The biggest difference Lexa found between college life and high school life, were the classes. It was Wednesday morning, and Lexa was sitting in the auditorium to have her first class of the day. As always, she had got there 5 minutes before its start, there were only a few more students already in class, the professor wasn't even there. Lexa was reading the chapter for that class. Because it was only her first week of college, her motivation was off the charts, she wanted to go to every class and be on point, and study all the new subjects. Although she was pretty sure that, soon she would grow tired of it. She had mostly chosen law, due to her father, she wanted to make him proud. She also knew that that hadn't been the wisest decision of her life, but she wanted to give advocacy a try.
She was deep in her thoughts when a girl touched her in the shoulder.
-Excuse me, can you let me pass through? All the other rows are occupied. – Lexa looked up, seeing a face that she definitely didn't want to see, her cousin Luna. – Oh… it's you. Will you get up? I need to sit before the professor gets here. – Luna's expression went from nice and warm to cold and harsh, the moment she realized it was Lexa.
-Yeah. Nice to see you too. – Lexa got up, letting her cousin pass by. – I had no idea you were in this class.
-Well, that makes two of us. – Luna sat down next to Lexa and started taking her stuff out, for class, just as the professor started walking in.
-Good morning to you all. I know it's early and I know that, like me, you'd all prefer to be in bed. But God knows why, you decided to come to my class, so if you're here, you'll be quiet and pay attention, otherwise you can go back to bed, I wouldn't judge you, at all. – Lexa looked down, to the front of the auditorium, seeing this beautifully dressed, blonde woman walk in. Her professor was… Well, for lack of better words, HOT. Now, there's a reason to come to this class. – My name is Niylah, and no, you don't have to know how to write it. – The entire auditorium seemed as impressed for the professor as Lexa, because silence had taken over it. She must be so young, I mean she can't be 30, can she?
Lexa's class went by really fast, the 4 hours of it, Lexa took all the notes, on the class and on the professor. It had been hard to take her eyes off from the woman. In the middle of all her drooling over her professor, Lexa had wished she was any good at drawing, so she could've drawn her. She had to make do with her memory and the fact that she would see her Friday again, for another 4-hours' class.
Lexa was closing her bag pack when her pocket buzzed. She reached for her phone, smiling when she saw it was a message form Clarke.
Clarke:
Where are you? The breaks are supposed to be used.
Lexa, The Commander:
I was just about to leave the classroom, but I still have one last class. Also, your college campus is like 15 minutes away from mine, and that's the duration of my break.
Clarke:
If you stopped being such a smart ass and just got outside, you'd probably understand 😊
Lexa left the building, looking at her phone, to see the time, not wanting to be late for her next class.
-Don't worry, dork, you still have 10 minutes until next class. – Lexa looked up from her phone, almost bumping into a smiling Clarke.
-Hey! What are you doing here?
-Told you, you'd understand my message if you got outside. I finished my classes for today.
-So soon? Aren't you supposed to be a med student? Why does it seem like you have less classes then I do?
-That's not true. Wednesdays are just my "free" day, I only have one class.
-Why are you here? If I were you I had gone back to bed.
-Thanks, Lex, for appreciating my presence so much. – Clarke feigned a pout.
-Just being honest. Also, I never said I didn't appreciate your presence.
-Ok ok, I accept your apologies. – Clarke gave Lexa a short hug. – So, can I go to class with you. After, we could go to lunch somewhere around here. We have to know more of Polis, I'm not satisfied with just knowing the colleges' campuses. We should go on an adventure to know Polis, this afternoon. What do you think? – Lexa wanted to say that she needed to study, but the look of hope and happiness in Clarke's face was one hard to say no to.
-Ok… Let's go explore Polis. But you have to let me pay attention in class. – Clarke hugged Lexa again, this time giving her a kiss on the cheek.
-It'll be like I'm not even there. – Clarke pretended to close an invisible zip on her mouth, locking it with an invisible key, that she threw away in the end. Lexa just laughed at her friend.
