/Kara Zor-El, I've been watching you/

Kara wakes up drenched in sweat ; which, for someone who can't sweat, is a gross and terrifying experience. There's a cry stuck in her throat and her head is caught in a vice, the pressure threatening to burst it open. She must have had a bad dream, she cannot remember, but it's the only possible explanation. One doesn't just wake up like that for nothing. She feels unsafe, like she's being watched, and the pounding in her head doesn't alleviate. It's 3am, and she wants nothing more than to go back to sleep, like Lena who's peacefully breathing on the other side of the wall, but she knows there's no way she'll even manage to close her eyes. She should feel a bit guilty for tuning into Lena like that, but right now, it's the only thing keeping the rest of the world at bay and she knows that if her hearing gives out, she'll go crazy.

She pads out of her bedroom, her pyjamas clinging to her damp skin, and turns all the lights on on her way to the kitchen. The glass of water she pours is cold, and condensation trickles down its side, pooling in a perfect circle on the counter. It's weirdly fascinating, and Kara spends more time looking at the water than drinking it. It helps with distracting her from the prickling at the base of her neck and the weighting feeling that she's being followed ; from the bedroom to the kitchen, from the kitchen to the bathroom. It even feels like there's someone with her when she steps in the shower after having checked three times that the door is locked.

The water rushing over her body makes her feel marginally better. She stands under the stream for a long long time, counting her breaths and emptying her mind, until she's less certain that she's being watched. She changes into clean sweatpants and her Superman t-shirt, all the while wondering if there's a way she can contact Kal across the galaxy without alerting literally everyone at the DEO. It's nothing, just a nagging feeling at the back of her head, and she doesn't want everybody to be scrutinising her for days like that time she accidentally let slip that she still has incapacitating nightmares about the Phantom Zone. And that's the thing, she always remember her nightmares, and they always revolve around the same exact two things : the death of her loved ones, and her time in hypersleep. This time, she has no idea of what she dreamed about, and it's troubling.

She retrieves her candles from her bedroom, and with her back firmly pressed against the wall, she lets herself fall into the rhythm of a prayer to Rao.

The sun rises slowly, and with it come clearer thoughts, and a call from Alex.

"Brian is dead," her sisters says in place of a hello.

"Good morning Alex," Kara says, not quite understanding what she just heard. She rises from her crossed-legged position, idly thinking about pancakes and coffee.

"Brian is dead," Alex says again.

"How, how dead ?" Kara stammers, finally catching up with her sister's words. She trips, and almost crashes through the wall, hovering at the last second to prevent this disaster.

"Um, dead dead ?"

"No, no, sorry, that's not what I meant," Kara says, her heart spiking up as she starts pacing her apartment like a mad alien. "How did he die ?"

"All his bones were broken," Alex says, her voice leaden by exhaustion, "and then he was set on fire."

"Who…?"

"Someone was caught on a security camera getting in and out of the building. Or something, we're not sure. A black blur." Alex sighs, and it doesn't take much effort to picture her stopping mid-pace to facepalm wearily. "With been trying to slow the footage down but without much luck."

The couch makes a frightening noise when Kara lets herself drop on it, the act of standing upward suddenly impossible. "Is there anything I can do ?"

"We're going to bring in what's left of the body for autopsy, but I know you don't like that place, so I'll just let you know if the conclusions need your expertise."

"What about you ?"

"I'll soldier on. And Kelly is going to run me a nice bath when I get home, so I can look forward to that."

The mention of Kelly brings Sam to the forefront of her mind and Kara's stomach churns uncomfortably. She knows she'll have to tell Alex eventually, but not now, definitely not now.

"Okay," she says. "If you're sure. Call me if you need anything."

Alex hangs up with the promise that she will, and Kara is left alone with a spike of guilt firmly lodged in her side. When her sister drops by for dinner, she doesn't tell her about Sam. She tells herself that it's because Kelly is here, but really, it's not that solid of an excuse. She knows she can't, and shouldn't even want to, intervene in Lena's personal life, but she'll be eternally grateful that she didn't invite Sam over while Alex was just next door. She can't help but think that it's because she remembered that Alex comes here on Sundays ; it's heartwarming, but it doesn't help with the guilt.

