...you make this all go away...
Darcy never thought she'd look forward to going to work. Oh sure, there was a lot she liked about her job, and she could definitely do worse for bosses than Jane. But now, hell. She hadn't stopped thinking about Loki since he'd left the lab yesterday afternoon, and his absence was like an annoying mosquito bite that wouldn't stop itching no matter how much she scratched it.
She knew now that her little crush had progressed into something far beyond that, and she knew that indulging herself would not end well. How could it? Loki wasn't even from earth! Say there was the slightest chance in hell that he even did like her back, how would that begin to work?! She could never take him anywhere, as Fury wouldn't let him leave the damn building. They couldn't even date properly. And her parents? Oh Christ, she could just imagine that phone call! "Oh hey mom, yeah, you know how you keep making me want to punch babies because you won't shut up about my love life? Yeah, despite all my flaws you continuously point out, I actually met someone! Well, remember when New York was leveled because of an alien invasion?" Yeah, right! Okay okay, so that part would be fun, because her mom would probably give actual birth to an actual cow.
Still, it was so unrealistic that she knew she was getting her hopes up for nothing. Loki was fire, and playing with fire got human girls burned.
oooo
Loki looked forlornly into his wardrobe, wincing as he still felt the tattered remains of his clothes slipping through his fingers into the rubbish bin. Well, it had been his own fault, as they say. He was, indeed, the one who told Thor to hold nothing back on him.
After leaving the lab yesterday, Loki had felt lighter, dare he say, happier, than he had in so, so very long. When Thor had stopped by to thank him yet again for his kindness to Darcy earlier that day, he had suggested (as he often did), that they have a simple scrimmage. To Thor, that was the ultimate bonding experience, and Loki had to admit that he did rather miss those times.
So he thought, why not? What harm could it do? It would humor Thor at the very least, and there was still something inside of him, something half buried, that strove to make his brother happy. If that could be achieved by something as silly as an old play duel, well, alright then.
And then, of course, Thor had thrown his entire self into the match, and though Loki himself had done quite well, his clothes had taken the worst of it. Thor had promised, with a booming laugh and a clap on his back, that he would see to getting Loki new clothing when he next visited Asgard. Which was of course well and good, but until then, he would have to make do with what Fury had provided him.
He grinned to himself for a moment, wondering just how shocked everyone would be to see him dressed as a mortal man. He did so enjoy making an entrance.
Loki would have been lying to himself if he would have said that Darcy's reaction was not the one he was most anticipating.
oooo
"Um, wow." It was all Darcy could say as Loki strolled into the lab, his walk the same self-important one, but he was totally different.
Well, okay, not him, just his clothes. She had literally stopped in the middle of what she was doing, a stack of papers half way to Jane's in-box, her mouth definitely hanging open. Loki was wearing a pair of immaculately tailored black slacks and a dark gray button up shirt, the sleeves rolled to his elbows. His shoes were also black, a fine leather dress shoe that Darcy was sure cost a couple of thousand, easy. His long hair was as tousled as ever, and though she knew he'd been in regular clothes before, it had been only once or twice and he wore the clothes with as much ease and confidence as any CK model.
"Is this undiluted adoration I sense?" Loki asked, as he passed Darcy.
"You wish," Darcy said, but her voice lacked any real sarcasm, something that of course Loki picked up on immediately. He met her gaze with a pleased one of his own. Darcy opened her mouth to say something else (well, to try to anyway, she was pretty sure Loki had the ability to turn her mind to pudding with no effort whatsoever), but then her phone buzzed, and she picked it up, turning back to her computer to pull up a file that Jane desperately needed.
When she hung up from her boss lady, Loki had gone into the very back of the lab, his back turned to her. Was it just her, or was there something very self-assured in that back? How was it possible that he could exude so much arrogance with just his body language? He'd give Tony's ego a run for its money!
"Somebody once told me that staring was rude." Loki said without even turning around, and Darcy instantly flushed, but she lifted her chin defiantly and stuck her tongue out at him.
