Lily sat in the gryffindor common room. She was at a table in the corner doing her homework. Or at least trying to. She wasn't really able to focus much on it. She had been trying to keep her mind off everything that had happened to her over the years for so long that when she had finally talked about it today she was overcome with such immense exhaustion she could hardly believe it. She looked over to her right at a sudden burst of laughter. Alice, mary, and marlene were all playing a game together and looked as if they didn't have a care in the world. They had invited her to play with them but she had declined, saying she needed to catch up on her homework. This was a lie, or course. Lily had nothing but time while she was in the hospital wing and was actually a decent bit ahead. The girls had seemed to know something was wrong but didn't push her and instead just sat across the room and began playing by themselves. At some point peter walked in and joined them.
Lily put her head in her hands, breathing a heavy exhale. She didn't want to do schoolwork right now. She threw everything haphazardly into her bag and walked up into the girl's dormitory, just needing a little quiet.
Lily set har bag down by the foot of her bed and took her tie off, not really paying attention to where she put it. Next came her shoes and socks. Lily hated things on her feet. They made her feel crowded and that was the last thing she wanted right now. She debated staying in her school uniform, but eventually opted to just change into some casual shorts and an oversized sweater james had given her last year. Much more comfortable. She took her hair out of its ponytail and climbed onto her bed. She didn't get under the covers because she was afraid if she did she would fall asleep and miss dinner and skip her head duties once more.
Lily didn't know how long she laid there. It could have been minutes or hours and she wouldn't have known the difference. All she knew was no matter how hard she tried she couldn't get these damn thoughts out of her head. Everything that had ever happened to her because of her blood status kept playing on a loop in her head. Boys throwing rocks at her in hogsmeade in third year. A seventh year hufflepuff had tried to make her take her shirt off for him in a deserted corridor when she was fourteen. When she had refused he told her she had to listen to him because she was nothing but a mudblood when he was a pureblood. Lily had used petrificus totalus on him and left him there. Her own best friend had called her a that damn word back in fifth year then tried to act like she was the prick when she didn't want to talk to him anymore. Last year was the worst yet. The one she had nightmares about still. The cruciatus curse. She could still hear lucius's cold voice whispering the word in her ear. And on top of that bellatrix cursing her and breaking her ribs. All because she didn't have wizarding parents. All because of a stupid made up prejudice.
Lily's thoughts were interrupted when she heard someone open the dormitory's door. She looked up to see james. He technically wasn't allowed up here but lily knew he had found away around the charmed staircase a long time ago.
"Hey," he greeted her
"Hey," she said so quietly she wasn't even sure he heard her
"Okay if i sit down?" he gestured towards the bed. She nodded and he sat down on the edge of the bed next to her.
"You alright?" he asked her a minute later
"Yeah." she nodded "i'm alright." it wasn't true but she said it more for herself than she did for him.
"Okay." he said quietly and reached over to stroke a piece of her hair. She usually didn't like people touching her hair but she didn't mind with james. She rather liked it, actually. It calmed her down.
"You know," he said "i can ask remus to help me out with head duties tonight and you can just stay here and get some rest." he tucked the loose piece of her hair behind her ear
"No, no. it's fine." she protested
"I'm sure it's no problem, lily. He'll understand."
"I've been gone so long not doing them i don't want to put it off anymore. I'll feel bad."
"Lily, if you need to take one day off after helping everyone with everything for six years i'm sure that'd be quite understandable." he was right
"Okay." she nodded "thank you. And tell remus thank you for me, too." he gave her a kind smile
"Anything." he kissed her on the forehead and stood from the bed. He quietly left the room and shut the door behind him. Lily felt empty at his presence. She wanted to call him back but she knew he had things to do. But all the same, lily wished he were with her.
