Buckle in, kids. My apologies in advance for any mistakes, or just general crappiness of this chapter ;)
Your fingertips trace my skin
To places I have never been
Blindly I am following
Break down these walls and come on in
I've been running through the jungle
I've been running with the wolves
To get to you, to get to you
I've been down the darkest alleys
Saw the dark side of the moon
To get to you, to get to you
Darcy knew, just fucking knew, that one day, working for SHIELD would ruin her life. Leave it up to them to obliterate the best kiss she'd ever had! She may as well have never even looked at another man before, for as much as Loki had risen above every one she had ever dated.
Jane was going to absolutely freak! But in the best way, she hoped, because Darcy often suspected that though blind to almost everything but her work and the god she was going to marry, Jane didn't much mind the idea of Darcy and Loki together. They all worked so well in the lab lately, and what with all this damn Area 86 bullshit-
Darcy's thoughts, swirling and convulsing and taking her in a million different directions, suddenly stilled, held on pause. It was as if the lights suddenly went on- Darcy saw everything, so clearly, click into place. Area 86, the blue glow of her palm, Jane's ring, a piece of meteorite, which must've held traces of irridium...Darcy wasn't entirely useless or entirely stupid. She had absorbed everything she could understand in the conversations over the last few months between Bruce, Loki, Jane and Thor. Though a lot of it wound up sounding like the adults in Charlie Brown cartoons, Darcy had gleaned a fair amount, and anytime she asked for an explanation, Loki would do his best to break it down for her. Unlike Bruce and Jane (though unknowingly on the former's part), Loki never made Darcy feel stupid for not knowing as much. Any time he went all layman on her, she appreciated it. And now it was all finally coming together and it proved just how whackadoodle the world they lived in was that she, she of all people! Should come to a sort of conclusion first.
"Loki," she whirled around, "I know why SHIELD was here. They weren't just investigating some stupid weather fuck up, which we knew of course, but it wasn't just about the scepter, either. "
"Yes, and?" Loki waited expectantly. It was a mark of how much Loki differed from every other person she knew- nobody else gave her the time of day when it came to her own ideas, but Loki was intent, was interested in what she had to say.
"You know the answer to it- you did all that research, research specifically picked out by Fury. Why would SHIELD trust a super villain with sensitive information?"
"Super villain? Darcy, I am flattered."
"Well don't be," Darcy huffed. Couldn't he just be serious for once?! "You know what I mean."
Loki nodded. "The answer, of course, is that they would not."
"Ding ding ding! Which means that Fury wanted you to know it, he wanted you to figure it out, right? Knowing full well that anything you did learn, you sure as shit wouldn't tell him." Darcy started to pace, not an easy feat in the dark, but she managed a small, circular path around Loki, who followed her movements, as though subconsciously shadowing her defensively. "Thor, though, now that's a different story, right? And Thor, unlike Fury, is technically not even associated with SHIELD...so, long story short, Nick Fury has an agenda. The super spy is playing all angles." Darcy gave a final turn, her arms crossed at her stomach.
"Something we should have surmised all along." Loki admitted.
Darcy suddenly rounded on him, fishing it from her pocket and holding up the box that contained Jane's ring. "This is all your fault!" She screeched, brandishing it at him.
"I beg your pardon?!"
"This is what you get for mocking Lord of the Rings! Oh you just had to be so sarcastic about it all, didn't you! And now look where we are, in the middle of fucking nowhere, stranded and alone and-" Wait, was she really complaining about being trapped, alone, with Loki? There were worse things to be. At least this time they weren't in a death trap of an elevator, preparing to careen to their deaths any second.
"How exactly do you come to the conclusion that this is my doing, because of my rather warranted criticisms about a silly film?"
"See! That! You can't just say stupid shit without consequences! It's called Karma, Loki, really-"
Loki had a smirk on his face- not a sneering one, not a mean or an angry one, but somehow a soft one. He came toward her, taking one of her hands in his. "And after everything I have done, betraying Thor and Odin, throwing my lot in with Thanos and the Chitari...actions for which I have paid time in service and incarceration yes, but not loss. After all of the that, the Universe did not contrive to send me to Hel, nor anything as terrible...instead, Darcy Lewis, the Universe sent me you."
Darcy swallowed thickly; he was trying to woo her, of course, to sweet talk her, to misdirect her blame on him, which she was totes justified in! But he was being so sincere, and he sounded so...dare she say grateful?
"I-"
"And after all of that," Loki broke in, the silkiness in his voice gone, replaced with his usual casual sarcasm, "you think one or two offhanded, and entirely justified, comments of a work of fiction, has brought us here?"
Darcy shoved him away from her, glaring. "I hate you." She said, sniffing, but she had to turn away so he wouldn't see her trying not to laugh.
"Perhaps we should, ah, set up camp as it were. You will need shelter for the evening." Loki glanced around in the dark, the only light from the moon shining full above them. What could be provided for Darcy out here, in the middle of nowhere? And where in the bloody Hel was SHIELD? He had no doubt set off every security alarm there was to be had in the entire building. They certainly were shaping up to be as useless as he had always thought them to be.
Darcy shrugged. "We're in the weather Twilight Zone. I'll be perfectly comfortable sleeping under the stars. Always am." She had her coat and she was definitely planning on snuggling up to Loki. He ran a lot warmer than humans.
"Well last time it was rather...enjoyable, was it not?" Loki said, now looking up to the sky, referencing that night that now seemed like a lifetime ago, when they each had been positive they were hallucinating.
"Ah well, that time rocked, yes. This time it'll be even better- me, you, and s'mores." Darcy said, patting her bag. She threaded her fingers through Loki's and pulled him over to a small patch of grass, still springy and soft. She knelt down, pulling the necessary items from her purse- a box of graham crackers, a king size chocolate bar, and a half-eaten bag of marshmallows.
"You just happen to have these things with you?" Loki looked at the pile incredulously. How big was her bag, anyhow?
"Oh, always. I mean, you can never be too prepared working for a nutjob like Jane, right? Back at the lab I also have a bee keeper's uniform, a hula skirt and coconut bra, and a case of five hour energy shots...cause you just never know. Luck favors the prepared." Darcy shrugged, tugging on his hand, but Loki stood still, refusing to sit beside her. "But what we really need is a fire. I don't typically carry flammable things on me- never a good idea around the lab."
Loki raised an eyebrow. "And you think I do?"
"Don't play dumb Loki, it doesn't suit you." Darcy said, pulling a face up at him. "Look, we're out the middle of nowhere. We have no idea how to get back home except for walking which I will so not be doing at night, thank you, and even if I did have my phone on me, which for some goddamned weird reason I don't, it wouldn't have service anyway. We're stuck here for at least the next what, eight to ten hours? So make with the magic flames already so we can get our snack on."
Loki considered her for a moment, rubbing his hands together. "I made Thor a promise, you know," he said, moving a few inches back, "and-"
"I know, I know," Darcy interrupted, standing and hurrying over to him, "I'll totally take the blame, but-"
"And," Loki talked over her, "that promise was to make sure no harm befell you or Jane. That was it...he gave me no other conditions, no other punishments. He only asked that, in return for my staying here, I would keep the two of you safe. It was never about my magic, Darcy. That has been...a personal penance."
Darcy's mouth fell open. Did he actually just say those words? Had he really been punishing himself in such a drastic way? For though it might not seem like much to the world at large, Darcy knew, hell anyone with two functioning neurons knew, just how much magic was a part of who Loki was. To force himself to keep away from it, to stop using it altogether...she couldn't even imagine what it was costing him every day. Their conversation about it, in his apartment all those weeks ago, was something she still thought about almost daily. It was the first time Loki had ever been straight with her, had ever talked to her like a friend.
Before she could reply, Loki once more took one of her hands in both of his, clasping it tightly. "I will keep that promise, Darcy." he said, looking earnestly at her. "I swear it."
