James woke up with the other marauders in their dorm that monday morning. Peter was already up, struggling with an essay by the looks of it. Sirius was hanging off the side of his bed, his hair surrounding his head in a very messy nest. James wasn't surprised to be up before remus. Tonight was the full moon and he had been steadily growing worse. Last night james had caught him throwing up in the bathroom. He couldn't imagine what it was like. Living with the fact that every month you feel sick and tired. Like clockwork. Wondering who you'll hurt this time. Wondering what you'll even remember. It must be terrible.

Remus gave an appropriate groan from his bed where he was buried under a pile of blankets so thick james could barely see his body. James gave a responding groan and slid off his bed. He cringed when his feet touched the floor. It was too cold for this nonsense, and since it was only mid october it would only get colder. Ugh.

James padded off the the bathroom to brush his teeth and get dressed and all that. When he emerged peter was gone. Probably off to find lily to ask for essay help. Sirius was rubbing his eyes but showed no signs of actually getting up and remus was still asleep.

"Moooony." james stood and walked over to his bed "moony. It's time to learn some stuff." he poked remus in the side through all the blankets. Remus groaned

"Three… two…" he counted down "moony, you know how this works." another groan

"one." james finished and pulled all the blankets off the bed and let them fall to the floor.

"Noo." was remus's only response as he curled up on the empty mattress.

"Wakey, wakey, boys." james called to remus and sirius as he walked out the door.

…[...[]...]...

And in all, it was a pretty boring day. History of magic, transfiguration, potions, blah, blah, blah. All that necessary nonsense. James tried to take notes, he really did, but he could only do it through the first half of his classes. After lunch he lost his focus and just doodled on all his parchment. He was a bit distracted by the full moon and all. He would have to drop out of his head duties tonight and lily would undoubtedly ask why. He wasn't exactly sure why he hadn't told her yet. He just could never seem to muster the courage. Some gryffindor he was.

What if things changed between them when lily found out he was an animagi? What if it scared her or she got creeped out? What if it changed things between her and remus? He couldn't do that to them. They'd been friends for so long.

James walked up the stairs to the gryffindor dormitory. He had made a deal with himself that if lily was there the moment he walked in he would tell her, and if she wasn't he wouldn't. Simple, really.

He took a deep breath and breathed the password to the painting of the fat lady. It swung open and he scanned the room quickly. It didn't take long for him to catch sight of her dark red hair blending in with the flames over by the fireplace. He walked over and sat in front of her chair, taking the old snitch he'd kept since fifth year out of his pocket. A nervous habit. He toyed with it a bit, not sure how to start. Thankfully, lily did for him.

"Well, hello to you too." she said, nudging his knee with her foot. He relished the touch.

"Can we go somewhere? To talk?" he closed the snitch in his fist and looked up at her.

"Sure." she nodded and set her books aside.

A few minutes later james and lily stood in the middle of an empty hallway. James had pocketed the snitch as they walked.

"So," lily prompted again "what did you want to talk to me about? Is this because it's the full moon?"

"What? What do you mean? What does the full moon have to do with anything?"

"James, please. i've known remus is a werewolf since the beginning of second year. Frankly, i'm surprised it took me so long." she casually brushed a piece of hair behind her ear

"What?" james wasn't necessarily thrown off by the fact that she knew, but he was thrown of by how nonchalant she was being about it.

"I mean, really, james. How dense did you think i was?"

"I mean, i just assumed you didn't know. You never treated him any differently."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Not that i think you, specifically, would," james hurried to remedy the situation "that's just how people act around him if they know. Even his parents."

"Well, i'm sorry about that, but-" she sighed "doesn't matter i don't guess. Why are you telling me now?"

"Because i'm going to have to miss out on head duties tonight."

"Wait- james. You aren't going out there with him, are you?"

"That's part two." james ran a hand through his hair "peter and sirius and i- well," he wasn't exactly sure how to say it. "When we learned that about him we knew we had to do something. And, i mean, we couldn't exactly stop him from turning so we… joined him? No. that's wrong. That makes it sound like we're werewolves-"

"You're animagi, aren't you?" lily interrupted him

"How did you know?"

"I've had my suspicions for a while, i just wasn't sure. But, james, you can't honestly tell me that you're with him when he turns?"

"What else are we supposed to do, lily?" she surprised him by breaking out into laughter

"Of course." she sighed "of course you three would think up a solution that dangerous and stupid."

"Well we can't let him go out alone!" james protested

"You could get hurt! James, you could be killed!"

"No." james shook his head "remus wouldn't."

"But james, he's not remus when he turns. He can't think right. He's not himself."

"He takes a potion, lily. A potion slughorn prepares for him. It helps him control it." lily only shook her head

"I don't like it, james. I don't like the idea of any of you getting hurt."

"And i don't like the idea of remus being out there alone! He hurts himself, lily, and he can't bloody help it! He needs us! You don't see him when he turns back. He can hardly move it hurts so bad! You don't understand how helpless we feel to know that all we can do about it is be with him! And it took years. We couldn't transform until fifth year. That's ten years he had to do it alone. And, lily, i can't let him do it alone anymore. I can't."

"What if he hurts you james? What happens then?" james gave a dry laugh

"He has, lily. And it's been fine. It's no big deal!"

"What do you mean, james? When did he hurt you?"

"Here." james lifted up the side of his shirt to reveal a long, thin scar that went over his hip "and here." he pulled down his sleeve to show an even smaller one on his shoulder "and here." he pushed his hair back to show a stubby, thick one on the top of his forehead

"And i'd rather have a thousand more scars than have him be out there alone." lily only slowly reached forward, and brushed a thumb over the scar on his shoulder. She took her other and felt the scar on his hip. She then wrapped both hands around him, holding him close to her. Then she whispered something into his shirt with a breathy laugh

"For merlin's sake, james. Please be careful."