Bonus Chapter: Scrabble, aka The Devil's Butthole
I had several requests for this so I thought, why the hell not. I plan on adding a few other "bonus" chapters to this story, just odd moments between all the characters that I didn't fully explore in the regular updates. If you have a request for a particular moment, let me know! I can't promise that I'll do every one of them, but I will give it my best damn effort.
Skipari is, according to Google, a Norse origin word. If it's incorrect in any way, well, blame Google. I myself haven't played Scrabble in about, oh, ten years, so I may be rusty on the rules and game play. Try to enjoy it anyway.
This is ridiculous, far too short, an insult to Scrabble, and terribly unfunny. I'm so sorry.
"You haven't lived till you've played Scrabble in a psych ward." -Artie Lange
Jane was glaring at him over a battered dictionary. Clearly it had been used many times in aid, and judging from the beaten state of the game board and the fading ink of the letter tiles, this thing, this Scrabble, was a favorite of his soon-to-be in-law.
"It's not in here." She flipped the book around, practically shoving it under his nose.
"No," Loki drawled, "I should think not. It is, after all, an Asgardian word."
"What?!" Darcy almost choked on her popcorn in indignation. "Not fair, you can't use words from a place we aren't even in! We're on planet earth, remember?" Her words were starting to slur but she had made her point, dammit.
"Surely it is just-" Thor began, but Loki held up a silencing hand. As if he needed his brute of a brother to defend him against two inebriated Midgardian girls!
"If you were to play with, perhaps, somebody from China, would you tell them they could not use Chinese words? That seems to be very discriminatory." Loki said, shaking his head as though he was ashamed of Jane and Darcy's behavior.
The girls exchanged a glance. "Oh shove it!" Darcy cried, reaching for her nearly-empty glass of eggnog (her third, Loki noted).
"I concur." Jane said, her arms folded across her chest. "The fact is, you aren't Chinese, and anyway, if this mystery player could provide a Chinese dictionary then-"
"Exactly, great point Jane, all the props." Darcy clutched her glass, heaving herself off the floor and onto one of the armchairs Thor had moved in from his and Jane's apartment for extra seating. Smacking her lips after a long sip, she made herself comfortable, flinging a throw pillow away, where it promptly smacked Loki in the face. Jane grabbed at Darcy's knee, hysterical, struggling for breath. Thor covered a booming laugh with a violent cough. Loki balled his hands into fists, pursing his lips together in an effort against retaliation. A candy cane hurled from the bowl on the end table would serve perfectly to dislodge all of the letter tiles on the board before him, effectively ending the game. Alas, no, this game would end justly, he was determined to see that through. What was the term? Cooler heads would prevail.
Darcy continued, "Where's the proof, hm? I mean, aren't you the same bafoon that challenged my dactylion? Seriously, like I wouldn't know everything there is to know about the middle finger!" Darcy sloshed eggnog on her shirt and absentmindedly wiped it away, trying to keep her eyes focused on Loki. Shit, she was buzzed. She was in that sweet, fuzzy spot, the liquor coursing warmly through her body, making her feel completely at ease, a smile plastered on her face that wasn't going away any time soon. She still couldn't believe that Loki had thrown all this together, and just for her. Tony may have fucked up their kiss, but this was shaping up to be the best Christmas she could remember, even if Christmas was technically still a few days away.
Loki narrowed his eyes at her. "Spell bafoon."
Darcy opened her mouth, then closed it, opened it again, then shut it firmly. Thor's massive shoulders were shaking, she could see, from the effort not to laugh out loud. Oh, they were both dead, these stupid gods. It was their fault to begin with that she had drunk so much, and anyway she didn't need to prove that she could spell any damn thing that wasn't in the game, and even that was starting to get questionable.
"Darcy isn't the one under fire here," Jane said, coming to her rescue. "You are. Since you're on earth, we'll stick to earth words, and- what was it?" Jane tried to focus on Loki's tiles, but her vision was slightly blurring.
Loki gritted his teeth, his lip curling. "Skipari." Why in Valhalla had he ever thought this was a good idea? The pleasure and fun of the afternoon had clearly turned his judgment to swill.
"It sounds like really bad sushi or capris you wear skiing which, obvs, makes zero sense." Darcy said, ignoring the ladle in the glass bowl and dipping her cup directly into the remaining dregs of eggnog.