"I saw that." He was watching her reflection in the glass pane of the cupboard, and Darcy smashed her lips together, trying to suppress a laugh, but failing.
Loki turned, a smile on face that was becoming less of a rarity and more of an occurrence, and Darcy, once again, could've sworn he was going to laugh- she was actually anticipating what it would sound like- when the door to the lab slammed open, and Thor walked in, his boisterous greeting echoing around them.
Loki's smile lessened, but Darcy noticed it didn't fade completely away, as it had in the past when Thor was around. Could that be some sort of progress? She was itching to know how these months on earth had started to change Thor and Loki's relationship. Hell, look at how they had changed theirs! And a lowly lab assistant was definitely small potatoes compared to Loki's own brother.
"Darcy, you look well," Thor said, giving her a chivalrous bow. Darcy loved it when he did that; it always reminded her of the good old days when Jane and Thor had just met and Jane brought out Thor's humility.
"I'm running at a million percent," Darcy confirmed, giving him a cheesy thumbs up.
"Most wonderful to hear. And now if you will excuse us, I must speak brother to brother." Thor indicated Loki, and Darcy nodded quickly. Hey, far be it from her to get in the way of brother's bonding!
"I've got some errands to run for Jane anyway." Darcy said, glancing from Thor to Loki.
"Mind you avoid the elevators," Loki said smoothly and Darcy was this close to flipping him the bird, but then she noticed his eyes- they were full of, dare she say, concern? He was totally serious! He wasn't making fun of her, or being sarcastic. He was actually telling her to be careful. She was truly touched. It may have been such a small thing to say, but Loki seemed, somehow, to understand her panic, or at least he took it seriously and didn't try to dismiss it, as her parents always had.
Say something Darce, Thor is looking at you like you're sprouting tentacles from your forehead. Say something, dammit! "You got it." She managed to get out, tearing her gaze from Loki's, then hurrying out of the lab before she said something really stupid.
oooo
When Darcy returned to the lab, Thor and Loki were gone, and she was left alone, though she most definitely wouldn't be bored. Jane had been in, and had dropped by a few memos and a stack of phone messages for her to return.
While slightly disappointed that Loki wasn't back (god, how pathetic was she?!), Darcy got to work, and if anything, was grateful to be buzzing around. It kept her mind off things, and sometimes, even emshe/em needed a break from Darcyland.
oooo
Sure it wasn't exactly heard of. Nobody except Thor went to Loki's apartment looking for a social visit, and more often than not, Jane was with him. So heading alone into the lion's den? Definitely not something that happened regularly.
Unless, of course, you were Darcy Lewis. Then it was something that just came with the territory, and it was why she was here, knocking on his door in the early evening, hoping he would even answer, let alone let her in. It was pretty pathetic, she had to admit- he'd been tied up with Thor doing God knew what for the last half of their day, and Loki probably hadn't even given her a passing thought. But there was nothing wrong with being friendly, and Darcy was determined to prove that.
"Do we not see enough of each other on a daily basis?" Loki drawled as he opened the door, but Darcy knew from the tone of his voice that he was being sarcastic because that's just how he was. He actually had a fairly friendly look on his face. Well, what passed for friendly with Loki, anyway.
"C'mon, nobody can ever get enough Darcy. Besides, I come bearing gifts." Darcy held up a plastic bag.
"Just as well. I seem to have prepared more than enough dinner for myself. It would be a waste to throw the extra out."
Darcy's eyes widened. Well now, this was far better than she could've hoped! He was inviting her to eat with him! She was totes counting this a date. Well, semi-date, she amended, as she realized she was not in fact wearing her date boots nor had she even moussed her hair. Still, score one for Darce!
"Do make yourself comfortable." Loki said, bemused, as Darcy flopped down on the sofa, taking her bag off her shoulder.
