Lily evans spent that entire day worrying more than she ever had in her life. She could hardly sit still. She needed to be doing something, but there was nothing to do. All she could do was wait. Wait for news and tests and all that other shit doctors told you to wait for. But lily didn't want to wait. She wanted her father to be alright. She wanted him to get up and declare he was fine. Then she wanted to go home. Not home to hogwarts- home. Home to the evans house with the lines outside from where she had accidentally driven her tricycle through wet cement. Home to the evans house with the big ugly rug in the living room because of the soda stain she and petunia had caused when they were children. Home with the fridge covered in bad childhood drawings.

She did feel better now that james was here, but she still felt pretty bad. Right now she was sitting outside in the waiting room, james sitting on one side of her, her mother sitting on the other, and petunia sitting several seats down from all of them. When she had sat down lily had heard her mutter something about not wanting anything to do with lily and her "freak boyfriend". Lily would tell her off but she didn't have the energy right now.

James was holding her hand inside both of his, making small circles on the back of it with his thumb. Lily had a headache from her heavy hair being tied up at the back of her head, but she didn't feel like moving to take it down.

"Lily, dear," her mother broke the silence "those clothes can't be comfortable." she was right. Lily was still in her school uniform and a bit miserable, honestly.

"Why don't you go home and change clothes- maybe take a shower. It'll relax you. Nothing is happening around here. Go on." lily shook her head. She didn't want to leave her father.

"It might be a good idea, lils." james murmured. Lily just shook her head again

"Lily," her mother said, this time a bit sterner, but still just kind "i know you. You'll feel better in your regular clothes with clean hair." lily sighed. She was right.

"Alright." she conceded "i'll be quick and i'll come right back."

"Don't hurry." she heard petunia mutter. Lily simply nodded towards james, ignoring her, and the two of them walked down the long hallway. When they reached a deserted part they ducked inside a broom closet.

"I wish these were better circumstances." james chuckled and it was only then lily realized they were less than an inch apart in the tight space once she closed the door. Lily faked a smile and held her hand out for him. He took it and the two of them apparated back to the evan's home. They landed in her bedroom. Lily ran a stressed hand through her hair, as much as the loose bun would allow, at least, and walked over to her dresser. She began pulling things out. Her favorite t-shirt, a pair of unbelievably comfortable jeans, a new set of underwear. She turned around and saw that james was sitting on her bed, tracing a finger along the spines of the books on the shelf right next to it.

"Alright, i'm going to take a shower. I'll be right back." she turned and went into the bathroom across the hall for her room. She turned the water on as hot as it would go and began undressing. She threw her dirty clothes in a pile and stepped into the scalding water. She immediately grabbed shampoo and began running it through her hair, trying to focus on the task at hand. But it was no use. All she could think about was her father. He might die. And if he died lily would crack like a piece of glass. She would be forever hurt and she didn't know if she could ever recover.

The very thought was too much for her. She sank down to the ground with her back against the shower wall and began to cry. That was something she had been doing a lot of lately. Lily cried for her father and how she would feel if she lost him. She cried for her mother and how alone she would be with him gone. She cried for petunia, wondering why she just wouldn't get along with lily no matter what the circumstances were. Lily evans cried because the weight of the world was falling on her shoulders and she couldn't figure out how to get it off.