"I know." Darcy said, using her free hand to squeeze his arm in what she hoped was an encouraging gesture. She knew he would hate her making a big deal of his self-imposed sacrifice, that he would turn away at any sign of pity, or gratitude. It was enough for her that he had admitted it, that he had shown her even more of himself. This was the true Loki, this was the Loki who messed around in the snow with her, and hosted a Christmas dinner, who let her play drunk scrabble and crash in his apartment for as long as she wanted. This was the Loki she was, and heaven help her for it, in love with. "I know that, Loki. And right now, I'm in danger of low blood sugar." Darcy grinned up at him.
"Alright, alright. Petulant child." He gently dropped her hand and turned his back to her. He flung his arms around, just for the sake of being dramatic, Darcy figured, as flames shot from his finger tips to the ground, a perfect circle of emerald fire dancing merrily before them.
Loki turned to her, as though awaiting her praise, but Darcy shook the bag of marshmallows at him. "Sticks? Unless you plan on scrounging up your old helmet and using the horns."
Loki glared at her, then pulled from behind his back two long roasting sticks. "About time, I'm practically starving to death over here." Darcy reached for the sticks but Loki raised them above his head, well out of her reach.
"Really?" Darcy whined, but Loki kept the sticks away from her, snatching the bag of marshmallows out of her hand. "Loki!" She cried, her hands on her hips. Now he was really starting to bug.
"Honestly Darcy, don't be so greedy." Loki held them for only a second longer, highly enjoying himself, before he handed everything over.
"For that, you only get two." Darcy sniffed, in playful high dudgeon. Loki followed her over to the fire, where Darcy instructed him on the absolute only way to cook a mallow (light it on fire, blow it out, remove the charred shell, consume, then do the same with the gooey goodness left on the end of the stick), and then how to construct the most delicious s'more.
Loki, watching Darcy with smeared chocolate on her face, her fingers sticky with marshmallow and graham cracker crumbs, laughing away as she told him some story from a remote SHIELD assignment with Jane, thought she'd never been more beautiful to him.
oooo
Loki let the fire burn low after they'd finished eating, and now they found themselves curled up together, Darcy tucked comfortably under Loki's arm, her head on his chest. A silence had fallen between them, as they both looked up at the black sky, no less brilliant than it had been the first time Darcy had slept under it.
"To think I almost said 'screw it' to all of this..." Darcy mumbled, goosebumps running up her arm as Loki traced circles on the back of her hand.
"To...?" Loki gestured with his free hand for her to elaborate.
"Oh, well, it's kind of embarrassing, now that I think about it," Darcy began, shrugging, "I mean, I totally let my crazy ass mom and aunt get into my head. Like I was still so insignif, you know? But..."
Loki stilled, calmly waiting for her to continue. Here perhaps he would learn, finally, for better or for worse, what had happened during those dark hours when he could neither sense Darcy nor help her.
"Look, it's a long story, I mean I really don't want to get into all the fucked up mind games my family plays. But...I mean, it never really jived, did it? You and I. How could-"
"How could I ever have anything to offer you?" Loki broke in quietly, sure he knew where Darcy's thoughts had been heading that whole evening. They were, after all, the arguments he frequently had with himself. How could one so innocent, so good, so happy, taint herself with him? How could he have ever truly hoped to be worthy of Darcy's smiles and attention, how-
Darcy sat up, pulling away from Loki's warmth. "God Loki, are you a meth head? Space meth, is that what you're smoking? How is that what you're taking away from all this?!"
"Space meth, honestly Darcy?" Her humor could not be kept out of even the darkest of moments, and it was something he always admired about her, even before he knew how her hair smelled or how soft the skin of her shoulder was.
"The night of the reception...I knew I wasn't good enough for you...I still know that. But I don't care anymore, okay? Frankly the fact that you pay me any attention is like, incredible. And I'll take that, whether I deserve it or not." Subconsciously, Darcy rubbed her thigh, Loki's eyes immediately dropping to follow the movement, his stomach full of dread as he considered that Darcy, his Darcy, had actually been in so much turmoil that she could only deal with the misery by inflicting pain on herself.
Words would not be sufficient, and perhaps he could not trust himself anyway, to not say something rash and foolish, something about how much he truly cared for her, something that would scare her off for good. Instead, he softly took her face in both of his hands, his long fingers tangled in her hair, and brought her lips to his, kissing her long and slow, hoping his actions could tell her what his words as of yet dared not to.
oooo
Darcy felt her shoulder being roughly shaken, pulling her from unconsciousness. She mumbled, trying to roll over, but the hand shoving her persisted, and she relented, sitting up and blearily rubbing her eyes.
"Alright I'm up, Jesus-" Darcy stopped, her sleepy brain trying to turn from 'fuck off' to 'function damn you, function', "Christ." The sun was up, though there was a slight chill in the air that declared it to be still early morning. Before her Loki sat, across from Nick Fury, in all his black leather-clad glory. Beside them, over a crackling fire, was a griddle, the smell of cooking now filling her nostrils.
"More sinner than saint, myself." Nick said dryly.
"Fury has been most illuminating." Loki said, in a very serious tone. Darcy ran her fingers through her hair, trying to smooth it down, wondering just how in the hell Nick Fury had found them, and why in the hell hadn't he arrested Loki yet, or fired her. All he seemed intent on doing was loading up paper plates with eggs and bacon from the griddle. Darcy reached over to her bag and blindly grabbed the beanie she always kept stashed in the front pocket. She jammed it onto her head, trying to rub the sleep from her eyes. At least she wouldn't look so unkempt, though she was mortified by what her breath must smell like.
"Over easy as I recall, right Lewis?" Darcy nodded dumbly, taking the plate Fury offered her.
"Now that that's all squared away," Fury doled out the remaining food to Loki, placing his plate on the ground in front of him. "I'm in no mood for games. I'm gonna ask you a simple question, and I want a simple answer." Fury's eye was level with Loki's, who simply raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.
"Where is the Cube?"
Loki's lip curled and Darcy almost choked on her yolk. "If I had the tesseract, or the scepter, for that matter, would I be here, your prisoner?"
"Hmmm...I wonder." Fury's eye flicked to Darcy, who stared back, puzzled. Loki too glanced at Darcy, then back to Fury, his eyes now reduced to glaring slits.
"Thor took the Cube to Asgard, where it sits, I presume, in Odin's treasure chamber, among other dangerous and otherworldly items. Did he not give you his word this happened?"
Fury considered for a moment. "Problem is, I don't trust anyone, god or not."
At this, Darcy had had enough. So, okay, it was fair to question Loki- he'd earned the mistrust, and even though it really bugged her that Fury was so quick to doubt him, it wasn't like she didn't see where he was coming from. She couldn't expect the same leap of faith from everyone that she had in him, after all. But Thor? Now that was pushing it. "If you don't think you can trust Thor, you're delusional." Darcy said flatly, standing up, wiping her hands on her jeans. "Like, your super spy abilities are seriously dragging. None of the Avengers are out to get you, okay?."
"Oh really," Nick said, pulling out a battered spiral notebook. Darcy's stomach sank; it was Jane's personal notebook, where she kept information that was for her own eyes only, things she didn't include in official memos or reports. Darcy had seen Jane jot down notes about Area 86 on its pages from time to time, and in it's margins Darcy had often read very spiteful things about SHIELD, though in Jane's defense, they were all definitely true. Fury might not take that objective approach, however.
"Jane is not an Avenger," Loki pointed out, and Darcy gave him a grateful smile.
"Who do you think the Avengers would believe? SHIELD, or Thor's girl?" Nick countered.
"Well it's not our fault that you guys are hiding things in the first place, Nick. We didn't bug your apartment, did we? We didn't send you all to the middle of fucking nowhere under false pretenses, did we? And as I recall," Darcy strode forward and snatched Jane's notebook out of Fury's hands, "we didn't steal anything from you- back in New Mexico or here."
Nick glanced thoughtfully between Darcy and Loki. "Fair enough."