"Don't mind if I do." She stretched her legs out, the sofa as comfortable as she remembered it being. It was weird, but she already felt at home here, like it was totally normal to come in and hang out. It definitely felt more welcoming than Thor and Jane's apartment, though they both did their best to welcome Darcy into it whenever they could.
Loki was putting the salt and pepper shakers on the table, and Darcy noticed he already had two places set.
"Am I interrupting something?" Darcy asked, Alexa's face irrationally flashing through her mind.
Loki shook his head. "Let us say that I was not surprised to find you at my door." Well, yeah, she was probably a little predictable. Darcy had a rep for being overly friendly, and it was obvious that she had taken an interest in Loki. Not hard to connect the dots there. But he didn't seem mad about it, or even slightly irritated. She counted this as a win.
She was about to ask what he was cooking, when something red out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. It was the book Loki had been perusing the last two days in his spare time in the lab, and though she'd never noticed the title of the book, she had wondered a few times what was so fascinating about it.
Now she saw the black type on the front cover: Understanding and Managing Anxiety. It was a simple line of text, straight forward and self-explanatory, yet Darcy eyed it as though it were a massively complicated paragraph in a language she'd never even heard of, let alone could read.
"This is the book you were reading in the lab." Darcy could hardly believe her eyes, because it wasn't possible. It wasn't possible that he was trying to learn about this subject because of her, that he was actually going so far out of his way to help her. Who was she to him? Less than nothing! She may have developed a monumental crush on him that was tipping more to the way of genuine feelings, but it had to be one-sided. In Darcy's mind, there simply was no alternative.
Loki nodded once. "Yes." He set down a pitcher of water, then pulled out both their chairs, gesturing for Darcy to sit at the table.
"Since when did you develop such an interest in human psychology?" That had to be it, right? The human mind was like one huge science problem. Loki hated what he didn't understand. That made sense, Darcy got that at least- he and Jane were so much alike in that aspect.
"Recently, I should think."
"Why?"
Loki narrowed his eyes at her; they were more brilliantly green than she'd ever seen them.
"Do you not know?"
Oh, she could assume. She got on pretty well with men, and she could read them all right, but Loki wasn't a man, was he? He was far from it and she couldn't even begin to unravel what was going on his mind. Did she even want to? What if she was wrong? There was every possibility that Loki really was just interested in the human mind. Even if he looked down on Midgard, he was stuck here for who knew how long. Maybe understanding humans was a hobby he'd taken on to pass the time. But even if that was the case, who was she to complain?
"Um, anyway, I noticed Tony outfitted your place with some serious juice," Darcy stood and held out the plastic bag for him to take. Loki scrutinized it, but did not accept it.
"Juice?"
Darcy nodded, then set the bag on the coffee table. "Surround sound stereo, wireless speakers, the works. And clearly it's never been used. So I brought you some stuff to while away the hours twiddling your thumbs."
Loki grinned again, and they both sat at the table. Loki had made a simple dinner; baked pork chops, tossed salad, and garlic bread. It smelled and tasted amazing, and Darcy once again couldn't believe she was getting to see this side of Loki. She doubted even Thor knew his brother could be so down-to-earth (though Darcy would go to her grave swearing Loki was otherwise).
They ate in companionable silence, which was a new thing for Darcy. She often felt the need to fill any gaps in conversation, always liked to be doing the talking, but here, now, she just felt...relaxed.
She was rounding on her third piece of garlic bread when she suddenly remembered something she'd wanted to ask him.
"Okay so I've been dying to know something." Darcy set down her fork and Loki did the same, resting his chin on his hands, waiting for her to elaborate. "The Bifrost. What's it like to ride it? The way Thor talks about it, it must be like, Formula Rossa times a million."
Loki tilted his head in question, and Darcy quickly clarified, "That's a roller coaster. The fastest one in the world. Um, a roller coaster, okay. It's like, okay, like a train? But really fast and gets your blood pumping. You know, adrenaline and all that."
He gazed at her thoughtfully. "How sad a race men must be when they cannot provide a woman with a rush of danger through simpler means." He said, his voice measured.
