Setting: One Piece


Of Women, Rum and Loads of Fun!

Chapter 3


We missed our objective, of course.

As Alvida and I were fucking like rabbits, no one bothered to keep the ship on course, it was left at the mercy of the winds and sea currents and sailed for the unknown.

But it wasn't that bad. We didn't end up crashing in a rock, or an island, or something weirder, nor did we end up in a storm. All we lost was a bit of time and effort; as we had to struggle to get the ship back on the right way after we found out, and sailed for one more day. I'd even say that this delay as even beneficial because it gave time for Alvida to stop walking funny.

Really proud of that, not gonna lie.

According to Alvida, the island we were trying to get would appear in the horizon within an hour or so, but instead, another thing appeared.

"Yep, that's a Jolly Roger. It's a pirate ship." I concluded, lowering the spyglass.

"Well, of course, darling, Rocky Cage Bay is a pirate haven after all," Alvida explained, not at all worried about the fact there was a pirate ship coming towards us.

"Hold on, pirate haven!? You didn't tell me this place was a pirate haven!" … Pirate Havens are cities where pirates are accepted, right? Like Mock Town in Jaya?

Alvida looked surprised. "You didn't know? Rock Cage is practically a legend around these waters; the longest standing pirate haven in East Blue. I thought everyone knew this."

"Well, I'm not from around here…" A sonorous shandy began to echo in the distance, signalizing the ship's final approach. "Are they going to attack us?" I asked, feeling my nerves rising.

This would be the first life and death fight if so, not count the one where I was driven by Devil Fruit-granted instincts.

"Possibly, but unlikely. We're flying a black flag and sailing through a route only known by pirates." She winked at me on that last part. "They're probably subordinates of the island's boss trying to see what we want. Just leave the talking to me, Darling."

"If you say so." I conceded, quickly bulking up to my half-beast form and hiding my inhuman traits, just in case the ship full of greedy pirates see the ship with only two people on it and get some ideas.

It took a few minutes for the ship to reach us. The entire crew consisted of dirty sea thugs that gathered on one side of the deck and began catcalling and throwing obscene comments to the hot woman present. Alvida just stared back boringly at the male attention.

I, however, was stupefied by their appearances.

If I needed at proof I'm not living entirely by the rules of my old world and instead fallen headfirst into the One Piece one, it would be them.

Eiichiro Oda was never an artist that cared about perfect anatomical correctness, focusing instead on exaggerated traits and cartoony proportions, and his work is undeniably better for it. It was frequent the times when I would see a normal-looking man or woman and turn the page to see someone shaped like a balloon, or with an enormous head, or just plain weird. In my opinion, it made the characters and the world much more expressive and distinct, making the work itself much more fun to read.

However, now that I'm living this world, Oda's artwork… translated into reality. The result was a group of the most weird-looking humans I'd ever even. I… I don't even know how to begin describing them.

A bloated shadow jumped past the leering group and landed before us. It was a morbidly obese man with a pig-like face and a red skull tattooed on his layered neck. I recognized the cloak he wore like a cape as a captain's cloak like the one Alvida was donning. It looked infinitely better on her.

"I'm captain Billy James of the James Billy pirates!" he announced with a loud voice, the men behind him automatically cheered for their captain. "Who dares trespass into pirates waters!?"

Alvida raised her club from her shoulder and firmly trusted on the deck. Her hands came to rest on the pommel as she puffed her bikini-clad chest and announced just as loudly.

"Alvida, the fairest woman of the sea with a five million bounty under her name!" She smiled confidently. "And her equally beautiful husband!" My eyebrow twitched. "We seek passage into Rock Cage."

The man made an audible snort, he began picking his nose. "Alvida, eh? I think I heard your name being thrown around in the Hole," He brought out a gross snot and flung it to the side. "Why are you sailing the Red Shirts Pirates' Ship?"

"They had an… unfortunately accident." Alvida explained, not even trying to hide what she meant.

"HAH! Everyone agreed it was only a matter of time." He laughed and crossed his fat arms. I'm amazed he still able to do that. "Now, you want to pass? It's simple; you just have to pay the toll."

Alvida slightly tilted her head. "Toll? This is the first I heard of it."

If Alvida's reaction wasn't clued me in the fact this was bullshit, the pirate crew's mocking laugher would.

"It's newly installed!" The ball of a man said with a grin. His teeth aren't all pleasant to look at. "A hundred million each! GEHAHA! Today is a special offer!"

His crew followed suit in his laughter.

These guys aren't even trying to hide the fact they're trying to steal from us. The number advantage probably has gone to their heads.