Monday comes and goes and the rest of the week rolls around with its joys and usual disappointments. Snapper resumes its stellar role as leader of the disappointments, with the stand still at the DEO in close second. Brainy has to skip game night to deal with a headache and his and Nia's absence imbalance their usual gathering. Amongst the joys, is Lena's recurring presence in her life ; almost no day passes without them seeing each other. And it's not just bumping in the corridor anymore, or sporadically passing time on the roof, they make actual plans to meet, and phone numbers are exchanged.

On Monday evening, Lena comes knocking on her door, stating that she made too much pasta and she needs help eating it. They dine together while watching reruns of The L Word and occasionally talking about their days. It's nice, if only a bit tensed because Kara is trying very hard to keep a socially acceptable distance between them while psyching herself up to ask for her number. In the end, she doesn't have to, because right as she's about to leave for the night, Lena slips her her business card in a very awkward and sweet way, stating that it'll be easier to make plan if they can text each other.

They have breakfast on Tuesday, and evening tea on the roof on Wednesday. On Thursday, Lena has to handle a PR nightmare when one of her high ranked employee comes out as a fervent Lex supporter and tries to bomb her office. He's arrested fairly quickly, courtesy of a black blur caught on LCorp's security cameras, but Lena has to spend her afternoon handling the press and reaffirming that she isn't her brother, and isn't in fact, experimenting to create a metahuman guard dog. She comes home well after midnight, and though they don't actually see each other, Kara doesn't go to bed until she's sure her neighbour is home and safe.

Friday is an absolute nightmare, with Snapper yelling and then yelling some more to the point that Kara's brain is tip toeing implosion. He's beyond pissed that LCorp is refusing all interviews for the time being and seems to decide that Kara is personally responsible for this, and somehow, for the lack of clear footage of National City's newest vigilante, baptised The Blur in an impressive display of journalism. Or at least she's the one he screams at the most. She spends the entire day using DEO ressources to tape into every security camera in the city, but he still isn't satisfied when all she can find is a grainy picture of a masked figure helping an old lady cross the street after flying a couple of employees away from LCorp.

When she comes home that night, she barely has five minutes to check that Lena is mostly okay after the prior day's incident before she remembers she's supposed to be at Alex for movie night. These five minutes are the best of her day. Lena left work early and opens her door in sweatpants and the softest jumper Kara has ever seen. Gigantic glasses rest on the bridge of her nose and she's pilled up her hair in a loose bun. Several bandaids cover the left side of her forehead and Kara doesn't restrain from reaching out to tenderly graze them. The blush on Lena's cheeks makes it clear that her gesture isn't unwelcomed. She offers to stay with her, to order some chinese and take care of her ; but Lena reminds her that Alex is waiting for her, and gently pushes her out the door. She's trying to school her face, but Kara doesn't miss her forlorn look.

The plans they made for Saturday are cancelled at six in the morning when the slamming door of Lena's apartment wakes Kara up ; a companion text sent thirty seconds later apologises profusely for having to go to work. Kara still visits the animal shelter, but it's different without Lena. The fact that they've only been there once together but that she already is an intrinsic part of the ritual should scare Kara, but it doesn't. Kara's life is largely constituted of grey areas, things she hide to others, the fact that she's an alien is one, and things she refuses to acknowledge, like the fact that Snapper might be more than a little homophobic ; but her budding feelings for Lena are crystal clear. She likes her, might even says she likes likes her if she were a twelve years old, and she has an inkling that Lena likes her too. Now it's all a question of finding their rhythm. She's increasingly aware of the fact that Lena is unsteady, fragile in places, and so so strong in others, and that acting on her own impulses too soon could kill their chances before they even really existed.

The rest of the world fades away as Kara looks at Krypton. It's nothing but a bright spot in the night sky, a dead star that will soon fade like they're wont to do. She thinks about her mother ; Alura always gave the best advice and she wonders what she would say about her current predicament. What she'd suggest about Alex and Sam, what she would think of Lena. Surely she would like her, Kara doesn't doubt this. Lena is brilliant, and could hold her own against any Kryptonian. Kara's had dreams before, of part of Krypton surviving and of her parents finding her on Earth, meeting the family she has built there. But that's all they are, dreams, old dreams, maybe even bordering on the side of nightmares.

Hurried footsteps rattle the stairs and Kara is on her feet before an out of breath Lena has time to emerge on the roof. Her blazer is thrown over her arm and her sleeves, that were probably neatly rolled up at some point, have been frustratingly pushed further up. There's a bead of sweat rolling down her neck, Kara averts her eyes before she can see it disappear under the open collar of her shirt.