Darcy swallowed thickly; he was totally flirting with her, there was no doubt about it! Who knew it could be so thrilling? Loki was one million percent right- human men were a joke in comparison.
"But to answer your question. It is so second-nature that I am not sure I can paint a proper picture..."
Loki reached out to her, hesitantly at first as though waiting for her to shrink back away from him, and though Darcy's stomach felt like it would flip out of her body, she leaned into his touch, not remembering anything she'd ever wanted more. Loki's fingertips were on the back of her hand, roaming slowly, painfully slowly, over each knuckle."Imagine a bright light, not just seen with your eyes, but felt within. To your very," Loki turned it over, his middle finger now tracing small circles in the center of her palm, "core. It is one with you; or perhaps," his finger followed the lines of her hand down to her wrist, against her pulse, and she could feel a warmth seeping into her, spread from his touch, a spark of flame inside her blood, "you are one with it." She licked her lips, trying her best to keep breathing; Loki often made her feel like she was drowning.
He went to pull away, but she shook her head, pleading. "Please don't. Don't stop." Because once felt, Loki's touch was addicting and it made her need in a way she'd never felt before, it a way she didn't know was possible before. No wonder human men couldn't hack it for Jane when Thor had left for those years.
That intense gaze was back, the invasive one where Darcy knew, just fucking knew, meant he could read every single thought she had just by making eye contact with her. It was a perfect moment! One for the fucking record books, she just knew it.
He opened his mouth to speak, but his words were drowned out by the cheery ringtone of Darcy's phone by the water pitcher. "Fuck no!" Darcy screeched, lunging for it, fully ready to verbally maim whoever dared interrupt this moment (and then physically maim them later).
"Darcy! Where are you?" Jane hissed, panicked, and Darcy smacked her forehead. "You were supposed to be here twenty minutes ago! Everybody's waiting for you!"
"Oh shit Jane, I totally forgot!" Darcy looked helplessly towards Loki, as though she were a starving woman and he her feast. She certainly couldn't deny that metaphor!
"Well get here! We're all waiting on you!" Jane hung up without saying goodbye, a sign that she was definitely ticked. Oh fuck, why now? Why her?
"It sounds as though you are desperately needed." Loki said, and was he annoyed too or did she just want him to be?
"Oh my god, I literally am going to kill Jane and then whoever else is closest." Darcy said, her heart racing. She couldn't leave now, not now when Loki was looking at her like he was, talking to her like they were friends and maybe even more. She wanted this, and she wanted it fucking bad.
"Do keep the violence to a minimum. Blood is so terribly difficult to get out of Midgardian clothing."
Darcy pursed her lips, tucking her phone into her back pocket. "No promises. Nope, Jane is getting an earful and she can take science and shove it-"
"Darcy." Loki interrupted her tirade of threats, and she saw that he'd stood and crossed the room to the door, holding it open for her, "this need not be a one time occurrence."
Darcy slung her bag over her shoulder and failed miserably at suppressing her wide smile. "Are you asking for a rain check?"
Loki considered her for a moment and she felt as though he were x-raying her, his vivid eyes roving over her as though taking in every minute detail. "That is entirely up to you. However...you know where to find me."
Darcy all-but floated out of Loki's apartment, her anger at Jane dissipating as she realized that holy fuck Loki fucking touched her and said she could come back.
oooo
Darcy swept into the conference room, the glares from Jane, Maria, and Phil not even registering as she took a seat on the end aisle, next to Tony, who promptly held open a bag of Twizzlers to her. She gratefully accepted, bumping shoulders affectionately with him, giving a greeting wave to Rhodey, who sat on Tony's other side.
"Now that we are all here," Maria said in a clipped tone, blatantly staring at Darcy, "let's begin. Doctor Foster?" Jane stood and went to the podium, where charts and diagrams had already been taped to a white board behind her. Darcy had begged her boss to try and make the switch to Power Point or some such program for her lectures, but Jane obstinately refused, insisting that the audience was much more engaged when they weren't distracted by screens.