"At least," Darcy sneered. "And anyway shouldn't we be the ones hounding you with like a billion questions? How the hell are we even here? I mean, we were basically Star Trekked from headquarters, which might sound awesome but couldn't it have been to the Four Seasons or the beaches of Hawaii? And why-"
"Darcy, do sit down before you talk yourself into a tizzy." Loki said severely, indicating Darcy's plate of food. "Give the man a chance to explain himself, for surely he would not have pursued us all the way here, on his own, without good reason."
Darcy's annoyance shot through the roof, and she glared at Loki as she stomped back to where she had been sleeping. She had every right to be pissed off at Fury, and yeah okay it might not have been the best strategy to ream her boss, especially since he hadn't called in the tanks or anything yet, but still, he was acting as though he were the victim here! And Loki! He should know, almost better than anyone, not to shush her! How friggen rude. It was clear that Thor had gotten all the manners.
Fury waited until Darcy had busied herself with her food. "I don't have many answers for you, if any at all." He said with a shrug. "I knew you were here because of Loki's tracker. It shut off when you were- transported- but Stark managed to find the signal again. He insisted he be the one to bring you back, but I had to decline."
Darcy raised a challenging eyebrow. "And why exactly is that?" She so would've preferred Tony. He would've had the decency to bring her a toothbrush, anyway.
"Because Nick Fury did not double cross the Avengers." Loki answered for him, a satisfied smirk on his lips. "SHIELD double crossed Nicky Fury."
oooo
Later, back at headquarters. Darcy would wonder how she had managed to keep her head together in a time of such chaos, of such panic. When she had first heard the words, the nail in the coffin as it were, she'd had bursts of immobility, of hopelessness. But one look at Loki and her anxiety had been held in check, held back, because something much bigger was at stake.
"They'll wait for me to get back, to make the final decision. But I'm sure their minds, well, you know. Are already made up." Nick had said, staring off out of the windshield. He had brought a truck, parked half a mile down the road from where they had spent the night, and Loki and Darcy were in the back seat, Loki handcuffed to the door handle, though Darcy assumed it was just for show.
"This is absolute bullshit!" Darcy had burst out, slamming her arm into the seat in front of her. "Loki has been nothing but helpful, and tame, and-"
"I am not a lapdog, Darcy," Loki had growled. but Darcy ignored him, urging Fury to pick up the pace. She would deal with Loki being a jerk later.
"Would it kill you to take the lead out of your ass? I have to stop them!" Everything else had to be put on hold. Darcy didn't really care that Nick was dealing with loyalty problems, that as they were all under surveillance, so was he. Right now, Darcy couldn't put SHIELD's well-being above anybody else's.
Fury replied with a chuckle. "And what do you think you can do?"
Darcy, chancing a long look at Loki, sighed. "I don't know. But I have to try. I'll make them hear me out." She could tell Loki was trying not to look at her, forcing his gaze to stay fixed on the passing countryside. Well, that was okay. He could be mad at her for defending him, even hate her for it. But one thing was for sure, she wouldn't go down without a fight.
After that none of them had spoken, and as soon as they'd pulled to a stop outside the building Fury had taken the elevator with Loki, leaving Darcy to frantically sprint the stairs two at a time while she found the right floor and the right conference room. The gist of it all was, as Fury told them on the ride back into the city, the time had come for the Avengers, or so they thought, to decide what to do with Loki. Clearly there wasn't enough catastrophe in the world to keep them busy, so they had to fuck with everybody else's lives.
Darcy knew she had the right room when she saw Sam at the door, leaning against the wall, looking bored. Clearly he had drawn the short straw, and wasn't happy about being on guard duty.
"Hey Sam," Darcy said, reaching for the door handle.
"Darcy you can't-" Sam moved from the wall, trying to block the door, but Darcy had prepared well. In her mad dash up here, she'd stopped in Bruce's lab, where she'd stashed a few of her things in case of an emergency. She knew she wouldn't stay standing long if she actually had to use brute force, but at least everyone would see how serious she was. Now Darcy held out her taser as she approached.
"Don't try me, Wilson."
Sam eyed her for a moment, her finger moving towards the release button, and he shrugged, and she flung open the door. They were seated at a table, every Super Friend present except for Thor. Darcy could easily guess why they'd excluded him, but it made her even madder to realize there was absolutely no one to be remotely on Loki's side. Every head turned towards her, eyebrows raised in surprise- all except for Maria, who sat at the head of the conference table, seemingly waiting for her appearance.
"Darce?" Tony said, clearly expecting her to bring some bad news of impending doom. She'd always gotten along well with Tony, especially more so these last few months. Dare she say he was almost like the big brother she always wished she had? Not only had his relationship advice helped her like whoa, he appreciated her humor and vulgarity, understood the need for a laugh in the middle of the shitstorm that was more often than not their lives. If she had to think of a true friend outside of Jane, Thor and Loki, it would probably be him. Though Loki always spoke of him with sarcasm, she knew that he too was impressed with aspects of Tony, like his brain, for instance.
"Well, I- I just have something to say. And, I think you should, you know. Listen." She stood awkwardly there, completely unused to having so many important people paying attention to her. She was a mess, her clothes covered in dirt from sleeping on the ground, her face and hair unwashed, but she hadn't wanted to waste any time by changing or even slathering on some hand sanitizer.
Tony gave her a long, searching look. He of course knew exactly how Darcy felt about Loki. She could tell he was torn between letting her speak her mind and wanting to spare her whatever disappointment might come of this little pow wow. After a shrug, he retook his seat at the table. "Sure, floor's yours."
Darcy took a deep, steadying breath. "Right. Well I don't think it's cool that you're all sitting in here, like a jury deliberating, when the one who's freedom is at stake doesn't even get a chance to stand up for himself. Or have anybody else defend him." She pointedly looked at the one empty chair where Thor, between Steve and Tony, should have been sitting.
"You think Loki deserves that chance, after what he did?" Steve asked, incredulous realization hitting him. Darcy could see it all over his face- this is the guy you fell for? This guy?!
"Hey I'm not arguing Loki's guilt. I'm just saying, this whole judge jury executioner thing isn't exactly fair. We're still in a free country, aren't we?"
"I think what Steve is saying is that whole due process thing doesn't work when you kidnap, kill, and try to take over the world." Natasha broke in.
"I know what he's trying to say," Darcy said, narrowing her eyes at Nat, "but it seems to me that everybody here has been given, at one point, another chance. What about you? Clint gave you another shot, even though he was supposed to take you out. How many people have you killed, Natasha? How many people have you all hurt? I guess it's slipped your goddamn brains that you haven't exactly been model citizens your entire lives."
Darcy glared at them all, these Avengers who thought they were so untouchable, who thought they could call all the shots, regardless of who was involved. No wonder they bugged Loki so much. She couldn't catch anyone's eye, couldn't sense in them at all a willingness to talk, to think. This meeting was merely a formality. Their obstinacy was apparent from where Darcy stood.
"Look Darcy," Tony began, but Darcy held up a hand to cut him off. They were unwilling to move, to listen to anything but what they wanted to hear. "Don't. Clearly Thor is the only one with a brain between you ass clowns."
She started to storm from the room, nobody bothering to stop her. She paused at the door, turning back long enough to look each of them in the face. "You know, this whole time, you've all been bitching about, 'Loki isn't worthy of our forgiveness,' when in reality? You're not worthy to give it." Darcy's gaze fell lastly on Maria, then she slammed the door behind her.
The man, god, she cared about, somebody truly deserving of redemption, was about to be sent back to his asshole, abusive father who only saw him as a piece on his shitty chess board.
Typical.
oooo
"Whoa." Tony was the one to speak first, the rest of them glancing around in uneasy silence.
"There's no denying his crimes." Steve said, as though that settled the matter, but there was a flicker doubt on his face.
"But she's right." Natasha spoke, "none of us have any gold stars on our homework. We've all done things we wanted to take back."
"But does he? Does Loki really want to take it back?" Tony quipped.
