James and Lily spent the rest of the day in the room of requirement. They weren't even sure what they were doing the whole time, to be honest. A lot of talking, mainly. Even though they both could have sworn they had nothing left to talk about anymore. They had known each other so long and knew each other so well that Lily could have sworn she knew everything about him, but he managed to prove her wrong more than once. And she did the same.
She told him about the anxiety she used to have. Lily had always just kind of been afraid of… everything. Except common fears, strangely. The dark never bothered her, heights were fine, and she thought spiders were cool. However, Lily grew nervous when it came to bodies of water, riding broomsticks, and forests. And when she said nervous it was more like cowering in fear.
James told her about how when he was younger. The way he was bullied. Why he started playing quidditch in the first place and allowed his grades to slip. Lily had to hold back a chuckle when she imagined how cute a pudgy little James must have been.
"We should go to the feast shouldn't we." James said. It wasn't really a question. The two of them were sitting in what James had started referring to as "the bean bag corner". Lily was leaning into his side and James was tracing a finger up and down her hip. For a moment Lily's mind went somewhere else when he touched a bare patch of skin and she sighed internally when she had to push it away.
"I guess we'll kind of have to. Someone will probably get worried if we don't show."
"You don't want to go, do you?"
"To be honest, James, i'd be perfectly happy to stay right here forever."
Lily closed her eyes in content when James placed a kiss to the top of her head.
"But," she continued "yeah. We have to go."
"Love, you make eating an ungodly amount of food sound like a chore."
"It's not the food i have a problem with. It's the people."
"Wow. can you believe how antisocial my girlfriend is?"
"James, there's no one else here."
"Oh that's right. It's because you hate people isn't it?" he joked
"Oh, shut up. I never said i hated people. I mean, i do, but that's not the point."
"You don't hate me." he sang and Lily glowered up at him
"You know, James, sometimes..." she shook her head
"Lily evans, i am offended."
"You should be." she laughed and tried to reposition herself with her hands, momentarily forgetting about her wrist.
"Ow, shit." she muttered.
"Here." James smirked and gave her a smirk that sent her stomach fluttering. James lightly took her hand and pressed a kiss to her wrist. He worked his way up her arm and onto her neck. Goose bumps appeared on her legs.
James began kissing her full on the mouth and she could feel his lips smiling against hers. His hand began to slide up her shirt and lily had grabbed it before she even knew what she was doing. She broke away, breathing heavy.
Her mind flashed back to the boy in the hall and his rough hand she just couldn't get off-
Lily grabbed her head, squeezing her eyes tight. trying to make it stop. She didn't even care about the pain it brought her wrist.
"Lily?" james took her hands in his own "lily what's wrong?"
She slowly opened her eyes and was relieved to see the face of james in front of her. Her james.
"Nothing-" she took her hands back "it's just-" she flashed back again. The dark hall, her swollen lips from something she so didn't want.
"Lily?"
Lily opened her eyes again with a shaky breath. She thought they were gone now.
"I'm okay."
"Are you sure? What happened?"
"Nothing."
"Lily-"
"James!" she snapped, then realized her mistake "just," she softened her voice "just leave it."
She turned away and curled into the wall.
James sighed and sunk into the cushions next to her. Lily could feel a tight annoying feeling rolling off of him that didn't help the way her mind was already thumping incessantly.
…[...[]...]...
"We should get to the feast." lily finally said after delaying as long as she could. The last thing she wanted was to be around a castle full of people. Her head was beginning to hurt for a reason she really didn't know.
James groaned and automatically leaned over to put an arm around her. It made lily nervous, but not the same freak out that she had earlier.
"Oh." James stiffed "is this fine or do you want me to move?" the words were laced with sarcasm that made lily's blood boil. She stood quickly, brushing his arm off and making her head ache even worse. She kept all her weight on her good ankle and leaned against the bookshelf.
"Really?" she asked icily. She couldn't believe him.
"What, lily? You freak for no reason and you're mad at me?"
"You don't know that there's no reason." she said too quietly
James dragged a hand over his head in agitation "then what is it, lily? Why won't you talk to me?" his voice softened a little bit at the end of his sentence
"I can't, James. I can't just tell you everything and you need to… understand, i guess." she fumbled for the words
"But… that's what you're supposed to do, isn't it?"
"No. you can't always tell people everything. There are some thing you just need to-" lily's mind tried to make her go back to the scene in the hall again "just- sometimes you need to keep things to yourself."
James pulled at a handful of hair tightly for a minute before releasing it and looking up at her.
"I know." he said blankly
"Can we please get to the feast now?"
James nodded and stood up, handing Lily her crutch.
The two of them walked out of the room and made their way down to the great hall. They walked too long in silence.
"I'm sorry for-"
"Don't mention it." Lily cut him off
Truth was, through all the shit they had gone through. Through everything that had happened to them in the last year Lily was so glad she had him. She couldn't even begin to put it into words. He made her happier than she had ever been before. It sounded cliche, she knew. She had always thought people were lying or at least exaggerating when they talked about being in love, but if anything they were downplaying it. It was hard work sometimes and frustrating as hell, but worth it. Lily just wondered why it had taken her so bloody wrong to realize her feelings for James. Granted he had bit a been of a prick in the past, so maybe it was better this way. All Lily knew was she wanted all the time she could get with him. She wanted to have a long life and a family and grow old with him and, strangely, the thought didn't scare her at all. She could deal with all his asshole moments, as long as he could deal with hers.