"Technophobe much?" Tony muttered, wincing as Jane smacked the end of her metal pointer on a map.
Darcy snorted softly. "To the max. Unless she built it herself. And then I'm the one afraid." She held up her bandaged wrist, and Tony gave a low whistle.
Darcy nodded solemnly. "No more four AM wake up calls for me, you know what I mean?"
Tony's eyes bugged, as though he couldn't mentally or physically comprehend being awake at such an hour. "Dedicated worker like you needs a raise. A bonus. Something for a rainy day. Check's in the mail, kid."
Darcy shrugged. "Comes with the territory when you work for a psycho. But I am so cashing that, so you've been warned."
"Not so fast. Gotta compensate Ms. Hartford for her consultation to the lab yesterday first, which I understand didn't actually go so well. And guess who doesn't come cheap." Tony gave her a knowing look- well, she supposed all his looks were like that. He was pretty sure he knew everything.
"Alexa?" Rhodey whispered, ducking his head so Jane, now talking about meteorite dust from Sweden, couldn't see him, "she's pretty top-notch. Why didn't she work out?"
Tony turned to Darcy, gesturing that she should continue his story.
Darcy rolled her eyes. "Get real! It's not like you can't afford it. Her attitude like, totally sucked, okay? She was really, really...just, unprofessional, and it's-" Darcy stopped, searching for words, trying to find an explanation in which she didn't come off insane, jealous, and pining for the "bad guy". Yeah, she was coming up blank.
"I think that Ms. Lewis is simply saying that Ms. Hartford was more in the way than she should have been. There's sensitive material around. Alien matter, you know. Otherworldly, almost. That needs to be what," Tony raised his eyebrows at her, "protected?"
Darcy inwardly groaned. Tony totally knew! He totally knew she was jonesing, majorly, for Loki. Was she that transparent? But Jane hadn't noticed anything. Though of course that wasn't saying much, since Jane had little interest in anything that wasn't Thor, or physics, or Thor, or the latest super telescope, or Thor, or-
Across the room, Nick Fury caught Darcy's eye. Darcy liked him well enough, but he was by far the most intimidating and intense person she'd ever met. She had the crazy thought that he could hear everything Tony had said, but that was impossible. Even Natasha couldn't hear across rooms. Fury may have been the ultimate spy, but he wasn't an enhanced. If Fury even thought there was the slightest chance Darcy had a modicum of interest in Loki he'd yank her out of the lab and definitely fire her. She gave a sharp intake of breath at that thought, her heart beginning to race.
"So, the field team will consist of myself, Thor, my ever trusty assistant Darcy, and..." Jane was saying, and Darcy stiffened, wondering just where in the hell Jane was dragging them off to now. Not that she usually complained- it was actually one of the main reasons she'd signed up to be Jane's intern in the first place. There was a lot of field research involved, and though most people took Darcy for a high-maintenance city girl, she was at heart actually a lover of all things outdoors.
Growing up in New Mexico had been beneficial in that sense at least; hiking, boating, camping, ATVs. They were things she had done her whole life, things she loved to do. Though summer in the desert was actual hell on earth, it had its advantages as well.
Jane had stepped down to polite applause, and Maria once again stood at the podium. "We'll be leaving at 0800 sharp. Don't," she looked at Darcy for a brief second, who looked back, unabashed, "be late."
They all stood, the room starting to empty, and Tony gallantly gestured for Darcy to exit the aisle first.
"I'm serious about that check- it's in the mail." Tony gave her a trademark Stark smile, and then he and Rhodey waved her off.
Darcy knew she should probably apologize to Jane for being an airhead about forgetting about the meeting and making it start late, but there was the small (which really was so not small) matter of her not actually being sorry. She would've gladly been late a hundred- a thousand times- to these little pow wows if it meant being with Loki like that. Darcy finally understood the phrase "wouldn't miss it for the world".