"Maybe...maybe it isn't a matter of him wanting to take it back. What's done is done. But if he wouldn't do it again..." Bruce trailed off with a shrug.
"Thor is blinded by family. But Darcy? Does she even know him?" Clint leaned back in his chair.
Maria rested her chin on her fingertips. "Better than we would have guessed, it seems."
"Loki is a bringer of destruction. That won't change." Steve said, but his tone wasn't certain, lacking that cheerful bravado he was so known for.
"Not with that attitude, Captain." Maria replied, her gaze sharp.
"You can't honestly think he'll change? Why would he?"
Maria shrugged. "Why did any of us? Why did any of you pick up arms and fight?"
"Because it's the right thing to do." Steve answered, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Bruce shook his head, a wry smile on his face as he surveyed the group around the table, his eyes lingering on Natasha. "Because we had something to fight for."
"Something to protect." Tony clarified, and Bruce gave him a small nod.
"So you're saying we have to give him something to care about?" Clint asked, as though the idea were ludicrous. Loki's concern stopped with himself, end of story. "how the hell do we do that?"
Maria shrugged. "Don't think we have to do anything. While we've all been up on our high horses, somebody has actually given a damn." And with that she stood. "For now, Loki remains with us. Your forgiveness is not mandatory." Maria too, swept from the room, leaving the rest of them in a semi-shocked silence.
oooo
Darcy took the stairs slower this time, feeling defeat heavy and thick around her. She shouldn't have let her anger get the better of her, shouldn't have ran out of the room like that. She should have refused to leave until she'd changed their minds, until she had made her point about how much Loki had changed. If only she could be more like Jane! Calm, cool-headed, somebody people listened to. But she had felt the disregard for Loki, for his actions since his capture. It didn't matter; it never had, not to them. He would always be their enemy.
Well, he wasn't her enemy. Darcy needed to tell him that even if nobody else saw it, she did. She saw he was a good man, fuck mistakes and the past, and that dammit, Thor wasn't the only one who loved him.
Loved him. She did, didn't she? She'd had that realization, deep and dangerous, last night, but here it was, really hitting home now that she was about to lose him. She was such an idiot. At his door all too quickly, even though she'd taken her sweet time, Darcy raised a hand to knock, though she was used lately to just barging in.
Loki swung the door open, and suddenly she found her mouth was dry. He leaned on the door frame, waiting for her speak.
"Um, hi." She said, suddenly breathless, which had nothing to do with the stairs she'd just climbed and everything to do with his darkened green eyes. Man, he just did something to her. If this was what Jane felt every time Thor was around, no wonder she went manic depressive when he had to leave.
"Hello," he said slowly, stepping aside to let her enter. Darcy's eyes widened in surprise to see Jane and Thor seated on Loki's couch, their eyes glued to the TV. She blinked; on the screen was the same conference room she'd just left. The Avengers were still there, Sam now having joined them. She couldn't hear their exact conversation, but it looked as though they were all taking whatever each other was saying very seriously. Jane must've pulled some hacker mojo out and somehow got into the surveillance system. Wow, bet Coulson hadn't see that one coming!
"Darce!" Jane saw her and jumped up, rushing over to hug her. "You were amazing! And oh my god, you almost tased Falcon!" Jane laughed, squeezing her tighter.
"Wait, what? You saw that? You...heard what I said?" Darcy's eyes met Loki's once again. He was unreadable, impassive. Ugh, it bugged the shit out of her when he pulled that.
"Every word of it. You are a true friend, Darcy." Thor said, and he too grabbed Darcy for a bone-crushing hug.
"I didn't- I mean, okay yeah almost tasing Sam Wilson would've be epic, but-"
"You left before they could finish," Jane said over her, once more hugging her, "Nick busted in and basically said everything Maria had...you did it, Darce! He's not going to send Loki back, he can stay!"
It took a second for Jane's words to process, but Darcy wanted to throw up her hands and start doing a victory dance- he could stay.
It then dawned on her that Thor and Loki were both silent, their faces stoic. They glanced at one another, a silent conversation passing between them that only brothers could share.
"What's wrong?" Darcy untangled herself from Jane and stood in front of Loki, forcing him to look away from his brother.
"He means not to stay." Thor answered, his tone equal parts amused and disbelieving.
"WHAT?" Darcy raised her hands, as though putting a stop to all words, and maybe even time itself.
"I must face the music sometime." Loki finally said, his words quiet, as though he only meant for her to hear them, but they hit her as though he had screamed them in her ear. "I cannot stay here, in comfort and contentment, when I have others to answer to."
"But you- I thought you wanted to stay!" Everything had pointed to it, to his growing affection for his brother, for her. These weren't trivial pursuits, things to pass the time, to stave off boredom. Loki's feelings were genuine.
"What I want and what I must do are practically different universes, Darcy." Loki said in a strangled voice.
Jane and Thor, deciding it best to give them space, eased away through the still open door, leaving Darcy and Loki alone.
"What about me, Loki? What about..." Darcy trailed off, not trusting herself to say the word, not trusting that Loki wouldn't completely reject her, throw away everything they'd built these past months. The night before had been amazing, had been illuminating, and she had felt, in the darkness under the stars, that everything Loki felt for her outweighed, well, everything else. Now she wasn't so sure.
"Us?" Loki's answer was nearly a whisper, and he swallowed thickly. "It is for us, Darcy, that I must do this. Do you not see that?"
"I don't-" Darcy began desperately, her mind in shambles, her body shaking as the weight of the day, the exhaustion of it, finally hit her.
"I do not expect you to understand." He said, turning his back to her, looking instead out the floor-to-ceiling window. "But this...it is something I can no longer avoid, however much I would wish to."
"So you're just gonna leave." Darcy said bitterly, all of her strength, all of her resolve, utterly drained away. She may have convinced Maria Hill and Nick Fury of Loki's goodness, the Avengers may have acquiesced to his continued stay, but the one person she had failed to persuade was Loki himself.
"It is something I must do. Something I have to do." His voice was hard, his own mind made up and unwavering.
Loki didn't bother turning around when he saw Darcy in the reflection of the window begin to silently cry, or when she spun on her heel, slamming his apartment door behind her as she fled down the hall.
oooo
In fact, he was still standing there, looking out the window yet seeing nothing, when Thor forced his way in, abrasive and abrupt as ever.
"So you would leave her."
Thor was not to be deterred, and Loki knew the sooner he answered, the sooner he could be alone again. And alone was, clearly, what he deserved to be just right now. "Do you think I prefer to be Odin's whipping boy instead of staying?"
"She loves you, brother. Surely you know this." Thor was trying to appeal to him through the only thing that Loki had seemed to care about these few months. Darcy was the reason for the change in Loki's heart, Thor was certain. How could he allow his brother to leave now, to leave Darcy, when he was just starting to turn the corner, when he was becoming who Thor always knew him to be?
"I am no fool. I can see quite clearly what is in front of me." Loki had not wished for it, had not been looking for somebody other than his mother or brother to care for him. He had not wanted the attachment, wanted the hope, and that was exactly what Darcy Lewis made him do- hope. Hope that somehow, he was forgiven, that he was free to return the love she gave him. However, Loki knew deep in his heart that if he were to ever be hers and she his, he had to repay all of his debts, the highest one being at Odin's feet.
"Then why do you wish to abandon that, knowing what awaits you in Asgard? You make no sense! What do you mean by any of this?"
"It means," Loki said grimly, at last turning to face his brother, "that I am changing and evolving into a man capable of greatness. Best watch your back, brother, because I may have to go get a hero hairdo of my own," Loki's green eyes fell on Thor's half pony tail, a half sneering, half bemused look on his face, "and steal your thunder."
"Damn you Loki, be serious! Why do you wish to leave Darcy, after she has grown to love you? Why would you leave earth for nothing but misery!"
"Is that what you think?" Loki snarled, trying to push past Thor, "That I would choose to leave her behind in favor of punishment?"
