Sazh drifted in and out of sleep. Even though they couldn't die anymore—not for real, anyway—his body remained just mortal enough to appreciate the occasional shuteye. It refreshed the fire in his chest and the burn of his veins. It warmed his skin and reminded him of blazing rage and the promise of smoke that brought about new life. The sun-warmed room might as well be heaven.
And then a gust of cold interrupted his rest and Sazh cracked an eye open to find Snow stumbling through the room, motions twitchy and eyes wild. His entrance didn't disturb Hope, who still laid as if he was dead.
"Hey, hey, hey," Sazh said. "Take a breath, son. You look like someone threw you in the river. What happened to going with King and Queen?"
Snow opened and closed his mouth. "We've—we lost Spira. It's gone. That was my home world!"
"In one life."
"I have to get them back."
"Not yet." Sazh pulled himself upright and stretched. "We'll get it back once we deal with Bhunivelze."
Snow nodded to himself, looking ready to fall over at any moment. Sazh gestured to the empty bed beside them. "Take a seat."
Snow did so. "We gotta save them."
"And we will."
"Noel won't let me go there."
"For good reason! If Dajh could get himself possessed, what says you can't?"
"I'm stronger."
"Not enough. What good would it do those guys if you waltzed in without backup and added yourself to the infected?"
Snow looked at Hope and anger crossed his face. "We've lost too many already."
"Exactly."
"I won't lose any more."
Sazh leaned toward him. "Son, if there was ever a time for plans, this is it. We've been going at it all haphazard and it's only screwed us over. We'll do this the right way, or we won't do it at all."
"Our plans work better?" Snow asked.
Another portal opened and Vanille stepped through.
"Come with me to the library," Sazh said to Snow, "I gotta talk to that book kid anyway."
"Any progress?" Vanille asked.
"Nope," Sazh said. "Hasn't moved an inch for two days. What's kept you?"
"I made a wrong turn in the crux. How are you two holding up?"
Snow put on a brave face. "Great!"
"That he is," Sazh said. "We'll leave you to it, since it doesn't look like Hope wants anything to do with the rest of us."
Snow reluctantly joined him, and they left Vanille with a confused look on her face.
Vanille kneeled by Hope's bed, strength gone from her. He looked so small in the covers. "Hope?"
He didn't respond.
"Oh, dear. You're upset."
Sazh shooed out the rest of the medical staff and recovering patients. Vanille gave him a thankful gesture and he gave a "think nothing of it" gesture before shutting the door behind him and the rest.
"We're alone now," she said. "You don't have to worry about anyone else bothering us. And if you don't want to talk, then I'll talk about what I've seen. I've been a lot of places and many of them you might know. And there's some people you would like. For one, there's a boy by the name of Shinra that acts a lot like you did back on Cocoon."
"How do you know about that?"
"I like to think I know you well enough to know who you might like, Hope."
"No, Cocoon. How do you know my memories like that?"
Sazh warned her about his strange reactions to reminders of his old life. "Because I was there."
"No, Vanille was there."
"I am Vanille."
"No, you're not."
Vanille reached for him and Hope recoiled. "We haven't spoken in ages," she said. "I saw you in crystal, and Lightning says you saw me through the Ark, yet we haven't been together since that final day on Cocoon. I wanted our reunion to go differently. I thought it would be easy."
"You don't have to keep pretending. You've made your point."
"No, I haven't! Not that you listened to me before but do it now!"
Hope opened his eyes.
She kept going, "I know there's no way to fix this! I've never fixed anything in my life, and every time I think I can make up for my mistakes, it only make things worse! Turning to crystal, the Soulsong, and finally trying to keep myself out of it, nothing worked! You've fixed things, Hope, why can't you act like it? Why can't you accept the good you've done and pat yourself on the back because you've earned it? Why can't you appreciate what you have that I don't?"
"You don't like that."
"Yes, I do! I always have!" Vanille snatched his wrist, heart beating faster, and Hope didn't move away. "Listen to me, Hope! Don't throw your power away!"
He stared at his wrist where she held him, confused. "I never saw you."
"I know I wasn't there for you! I know we should have worked together like partners because that's what we've always been! I know life isn't fair, but our job is to make it so! I'll make your life fair! So will Lightning and Snow and Sazh and everyone that cares about you! Just let us care about you!"
"I mean… I never saw you in the Ark." Hope looked up at her, sunken eyes discolored in bluish tones that fluctuated about the pupils. He held no shards. "I thought you were also an illusion, but Lightning never yelled at me."
"Because she's worried about you! And so am I!"
"You're real?"
"Yes!" Vanille wrenched him close and dug her face in his neck. He smelled like tree bark, rust, and imprisonment. "I've missed you so much!"
"… I missed you, too."
He sounded hesitant. Vanille pulled back and took in the leafy green of his eyes that showed defeat and the sallow color of his skin. "You still don't believe it, do you?"