It was very simple. Loki wasn't anything like she thought- like anybody (minus his rather strapping bro) thought. He was a completely different person, and though it could have of course been a farce, been a mask, to get her to trust him, Darcy didn't think so. So what if that was wishful thinking? What good was being human if you couldn't make human mistakes? She had always truly believed that people were, genuinely, good at heart. It'd gotten her burned a few times, but it was an intrinsic part of herself, and one she didn't want to change. If Loki was using her, that was on him. There was every chance she would be betrayed- but there was every chance she wouldn't be, and that thought alone, of what could actually be with Loki, was what quickened her step from the meeting, right back to his apartment.
She stayed at SHIELD because she believed in its message- that using any means to protect lives was the highest priority because life was precious. That included Loki's, and it was time to practice what she preached. She was going out on a limb, a shaky one that could be pulled from under her in a split second, but it was worth the risk.
Loki was worth the risk.
oooo
Darcy smelled of crisp apples, and it made Loki's mouth water. He knew it was a mistake to touch her, but she had been so willing, and he could not recall the last time a woman sought his affection. It had been so natural, really, their flow of conversation, Darcy being here in the first place. Of course she would come. Of course she would want to be with him. Of course he would want to be with her. Of course he would reach out to touch her, her porcelain skin torturing and delighting him at the same time.
What a fool he was! Wanting her attention, wanting to help her, to understand her. This time here had truly and utterly addled his brains, had turned his logic to mush. And yet...his misery, which had seemed so eternal and so deep, did not seem to be as present these days. His relationship with Thor had altered; he sensed, every now and then, that things could be like they used to be, when they were children, before their egos had come between them.
Then there was Darcy, Darcy who had given him what so few others had; a chance. A chance to shrug off his labels, a chance to be viewed simply as Loki. She befriended him, she smiled at him (and for him, he often felt), she liked him. More than that, if the increase of her pulse and the darkening of her eyes when they were close, as they had been at the table, were any indications. And of course, that display with the woman Stark had sent- truly, Darcy had been adorable, with her flushed cheeks and her over-zealousness to Jane. Loki was sure that a woman had never been jealous over him. On Asgard he was highly regarded because he was, to the general public anyway, Odin's son. Yet he had never been as popular as Thor, and the fairer sex often thought little of him. Not that he had complained too much. Asgard had few women worth his interest, if truth be told.
Ah, but Midgard...earth...here he had found such a fascinating creature, here was Darcy, a loud, clever girl with a smile to tempt even him. Her buxom figure, her dark lashes, the way she carried herself with such confidence and spoke with such abandon. It was all maddeningly refreshing, and Loki could not have fought his interest in her if he had tried. True, this had all come to fruition because of her innermost fears. Loki had thought several times throughout the past few days that if he had not been trapped in that elevator with her, he may not have seen a whole different side of her, may not have realized just how benignly she thought of him.
Loki reached into the bag Darcy had left on the coffee table, pulling out the plastic case on top. He opened it, and beside the silver disc was a note with instructions on how to use the equipment to play the CD.
Though he internally scoffed at the mere implication that he, who had command of magic more powerful than any of these earthlings could even dream up, would need help working a simple machine, he was more or less grateful for Darcy's thoughtfulness (or impudence, he had not quite decided which it was) as he finally hit the play button and the speakers poured out sound.
It was confusing at first, as he had very little experience with human music. On Asgard music was soul-enchantingly beautiful, instruments woven with magic, the notes and tones perfection. If singing accompanied the music, it was angelic, and there was rarely tragedy in the lyrics. Most often there were songs celebrating great victories. This, however, was music like he had never heard it before. He supposed that was fitting- Darcy was quite unlike anybody he had ever known.
There was a time when he used to imagine himself in Thor's place- all of Asgard showering him with worship, Odin beaming down at him with such pride. The entire court would be tripping over themselves to catch a glance at him, as he held Mjolnir high, his deep red cloak flapping around his legs. To this day Loki could lose himself in that fantasy...only now, only just now, there was Darcy in the crowd, wearing a pale blue gown the exact color of her eyes, her raven hair held up, her sallow neck tempting him even from where he stood, high on the marble steps of the room.
