Chapter 25: Visitor in Azkaban

Azkaban was cold. Sirius watched his breath escape his mouth as a dementor passed especially close to the bars. It paused and Sirius moved away into the corner of his cell. He could hear his mother's scolding voice and feel the slap of her hand, then visions of Regulus' determination to join Voldemort's ranks and the Potter wreckage surfaced. He could hear the crying- Harry's crying in the wreckage. It seemed to echo in the cell, though he knew only he could hear it. He felt a stream of hot liquid streak down his cheek.

"Sirius."

The cold lessened. Sirius looked up at the familiar voice and for a moment, he felt sure he had lost his mind. He had to be crazy because he was looking at Calamity, standing tall and proud at the cell door, a small book in one hand, the others with her fingers wrapped around the cell bars. Sirius was suddenly very aware of his surroundings- matted and disgusting. He turned away and stared at the wall. Why was she here? Who let her come?

"The funeral was yesterday," Calamity said and for a moment her voice quavered. "Hagrid, Dumbledore, Mcgonagoll and I went. Just a small affair in Godric's Hollow. They erected a memorial there for Lily and James and all those people lost."

Sirius narrowed his eyes at the wall, though his vision blurred for a moment.

"I read a poem, but it wasn't much. Lily always liked it anyway. Want to hear?"

Again Sirius stared at the wall. The dementors must have been called away because he could remember them laying on the floor in the sun as she read to him all the wonderful muggle and magic books she had. He felt a flicker of light in his heart and a creeping of his old self peaking through- as if through a curtain.

She seemed to take his silence for agreement, because she began, "It's by Robert Browning Hamilton. Lily always liked him, she was a secret goth, I suppose." Calamity cleared her throat.

"I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow,
And ne'er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,
When sorrow walked with me."

The dementor's were definitely away. Sirius felt the familiar sounds of Calamity's reading voice trickle down his spine and he couldn't resist a sad smile.

"She would have liked that," he agreed. "James would-" his voice cracked. "James too."

"They say that you gave away the secret of where Lily and James were. Hagrid told me you gave your motorcycle to him. Remus," she paused and Sirius chanced a glance at her. She looked pretty even in the gloomy dungeons of Azkaban. He felt his heart thrill for a moment, but then it died off almost as quickly as it had come. Lost to grief instead of the dementor's touch as he thought about his last friend- the werewolf who would be left destitute without James or Sirius to support him. He could feel Calamity watching him.

"Why are you here," he asked. He used his finger nail to trace the outline on the floor. "They don't let visitors to Azkaban. Haven't you heard I'm mad?"
"I always knew you were mad," Calamity said with a smirk. "From the moment you started pranking me to when you ran into St. Mungo's to try and save me from deatheaters and certainly I knew it when you crashed your motorcycle in Andromeda's backyard and when you thought Remus was a traitor."

Sirius let out a bark like laugh, but it was hollow. He wondered if he would ever have his old laugh back again. Was it gone from the dementors or from the death of James?

"Where is Remus?"
"He thinks you betrayed your best friends."
"But you decided to come and see what all the fuss was about?"
"No," Calamity said softly.

Sirius turned fully towards her at it. She was kneeling now on the floor, her eyes level with his where he sat.
"I came because I don't think it's true. Sirius Orion Black wouldn't betray the Potters, not for all the gold in Gringott's, and especially not for the likes of Voldemort."
There was calling and profanity from some of the nearby cells. Some threats of attack, but Calamity ignored them watching Sirius.
"I did worse," Sirius said. He moved forward despite himself. 'I told them to- I might as well have sold them to him myself."
"But you didn't," Calamity said. "But you didn't and that's what's important. One day Harry's going to need you and you must remember that you didn't betray anyone. That you are still good. You are not your cousins or your brother. You are Padfoot, Sirius."

The small warmth in his stomach grew and seemed to settle into place in his chest. He moved closer until he was right against the bars with Calamity.

"Can you remember all that," Calamity asked.
"I can now, but when the dementors come back..." he paused. Something was shining from Calamity's neck. "Is that... my ring? You found it?"
She touched it with a smile.
"Hagrid did, in the sidecar glove-box. Found a note with it as well."
"I'm sorry, Calamity. I'm sorry it got so fouled up and Peter got away too..."

Calamity touched Sirius' hand and for a moment it were as if they were back in 7th year, studying for N.E. with the rest of the marauders and Lily and Margaret. He felt a thrill as he recalled when Calamity had hit Avery with the nonverbal spell and they were kicked out of the library.

"Don't forget yourself, Sirius," Calamity said. "Harry will need Padfoot one day, not some crazy shell of a Black Heir."
"I won't," Sirius promised.

Calamity stood and took her hand with her, leaving Sirius' cold once more. He was suddenly desperate for her to stay- just to pretend for a little longer that nothing had changed, that this was their flat in London and they would be going to visit Lily, James, and Harry the next day. To invite Remus to come round and join them.

"Calamity, will you," He paused unsure of how to finish. But she knew, as she always did. She sat back down and opened to the next page, putting her back against the cell bars. He placed his back against hers, feeling the vibrations of her ribs and back as she read the next poem.

"It's not Robert Browning Hamilton. He's hard to find a whole book of, but I have some Dickinson," she explained. "The Soul has Bandaged moments –
When too appalled to stir –
She feels some ghastly Fright come up
And stop to look at her –

Salute her, with long fingers –
Caress her freezing hair –
Sip, Goblin, from the very lips
The Lover – hovered – o'er –
Unworthy, that a thought so mean
Accost a Theme – so – fair –

The soul has moments of escape –
When bursting all the doors –
She dances like a Bomb, abroad,
And swings opon the Hours,

As do the Bee – delirious borne –
Long Dungeoned from his Rose –
Touch Liberty – then know no more,
But Noon, and Paradise –

The Soul's retaken moments –
When, Felon led along,
With shackles on the plumed feet,
And staples, in the song,

The Horror welcomes her, again,
These, are not brayed of Tongue –"

Sirius leaned his head back to touch his matted hair to Calamity's. He closed his eyes. Slowly the good feeling creeped away and Sirius knew what was happening even before Calamity nudged him gently away. The dementors returned with the cold and the same sounds: His mother's scolding and slap, his brother's joining the deatheaters, Harry crying in the wreckage.

"Time to go," Sirius warmth that had set in his chest shrank, but didn't disappear. I'm innocent, it whispered. Harry needs me.

Calamity handed him the book through the bars and he looked at it: Best Western Poems of the 19th Century.

"You know, dementors are quite interesting," Calamity said nonchalantly. "I was reading about them just yesterday. They feed off of human emotion and the book I was reading said the latest reports show dementors are known to be blind. No eyes at can sense whether a presence is near them or not by sensing the victim's emotions. Course, they don't seem to be very fond of animals, do they? I wonder if they can only feed off of human happiness?"

Sirius looked up at her confused, trying to piece together her riddle. She caught his eye.

"Too bad you can't change into one, eh?"

The ball of hope, warm in his chest moved slightly. "Too bad," he agreed.

He wrapped his own hands around the bars and pushed his face against them, watching her leave until she disappeared into the darkness. Then, he stayed in the same place for a bit more, feeling the warm memories of himself and Calamity slipping away as each dementor moved passed.

Sirius walked back to the far wall of his cell and with a pop he disappeared- replaced by a large black dog. In his heart, the ball whispered again.

I'm innocent. Harry needs me.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Let me know your thoughts!