"I'm really sorry," Lena huffs, bended in two with her hands heavily resting on her knees. She exhales loudly before straightening up, a timid smile on her face.

"There was a situation at work requiring your attention," Kara says, walking towards her until she can relieve her of her jacket. "It's not your fault ; and you didn't have to run all the way up there."

"I saw your feet dangling over the edge," Lena replies, looking down at her shoes. "I didn't want for you to have to wait longer than necessary."

"I had my mind set on seeing you today," Kara says with a smile. "I would have waited much longer if I had to."

"Really ?" Lena asks, a dazzled smile spreading on her face along with a light blush.

"Of course," Kara reassures, confidently sliding her hand down her back to gently guide her towards the edge. "Now, have you eaten yet ?"

"I had a salad."

"For lunch or for dinner ?"

"For dinner, I didn't eat anything for lunch," Lena mumbles, the end of her sentence purposefully trailing off under the range of human ears.

"Lena…" Kara scolds, making sure her tone is light enough that Lena won't think she's really mad, "food is important. Do I have to personally deliver sushis to your office to make sure you're eating ?"

Lena smirks, and arches an eyebrow, her demeanour fighting her lingering blush. "Oh I wouldn't mind that," she says lowly.

Her voice vibrates at a pleasant frequency that has Kara loosing focus for a couple of seconds. When she looks at Lena again, the teasing glint in her eyes doesn't help with staying clear headed.

"So," she manages to say eventually, "I brought some snacks. I made lemon cake and dark chocolate cookies. And I have organic hand sanitiser if you want to wash your hands."

"Did it hurt ?" Lena blurts.

"Did what hurt ?" Kara asks, suddenly very confused, her hand half extended towards Lena with the hand sanitiser dangling from her fingers.

"When you fell from heaven ?" Lena completes with a wide tired grin.

Kara barks out laughing, her laughter taking her by surprise so much that she almost falls off the edge. "Did you, did you seriously just pick-up lined me ?" she asks, grabbing the hand that Lena extended to keep her from falling. "Isn't that supposed to be my job ?"

"Oh don't stereotype yourself Kara," Lena snickers, letting go of Kara's hand to blindly reach out for the sanitiser and spray some on her hands, "everybody can spew shitty pick-up lines, even if they're a supposedly pristine CEOs."

"Well did it hurt ?"

"Are you seriously…?" Lena starts before huffing exageratingly. "Alright, did what hurt ?"

"When you..." Kara continues before abruptly stopping. "You know what, I'm not going to finish that, it would be gross and objectifying."

"I can guess what you were about to say," Lena mutters, dropping her face in her hands to hide a blush that spreads to the tip of her ears.

"Yeah I'm sorry," Kara mumbles sheepishly.

"I'll let it slide because it's you," a tomato impersonating Lena says with an unconvincing glare. "And if you give me some of that amazing looking lemon cake."

"I made it for you anyway, you can even take the rest home. And I'm really really sorry, I get all of my lines from my sister and she isn't the classiest person in the universe." Kara stops to take a breath, having rushed out her words as fast as possible. "Can I have a go at another one ?"

"Sure ?"

"Are you the moon ?" Kara asks tentatively, "because you shine even in the dark."

Lena's mouth falls open, but no sound makes it past her lips. She stands unmoving, bewildered for the longest ten seconds of Kara's life before she turns to her, a shy smile illuminating her features. "This one," she whispers, "this one is actually very sweet. I'm not sure if it really applies to me, but it's sweet."

"It does," Kara simply replies, slowly moving her hands until it comes resting on her knee. She squeezes it lightly with the intention of letting go, but Lena's hand hesitantly gravitates over hers so she stays put, holding her breath until their hands crash together. Slowly, she rotates hers until she can thread her fingers through Lena's, stopping her breathing for a beat longer until Lena relaxes beside her.

"I recall you telling me you wanted to talk about space," Lena whispers after a while. Kara can feel her gaze on her, scanning her face ; it's so intense that she almost can pinpoint the individual places her eyes stop on every few second. She herself doesn't deviate from looking at the stars.

"What do you know about entropy ?" she asks after a moment, her eyes briefly loosing their focus on Krypton.

"It's related to the second law of thermodynamics," Lena answers confidently, "it states that over time, everything goes from an ordered state to a disordered state. To say it fancily, as one goes forward in time, the entropy of an isolated system can increase, but not decrease. It's the only physical law that doesn't obey T-symmetry. To put it simply, if I throw your glasses over the edge and they shatter on the ground, time will not unbreak them."