I just want something I can never have...
The man's voice interrupted his utopia, and Loki's stomach felt full of lead as he heard the words, actually heard them.
And this was reality, cold and harsh and so very, very hard, falling around him, on him, crushing him, flaying him. Darcy could never be his! He could never be Thor! He was a Frost Giant, damned to an eternity of carnage, of hatred! Odin would banish him, smite him, without a thought! The throne of Asgard was as far away right now as it would ever be for him. Loki was a burden, was a chess piece, was loathed and feared and an abomination of the truest sense.
He was Loki Laufeyson, and that would never, never change. Power and revelry and advantage, those were for his brother, for Thor bloody Odinson, and that was the natural order of things.
Loki felt his anger, his repulsion, burst through him as quick as a spark of gunfire, his entire being consumed with the desire to to destroy, to wreck.
For this was who he was, and this would be as it always had been. Loki was a bringer of destruction, of mayhem, and nobody would want that in a man- whether as their lover or their king.
The Universe, in all Her karmic glory, would see to it that he would never be one or the other.
oooo
Loki's door was unlocked, and after her third knock, Darcy decided barging in would be fine. Loki would just have to forgive her brashness. It wasn't like she was coming in unannounced- okay is was totally like that, but-
Whoa. Darcy stopped abruptly, the chaos around her almost unthinkable. The furniture looked like it'd been hacked up with an ax, and the slim speakers that lined the walls had to have been slashed at with a butcher knife. The never-been-used flat screen was shattered, and the kitchen table had been upended, the chairs scattered around the floor in completely random positions, as though they'd been chucked and landed where they may. Loki was breathing heavily, his hair a mess of black around his face, the sofa and coffee table a tangle of wood, glass, and microfiber.
"Jesus Mary and Joseph, what the hell happened here?" Darcy stepped around a table leg, pulling her coat tighter around her.
Loki was glaring daggers at her like she'd never seen before- even when he'd first come to the lab, he hadn't been this hostile. Darcy could almost feel his ferocity pressing against her.
"Dude, seriously..."
"What are you doing here?" He spat at her, as though she were an amoeba, a low life form who had no business being near him.
Darcy swallowed thickly, taken aback by his icy tone. "You said I could come back...I thought you wanted me to."
"And why would I ever want you to do that?" Loki sneered at her, a cruel smirk etched on his face.
"Because we're friends. Whether you like it or not. You helped me, remember?" Did she have to point out the red book? She could see it there, under the plastic sack of CDs she'd brought him on the floor. He was the only person here to actually notice and give a damn about her personal demons. Did she have to describe to him what his touch had done to her? Should she remind him that the sparks in the room at dinner had so not been one-sided?
As usual, Darcy's mind was like glass to Loki. "How stupid are you? I am no hero, no knight in shining armor! I do not save girls like you, Darcy Lewis, I ruin them for sport!"
Darcy refused to back down. This wasn't reality- this was the way Loki saw himself, this was the way Loki had been taught to see himself. Because Odin and the whole of Asgard thought the Frost Giants were nothing more than the dog shit on their boots, and when Loki found out he was one, what else could he think? And Odin knew, all of Loki's life! And yet he still raised his sons to hate what one of them was. Darcy felt her blood boil; Odin was unfit for every title he possessed. If she was this mad at him, she couldn't even imagine Loki's anger- no wonder he'd thrown in with Thanos! Who wouldn't?
"Do not," Loki's voice was brimming with emotion, but she couldn't decide which one. If anything, he just sounded desperate to her, "look at me like that. I will not have your pathetic pity! I am no simpering oaf, here to do your bidding, here to love you! I am no Thor!" He took a menacing step forward, but Darcy knew, just knew that he wouldn't actually hurt her. And even if he did, she didn't care. Not right now. She never was the brightest star in the sky...