-Let's go then, I don't want to be late. – Lexa started walking towards her next classroom, Clarke following her right by her side, with a dopey smile on her face.
They entered the auditorium, a different one from the one from her first class, it was a smaller one, cozier. Clarke followed Lexa in, sitting in the chair right next to her. Lexa started taking her stuff out, for class.
-I'll only need a pencil and a sheet, please. – Lexa ripped off a sheet of her notebook and gave it to Clarke, not questioning her friend's reasons.
The class started and soon Lexa realized how hard it was to pay attention to what her professor was saying, when right beside her, Clarke was drawing something, with her tongue poking out of her mouth and a wrinkle on her forehead. Nonetheless, Lexa did her best to take notes on the subject, and to be focused on what was being said in class.
When the bell finally rang, Lexa looked at Clarke, over to what she was so focused drawing. Before she could take a peek and see the drawing, Clarke covered it with her hands.
-Nope. Not finished yet.
-Really? You spent the entire class drawing and it's not finished yet? What are you drawing, anyway?
-You. – Lexa was definitely not expecting that answer, that being the reason why she went speechless. – Your jawline was just to die for, while you were all focused on the professor, I just couldn't help myself, I had to draw you.
-I'm sorry, but did you just say my jawline was to die for? – Lexa couldn't help herself, starting to laugh at her friend.
-I just said I was drawing you, and that was what you captured? – Clarke bumped Lexa in the shoulder, with no intention to hurt her, but to stop her from laughing.
-Sorry, I'll stop laughing. – Lexa went on with putting her stuff back into her bag, getting ready to leave the auditorium.
-You're so cocky sometimes, it's annoying.
-What? You were the one saying it, not me. – Clarke put the drawing in Lexa's bag, hiding it from her.
-Come on you, let's go to lunch, I'm starving. – Lexa closed her bag and followed Clarke out of her college campus.
-Ok, ok, I'm going. So, where do you want to go? Any ideas?
-Well, actually… - Lexa smiled, knowing exactly that her friend would have a plan in her mind.
-I'll just follow, whatever you choose.
-Good. It's close by, don't worry. – Clarke grabbed Lexa by the hand and started walking. Lexa followed, with her eyes shifting between their linked hands and the path in front of them. Her hands stayed together through the entire walk. Why hasn't she let go of my hand? Not that I'm complaining, but… I mean, do friends hold hands in the street?
-We're here! – Clarke stopped abruptly, making Lexa bump into her.
-Sorry. Where are we exactly? – Lexa looked around them. They were in a narrow street with no exit, it looked rather creepy. – Clarke, did you bring me here so you could… I don't know, do something illegal? – Clarke laughed hysterically at Lexa.
-Something illegal? What do you have in mind? – These times, mostly you… but Lexa didn't have the time to answer, nor she wanted to answer that. - I just brought you here for the best pizza of Polis, of course.
-Pizza? Here? Where exactly? I don't see a restaurant anywhere.
-That's because you're not looking at the right place. – Clarke stepped closer to Lexa, and with her thumb and index finger, reached for Lexa's chin, making her look up. – There. Last floor. – Lexa had to force her eyes to look up at the sky, because her brain was lost in the blue sky from Clarke's eyes, instead of looking at the real sky above her. And there it was, at the top of the building in front of them, a terrace. Lexa could see a few tables, the ones closer to the rail.
-How did you find this place?
-Where everyone finds it, the internet. I searched for the best pizza in Polis. – Of course, she did. Lexa smiled in her mind. These little characteristics about Clarke always made her happy, it just made her fall for Clarke even more. Something she thought wasn't possible, but then Clarke would appear in front of her, just being Clarke, and Lexa would find out that it was indeed possible for her to fall for Clarke even more, every day she had the same realization. – Why are you smiling? – It looked like, this time, Lexa wasn't just smiling in her mind.
-Why shouldn't I be smiling?
-True, but do you have any reason to be smiling right now? Like, are you just happy, or did I say something funny?