"That's an absurd amount of money." I ended up commenting out loud as my mind recalled the Arlong arc. Isn't that how much he asked Nami to bring him to buy Cocayashi village? It has taken years for her to gather near everything.

My comment brought attention to myself, it seems.

"Well, good sir! Our little island is quite famous, you see. Thousands of people tried to find it each year, thousands of marines! Gehahaha! So it's only fair we would charge a worthy amount for that fame don't you think?"

"Of course." He continued, his eyes turning to Alvida again, wandering up and down her form. "If you don't have the money to pass I supposed we could negotiate… let's say… what about that pretty wife of your!?"

His crew went crazy with cheering and whistling, many of them already had their weapons drawn. Our ships were in jumping distance…

Something bubbled on my chest.

Dread for unavoidable violence. Fear for my first life and death fight… Anticipation…

I don't think they had expected this fight to start with a large spiked cub literally burying their captain into the deck like a bloody game of whack a mole though.

"HOW DARE YOU IMPLY THAT YOU'RE EVEN WORTHY OF TOUCHING THE BODY OF THE FAIREST OF THE SEA!" Alvida hosted her now bloody club from the half-buried body "ONLY MY PERFECT HUSBAND IS ALLOWED TO DO THAT!"

"Thanks… I'm not your husband, though." I comment on the side.

The moment of shock was broken by a battlecry from the pirate's ranks. They quickly processed to jump across the ship and rush at us. Alvida, in turn, was already sliding toward them with her club in raised.

I was… paralyzed.

This is it; the fight I was waiting for — a battle against opponents who won't hesitate to kill me.

I.

Trembled.

It was irrational I know; these are mocks, literally cannon fodder, these are the kind of guys that went down by the hundreds by the hands of the protagonists. They have swords and pistols, and I have a devil fruit, hell, I have a devil fruit activated.

Yet these guys are coming with the intention to kill me. I never saw looks like these, a murderous madness that overtaken a man's mind, joys of the soon to be bloodshed, the removal of obstacles in their way to the treasure, these are the face of a pirate rush.

Shots were fired.

Pain!

"Darling!"

… I would never forget the feeling of picking a man by his face and slam his head into the ground until one of them broke; it's just not something you forget.

The stinging pain on my chest has gone just as abruptly as it appeared if I had to compare it to anything I'd say it's like getting stung by a bee, painful but not that much, and unlike with the bees, the pain was brief and quick to fade. I had barely noticed, but it served to wake my ass up!

I rushed toward the group of men with my arms raised to protect my eyes from any bullets. I threw a punch with each step, and found that I could bring a man down with each punch; on the first three times my instinct guided me to dodge a sword swing, I decided to make use of it. My movement became more fluid after that.

The fight lasted around ten minutes; by the end, all the pirates down in some way, and the ones who ran had hidden inside their ship and wouldn't dare to bother us.

"Darling, are you alright!?" Alvida materialized in front of me. She was immaculate as always. The attacks probably slid out of her skin. "Oh, when I saw that man shooting you I…"

"I'm fine… I'm…" I looked down my chest and came face to face with the weird phenomenon of the bullets slowly being expelled from my skin. Healing factor, I have a healing factor. "I think I'm bulletproof, kinda."

Alvida's worried expression lasted for a minute, just in time for my wounds to close, before it melted into a proud smile. "As expected of my husband!" She gently patted my chest and left her hand there.

"I'm not your husband." It was almost automatic by that point. Another hand joined the first.

"Fufufu, you were so brave darling, so ferocious, I'd even-"

"G-Guhrr. W…What are you people?" One of the prone bodies asked.

"SILENCE WORM!" Alvida immediately raged. Kicking the ever-loving shit of the poor pirate. "Can you see DDarling and I were having a moment?! AHHH, I was going to go for a kiss! Now it's ruined! Ruined forever you piece of trash!" And the kicks continued.

I sighed. Well, that was slightly terrifying, but at least it all ended well.

-0-0-0-

Rocky Cage Bay is adequately named. It looked like a vast, rocky island at first, but then Alvida got into action by sailing the ship around it until we reach a cannel that was so hard to see I literally didn't notice it until it was right on our noses. Only after we got into the channel and avoided a few rock formations, the inland started showing dirt and grass, taking the appearance of something that might be inhabitable.

According to Alvida, this unnamed island isn't an island at all, but two of them really close to each other. Their coast is entirely rocks, and nothing grows there, so people usually mistake it for a desolated rock in the middle of the sea. But if you trail the channel between the islands, you would reach a large, lake-like body of seawater where a hidden port town was thriving.