"Please don't throw away my glasses," Kara chuckles, "but yes, that's what it is. Well see, overall the concept of entropy as nothing to do with people, except if you stop to ponder about what order and disorder is and why we're applying human concepts to most likely unchanging physical laws, which I won't do."

"But humans did figure out these physical laws," Lena points out, her frown slipping all the way into her voice.

"They did decipher them yes, but same as a lot of other sapient beings who populate our universe."

Lena straightens up, bright and attentive. Her eyes seem intent on peeling back Kara's soul to its very core. "Then what about the arrow of time ?" she asks, "psychological time and thermodynamic time do run parallel, that's a fact."

Kara chuckles lowly, turning to look at Lena, which is a primordial mistake is there ever was one. Lena probably doesn't intend to be distracting, but she is, and Kara looses her train of thought for long seconds, captivated by the way the moonlight shines on her pale skin. "I see what you did there," she eventually says after clearing her throat, "you're trying to get me to tell a story about people."

Lena shrugs, jolting their intertwined hands. "Guilty. But please, go on."

Kara laughs, playfully bumping their shoulders, the smells of Lena, lemon cake and lavender mixing in the air around them. "If you let me, I will come to people in a minute, but you'll see they're not necessary and I was right. Some stories are about people, and some are not about them at all." She stops to look at Lena, their eyes and smiles meeting for a brief second before she goes on. "It is generally accepted that the cosmological arrow of time points in the same direction as the thermodynamic arrow of time because the second law stemmed from the peculiar birth of our universe. Our universe was born particularly ordered and as it expands it becomes more and more disordered, with particules mixing together. Now either our universe is an open infinite space and it will constantly expend, creating pockets of reduced entropy to have more spare chaos for other places, for lack of a better explanation. Or our universe is a closed finite system and when it hits its limit, it will shrink back therefore violating the second law of thermodynamics."

"Like Poincaré's recurrence theorem ? Wouldn't that reverse time until the universe reached its primordial state again ?"

"Probably."

Lena shivers, leaning more fully into Kara's side. "From a scientific stand point I'd want to witness that but as a fragile human being I'd rather be out of the way before this happens."

"Now, before I introduce sapient beings to this, we can agree on the fact that without us, the universe would still be here and would still behave as it does. Actually, there even is a small scientific community looking for other universes devoid of any life forms to study this."

"I'd like to hear the part about people before I subscribe to either part of your story."

"Of course you want to," Kare mumbles, rolling her eyes in mock annoyance. "Well some people believe that the cosmological arrow of time is an artefact of our place in the universe's evolution. It's called anthropic bias. It states that the universe must be compatible with the sapient life that observes it and that either the universe was always compelled to have sapient life emerge in it or sapient life is a result of selection bias therefore our universe is special because it sustains life. This part of the scientific community is also looking into the multiverse theory to prove that."

"I like this one better," Lena says, looking up at the sky.

"Why ?" Kara prompts, looking from the stars to Lena, studying her sharp profile as it glows under the moon. She's still entranced by the contrast between the sharpness of her jaw and the softness of her neck when Lena starts answering.

"Because if we were somehow meant to be there from the start, then everything seems less empty, less devoid of purpose. And it means on days you can't find a reason, there still is one." Lena stops, and sighs deeply. "I don't know if what I'm saying makes sense."

"It does. I think we all have our reasons to subscribe to one theory or another. It's embedded in ourselves, beyond scientific evidences."

"So what theory's got your preferences ?"

"I think that whether we're here or not," Kara says, trying to keep her tone light but failing spectacularly when all she can think about is the death of Krypton, "the universe does what it does. And whether we're here or not to witness it, nothing stops the course of entropy."

"Is that your final answer ?" Lena asks tentatively, "everything's running toward utter disaster and we don't matter one beat ?"

"Feel free to change my mind," Kara answers with a small smile, shaking herself out of her sour mood.

Truth is, Kara's seen an entire world explode, she's witnessed a god almost fizzle out because there's only one person left to believe in him. If the universe was indeed made to sustain life, then why is it systematically whipping it out ? But she's also stood on the path of destruction and came out alive, a singular act that may have lead her to sitting on the roof, right here right now, sharing cake with Lena. Truthfully she cannot answer because she herself doesn't know, but she does have another question for Lena : "What do you know about quantum entanglement ?"