"No."
She bit back a sob and smothered her fear, then moved to sit with him on the bed, back against the wall. "You don't have to. I'll believe enough for both of us."
"That won't fix it."
"It will." Vanille patted the spot beside her and he reluctantly took it. "That's how it works, isn't it?"
"No."
"Then how does it?"
"I get hurt."
"Why?"
"Because… I think because God wants to know how humans work."
"That sounds like nonsense."
"Lightning assured me that if I knew what I was doing, God wouldn't hurt me. That I'm close to figuring it out."
"But there's nothing to figure out! Bhunivelze's bad and we're going to stop him."
"Shh!" Hope slapped a hand over her mouth and looked about them. "He'll hear."
"He's not around here because he's in Gaia VII and Spira. He's taken them over, and that's bad, but it means he can't bother you anymore. Not like he used to."
"He will. He always does."
"He won't." Vanille hugged him close again and Hope stiffened but didn't pull away. "I'm here. I'll protect you like I always should have."
"I don't need protection."
"I don't care. I want to help you."
Hope relaxed into her grip and said, voice thick, "I don't deserve help. I've failed too often."
"No such thing. You don't earn help, you know, you get it because the people around you love you. We're all here just to make sure you're happy."
Eventually, timid arms wrapped about her and hugged her back. Then Hope gripped her so tight, it felt like his life depended on it. Maybe, to him, it did.
Vanille smiled into his hair—he was still shorter than her despite growing up in the time she saw him on Pulse—and she shut her eyes to savor the closeness of him. To soak in the feeling of togetherness that she hadn't felt for hundreds and hundreds of years, since before the fall of Cocoon and their adventures in Orphan's Cradle.
A togetherness not greater than what she knew with Fang or Sazh, but not lesser either. It was its own connection that she couldn't get without Hope. The validation of his need to be with her and hers to be with him. The togetherness that came from learning as naïve children the harsh reality of Cocoon's Purge and facing mortality in fire and broken bodies.
"I'll never leave you," Vanille whispered. "And you'd better not leave me."
"I don't want to."
"Then don't. Let's be together forever, okay? Let's learn how to become gods together."
"Becoming gods sounds nice. They don't hurt."
"Not in the same ways as mortals. You won't ever answer to anyone like Bhunivelze ever again. Hey, I can ask your mum to come in and share stories!"
Hope didn't respond to that. Just rested his head against her arm and relaxed into her, breathing evening out. He wasn't that small when he wasn't tense and she felt more like his equal like this.
She closed her eyes and breathed in the hospital's medicine mixed in with Hope's nature-y scent and let herself drift in memory. "Just pretend," she said. "For me. Pretend this is real."
Hope said nothing and Vanille relished the quiet. She'd worry about getting him to Valhalla later. For now, he was only tired and needing rest like the rest of them.
Sazh, Ellone, and Snow found Arc in the library, slumped over books and without the usual vigor one would find in a scholar surrounded by so many words. Sazh assumed by his excitement he'd see the kid poring over tomes and scripts because he could. Because this library was archaic enough to still have those things. Maybe he was still processing from that lunch they had with Larsa a couple days ago.
They roused Arc from his work and discussed Hope's condition, Ellone and Arc's backstories, and Bhunivelze's potential plans.
The library was dead-silent save for their subdued whispers and Sazh wondered when he last found such quiet.
"We need numbers," Ellone said. "Enough that he can't keep up with them. We'll also assume he can still take vessels despite his work with the planets and plan for the worst."
Arc turned a page in his book, though he obviously didn't read it. "He shouldn't possess human and world at the same time."
"He shouldn't," Sazh said, "but he might. Snow insists on giving up on plans. We've been trying to anticipate this bastard for ages and it's never once paid off."
Snow said, "Even with Serah and Noel."
Ellone leaned back. Sazh hoped these palace people would give her a chance to wash up, because she earned the longest, hottest bath going by the look of her. Arc, too. "I don't know how much help I'll be on the side of good," she said. "My powers aren't as useful outside of possession."
"This isn't your job," Sazh said. "You shouldn't work if you don't want to."
"I want to help."
Arc tensed up and pulled books closer to himself like he could protect himself with enough of them.
"What?" Sazh asked. "You also want to go home?"
Arc swallowed hard and didn't look his way. "Blue Terra—Gaia III—isn't safe anymore. But I want to stop fighting."
"Then how about we drop you off somewhere else?" Snow asked. "Somewhere safe? I can pick you up later and take you home when it's better."
"That's like abandoning my friends."
Sazh pulled his coat in tighter. Everywhere was too cold for him these days. "Maybe we can work something out, huh? Find a weak spot?"
"We've talked weak spots," Snow said. "That's what Dajh is dealing with."
"There's gotta be more."
"I don't know about that," Arc said.