A pirate haven in the middle of what the rest of the world thought was nowhere, a hardy land surrounded by rocks at all sides, making it difficult to enter and to leave.

The Rocky Cage Bay.

The town itself looked like one of those single street towns you see in westerns movies only expanded into multiple streets. The rest is what you would expect from a pirate town; dirty, smelly, and full of drunken people and violent thugs.

I looked around the port and actually had a brief respite from the shitty smell of the city itself, because a new collection of smell that assaulted my senses confused me for a moment. But then I realized it reminded me of Alvida's own scent.

This was the smell of a woman; I can smell the women around the port.

It was certainly an interesting experience, and quite dizzying at first. I went from having my days filled with the scent of a single woman (The smell of females from other species are easy to ignore) to suddenly being assaulted by various different ones; it's kinda overwhelming.

They're all… nice in some ways, and it definitely helped drown out the blood and shit from the city, but I began to notice a difference in… quality on them.

Alvida herself was the nicest smelling woman in this port, bar none; all the others had very… diluted… and sometimes slightly sickly scent, again they weren't bad, but they weren't good.

A single glance around told me why is that; port prostitutes, women with nowhere to go selling their cheap bodies for a cheap night of passion with cheap pirates that arrive from the sea. Most weren't attractive, and the ones that were actually were had the most diluted smell. It wasn't hard to make the connection.

… And I noticed that every woman here was looking at me, even to the point to ignore the men they were talking… Perhaps walk around in my Half-Beast form isn't such a good idea. It's too much attention.

"Here, Darling," Alvida said handing me a bag with half of the James Billy pirate's treasure, she had calculated the amount at 2 million; we are going to use this money to resupply, and put what's left together with the amount we'll get for the frigate, to buy another ship. "Be careful, a full bag like that attract a lot of attention around there."

Yeah, I was… prepared for that, I'm confident I can take care of myself, especially after the early fight, but it doesn't mean I want to fight. So I decided to carry around three pistols in my belt and hang a sword on my hip purely for intimidation purposes.

Couple that with a half-open button-up shirt, a golden trimmed crimson vest, and a large captain cloak/cape over my shoulders, plus the fact that my neutral expression looked like the apex of stoic badassery and I hope none has the gut to mess with the big mean pirate walking down the street.

… I don't want to brag, but Alvida has wet herself in the good way when I came out of the dressing room, and till now wasn't able to directly look at me without blushing.

And, giving the smell and reactions I was getting, this phenomenon wasn't exclusive to her.

"Let's go; I want to get away from here before the port manager starts questioning the price I yanked out of him." Alvida strode forward, still not looking at me.

I chuckled and started to follow. It took a couple of steps before it dawns on me.

"Hey, where are we going? There are some ships houses over there." I pointed to the side where I had seen some of the dinky establishments.

"Those are trash; they'd scam you from all your money and give you a shitty boat that barely floats. These are pirates, Darling. You can't trust any of them." She said dismissively.

"Aren't you a technically a pirate too?" I asked while I send confused looks at the little waves we were receiving.

"Oh, I'm different, I'm your loyal wife!"

"You not my wife."

"And as your wife is my duty to provide only the best for my beloved husband." She sounded delighted with herself. "I know someone who could tell us where to get a decent purchase."

"You know someone here?" I asked, noticing the sight above the rooftops at a distance, I can't believe I didn't notice that before.

"I grew up here."

There was a moment of silence after that; we just focused on traversing the dirt path to the wider town. A port prostitute said hi to us on the side.

"Come on; you can't just leave it like that." I increased my pace to walk at her side. She turns a brief glance at me before looking away with a blush.

"There isn't much to tell really." She started, we had to pause on our track to not get hit by a man flying out of the window of a bar on the way, there was a loud fight happening inside. Some scantly dressed women got out and looked at us with wide eyes. "A few decades ago a group of settlers left their own island in search of greener pastures and found this place, and because they apparently had beef with the marines so they turned to the pirates to fill their economy, fast forwards a few years and the pirates took over. The same tale of most pirate haven, really, if they were not founded by pirates in the first place." I still keep looking back to the fight as I walked, which was escalated to an outdoor street brawl with guns; something about the image doesn't quite fit. "The only difference is that this place is more protected than most, so the marines couldn't burn it down."

"Hum," We turned the corner, and the construction at the distance, above the rooftops, became clearer. Alvida pays no mind to it like it was a familiar sight that blended into the background long ago. "I asked about you, Alvida, not the town."