"Skiing?" Thor squinted, sounding interested, and Darcy's eyes almost rolled out of her head. Now Thor was picking up Jane's mannerisms? Puke.
"Ugh, not now, Thor. It's my turn anyway. Sorry Loki, but no dice." Darcy leaned in closer, making a grab for her tiles, trying to pull together a word. N, G, D, S, L, I, O...shit. She was sure there was a word in there somewhere, and maybe sober Darcy could find it, if only sober Darcy wasn't three, going on four glasses of eggnog and a very generous flute of champagne away. Not to mention that being near Loki for any extended period of time, with his ridiculously alluring smile and charm, was enough to make anybody punch drunk. So if she was going to add it all up, she'd say sober Darcy was actually more like, three going on four glasses of eggnog, a flute of champagne, and two shots- make that double shots, she mused, as the tree lights blinked at her- of tequila away.
"Any day now Darce," Jane nudged her, and Darcy struggled for a moment longer before deciding it was hopeless. And when it was hopeless? Well, then you fucking faked it til you made it and went all in. Nothing wrong with a little overconfidence. It had fooled many a professor, and even slid by Jane a few times. Surely she could pull it off for two lugs who had never even played the game before. Piece of cake. Damn cake sounded good.
Right, the game. Okay. She gave her best, I'm-not-that-drunk grin and carefully placed her tiles down.
"There we are. D-o-s-l-i-n-g."
Loki's jaw actually dropped. Bam! Score one for Darce. She indicated for Thor, who was keeping score, to tally her points.
"Do you truly expect us to believe that is a real word, let alone the correct spelling of it, if it happens to exist?"
Darcy's brow furrowed- what? He totes believed her not even one second ago! Hadn't he? Ugh, stupid alcohol...emI take that back. I'm so sorry, alcohol. You complete
"It is a real word. In fact, it's quite a common word, of Nicaraguan origins if you must know. We used to toss it around in my Comparative Religions class all the time."
So, she'd never taken a Religions class and she certainly was less than savvy about any of the happenings of language in Nicaragua, but it sounded good. At least to her ears.
Thor looked confused, like he wanted to believe her, but couldn't quite make that commitment. Loki just looked plain scandalized, as though Darcy were befouling something sacred.
"She's right," Jane chimed in, giving Darcy a sly smile. Loki's eyes were nearly slits, now, as he reached for the dictionary.
"Oh you won't find it in here," Jane said matter-of-factually, clutching the book tight, "this is from 2006. Dosling wasn't added until 2010."
Loki and Thor were both glaring at them, Loki disbelieving that Jane, who clearly was a gifted player at this particular game, would lie for Darcy to earn a few points. They were all playing for themselves, so Jane would have nothing to gain. Thor, on the other hand, was becoming more and more alarmed that Jane and Darcy had joined forces and were ganging up on them; there weren't many favorable outcomes when that happened, as he had witnessed too often. Being their victim was not a pleasant experience. Ah well, at least this time he was not alone.
"Search it on your mobile phone, then." Loki said, indicating Darcy's cell on the table.
Darcy, Jane, and Thor all lunged for it, but Darcy was closer. "Oh shucks, would you look at that?" she batted her lashes innocently at Loki, "battery's dead. Isn't that just rotten luck?"
"As you so correctly stated before, if you cannot prove the word exists, then you do not gain the points." Loki smirked in triumph.
"Wrongo bongo, as usual," Darcy declared, "you couldn't prove it because two of us had never been to Asgard before. You and Thor, obviously, have been to earth. It's not our fault if you dunderheads-"
"Now now, there is no need for derogatory language..." Thor broke in, but was promptly ignored by all three of them.
"That logic is psychotic." Loki stated, wondering just when exactly he had lost so much control of his life. Who could have guessed that the time he would have felt the most powerless would not be when he was beaten to a pulp by a mutated monster, nor when a cuff was strapped to his ankle, keeping him chained (with the one exception of the cocktail party that seemed so very long ago, which had been a special favor to Thor on Fury's behalf, an act of goodwill) to SHIELD? Or even when he had dangled from the Bifrost, begging for his father's love and acceptance? No, it was here, with Darcy, whose blood alcohol level could land her not just in a jail cell but most likely, if her pillow flinging was anything to go by, in a padded, police-escorted transport on its way to an institution for the criminally insane. Here, with Darcy and Jane and Thor, playing a ridiculous, utterly stupid game that was designed so the players could not cheat yet Darcy, as audacious as ever, was trying to play he and Thor for the fools they clearly were.