"Then why not stay? Why even tempt fate?" Thor shoved him roughly back, his face contorted in anger.
Loki dropped his defensive stance, sighing. "Darcy is deserving of a man of true honor. I could not bear to be with her if I were not one. The shadow of Odin forever looming over me, over her,"
"You do this to protect her." Realization dawned on Thor, and he took a step back from Loki, for this was at least something Thor could understand, could relate to.
Loki eyed his brother for a moment. "You may believe what you like. But if that were the case, then, Valhalla help us, I suppose I've become more like you. How tragic for us both."
oooo
Steve found her first. Darcy didn't even want to look at him, to see the disappointment in Captain America's eyes as he lectured her on not bestowing her affections on mass murderers. At that moment she had never felt more hopeless, more exhausted, with nothing left inside of her to give. Her panic, her pain, and the realization that she had just lost the first man she truly loved utterly drained her, leaving her to crumble here, in some back, empty part of the building.
Steve said nothing though as he took a seat beside her in the darkened hallway, their shoulders touching. His warmth was enough, at that moment, and she tipped her head on his shoulder, squeezing her eyes shut, willing herself to stop crying, to stop feeling. It was the whole reason she was in this mess in the first place- if she had just left well enough alone, if she hadn't been so curious about Loki, been so wishing him to be her friend, she would never have discovered how amazing he was. She would never have been drawn in by his rare smiles, by his underlying sense of humor, by his gallantry, even if it was only ever directed at herself. But that was what made it so awesome, that out of how much he detested the world at large, even the world he came from, he had singled her out, had cared for her where nobody else did.
And now, he was leaving her, leaving everything. Saying screw it, and screw you, as he went back to a place he hated to be at the mercy of a father who never really loved him.
"So Sam made me watch this show. His sister had shown it to him, and he got hooked. One of those guilty pleasures, right?" Steve said, as Darcy sniffled into her sleeve. "But then I got into it. I'd missed a lot of television obviously, over the years, and it seemed really weird, all these supernatural creatures thrown into this one tiny town that seemed so ideal on the surface."
"Look Steve, I'm sure-"
"Fast forward a few seasons later," Steve talked over her, "and one of the main villains, who actually showed himself to love, more than anybody else, his own family and only one pretty incredible girl from this podunk town, said to that rather take no prisoners woman, 'It's not a crime to love what you cannot explain.' "
Darcy tried to take a steadying breath, tried to think of something clever or deep to say, something that really could describe how she was feeling, but as she lifted her head all she could come up with was, "Captain America ships Klaroline?"
Steve chuckled. "Honestly, yeah. For some reason, in the midst of everything he's done wrong and everything she tries to do right, they just...work."
"Except that New Orleans is a little close to Mystic Falls than Asgard is to earth." Darcy said, her head starting to pound, her throat tight once more.
"Distance is relative," Steve said, standing up. He extended his hand, grabbing Darcy's and pulling her up in a swift, easy motion, "and I have absolute faith that as you will never stop fighting for him, he'll come back for you. He's a fool if he doesn't, and Loki is a lot of things, but he's not stupid."
"Is that a compliment? From Steve Rogers? Loki won't know what to do with himself."
"Not just for him. For you, too."
Finally able to take a deep breath, Darcy lifted her head and attempted a smile. "Thanks, Steve. I guess I need to take a beat and think, WWCD?"
Steve chuckled again. "Definitely. Caroline might not be able to stop Klaus from doing what he wants, but she sure as hell lets him know how she feels."
There was a huffing coming their way, and suddenly Jane rounded the corner, spotted Darcy, and sighed in relief.
"I've been looking everywhere for you! You need to hurry, Darce, it's almost time- Thor says there isn't a moment to delay. They're leaving. And Loki wants to talk to you."
They left a smiling and waving Steve, running to the stairs. Darcy shook her head, pulling Jane to the elevator. "This'll be quicker." She said, stepping through the open doors without a hesitation and mashing the button for the right floor. Jane, eyes wide in surprise, followed her in.
oooo
The talk with Steve seemed to, somehow, give her the kick in the ass she needed. Darcy knew that changing Loki's mind was impossible. If he hadn't wavered as of now, there was no chance she could keep him here. But maybe, just maybe, what Steve had said was true; maybe Loki would come back for her. She would wait for him, no question. She would continue on the work of Area 86 with Jane and Thor, provided Fury allowed them all to stay. And if not, well, then fine. She and Jane had done very well with much, much less before. If it meant she was back to bar tending or delivering pizzas or living in a tin can in the middle of the desert, she could manage that.
Loki was back in his bedroom, the door shut, but before Darcy could bust it down to talk to him, Thor intercepted her, pulling her aside.
"You have turned my brother into an honorable man, Darcy. He cares for you more than I have ever known him to care for anything."
"Right," Darcy said, unsure of how to respond. Thor would be, of course, as pissed, as sad, as she was that Loki would be going back to Asgard. She probably should've been having a pep talk with him, not the other way around.
"And though it will be hard to understand, even difficult to bear, his absence truly means that he is seeking redemption. The ultimate redemption you might say."
"Yeah Thor, I got it. I get the whole self-improvement kick, okay."
"What Thor means to say, Darce," Jane broke in, slipping her hand into her soon-to-be-husband's, "is that you're not alone. You have us. We're on your side."
Darcy looked at them, so earnest, so sincere, and felt an actual smile spread on her face. "Thank you. Really."
"I am ready." Loki had appeared behind them, silently witnessing their tender moment.
Darcy's breath caught in her throat as she turned to Loki. He was dressed in his usual green and gold Asgardian wear. Thor must have gotten it for him recently. He looked as stately, as imposing as ever, except that in his expression there was a softness as he met her eye.
"We'll meet you on the roof." Jane said quickly, pulling on Thor's arm. "Nick dismantled his tracker, in light of his...decision." Jane explained to Darcy. "So come up when you're ready."
Darcy and Loki watched the couple go, an awkward silence settling between them. Darcy tried not to think that this was the last time they'd be alone together for the next- god, who knew how long? Maybe years? Ugh.
"I know that my reasons will not much matter to you," Loki started, as he moved towards the door, "and I know it seems...contradictory...as to the time we have spent together..."
"Are you apologizing for dumping me, or are you trying to say something else?" Darcy said bluntly, stepping around him and putting her hand on the doorknob so she could stop him from opening the door. She did, at least, want some kind of explanation from him, to know where he stood.
"Dumping you?" Loki's brow furrowed, and Darcy almost laughed. She had rarely seen him confused.
"Leaving me, breaking up with me, you wanna see other people, to get up on some nonhuman hotties in Asgard?"
Loki rolled his eyes, stepping as close as possible to her, covering her hand on the doorknob with one of his. "You are utterly ridiculous, Darcy. As if anybody else would hold any allurements or charms for me, after you." The intensity of his gaze now left her breathless.
"Yeah uh, I'm a tough act to follow." Darcy dropped her eyes, but Loki lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him.
"To say the least. But Darcy, I do not know...I cannot say how long I will be gone, and-" Loki looked to be in anguish, to be struggling to find something to to say that would suit the situation. She thought she got the gist of it- Loki would never actually ask her to put her entire life on hold and hold out hope for him, for their relationship. Who could say what would happen between now and tomorrow, let alone between now and however long Odin would require Loki to be punished, to clear himself of his wrongdoings against the crown? And now that it came down to it, Darcy found that she didn't need to hear the actual words. They had rarely ever been conventional, and their understanding of each other was deep enough, was seamless enough, that Darcy knew Loki's actions would speak far louder than his words ever could.
"Oh cut the mushy crap Loki. I'm not going anywhere. Scout's honor." Darcy, unsure if she could take it much longer, broke eye contact and turned the knob. Loki nodded once, then followed her out the door and down the hallway.
Darcy stopped for a split second at the elevators, then quickly walked past them. She couldn't be in one with him again and not remember that time, so very long ago now, where his actions had proved an invitation to her, an invitation for the best months of her life.