The woman let out a happy feminine sound. Wait, what did I say? "Y-Yes, Darling…" She takes a breath to calm her beating heart. "About me, there is even less to say than the town. My parents died when I was young, grew up in the roughness and became rough myself, then took it to the seas to fulfill my dream." She smiled whimsically. "And I did it!"

Righttt.

I rolled my eyes finally pointing to the thing at the distance; my curiosity demands it. "What is that?"

Alvida breaks from her happy stupor to look, "Oh that, that's-"

"It's the Animal House, the base of operations of the crew that rule this town!" A pretty prostitute chirped a bit too loudly on the side, with a single scent I could somehow tell she had slept with three hundred and seventy-eighth men. My eyes widened in surprise by the sudden and random discovery of this new ability.

"Heyyy handsome, been trying to get your attention for a while, I'm Susan." She put a sexy ounce on the pronunciation of her name. "So I've been thinking-"

She was pushed back by a short blonde who has five hundred and twenty-four on her count. "Hello! Cindy here, my pleasure, is this the first time in Rocky Bay? Let me show you around!"

"H-Hey not fair I saw him-" The first one tried to argue, but a buxom brunette with her count past a thousand pushed then both to the side.

"Greetings I'm Olivia, care to-" A hand met her face, and she was dragged back.

"I'm June, hi! Can I say-"

"Sir-"

"Hello-"

"Hey there-"

"Good morning-"

"Just take me now!-"

Where the hell did all these women came from!?

I looked around helplessly at the growing crowd forming around me, my very advance height proving to be in a blessing in disguise, for I knew that if my head were lower, I would have been overwhelmed by now. However, this height also allowed me to see the number of women literally running to join the mass and the very unfriendly glares the men were giving me.

The women start reaching out and grab my clothes, my mind flashed to Walking Death.

"Enough, you dirty harlots! HANDS OFF MY DARLING!"

And that moment I knew; I have become the AXE man.

-0-0-0-

"Where is he!?"

"I saw him going that way!"

"Mr. Handsome~ Where are you~?"

The last batch of love-crazed women finally run past the roof I was hiding it.

Fucking hell, I didn't expect that.

I'm mean, I get it: Incubus, sex demon. Makes sense I'd be irresistible to women, but I thought that only would apply when I tried to seduce them, not by just existing.

Fuck, and that was only my Half-Beast form, what would have happened if I was in my Full-Beast one!? An Orgy or something!? Seems likely given that they're literally throwing their underwears at me!

Crap, if this is what happens when I walk around transformed… There it goes any hopes of using it as a human disguise. At least not while walking in a crowded place.

"Fufufu."

"What! You're laughing!?" I shouted at the giggling woman beside me.

"I-I'm sorry, Darling!" Alvida giggled behind her hand. "It's just… fufu… Your troubled expression looked so cute!"

I-How do I respond to that?

A sign left my mouth as I watched her spend the last of her giggles, her wavy locks bouncing with the little shakes of laughter and the flash of the pearl white of her teeth made me discover that I prefer this kind of smile over her usual seductive one… She looks quite charming under the sunlight…

My nostril flared almost subconsciously now. I'm in my base form, so while I can still supernaturally sense her female smell, the details are mostly a blur, but I could sense her count is really small. It made me happy for some reason.

"Indeed… I shall send those bitches flying for you."

"Don't misinterpret my look, woman!"

I stood up, noticing that my clothes had struck to my normal size because of Devil Fruit bullshitery. Thank god I had the foresight to choose clothes that would fit my base form before buffing up; it seems that that Zoan effect where all the clothes they are wearing shift to fit their transformed bodies works on me too. That's not to say I looked as good as before, or that I'm still capable of closing my vest (Which is a pity, I like this vest.) But at least my cloak/cape isn't dragging on the ground.

I don't think any women will be throwing themselves at me in this form, excerpt Alvida, but that's a different case.

"So, where to? I hope that crazy chase didn't divert us too far."

"Not at all, Darling. It's right around the corner."

I picked up my half of the treasure, struggling a little against its weight, I don't think I would be able to carry for that long if my body wasn't working under One Piece's logic. Before I followed Alvida on her descent to the street, I cast a look at the 'Animal House' on the horizon, the huge sea fort that was decorated with numerous chains and giant dog collars; it still looms over the town even looking from this part. Maybe it was built with this intention.

"Wo-ho! Darling? Everything alright up there?" Alvida called from the alley below.

"Yeah," I shouted, taking my eyes away from the creepy building. "I'm coming."