-Both, I guess…
-Good. -Clarke smiled too, grabbing Lexa's hand once again, not asking for any other explanation as to why Lexa was smiling. Clarke walked to the front door of the building, ringing the bell.
-Are you sure this is a restaurant? What kind of restaurant has a bell? – It looked just like an entrance to a regular building, nowhere could it be seen something indicating there was a restaurant in that building.
* Good afternoon ladies. Would you wish to come in? *
-Yes, please. – Clarke answered and the door was unlocked. Her friend pushed the door open and walked in, heading straight for the elevators. Lexa just followed, still trying to understand where the voice had come from. A dark corner in her mind kept saying they were walking into a trap, but then she had seen the tables on the rooftop, and people.
-Clarke, how can you be so sure of all this? Have you ever been here?
-No, but I saw it all on the internet. This place is known for its mystery. Trust me, you're going to love it, once we reach the terrace. It's beautiful from up there. – They walked into the elevator, and Clarke let go of Lexa's hand. At the loss of contact Lexa looked at Clarke, trying to understand what had changed, but nothing. Clarke was still radiant, probably thinking about the pizza she was going to eat. Only now, that she didn't have it anymore, she found how much she wanted the contact. Something so simple as holding hands, but in that moment, for Lexa, it seemed like everything.
-Good afternoon, ladies. Even more beautiful in person. – The elevator doors were open, letting them see a tall and dark woman, dressed in her work uniform, black pants, black shirt and a red vest, with a red bowtie around her neck. The elevator opened inside of the restaurant, they could see the tables and the entrance balcony. It wasn't overcrowded, probably due to its mystery. Lexa thought it was a romantic restaurant, everywhere she looked, all she saw were couples sitting close and sharing passionate looks and little touches.
-Thank you… - Clarke bent slightly forward, trying to read the little nameplate, on the girl's vest. - …Amber. You're very pretty yourself. – Lexa just stayed beside Clarke, gaping at their conversation. Never had Clarke been so straight forward and talkative.
-So, a table for two?
-Yes. If possible, closer to the rail, please.
-Ok. I think I still have one table closer to the rail. Follow me. – Amber smiled at Lexa and disappeared into the restaurant.
-She's so tall, and so pretty, isn't she? – Clarke whispered into Lexa's ear, not wanting the waitress to hear her.
-She is indeed. Very nice, too. – They followed Amber through the restaurant, finally reaching the terrace. The tables were shielded from the sun by an awning and everywhere she looked she saw flowers. The walls were almost covered in its entirety by a plant, called Bougainvillaea, its branches would stretch forever, reaching everywhere, helping to shield the sun. It looked beautiful, Lexa felt like she was in a garden. All she could do was stare with her mouth hanging open, from amazement.
-Here. – Amber showed them a table in the corner, between the rail and a wall. – I hope one of you doesn't mind sitting with her back close to the plant. It smells great, but sometimes the customers don't like it, because they fear the bugs, or something.
-I don't mind at all. – Lexa would love to eat in the wilderness all the time, if that was a possibility. – It's the perfect table, thank you.
-I'll be right back to collect your orders then. – Amber left two menus on the table and went back inside, or to serve other customers, Lexa didn't follow the waitress, her eyes being too busy still looking everywhere, trying to name all the flowers in that terrace. She could smell the sweet orange flower, searching for it in her peripheral view. Meanwhile, Clarke had already sat down in her chair, looking to the view of Polis. Lexa had been so engaged looking at the terrace itself, that she hadn't yet noticed the view from the rooftop.
-You can sit down, you know? – Lexa was still too astonished by it all, not being able to move.
-Right. You're right. – Lexa sat on her chair, in front of Clarke.
-Isn't it beautiful? I mean, just look at this view.
-It's amazing… It's blissful, actually… - Lexa's eyes moved back to Clarke, staying there a little bit, enjoying the movement of Clarke's golden hair, caused by the fresh breeze. When she finally looked at the view, her breath got caught on her throat for a while. I think this might just be my favorite place in the world.
