James was sitting in the dining hall at dinner, wondering if he should take some food up for lily, or if she just wanted to be left alone. That's when he spotted her walking into the dining hall. He honestly hadn't expected her to come down for dinner. He hadn't expected her hair to be practically gone either. The hair that once fell in waves half way down her back now curled just short of her shoulders. He supposed she had cut it herself, but it looked good. She pulled it off well.

James wanted to get up and walk to her, but he didn't want to draw any attention to her. He knew if she needed him she would come to him. Maybe. He could never tell with lily. Sometimes she was an open book, not caring who knew what she was feeling, but other times she was closed and quiet and james couldn't figure out what she was thinking for the life of him.

Lily sat down next to alice and he saw Alice put an arm around her. Lily leaned in to her for a moment before breaking away. Lily wasn't really one for tons of physical contact.

"I hope she's alright." peter mused. They had filled him in earlier about everything that had happened.

"How can she be, pete? I mean, i can't say i would be too broken up if my own dad died but, i imagine it's pretty horrible for people with half-decent parents." sirius chimed in, reaching for the pumpkin juice.

The dinner conversation continued, and james chimed in here and there, but all he really wanted to do was talk to lily. He wanted to be with her and know she was alright.

It seemed to be forever until lily stood from the dinner table after eating practically nothing to return to her dorm. James waited a few minutes before he himself went to follow her.

"Sure that's a good idea, mate?" sirius asked him as james began to walk away

"No." was james's only answer. He wasn't sure she wanted to see him, she probably didn't, but he had to see her. It was selfish but he had to try.

James climbed the stairs up to the gryffindor tower, wishing he had eaten more downstairs. He was kind of always hungry. It was pretty annoying. He attributed it to the fact that he played quidditch so much, but he had been like this before he even touched a broom. That's why he used to be fat. Even if he didn't play quidditch, there's no way james could be fat now, what with all the stairs it took to get up to the gryffindor tower. It was kind of a pain, but oh well.

James walked over to the bottom of the girl's stairway and muttered the spell under his breath before beginning to walk up the stairs.

"Hey!" he turned around to see a first year girl with bright yellow, bushy hair standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"You can't go up there!" she accused, putting her hands on her hips.

"It's okay-"

"What it is, is not allowed." she furrowed her brow and james would have laughed if he wasn't actually a little intimidated by her

"I'm head boy. I can go up there."

"the rules say nothing about there being an exception for head boy."

"Yes well, there are new rules."

"No there aren't. If there were i would know."

"Of course you would." james muttered "listen," he continued "my friend needs me for something, so if you don't mind, i've got to go." he turned to go up the stairs again.

"Your friend needs you?" very accusatory tone. James stopped and turned around again, only a few steps up

"Yes." good grief, you would have thought she was in charge here and not the other way around.

"For sex?" james would have definitely spit if there had been anything his his mouth.

"What did you just say?"

"You heard me. Are you going to have sex up there? Because i'll tell on you."

"No. my friend is hurt."

"Then she should be in the hospital wing with madam pomfrey."

"No." james leaned down and pointed at his heart "she's hurt in here." very demeaning tone. Maybe this little girl would get the point and leave him the hell alone.

"Well damn, so am i, but you don't see me asking people to break the rules for me, do you?"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Okay, well, as great as this conversation has been, i have to go now."

"fucking prick." he heard her mutter as he neared the top of the stairs. Who even was she? Good grief.

James walked down the hall and over to lily's dorm room. The door was open. James peered in to see lily sitting on the floor, her head against the foot of her bed. A few tears were sitting on her face. James knocked lightly on the door frame before walking into the room. Lily ignored him at first, staring at the ground. He sat down across from her, not saying anything.

"Go away, james."

"What?"

"Go away. I don't need you right now." she was still staring at the floor, unmoving.

"Are you sure?" he asked, his voice breaking in a very embarrassing way. She raised her head and looked him straight in the eye.

"Go. away."

"Okay." james stood quietly and walked towards the door. Just as he was about to leave he turned around

"Lily, if you-"

"Get out!" lily yelled, throwing a nearby textbook at him. James just barely dodged it and turned, looking at her stunned. He didn't move until she reached over and grabbed another book. He turned and sprinted down the hall and back down the stairs. The yellow haired girl was sitting at the bottom.

"Can't say i didn't warn you." she trilled in a singsong voice

"Fuck off." james walked straight past her and up the stairs into his own dorm. He sat down on his bed hard and he didn't know why, but he began to cry. And he just couldn't stop. So james potter sat on his bed, consumed by meaningless tears until he finally fell asleep.