"And I'm not Jane!" Darcy screamed back, feeling his heartache as her own. "I don't need a hero, and I sure as hell don't want a Thor! I'm not scared of you." At her last words, her voice was barely a whisper, but she stared back at Loki, refusing to look away. It was a lie; he terrified her. She knew what he was capable of, that if he wanted, he could probably level this entire building in a matter of seconds. But Loki needed to know that there was somebody he didn't have to hide all of this from, that he could be himself with- all of himself, the ugly parts included.
"Then you are an even bigger fool then I ever took you for," he seethed, turning away from her. Darcy shrugged; he was probably right. Smart girls didn't befriend and fall for the bad boy with literal out-of-this-world baggage.
"We already established I'm not Jane." Darcy said, and she went into the kitchen, where a decorative vase stood beside the toaster. She held the vase above her head, then hurled it at the floor, the shattering nearly deafening in the silence that followed.
Loki looked at her, his head slightly tilted, as though she were a maddening puzzle he was trying to figure out. He didn't move, so she took the next breakable thing- the ceramic spoon rest on the glass stove top- and marched over to him, pushing it into his hands.
"Do it! Break it!" She knew that having an outlet, a physical one, would help. Loki was brilliant, she witnessed that every day in the lab. Yet he couldn't even allow himself to let go, to feel what he wanted, when he wanted. It had all become too much and here they were, in the middle of a friggen hurricane. But if anybody understood that, knew what it meant to let your mind control you, it was Darcy. As Loki had helped her so much lately, she could try to help him. Maybe she would only make things worse, but there was no way in hell she was leaving now.
"It will not matter." Loki said in a winded voice, passing the spoon rest from hand to hand.
"Why not? It'll make you feel better. And it's fun!" Darcy kicked at the shards of vase, hoping that Tony hadn't shelled out too much for it. Oh well. He had the cash to replace it. She just hoped that Maria never found out about it- Darcy was on her shit list already, no need to add aiding and abetting vandalism and destruction of property beside her name.
Loki let out a long breath, then handed the spoon rest back to Darcy. "You should have left."
Darcy shrugged again. "And miss all the fun? No way."
Loki rolled his eyes. "Yes, this is a veritable party." How could Darcy make light of such a situation? What was it about her that managed to diffuse his rage, to remind him of that part of him which was still soft, still hopeful?
"I've been to worse."
"Why did you return?"
"You said I could," Darcy replied stubbornly. "And I know I may have been taking things too literal, but I dunno, it kind of felt like things were...left in the air." She searched his face for confirmation or denial.
"You were not thinking of your safety, were you?" Would she never realize the dangers of associating with him? His instability, his malice?
"Should I have been?"
Loki gestured incredulously around them. "Do you not see what I do? What I am?"
"Well," Darcy sat down, stretching out on the tattered remains of the sofa, as though enjoying a day at the beach. "You might be powerful and smart and ridiculously good looking, but!" She reached into her bag, pulling out two bottles, "I'm wine cooler than you." She patted the empty space next to her, and Loki let out a breath, but he stretched his long legs out beside her. Their shoulders were nearly touching, and Darcy thought that if anybody walked in, there would be literally no explanation for the state of the apartment, nor for the contented silence the were in now, as they each sipped out of the bottles.
"Cheers?" Darcy held up her bottle, and Loki, with a raised eyebrow, clinked his against it.
"You are so different..." He said, nearly to himself.
"Compared to...?" Darcy took another long pull off her bottle, almost wanting Jane or Thor to be there, to see this moment- to see Loki casually knocking back a cold one with the super annoying girl from the lab where he was, essentially, held prisoner day after day. Wow, and Darcy thought the Avengers were dysfunctional!
Takes one to know one, Darce, she thought, waiting for Loki to answer.
"Everybody else."
Lyrics used from Something I can Never Have by Nine Inch Nails. Feedback, as ever, is greatly appreciated.