-I'm sorry to interrupt your gazing, but are you ready to order? – They had been both so lost in their surroundings, that they hadn't even bother to look at the menus in front of them. The moment Amber brought them to reality, they must've had it written all over their faces, because Amber just looked at them and got her answer. – Maybe I'll give you a little more time. I always forget that newbies in this place always take longer. I'll be right back. – Amber smiled once again at Lexa before leaving them, but this time the smile was also noticed by Clarke.
-I think Amber might have a thing for you.
-A thing?
-Yeah, she just smiled at you, and she has been checking you out, from the moment we walked in.
-What? No… She's just being nice, that's all.
-Sure… We'll see then. – Clarke grabbed her menu and started reading her options. Amber came back to her table a few minutes after.
- So, have you girls decided?
-Yes. I'll have the Hawaiian pizza, please.
-And the other lady? – Amber had a big smile on her face looking at Lexa with sweet eyes, waiting for her to order.
-I think I'll have pasta instead, then I'll taste a little bit of your pizza, if that's ok.
-Fine by me, I want to taste your pasta too.
-I'll have the Pesto pasta, then.
-An amazing choice, I've tasted it myself, it's great. And drinks? If I may, we have this red fruits' sangria, that it's just perfect. – Lexa looked at Clarke, both asking each other if they were ok with the sangria.
-Sangria it is. It's not like we'll be driving. – They both laughed. Clarke trying to make Amber look at her for more than just a few seconds.
-Ok. Would you like garlic bread for an entrance?
-Yes, sure.
-Ok, I hope you enjoy the view. I'll be back with the food in a few minutes. – Amber disappeared once again, letting them enjoy each other's company.
-Please, tell me you saw that. – Lexa couldn't lie anymore. Amber was indeed checking her out. It had been too obvious for her not to see, or ignore.
-Ok, I did see that, but maybe it's nothing. It's not like she's hitting on me, or something.
-Let's make a bet, then. If by the end of our lunch she gives you her number, I win, if she doesn't, you win.
-And what do I win exactly? – Lexa made a mischievous smile.
-You can stop with that smirk of yours. If I win, I want pancakes. Your pancakes.
-Ok, but if I win… - Lexa knew what she wanted, but it wasn't something she could win on a bet. – If I win, I get to bring you with me, in one of my morning runs. – The smile on Clarke's face disappeared.
-Do you hate me that much? I thought you were my friend. – Clarke started to pout. – I hate running…
-I thought you were sure you would win.
-There's the smirk again. Not funny, Lexa! You do know that I'll be dying after 5 minutes of running, right?
-Clarke, I would never do that to you. I'll take you on a beginners' run, obviously.
-Yeah, right…
Amber returned, this time with food and the famous sangria.
-Here you have, ladies. – Amber poured two glasses of sangria and left again, not without hungrily looking and smiling at Lexa, once again.
-I'm so going to win this bet. – It looked like Clarke had regained her confidence.
-We'll see. – The truth was, Lexa would win either way, because she would get to spend more time with Clarke both ways, and she also loved her pancakes.
-She wasn't lying though, this sangria is indeed, perfect. – Clarke raised her glass to Lexa. – Cheers?
-What are we cheering to? – Lexa raised her glass as well, clinking it with Clarke's.
-I don't know… To new adventures, or to pizza. – They both laughed at the latter one.
-To new adventures and hidden places just like this one. – To more moments with you…
The food was all great and tasteful. Clarke loved her pizza and half of a 1L jar of sangria was now running in her veins, just enough to make her feel more uninhibited, but not enough to get her drunk. She felt like a grownup. She also felt like that lunch had a weird atmosphere, it didn't feel just like a lunch between two friends. Maybe I shouldn't have chosen this place… This is way too romantic, but it said it was the best pizza in Polis. She just didn't want to send the wrong message to Lexa, although she was no longer sure of what the right or wrong message was. She loved spending time with Lexa. Every time she thought about going on adventures, or trying new places, the first person that crossed her mind was Lexa. She wanted to share all those new memories with her. Lexa is the first person I want to share my news with. Is that normal? Am I supposed to feel like this about a friend? Clarke kind of knew the answer to her question, but she just didn't want to face that answer, not yet. But then, when? When will I know? When will I be sure?