Loki was not far behind her, she could hear his boots making loud footsteps in the stairwell as they climbed the several flights that would take them to the roof access door. He reached it before her, however, outstripping her at the very last landing and holding the door open for them both. It was a beautiful day, cold and clear and the sky was as blue as Darcy had ever seen it.
Jane and Thor were on the far side of the roof, which was now bare, large geometric cuts of flagstone, clean and polished and unadorned with snow. Darcy kept moving, her eyes on the ground, and she nearly ran into Loki, who had paused directly in front of where, she so well remembered, they had made snow angels together.
Without preamble, without even a glance at her, Loki pulled her roughly to him, his arms around her waist. The tears were threatening to start again, so Darcy bit her lip, burying her face in his chest, thinking any immediate attempt to speak would result in full out sobbing.
Loki held her to him in a way he never had before- he was so tender, so clinging, like she was the last rays of warmth he would ever feel.
"You know you don't have to go. Just sayin." Darcy said after a long moment, when she had taken enough breaths to steady herself, to be able to speak, her forehead still against his chest.
Loki let out a breathy chuckle. "You are so very stubborn." Loki lifted her chin between his thumb and index finger, his eyes searing into hers. If he saw that her own were full of tears, he didn't mention it.
"Am not." Darcy swallowed, forcing her words to come out even.
"It is time." Thor, having crossed the roof with Jane, said in a heavy voice- he may as well have been going to a funeral for all the cheer his usual smiling face had.
Darcy gripped the front of Loki's tunic, as though she were even remotely strong enough to keep him from moving. Though Loki was sure this was the right move, that he couldn't continue the rest of his life- of their life without doing this, she wanted to fall apart- could feel the panic seeping in around her edges, and when it hit it would probably be the death of her.
No. Now, just now, she would be strong. She would do it for Loki.
"I must go." Loki said, his eyes falling shut as he tightened his hold on her.
Darcy knew it was useless to keep arguing, that he would do what he needed to because that was who he was, and she loved him for it, even if it was breaking her heart. She thought she understood, even if she hated it- Loki had to face himself, and to do that, he had to deal with Odin and own up to his past.
"Loki," Thor said from over his shoulder, and if Darcy had anything within reach she would've chucked it at Thor's head.
"I love you, Loki." Darcy said, and then his mouth was over hers, and it was bliss, fire, all rushing heartbeats, and then he was gone, and she was left alone.
oooo
Darcy paced his living room, his lingering scent making her want to cry, to scream, to destroy something. If he were here, she knew he'd just smirk at her and gesture towards the nearest breakable item, as though daring her to lash out, anything to stop her repressed anger turning into blind panic, as she had done so very long ago with him and his anger.
She and Jane had walked slowly back into the building, neither of them saying a word. Even if Darcy hadn't just let Loki go, she wouldn't have intruded on Jane right now. She herself only wanted to be alone, and she knew Jane would feel the same. Both girls had gone into their respective apartments, with little more than a sad smile and a despondent nod of the head shared between them.
This apartment, which had been of the very few places Darcy had ever felt could be called home, seemed to retain so much of its former occupant that Darcy found it simultaneously comforting and unsettling. He was gone, and his absence here, him not in the kitchen, throwing together a delicious meal for them, good-naturedly complaining about her choice of movie or music, the spine-tingling touches, was almost too much to bear. She wondered how long it would be before his presence was completely erased.
Next door Darcy could hear Jane playing music, as she was inclined to do when she was alone. It was always easy to gauge Jane's mood based on the music that was playing- funky, upbeat, rock, Jane was getting far with her research or she was going to be seeing Thor very soon. Anything that was angsty, screamo, or classic sappy love songs, Thor had just left or it'd been a long time since she'd seen the big guy.
Darcy pressed her ear to the wall behind the TV Loki never used, trying to make out the song that was blaring. She listened, vaguely recognizing the tune, and Darcy wouldn't even need the name of the song to clue her in to how Jane was feeling right now. For the first time, Darcy totally didn't blame her. She may not be Loki's declared true love, as Jane was Thor's, but she felt the ache of his absence down to her bones. And well, she kind of was. Or, at least, Loki was hers. She'd told him she loved him before he'd been swept off by Thor. She had to wonder, if he'd had the time, what his response would have been. Not that it mattered- she loved him, and he had to know it anyway, even before she'd said it out loud. Darcy never was one to hold back how she felt.
Should she have told him? Well, the timing wasn't the greatest. Who knew when they'd see each other again? If they ever would? Then again, didn't that make the timing impeccable? If she would never see him again, hold him again, kiss him again, then she would at least know she'd splayed her heart on her sleeve. And he had, of course, blundered on, trying to ask her (at least she had been sure of it, at the time) to wait for him, to keep her heart open for him.
Without paying much attention to what she was doing, Darcy gathered the spare set of clothes she kept stashed on top of Loki's washer and started the shower. As crappy as she felt on all other fronts, the hot water and the scent of the shampoo revitalized her somewhat. As she dried off, dressed, and took an extra long time brushing her teeth and hair, her confrontation with the Avengers and her private conversation with Steve played over in her mind.
Yes, Steve had said distance was relative, and time, she supposed, was too. Every day without Loki, without news of him, would seem like an eternity. But, then, nothing lasted forever...everything had its demise, didn't it? Corporations fizzled out. Regimes fell. Ages came to an end. You fell in love, you fell out of it. You reached for the sky, only to land on your ass.
Nothing lasted forever? Well fuck that! She wanted happiness, and passion, and reality with Loki, and dammit, she wasn't going to stop fighting for that until she was dead in the cold fucking ground. She was Darcy fucking Lewis, and she refused to accept anything else.
Loki had shown her that she was simply enough- everything, her faults, her flaws, her fears, they were okay to have, they were her. She was special, even if she wasn't a hero, even if she couldn't revolutionize the science world or please her family. She'd never save anybody like the Avengers had, and she would probably never have the balls to own up to any of the bad shit she might do in her life, not like Loki. Darcy was surrounded by super heroes, and yet Loki was the bravest man she knew.
He was the world to her now, screw how sappy and cliché it was. His smile and his arms around her, him simply listening to her, understanding her. Accepting her. It was everything she needed, to survive the madness that was their world.
Darcy took a deep breath, slowly let it out, and with a decisive nod, picked her jacket up off the counter. She knew what she had to do, what she wanted to do. Loki was going into a lion's den, undefended except by Thor, who wouldn't even be allowed to speak on his brother's behalf. Odin may very well throw Thor in prison himself, for not delivering Loki first to Asgard. So, okay, she'd failed with Nat and Clint and everyone, but she had managed to get Nick and Maria in her corner...if she could convince them...
She couldn't drag Jane into this. Oh, she'd hate her for it- if she was remotely successful, Jane would never forgive her. But Thor never would, either, if Jane tagged along. If he wasn't the first one to bring her to Asgard, Darcy doubted if he would ever speak to either of them again. Thor was her biggest ally right now, and the only one of the brothers that Odin would even bother listening to.
No. With Loki's freedom on the line, Jane would just have to hate her.
oooo
She didn't dare do it anywhere near SHIELD. One Bifrost anomaly was enough for one day, and the city certainly didn't need anything else to talk about. She hailed a taxi, and though the driver was dubious at first, Darcy convinced him that the lone stretch of road outside the city, with nothing around for miles, was exactly where she wanted to go. Cost wasn't an issue, she had assured him, and she always believed in heartily tipping her drivers. Finally the man had shrugged and Darcy was left to sit back and watch the streets and skyscrapers fly by her.
An hour later, with some speeding on the cab driver's part, Darcy had directed him to pull off onto a dirt road, one that had become so familiar to her now. Almost, at least to her reckoning, on the border of Area 86, the cab stopped, and Darcy got out, the driver unsure of leaving a young girl in the middle of nowhere by herself. Darcy's insistence prevailed, though, and she was finally left alone. She couldn't have really said why, exactly, she thought this was where her plan should start, but it seemed fitting. Two of the best nights of her life had been here, and as they both revolved around Loki, well, it just made sense.
