Chapter 15: Changes
The moment Jon Snow had walked through the old wooden gates into Castle Black, he had been immensely disappointed by what he was met by. There were no heroic knights or lordly boys that were loyal to the Night's Watch, there was no massive force holding the castle, instead it was just barely a skeleton crew holding the fort.
It had been a lot more home-like with Uncle Benjen with him, and to an extent, even Tyrion Lannister had been nice to him, although it seemed like he was being insulted at first. Jon soon realised that Tyrion wasn't insulting him at all, instead he was trying to help. When Tyrion had told Jon that he was just as much a bastard as Jon was, it was the moment Jon knew Tyrion could be a potential ally.
Ally? I won't need allies, I have the Watch, what was I thinking?
The Night's Watch had been in even worse shape than Jon had thought. There were barely any men who could fight, and the men who could fight well were few and far between. Lord Commander Mormont, Ser Alliser Thorne, Jon and a few others were the few who could fight adequately, but other than that, they were in a disgusting shape.
Jon had been treated like complete and utter shit by Ser Alliser, constantly insulted and shouted at by the Master-At-Arms all the time, and he did not even have Thorne's treatment the worst. He had felt even more sorrow for Samwell Tarly, the pudgy and clumsy boy from Horn Hill. Jon might have felt bad for acting like he was better than his other 'Brothers' but when he tried to see Sam put some effort into fighting it was like watching a pig try to fight back against a butcher.
The poor sod won't last a week here….
Still, Jon could not just let him get bullied every day by Thorne and that fucker, Rast. Jon hated Rast, and of all the people Jon knew, he hated Rast the most. Whilst they were on the way to The Wall, Tyrion had told Jon that Rast was a prisoner forced to take the black, specifically, he was a raper, and when given the choice of losing his cock and losing his freedom, he chose to forsake his freedom.
So it felt right when Jon was forced to train with him, and Jon felt even better when he had absolutely devastated Rast in training. He hit as hard as he could, as many times as he could, wherever he could, and the result was Rast having many cuts and bruises all over him.
"Jon? Are you alright?" A timid voice asked, one that Jon could not see.
"I'm fine, Sam. Come and stand by the fire, you'll get even colder if you don't."
Samwell Tarly waddled from his space and moved closer to the fire, and held his hands closely to it, hoping to gain as much heat as he could so his hands didn't drop off to the frostbite. Jon kept his eyes trained on the cursed forest far below him, waiting patiently to see someone, a Ranger or a Wilding, to see if they were going to try and get past the massive icy structure that was The Wall.
"You know that even if you keep staring at the forest, it doesn't mean somebody is coming to try and get past it."
"I know, Sam, but somebody has to watch just in case. Vigilance is a good thing." Jon replied.
There was an uncomfortable silence between Jon and Sam for a while, Sam would probably consider Jon his only true friend at Castle Black. He had been the only person to stand up for him when Alliser had sicked Grenn, Pyp and Rast on him when he had first arrived. When the new recruits would take the vows and finally join The Watch, Sam would probably end up taking a space in the Stewards.
Hopefully that won't be us as well…
No, Jon didn't want to be anything but a Ranger. He wanted to feel like he could make a difference somewhere, he could help stop the Wildling attacks that so frequently happened when he still had a place at Winterfell. He could remember every time Greatjon Umber would visit the Great Hall of Winterfell, asking Lord Stark for more men on the rare occasion so he could 'fucking kill those wildling whoresons' as the massive man would say.
No, Jon could never be one of the Builders or Stewards. He was an able fighter, a great rider, he had everything he needed to be a great successful Ranger of the Night's Watch.
"Jon, I never really got to thank you for helping me with Rast and Ser Alliser."
"There's no need, Sam. I wasn't just going to let them bully and insult you."
"But they do it to you, and it always seems to focus on you. Shouldn't you defend yourself as well?"
"I don't need to, Sam. His words don't harm me as much as he likes to think they do. He can call me a bastard and 'Lord Snow' as much as he likes."
"But it isn't right!"
"I bloody know it isn't right! I'm a bastard, Sam. I know I won't inherit any lands, or have a woman, or have the chance to have children, but I don't care about that. I want to make a difference, and the Night's Watch is where I can make a difference, small or large, and if putting with Ser Alliser is what I have to do to make that difference, then I will gladly pay the price."
Sam had gone silent once more, and Jon had realised that he might have gotten unnecessarily angry at Sam. He knew Sam was a good person, he could never hurt a fly, he could not even respond to when somebody insulted him. Occasionally, he would make the smart comeback and make a small smirk, but that was about it.
"I'm sorry, Sam. It's just…"
"A shock?" Sam asked.
"Yes. I had lived in Winterfell for my entire life, and I would consider it my home. I had friends, and I had some sort of family, no matter how weird it was. We looked after each other. Now, I come to Castle Black and there is nothing here for me. I had no friends, other than you, Grenn and Pyp, and I have to put up with whoresons like Rast, and Ser Alliser."
Everything that Jon had ever thought had been coming out that night. His most personal thoughts. He wanted to be a famous knight, or a famous explorer, mapping out new lands to add to the map of the known world.
If Will had seen what we had been doing for the small time, we've been here. He would have slapped us and told us to do whatever we liked, whenever we felt it was time to do it…
And this is what we wanted to do!
People lied to us! We were told that the Night's Watch was an honourable order, one that…
...Guarded the realms of men! They still do! It does not matter what state they are in, as long as they still have a purpose and they keep that purpose!
And how many men have abandoned the Watch? How many only joined to save their skins and then leave in the middle of a wildling attack? How many run away, free to kill and rape and maim as they like? We can't do good here!
"Jon, are you alright?" Sam asked once again.
"If I was to say to you, we would not have to join the Night's Watch, what would you say?" Jon asked in reply.
"I would say, 'your mad', why? What are you suggesting?" Sam asked timidly, taking his hands away from the fire and cupped them, breathing into his hands.
"When we get told what our stations will be, and they are not what we would like, we could always leave! We would not have taken our vows, we wouldn't be men of the Night's Watch!"
"That… actually could work! We would never be chased around the realm, and we could do whatever we wanted!"
That night had been the only night Jon had been happy since he had arrived at Castle Black, and it would be the first of many happy nights, and the very day Jon left the Night's Watch with Sam, Pyp and Grenn, he had finally knew what he would have left behind if he had joined the Watch.
Freedom.