Clarke's rambling thoughts were interrupted by a click from a camera. She turned her face to the origin of the sound. Lexa was taking a picture of her, with her phone.
-I want to see that. – Lexa showed her the picture. It was rather beautiful, something Clarke wasn't used to think about herself, but Lexa had captured her in such a beautiful way. – That's a great photo, I even look pretty.
-You are beautiful, Clarke. You would stay pretty in any picture I would take. – Lexa always knew what to say to make her feel all warm and fuzzy inside. She felt the heat coming up her chest, installing on her cheeks. She was blushing. How I hate that I blush so easily…
-Thanks…
-So, ladies, anything for desert? – Amber was back, completely ruining their moment. Not that Clarke was upset or jealous, or anything like that. We're just friends. Friends. Clarke kept repeating that word, over and over again, in her mind, every time Amber would come to their table, all smiles and giggles to Lexa.
-I don't think I can eat anything else. – Clarke answered, although Amber was expecting Lexa to answer instead.
-It will just be the check, please. Thanks. – Lexa answered finally, making Amber smile again, never looking away.
-Ok, I'll be right back. – Amber took her plates and went inside.
-God, could she be more obvious? It's like I'm not even here. She seemed so nice at the beginning…
-At least that probably means you'll win the bet. – Clarke smiled. Once again, Lexa knew exactly how to keep away her frustration caused by Amber. – Also, the food was really good, and the sangria was indeed perfect.
Amber returned just a few minutes later, with the check.
-Here it is. – Lexa offered to pay it immediately, not giving Clarke time enough to even see the bill.
-Really, Lexa? We could've shared.
-You pay the next one, it's perfectly fine. – Clarke knew her friend was wealthy, but she didn't need to pay stuff for Clarke.
They were already reaching for the elevator, when Amber called for Lexa.
-Excuse me, lady, I think you dropped something. – They both turned back, but Amber was only talking with Lexa, and Clarke soon found out why. Amber gave Lexa a piece of paper, gave another lovely smile and walked away. – Have a nice day.
It was only when they were already inside of the elevator, that Lexa saw what the piece of paper really was.
-It's her number. You won the bet. – Clarke looked at the piece of paper. It was a napkin, with the waitress' name and her number under it. Clarke couldn't believe that the woman had actually done it.
-Wow… I knew I would win the bet, but at the same time, I wasn't sure she would really do it. It was so smooth, though. The way she did it. Just, wow. – Lexa had a slightly perplex look on her face, while looking at the napkin. – Why the look? Have you never get a number from a girl?
-Not really, no. I mean… I don't know. It just wasn't that professional of her to do this. How am I supposed to return to this place?
-You're right, but we could always come back another day, but instead, during the night. She probably won't be there, and the view must be magnificent as well.
-The truth is, I just feel weird about this, like, what am I supposed to do with this?
-I don't know. Did you like her? In my opinion, you have two options, or you throw that way or you keep it. Simple as that. – Please throw it away. Clarke wasn't sure why she wanted that, but that thought crossed her mind immediately. Am I jealous? God! What's wrong with me? I tell her I'm not ready, but then I don't want her to move on with someone else.
-I don't want this. – Lexa crumpled the napkin and threw in the closest trash bin. – Moving on then, what's the next point on our adventure map?
-Chilling? I'm too full to move. Could we go to my room and just, you know, lay there for a while?
-That's fine by me. – Lexa smiled and bowed dramatically to Clarke. – After you, my lady.
-God! I don't think I can hear the word lady for the next month. – They both laughed at their new shared hatred for the word lady.
They spent the rest of the afternoon in Clarke's residence. They had planned on getting out eventually, and go for a walk, but after an hour sitting on Clarke's bed, practically asleep, neither one of them wanted to move.