Okay Darce, you can do this. You're not crazy. You're totally sane, and this is a good idea and even if it's not, well, too late now.
"Um...hey, Heimdall," Darcy started, looking up at the sky. It seemed as good a thing as anything to open with. "I hope you can hear me. I mean, I'm sure you can, from what Thor's always said. Not that I think you'd be paying attention to me- Ugh. I'm rambling. Anyway, it'd be just swell if you could, beam me up, or transport me, or whatever the science is- I'm sure Jane would know, why haven't I ever asked her before? Uh, I mean, I'm ready when you are."
There was no response, no immediate flash of encompassing warmth and rainbow light. Okay, maybe she hadn't asked nice enough? Maybe there was a delay, like with walkie talkies. Maybe she needed to clear her mind? Rid it of Midgardian cares?
"Look, it's not like I have an instruction manual here, okay? I'm doing the best I can. And I know, I know, it's not like I stand much chance of anything, I mean I barely scraped by with the Avengers, so what chance do I stand with-"
No, no, that wouldn't do, either. No use in airing her self-doubt on a galactic level. Heimdall would never help her if she came off as pathetic. But Jesus, what more did he want from her? Did she need to say pretty please with a cherry on top? Time, Darcy knew, was of the essence, and she didn't have the leisure to play whatever games the guard clearly wanted to.
"Heimdall you son of a bitch, I know you can hear me!" Darcy screamed to the sky, and she wasn't sure how she knew he could- but Heimdall had proven in the past that his loyalty lay most with Thor, not Odin, and Thor was on Loki's side- on her side. So maybe, just maybe, he really was watching her, and her previous attempts just hadn't gone through? Or maybe they were just amusing? Well, she hoped he would take this request seriously, even if her last two had been ignored.
"I have to see him! Please, take me to Asgard! I'm begging you!" Her own plea was raw with longing, with desperation; things that Loki seemed to know just how to bring out in her.
The skies were silent, and Darcy narrowed her eyes to a glare, throwing up her arms, flipping Heimdall the bird with both hands. "Fine, don't help me. Fine! I'll get there another way. I don't need you anyway, you lazy-"
She was enveloped in a bright blur before she could finish her insult.
oooo
Frigga was waiting for her. Heimdall watched, and Darcy only had the grace to look mildly sheepish at her outbursts. She wasn't sure, but it lookedlike he wanted to grin.
"You must be the infamous Darcy Lewis." Frigga was, in every sense, how Loki always described her. A true queen, with regality pouring from her, but her smile was kind, her eyes soft. Darcy had known her the second she'd laid eyes on her.
"Infamous? I like the sound of that." Darcy said, wondering if she should bow or curtsy. Frigga made the decision for her, when she pulled her into a surprisingly firm hug.
"And I like the sound of you. To think that somebody could see past my son's facade to the man he truly is. You must be very special indeed."
"For a Midgardian, anyway." Darcy said with a dismissive wave.
"I do not share my husband's rather lacking view of humans, Darcy. I think you extraordinary. As does my son."
Darcy's eyes widened in surprise. Loki told his mom about her? As in, positive things? Not, that raggedy human with her hero worship fetish who won't leave me alone? That was interesting, and definitely nice to hear. Her feelings weren't one-sided, and he really must've been asking her to hold out for him...
"Ah. I see Loki's assessment that you truly don't know how much he cares for you is correct. Never mind that now, I shall beat some manners into him later. Come, court is about to start. You have arrived just in time."
Darcy swallowed the lump in her throat. "Will I get to say anything?"
Frigga nodded in an absolute way. "I will force Odin if I have to. Surely it would not be the first time I have had to tighten the king's leash."
"I just hope the ass listens," Darcy mumbled, and Frigga knew she wasn't talking about the Allfather.
"Thor told me the things you said for Loki. How you single-handedly persuaded Nick Fury and the Avengers to rethink what they knew about him. You saved him, Darcy."
Darcy shook her head adamantly. "He saved himself. He showed me...he showed me that second chances matter and that everybody deserves them."
Frigga's eyes filled with tears, and she reached for Darcy's hand. "That both of my sons should find such pure-hearted women... women who love them truly and deeply..."
Darcy felt her own eyes start to water, but Frigga shook her head. "No time for tears now. Here we are. Odin loves Loki, despite where things have gone so wrong between them. I only hope that he remembers it." Darcy wasn't sure if Frigga was hoping son or father- or both- would remember that.
"I guess we'll see." Darcy said, and then Frigga stopped in front of two massive, intricately carved stone doors. The guards on either side, who had almost blended in with the massive marble wall, sprang forward to open them. They creaked noisily, and by the time Darcy and Frigga had stepped through them, the entire assembly turned towards the door, their eyes on the Queen.
"What is this, an intrusion?" A voice that could only belong to Odin rang out, annoyed and deep.
"A witness." Frigga said, "one who would speak on behalf of the accused."
Darcy's eyes finally made their way to where Odin sat, in a chair high above the benches
"Uh," Oh shit, she was going to puke! Right here, on the marble floor, right in front of every single important person in Asgard. It hadn't really struck her until now that she was on a different friggen planet, being looked at by people who were in no way human. Maybe if she wasn't so stressed out, so determined, so fixated on her single goal, she could have appreciated it. Darcy took a deep breath, talking her mind and body alike out of a nervous meltdown, and felt Frigga push her forward.
"I mean, I, appeal to the court," Finding her voice, remembering her reasons for being here, Darcy stood tall, trying not to blink too much. Odin looked sternly at her, "your honor. Or highness. Or...whatever." Darcy took another deep breath. "Here's the thing. I know that Loki fucked- I mean, messed- up, but I think it's only fair to take into account all the circumstances that led him there."
Odin's face never moved. He simply inclined his head, as though telling her to speak on.
"Everybody makes their own choices, and Loki made his. But everybody also makes mistakes, and those willing to pay for them should be given a second chance. Loki is good," She heard soft snickers from the crowd and she wanted to round angrily on them, to demand of them why they thought they were so high and mighty. Did they not have everything handed to them on a silver platter? Then how could they possibly know the pain and the betrayal that Loki had been through?
"When something messes with your mind, it seriously screws you up. Loki might be a god, but he's still not immune to everything. Do you think you could survive that influence? Do any of you?" Darcy cut her eyes around the benches, daring any of them to speak up. She'd gladly do time in an Asgardian jail if it meant she could literally beat some sense into these people.
"What you are saying is that Loki should be cleared of his past because he was manipulated." Odin said, with no small amount of skepticism.
"What I'm saying," Darcy said through gritted teeth, deja vu washing over her, turning back to him, "is that maybe if things had been different...his relationships, for instance...maybe Loki wouldn't have gone as far as he did. I'm not saying his hands are clean. But neither are yours." There was a gasp at this; clearly Odin had never been called out before. Well, first time for everything and all that, and Darcy would be damned if she'd ever been capable of holding her tongue before. She held her chin up defiantly- there, it was said! Let him ban her from Asgard, let him imprison her; she would take any matter of punishment if it meant these people knew that Loki was more than the villain they painted him to be.
And then she saw him- he was being brought in, his hands and ankles in heavy shackles, wearing the same clothes as when she last saw him. His eyes widened in unadulterated shock as they fell on her. God it was good to see him- for a split-second she could forget where they were, forget that he was in chains, that she had a slurpee's chance in hell of convincing Odin that Loki should be allowed to come back to earth. Right now, she was simply drinking in the man she loved, the man she had traveled here for.
"That is enough from you, Darcy Lewis. I will hear from the prisoner now, in silence."
