesn't breathe at all, every single one of her particules is tasked with memorising this moment. When it's passed, time doesn't resume its rightful course and she knows she'll live forever in this second, stuck reliving the feeling of a phantom thumb against lips that used to be hers.
"We should roll down the dough," Kara says, her hand no longer on Lena's face.
She wonders if she imagined this moment, if this feeling that she'll chase to the end of time was just a figment of her mind and this is her purgatory. But Kara is looking at her so intensely that it cannot be, right ?
"We should," Lena whispers.
In companionable silence, they set to finishing their pies, rolling down the dough and garnishing it with glazed fruits and a sinfully delicious applesauce. Kara shares its precious secret, gently guiding Lena in adding cardamom and a pear to the simmering concoction. She has no doubt that she's been let on something far more guarded than LCorp's rocket fuel.
With the last pie in the oven, there isn't much to do but get ready for the evening, and though Kara insists that getting ready for the neighbours party doesn't go much farther than putting on a clean t-shirt, Lena still wants to put in the extra effort. Nonetheless, she delays her return to her own apartment by sharing a beer with Kara, out of two glasses and not from the same can, even if she experiences an unusual inclination to do so.
Kara puts on some music and Lena recognises the opening of Carol which makes her want to drink outdated cocktails and lounge on the couch, and certainly not go to the party. Somehow, Kara ropes her into helping her choose a t-shirt, and holds two almost identical blue ones next to her face so they can discuss which one best compliment her skin tone. She looks so excited that Lena doesn't have the heart to tell her that they both look the same to her. Instead, she chooses the one on the left side, based on how soft the fabric is. They stand just a little too close to each other.
Getting dressed for the party is a nightmare. No matter how many clothes she owns, she can't seem to find anything that is both casual enough for the occasion and that will still convey her place in the world. Flannel doesn't scream power enough, she can't down her usual suit and tie armour and a cocktail dress would also be too much. She settles for slacks and a sleeveless blouse which existence she had forgotten entirely. She has no doubt she'll be overdressed anyway. To make it worse, the second she's away from Kara, her stress comes back ten folds. It's too late to back down but she still considers it until the moment Kara comes knocking on her door. Hair gelled back and with an open shirt on top of her t-shirt, she looks so handsome it's unfair ; compared to her, Lena looks like a potato. Kara however, doesn't seem to agree. "This is a good colour on you," she says, "you look very pretty."
This simple and genuine statement warms Lena from the inside, and she stands a little taller. Kara radiates confidence and comfort and next to her, Lena does start feeling pretty.
They walk into the party shoulder to shoulder and with her cheeks almost matching her burgundy blouse. Just before they step onto the roof, Kara nudges her and smiles reassuringly. "You can leave whenever you want to," she says softly, "I'll cover for you."
Before Lena can't thanks her, a small child runs past her and jumps on Kara. Without even dropping the pies, Kara manages to lift the little girl and steady Lena. It happens too fast for Lena to understand how she did it, but, it's attractive.
"Hello little one," she says, kissing the top of the girl's head.
"Did you brought dessert ?"
"Sure did," Kara replies with a bright laugh. "But you remember what your mother said."
The kid sighs, puffing her cheeks exaggeratedly. "Vegetables first. Dessert later."
"Sounds about right," Kara says cheerfully.
Without showing the least of strain, she walks them to the buffet where she deposits the pies. Lena immediately start arranging them, if only to have something to do that doesn't involve introducing herself to everyone.
"Oh hey Kara," a voice, that can only be described as sultry, rings behind them.
"Mary, hi !" Kara says in a way that Lena thinks is a bit strained, "I have your child."
"I can see that," the voice says, a bit too low to be natural. "Go play with your friends sweetie. Mummy wants spend time with her friend."
Kara squats and frees the girl who goes off running to the loudest part of the roof. With one last look at the buffet, Lena composes herself and turns around. She doesn't like the way this woman talks to Kara, doesn't like her overly sensuous tone, and she can't fight the need to stand her ground, to assert her friendship with her handsome neighbour, no matter how awful that sounds. The first thing she sees are her boobs, barely covered except for platinum curls of hair. She almost scoffs ; Mary clearly mistook casual for lingerie, and she won't stoop low enough to be jealous of that flirty piece of shit.
"Hi," she says, sticking out her hand in a way that leans more heavily on the boardroom side of things than anything, "I'm Lena. Lena Luthor."
Mary limply shakes her hand, leaving awful orange foundation stains on it.
"This is my new neighbour," Kara adds warmly but unnecessarily.
Lena can feel her eyes on her, and she takes great satisfaction in the fact that she's looking at her and not at this Costco seductress. She feels a hand on her shoulder and finds Kara brushing off non existent lint. Her warmth helps relieving the tension in her body. The little girl comes barrelling in her mother's legs, nearly taking her down, and taking advantage of the distraction, Kara drags her away. "Come on," she says, "I'll introduce you to the others."
They walk around the roof, wafting in and out of conversations. The beer, as predicted, is tepid, but the people, surprisingly, are mostly nice. Apart from a couple of side glances, the Luthor thing isn't mentioned. Lena can't help but think Kara acts as a buffer against their judgment, but she'll take anything to avoid their possible wrath. Kara barely leaves her side all night, except to get more food. She hoist various children on her shoulders and talk to their parents, but if she can help it, there is never more than a foot between them.
Somewhere along their loop amongst their neighbours, Lena ends up wearing Kara's shirt to ward off the cold breeze. Mrs Meyer eyes them curiously, and then ropes Lena into a lively conversation about robotic help for seniors. She resists the urge to take notes, but in her head, she's already drafting her next board proposal.
The sun goes down and strings of lights are turned on. The food dwindles and kids are brought downstairs to bed. Most adults stay up and Cyril the baker retrieves a cheap bottle of whisky. It burns down Lena's throat, but it does its job of warming her. Or maybe this is due to Kara's side pressed against hers.