Clarke was feeling so sleepy and so comfortable, with her head on Lexa's lap. Lexa had been playing with her hair, only helping for her to feel even more sleepy. Her eyes were closed, although she wasn't asleep, not wanting to miss the contact. Laying there, in her bed, not thinking about anything, just simply being, it felt so calm and relaxing.
Suddenly Lexa's hand stopped moving. Clarke opened her eyes and repositioned herself, so that she could look at her friend.
-Woa! Sorry… I didn't want to interrupt anything. Next time, Clarke, you should put something on the door, like a sock, or a paper. – Lexa was staring at Raven, who had just entered the room, with all her radiant and contagious energy, changing the atmosphere in the room.
-You're not interrupting anything. We were just chilling. – Clarke got up, sitting beside Lexa.
-No need to move girls! I just came to get something, I'll be right out. – Raven went straight to her closet, opening the doors. The inside of Raven's closet was a complete mess, that being the reason why she was taking so long to find whatever it was she was looking for. – Clarke, have you seen my box? It's like this big black box, with "BOOM" written on it. – Clarke looked around the room, seeing that said box on Raven's secretary. I wonder what is inside that box. Not something good, for sure.
-Isn't it that box on your secretary? – Raven closed her closet, going to get her box, that was indeed on her secretary.
-Thanks, Clarke! See you later! – Raven was already on her way out the door. – Lexa, this Staurday we're planning on having a party on our residence's floor. You're coming, right? Of course, you're coming. See you! – Raven shut the door behind her, letting the two girls sunk in the new information.
-Another party? – Just like Lexa, that had been the first-time Clarke had heard about the party.
-Don't look at me like that. I'm hearing this for the first-time as well.
-I think I can come, it's not like I have anything to do on Saturday. – Lexa was stretching herself, her shirt rising a little, letting Clarke take a peek at Lexa's toned abs. I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to feel like this about my friend's abs… Her mouth went dry and her mind started playing memories from the night they had kissed. – Clarke? – Her eyes snapped back up, but she still felt like she had been caught doing something she wasn't supposed to be doing. Lexa's face was neutral, which meant, Clarke hadn't been caught after all. – Are you going to the party?
-I have to. It's going to be on my floor, it's not like I can choose not to go. Although, I'm pretty sure this will just be a party with the group, like the guys from the reception party. It will be more like a gathering. – Clarke wasn't so sure she wanted another party, the memories from the last one were still so fresh on her mind. It was last weekend. One week. This college life is going to destroy my liver.
-Sounds good. Also, we have to enjoy the party life now, while we still can, because soon we'll be lost in studying for tests and stuff. – Lexa had a point.
-You're right. Let's go party hard this Saturday! – Clarke screamed with a fake enthusiasm, scaring Lexa.
-Maybe not as hard as the last one though… - Clarke wasn't expecting for Lexa to mention the last weekend. The atmosphere changed drastically, both not knowing how to react. – I mean, I don't want you to suffer a liver cirrhosis. – Lexa tried to emend the situation, not being successful at it.
-Yeah… right, that… - Clarke sat up straighter, moving away from Lexa. There was now a weird space between them.
They stayed in silence for what looked like an eternity of awkwardness. Both wanting to say something, but neither one having the courage to say it. They had spent such a wonderful afternoon together, and now there they were, both in silence, like complete strangers. Clarke felt like screaming. This is all my fault!
-Maybe I should go, you know? I still want to read some stuff for tomorrow classes. – Lexa stood up. Clarke stood up as well.
-Lexa… - Lexa looked at Clarke. Those deep and understanding green eyes. Before she could think twice, Clarke threw her arms around Lexa's neck, burying her face on Lexa's shoulder. – I'm sorry… For last weekend. – Clarke felt two strong and soft hands moving her away by the shoulders. And there they were again, those forest green eyes, looking right through her.
-I wasn't judging you when I said that, I was just worried.
