Lily had never been more serious about anything in her life. She had been wanting this for months now, just hoping he would ask. But tonight she knew if he wouldn't it had to be her.
"Why tonight, Lily?"
"Because, James, i've been wanting you to ask me for months now, and tonight i'm finally confident enough to do something about it."
"Is this really something you want to remember doing because you were angry?"
He didn't get it.
"I want to remember doing this because i love you."
"Would you have asked tonight if Petunia hadn't announced that her and vernon were engaged?"
"I don't know."
"I think you do."
"...Probably not, but, James. I'm not doing this because of Petunia. I'm doing this because tonight i finally worked up the courage."
"Are you… is this real, Lil?"
"Yes." she had never meant anything more
James opened his mouth, but before he could reply the door behind them opened. Lily's mother stepped out.
"Sorry to interrupt, kids, but, Lily, i could use your help cleaning up."
Lily took a deep breath in and looked at James "just… think about it, alright?"
She didn't give him a chance to answer, she simply stood up and walked inside, trying not to think about the boy sitting on the steps right on the other side of it.
Lily followed her mother into the kitchen and leaned against the door frame, just watching her mother scrape the pots and fill the sink with bubbles.
"Hey, mum?" she finally snapped out of it
"Mhm?"
"Why don't you just go to bed. It's been a long day. I'll get up and clean the kitchen tomorrow."
"We should really do it tonight…" she argued, but stopped scrubbing all the same
"Mum. go take a nice, hot bath, read a magazine and get some sleep. I'll take care of it tomorrow."
She set down the scrub brush and turned off the water. She walked over and brought Lily into a tight hug
"Thank you."
"No problem, mum." Lily was confused by the sudden burst of affection. The two of them had never been the most touchy-feely people, and hugs were rare.
The last thing Lily wanted to do was wake up early tomorrow morning and do dishes, but selflessness and all that shite, right?
So Lily broke away from the hug and went upstairs to her room. She sat down on her bed and hugged a pillow to her chest. She didn't mean to, but she started crying. He should have said yes. Lily acted like a damned fool and fucking proposed and he didn't even say yes. He didn't say no, but she knew he must have thought she was an idiot for asking. What's worse, he thought it was just an emotional gamble. Not like she had been thinking about it for months. Not like she really, really wanted to marry him. The fact that he thought she couldn't feel that way unless she was PMSing caused an ache in her chest she didn't think she could fix.
So lily laid down on her bed. She didn't bother to get under the covers. She didn't bother to change out of her day's clothes. She just let her tears lull her to sleep.
…[...[]...]...
James apparated straight into his bedroom that night, too exhausted to bother actually walking through the house like a normal person.
Sirius jumped when James appeared beside him.
"Oi! You almost caused cardiac arrest!"
"So, a heart attack?" he asked in a deadpan voice
"Eh, whatever."
James crossed over to his bed and fell on it. He had wanted to say yes so bad. More than anything. He'd been thinking about asking Lily for months now, too. But it wasn't the right time. Not the right reasons.
"What's up?" Sirius sat down on the bed next to him. James took off his glasses to rub his face.
"Nothing."
"Mate. come on."
"Really, it's- it's," he stopped. Could he really tell sirius. Would he even understand?
"Let me ask you something first." James decided
"Should i be afraid?" Sirius joked
"Well that depends. Are you in love with Marlene?"
"What does that have to do with dinner at Evans'?"
"Just answer. Please." James added, putting his glasses on his bed side table.
"Yes." Sirius answered with much more conviction than James had been expecting
"Really?"
A nod.
"Would you get married?"
"Mate, what happened at Evans'?"
"Just answer the question."
"To be honest, i don't think i'd ever get married to anyone."
"Why not?" James looked up
"I'm not sure i see the point. I mean, do you really need a piece of paper in order to be together?"
"But, do you really see yourself being with her? In the long run, i mean."
"You know, James, i really do."
James took a minute. He thought about that night's events, and all the years he had been so in love with Lily it hurt. And he stood up.
"You coming?" he put his glasses back on and turned to Sirius.
"Where?"
"I need to buy a ring."