Darcy opened her mouth furiously. "Prisoner? That's your son! He believed you loved him his whole life, he trusted you with everything in him! Do you even know how much he looked up to you? You promised him-"
"Enough!" Odin stood, his bellow echoing throughout the hall. "You know nothing of the past you so boldly speak of, nor should you be permitted in these halls. You will leave now, Darcy Lewis, and Valhalla help whoever brought you here in the first place."
"Odin!" Frigga scolded, stepping beside Darcy. "It was I who brought her here, and for good reason. You are too blinded by your pride to admit any fault for his actions! He is not evil, nor is he destined for the dungeons his entire life. Cast him out, fine, but he will not remain here as your prisoner."
"I wanted to come," Darcy said, loud enough for the entire room to hear, but she was only talking to Loki, "I wanted you to know that you're forgiven, that the things you're doing now matter so much more than the things you've done in the past."
"And this, one single girl's words, are supposed to clear him of all his transgressions against Midgard?" Odin scoffed.
"Well," Darcy said, moving her gaze now to Odin, "see any other humans here? As I'm the only one, I claim the right of being earth's representative, and as such, I do clear Loki of his crimes against our planet." Damn, this was fun! Oh sure, it was blasphemy and would definitely earn her some time in the slammer, not to mention there was absolutely no chance of her ever being chosen to represent shit, let alone the entire human race, but it was so worth it.
"I have heard quite enough. I seek an interview with the witness in my chambers." And Odin stood, whirled away, and disappeared through a side door. Darcy immediately started towards Loki, but he was being rushed away by the guards, and barely had time to meet her eye before he too disappeared out of the room.
"Most excellent," Frigga smiled, looping her arm through Darcy's, leading her towards the same exit Odin had taken. "He will undoubtedly talk much, and most of it nonsense. Let him bluster. It is his way. He will tire himself out, and then we will go to work. Thor," Frigga said, as Darcy opened her mouth to ask about the very blond man, "is on his way to fetch Jane. He did not think it fitting that she be left out of these proceedings, although he sends his thanks to you, his dear friend, for wisely not involving her."
Darcy grimaced. "She's gonna kill me. Like, I am so dead. Whatever your husband wants to do to me, Jane will want do it times, like, a million."
Frigga laughed. "Don't be silly. Odin is much more talk than not."
If that were true, Darcy wondered incredulously, why would Loki fear him so? Why would Thor hold him in such revered awe? Perhaps Frigga was blind to the damaging partiality that had taken place in Odin's relationships with her sons. It was clear that Frigga loved Loki, that she appreciated him, as did Thor, where Odin didn't. But it was also clear that Frigga chose not to see the things she didn't want to.
"Here we are." Frigga said, stopping just in front of the side door. "This will take you right in to see him."
Darcy nodded, and was left alone go in, to face Odin with no one by her side.
oooo
Darcy was through the door, taking in the splendor of what was, she guessed, Odin's office. There was a huge desk, made of some kind of wood that definitely wasn't from earth. It seemed to have tiny crystals and gems in its grain, and it was very mesmerizing under the large, bright orbs that were as close to chandeliers as she would probably see here. The floors and walls were the same marble that she had seen throughout every room and hallway so far, and behind Odin's desk on the wall was a rich, large tapestry that seemed to show every constellation in the entire universe, all lit with gold and silver thread that too shimmered under the lights. The top of the desk was clear, except for a silver goblet that held a dark amber liquid.
Odin, from his desk, finally looked up at her. "As they stand," he said, his voice now much quieter, though his demeanor was not much more approachable than only minutes before, "things are quite decided for my part. And yet, here you are. A conundrum indeed." He rested his chin in his hands and looked over at her.
Darcy tried not to stare at his eyepatch, and to appear calm and confident, when all she really wanted to do was curl into the fetal position and cry for the next several hours, followed by at least two solid days of sleep.
"Frigga tells me that, before leaving Midgard, you confessed your love for Loki."
Darcy, with a slight blush, nodded. So Loki told his mom that, too?
"And how did he respond? If I know him at all," Odin snickered, "he was most unfeeling, and left you without so much as a parting word."
Anger bubbled in her stomach, her fists clenched. She'd always figured Odin was the ultimate douche, and if nothing else had confirmed it before, this certainly did.
"That's really none of your business, is it?" Darcy retorted, not bothering to stop glaring, to conceal her contempt for him.
"Yet if he had absolutely returned your love, he would have spoken of it to you, would he not? This is true, I know it is. I am the authority on Loki here, as you have known for hardly any time at all." Odin was digging, was trying to glean from her what he hadn't been able to for himself.
"But you don't know me. I didn't tell Loki I loved him to hear it back. It's never been about him having feelings for me." She would get nowhere by arguing with Odin about how wrong he was, and about how yeah, actually you son of a bitch, I do know Loki way better than you ever will. At this point, it all seemed hopeless anyway. But Darcy could never say what she didn't feel, and unlike with the Avengers, she wouldn't leave here until physically forced to.
"I see." Odin sat back, observing her in silence for a few moments that seemed to stretch into hours as fatigue threatened to overtake her.
"What do I need to do to show you how different Loki is now? I know he's done things that he has to...pay for. I get that, and I'm not asking for him to like, be let off for good behavior. But he's a good person, and he deserves something for that."
Odin waved a dismissive hand at her. "Yes, Loki is willing to take any penalty I should wish to give. He is determined to set things right, I will allow his character that much."
"How generous of you." Darcy snapped, before she could stop herself.
Odin frowned. "And you, Darcy Lewis? What would you do for him?" Odin leaned back in his chair, now considering her, as though forming a plan. "Would you be my prisoner here, in turn giving Loki his freedom, release him from his self-imposed ban on magic, give him back his own life? His citizenship in every realm wiped clean, restored?"
His words hit her like semi-truck. Loki's freedom? It was why she was here, after all. He was the most important thing in the world (worlds, as it turned out) to her, and she knew she would do anything for him. She'd do it for any of the people she truly and deeply cared about. But this...prisoner? In the dungeons, like, how medieval was that?! Crust of bread and everything? Jesus, how did she get herself into these situations?
Still...Loki, able to leave here, to never return unless he wanted to, no longer a fugitive, no longer having to fear Odin's wrath, his life his own again...
Darcy looked at Odin, wondering if this were a trick, a scheme, but the Allfather sat, eyeing her as well, and she thought that he was telling the truth. And for that, for the chance that Loki could do what he wanted when he wanted...he could use magic again! Darcy smiled at that- if only she could see the look on his face when he was told that he was free, in every sense of the word...
But she wouldn't be. She'd be here, locked away from him, forever. Well, not exactly forever, she was still a human and didn't have longer than what, sixty or seventy years left? Well, maybe it was a good thing she'd never eaten kale and always added bacon to her cheeseburgers. Darcy swallowed the lump in her throat, against the rising hysteria at the idea of never setting foot on earth again, of never seeing Jane again, or Thor, or the Avengers, or her family.
And most importantly, Loki. His green eyes swam before her own, and she knew then that it didn't matter. Her family, her friends, her job...they were nothing without Loki. He would be able to finally build a life for himself, his own life. He would have Thor, and Jane, and he would have no problem finding somebody else out there, in the reaches of the universe, somebody to care about him, to appreciate him, to make him laugh. Darcy's heart squeezed painfully at this, but she knew she wanted him to be happy and if that happiness was without her, well, that was life. This was what love was- it was selflessness, it was, this fucking sucks for me, but I'll do it, I'll do it for you,
Darcy took a deep, steadying breath, vaguely thinking that before, just a few short months ago, this moment would've caused her a severe panic attack, and raised her chin defiantly toward Odin.
"Yes."
Wow okay...here we go! We're in the endgame now people ;) *has to make a reference to a movie that caused me immeasurable amounts of pain*. Hope this chapter wasn't too crazy for you! As always, input is appreciated. Lyrics used are from Wolves by Selena Gomez. Also a bit of trivia for you, the scenes in Asgard with Darcy are the first things I ever thought of and wrote for this fic, so I am thrilled we've finally made our way here. So, what song do you think Jane was playing after the boys left?