-I know, but I just… I hate this! This awkwardness between us. We were fine the entire afternoon, and then it just got weird. – Why do I have to be so indecisive? I like her, isn't that enough to try? Maybe it could be, but Clarke didn't feel right doing that with Lexa. I don't want to give her false hope.
-Clarke, I can see those gears turning inside your brain. You don't have to worry about me. Just take your time, to find yourself, to know yourself. I'll be here, as a friend. Ok?
-Ok… - But it didn't feel ok. But maybe she's right… I have to figure myself out, or this awkwardness between us won't disappear.
-And now, I really have to go. See you Saturday?
-Hum hum…
-Don't think too much, or you'll drive yourself crazy. – Lexa grabbed her bag pack and headed for the door.
-Text me when you get home.
-I will.
The door closed behind Lexa, and suddenly Clarke felt alone. She let her body sink in her bed, her mind going crazy reliving everything from their afternoon together. Maybe I should try and get some space between us, just until I figure things out… Otherwise, I won't let myself think about anything else but her. I need to know if I could see myself with her. Physical attraction isn't love. God! What a mess! What should I do? I need to talk with someone. I need someone to vent about this. Lexa crossed her mind, her friend was always the one she went to, to vent about stuff, but this time, that wasn't possible. Her dad crossed her mind too, but that's just weird. Octavia looks like someone who would give great advices. Just as she was thinking about her friend, Octavia entered the room, a smile in her face.
-Octavia, can I talk with you? – It was now, or never.
-Ok… Hello to you too. What's wrong? – Octavia dropped her stuff on her bed and went to sit on Clarke's bed. – Shoot. You look like you're about to explode.
-Right… - Now, words. Which words to use? – You see, I think I might go crazy if I don't talk with someone about this.
-Yeah, I can see that. Is everything ok?
-I think so… It's about me and Lexa. You see-
-You're dating, right?
-What? No!
-Really? Sorry, then. We just assumed, because you're so close, and the way she looks at you…
-Well… It's complicated… - Too complicated…
-She likes you, but you don't know, am I close?
-Is it that obvious?
-That she likes you? Yes. That you're a total mess about it? Not really, I just got that now.
-She's my best friend… I like her, I find her attractive, I mean, who doesn't, right? – Octavia nodded in agreement with her. – We kissed, and I want to kiss her sometimes, like really want to kiss her. But that's it. – It's not exactly just that, though…
-It usually starts with that. What you have to question yourself is, do you see yourself in a relationship with her? Like, do you see yourself having a future with a woman?
-I don't know. It's not like I have something to compare it with.
-You've never kissed a boy?
-Yes, but that's it. I never felt this way about a boy. She makes me feel stuff I never felt before, and I'm not sure I'm ready to accept all that, not without being sure about my sexuality.
-I understand that. You see, sexuality is something fluid, and is something you're supposed to experiment. If you still have doubts, then maybe you should find out how does it feel with other people. I'm sure she'll understand.
-She will, I know she will. But what if I find that I can never be more than just friends with her, I don't want to make her wait for something I'm not sure I can give her.
-And what if you find out, that you actually can. You can't suffer in anticipation, it'll drive you crazy. Just don't overthink it, feel it. Let yourself go. You can always ask Raven how it was with her. You know she's bisexual, right? She probably went through something close to what you're going through right now. Lexa will be fine, if, like you said, she's your best friend, then she'll be just happy for you. You have to be selfish sometimes, and think about yourself first. – Clarke let all that sink in. It made sense, what Octavia was saying.
-Thanks. That actually helped. I'm sorry for venting on you.
-Totally fine, that's what roommates/friends are for. – Octavia laughed and got up, going into the bathroom. – I'm going to take a shower. What do you want for dinner? My mom sent me food, but it's so much that I think I could feed the entire residence.
The rest of the night went smoothly. Clarke had dinner with Octavia, chatting about their classes and the party that was to come. Later in the night, Raven returned, her face and hands black, dirty from smoke, and the biggest smile on her lips. She closed the door behind her, dropping her box on her bed.
-You won't believe the evening I had…