Ellone said, "He exists on a different plane than the rest of us. From what little I remember he didn't bother hiding much because we're barely specks in the grand scheme of his plots."
"She's right," Arc said. "There's nothing we can do, and even if there was, we'd need so much power to accomplish it, it's impossible."
Snow said, "Have you forgotten? We're gods, too! We have the power already. We just need to find him now and hit him hard! Waiting only makes it worse! Let's just go and find the guy!"
"He's in a planet," Sazh said. "There's no swooping in and landing a head blow here."
"But," Ellone said, "he does have a mindscape, still. If someone could get inside his head and derail his plans, then that would open him up for absorption by you inheritors."
"Mindscapes…" Arc shivered. "I've dealt with those before, haven't I?"
"Have you?" Sazh asked.
"They're complicated and bizarre and impossible to control."
"Hence what I said," Ellone said.
"And what was our job again?" Snow asked.
Sazh dropped his head back. "Fine. We make the impossible possible. But how are we supposed to make it possible this time?"
"Let's find out!" Snow jumped to his feet. "Let's find the son of a bitch and kick his head in until he speaks backwards! Let's get going, with or without Hope. He'll be safer here anyway."
"I don't know about that," Ellone said. "No world seems safe to me."
"He doesn't care about Hope anymore does he?" Snow asked.
Sazh shook his head. "We don't know about that. Arc, you ready to leave?"
He nodded, face ashen. Sazh felt a sinking in his stomach—they got one kid stitched back together and another fell apart. And that was if Vanille's approach even worked downstairs. … Or upstairs? Sazh glanced outside. He got so lost in this place, he couldn't remember which way the hospital was.
They followed directions back to the hospital. It remained empty of occupants outside of Vanille and Hope, who slept against each other, backs to the wall and hands together. Dajh used to sleep like that with his mother.
"Looks good to me," Snow said. They filtered in one at a time to keep from disturbing the two.
Sazh crept to the side of the bed and shook Vanille awake. She blinked up at him through bleary eyes. "Better?" he asked.
She gave a sluggish nod and stretched. "I didn't realize I still needed sleep with all these shards."
"You'd be surprised." Sazh reached for Hope and hesitated. Ruffled his hair and said, "Rise and shine, kid."
Hope was slower to wake. Or at least slower to show it. "Sazh."
"We're ready to go if you two are. We're headed to Gaia III. What about you, Vanille?"
"I've got work with Fang left to do. But we'll join you all soon."
Hope shot her a desperate look and Sazh rested a hand on his. "We'll take care of you, kid. Vanille's not the only one that's watching your back."
"But…" Hope swallowed hard and looked to the others. "… Okay."
Arc said, "If we need someone to stay…"
"I don't." Hope pulled away from Sazh and stood. "It's time I stopped running."
Arc twiddled his fingers. "We never formally met. I'm Arc."
"Hope Estheim." Hope took his hand and dipped his head in a shallow bow. "Pleased to meet you."
"You remind me of someone I know. Have you spent much time on Blue Terra?"
"Only when we—I mean, only when Bhunivelze stole you and your friends. Um, sorry about that."
Sazh gave a low whistle. "We've had worse encounters. Hey, Snow, who's managing the portaling here?"
"We've already lost King and Queen with Lightning. I dunno, why not just go grab one of the gates on this planet? Should be less work for the mortals."
Arc said, "It's like I'm working for two people I know."
"Palom," Hope said.
Arc nodded and Sazh wondered at the two—they acted oddly familiar with each other.
"Wait," Snow said. "I've got a pit stop to make first."
"Again?" Sazh asked.
"Let's go together," Vanille said. "Safety in numbers, you know. Where's your destination?"
"Serah," Snow said.
"And where is she?"
"I'll find out."
Vanille circled around to join Snow and took his hand. "Let's get going, then." The two disappeared, leaving Sazh with the kids.
"Great," he said. "I'll just have to find a gate for you three."
"We can portal, too, can't we?" Hope asked.
Sazh shook his head. "It's better for Arc and Ellone that we find a gate, or they'll lose what strength they have left. The sooner we get started, the sooner we can get this all figured. Any last words?"
"Wait," Arc said. "Larsa said to check in with him before leaving so we can stock up on supplies."
Hope stiffened. "Larsa said that?"
"Yes. And he wants to speak with you if possible."
"… Great."
Sazh forced a breath through his nose. "Field trip up to the throne room it is. Geez, I'm gonna feel like an idiot doing this."
"You're not the only one," Ellone said. "For what it's worth."
"Well that changes everything." Sazh made for the door. "But let's keep a head count so I don't lose any of you, okay? We've got, what, four of us?"
Arc and Hope gestured to each other and Ellone held up three fingers before pointing at Sazh.
"Fine. Ellone, you watch the boys and I'll watch you. That should keep us covered. And then we'll get to Gaia III in one piece and it'll be an absolute miracle…"