"Okay, pot." Darcy mumbled, causing Jane to chuckle again. She tipped her cup back, downing the last of her drink. "Look, you lose, Loki. Not only are you out a turn because your word is totally fake, but I just landed on a triple word score as the last turn in our last round. Which makes," Darcy banged on the coffee table in what was supposed to be a drum roll, "me the winner. So I'm the boss of you," Darcy shakily stood, attempting a victory dance, pointing at Jane, "I'm the boss of you," then at Thor, "and I'm definitely the boss of you." Darcy wobbled over to Loki, narrowly missing the foot of the coffee table and falling to her knees in front of him, her breath catching in her throat at the sight before her.
Loki's dark hair had fallen over one side of his face, his bottom lip pink, moist, pulled between his teeth. It could've been the booze, but Darcy was positive she'd be breathless here before him, bourbon or no bourbon. His eyes, vibrantly green and cat-like, followed her every movement, enticing her, pulling her to him. It was like there was nobody in the room with them- nobody in the world with them- just him and her and their dizzying closeness.
Thor cleared his throat loudly, and Darcy was about to pick up the punch bowl and chuck at him. God, did these Avengers specialize in cock blocking? Jesus! Then she saw him holding up the notepad he'd been keeping score on, his big dumb face smug and boastful.
"No." Darcy scrambled to her feet, reaching for the pad.
"Hands off the spoils, Darcy." Thor yanked it out of her reach.
"Are you telling me that even after the legendary Sling- um, Doiing-"
"Dosling," Jane mentioned helpfully, and Darcy bowed to her in thanks, "right, Dosling, I still lost?"
Loki let out a sigh that was half aggravated, half amused. "I would say that because of an astonishingly dreadful attempt, nay, make that atrocious-"
"Hey! Stop using words with more than two syllables, okay?" Darcy rubbed her temples, plopping on the couch in between Thor and Loki, pushing Thor away with a severe jut of her hip.
Loki looked down at her, bemused. "This was actually your idea, if you recall."
"Actually, my idea had more mistletoe in it." His vibrant gaze was back, and Darcy swallowed thickly. "Anyway, I would never want Thor to win at Scrabble. Like, in what Universe is that even feasible?"
Loki chortled, and Darcy rested her head on his shoulder, watching as Thor and Jane high-fived at his win. Thor took Jane by the hand and led her over to the windows, where they began talking in low voices, watching the lights of the city and the light snow fall.
"Loki?"
"Hm?" He sounded content, almost sleepy. She felt the same. She could probably spend all night here, curled up against him, warm and happy.
"Is the room spinning?"
"Alright," Loki gently pulled away from her, "you need something more to eat than just empty carbohydrates." He pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around her shoulders.
"Jane as well," Thor piped up, and Darcy turned to see that Thor was carrying Jane to one of the arm chairs. The two girls grinned stupidly at each other. Well if they were going to drink too much, at least they had awesome chaperons.
Loki busied himself in the kitchen for a moment, Darcy transfixed with the pattern of colored lights on the walls. He finished and brought plates for them, heaped with ham sandwiches made from the leftovers of dinner.
"Did you put-" Darcy began, but Loki waved her off.
"I am not a simpleton, Darcy. I would not dream of preparing you a ham sandwich without dijon mustard." He set the plates down on the coffee table, then sat beside Darcy, urging her to eat. It was probably then and there that Darcy knew she was in so deep there was no climbing out. And she had no problem with it, was, in fact, fucking ecstatic about it. It wasn't just the drinks talking, no, today had shown her a side of Loki she knew had to exist, but had never been able to fully see.
"Protein will soak up the sugar." He said knowledgeably, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. God, a girl could used to this, to being taken care of, to being thought of and considered and put first.
"Can I get a drink to go with this? Whiskey, neat?" Darcy asked and Jane almost spit her roll out from laughter.
"You are, what was the term? Ah yes, cut off. Water or milk for you. Both of you." Loki said severely, and she and Jane tried not to look at each other, certain they'd both crack up and spew food everywhere.
Loki stood to get napkins, Thor following him. Jane started to say something about Maria and Rhodey, but Darcy was straining to hear what was being said in the kitchen.
Almost too quietly for her ears to pick up, Darcy heard Thor say, "Merry Christmas, brother."
See you in the next chapter!
