Some of these one shots like this one are told in first person.

Chapter Text

I rarely use my magic when I'm tending my garden but the changing weather wreaked havoc with my plants in the spring and summer months. The poor things were either too hot or too cold and needed extra care. Some I needed to bring inside but to do that I had to use a spell Dellia was more skilled at; shrinking.

I waved my hands over the plants I wanted to shrink but a car backfired on the street breaking my concentration and suddenly I was Alice or in this case Archie in Gardenland and too exhausted to reverse the spell myself. I was also feeling a bit like Tony Nelson in that episode of I Dream of Jeannie and did not want to become Stray Cat Lunch.

I couldn't even call Dellia because I left my phone in the house and trying to use it when I was no bigger than an app button on it would be a nightmare. Still I was hoping she would sense something was amiss through our bond and come looking for me.

My garden was now a jungle I had to try to navigate my way through to get somewhere safe until Dellia came home. I could hear some of the flowers laughing at me and yes they do laugh, while I walked by them. I would forgive them this time.

"Are you hungry? You can share my dirt pie," a worm offered.

"Ummm...thanks but I just ate."

"If you change your mind I have that and some dirt roast."

"Maybe later."

"Hey move over! You're blockin the road!"

I suddenly found myself in the middle of an ant traffic jam. There were at least a dozen of them marching along the path I was on carrying crumbs they found either on the sidewalk or by rooting through my trashcan.

"Why don't you guys make two lanes or split up instead of bunching up like that?" I suggested.

"Why don't you mind your own business?"

"Look all I'm saying is you'll get where you're going faster if you make two lines or go in opposite directions."

I felt like my younger brother for moment but I don't recall David ever mentioning whether he worked traffic duty as a cop and if he did I don't know how he managed it if the drivers were as stubborn as these ants.

A few of them started talking and what I said must've sunken in because they formed two lines and started marching in opposite directions. I left them to their business and continued my journey through my garden Amazon wishing my spell shrunk Hendrix for me to drive through it.

"Hey Archie, one of your spells mess up again?"

"Ha ha very funny Otis!"

Otis is a spider who could make a career for himself as a stand up comic if he would take me up on my offer to make him human once in a while but he's happy doing his routines on Friday nights under my windowboxes. Most of his jokes are about the group of flies he calls the Pink Elephants. I guess they got the nickname after they flew into my beer during one of my backyard cookouts this summer and forgot that you don't drink and fly.

"You comin to the show on Friday?"

"Yeah if you make it for after the twins' bedtime."

"I always do. Been workin on new material. And you gotta see the new web! Right up your alley. Psychedelic colors."

"You been stealing Az's thread again?"

"A piece here and there."

"It better BE thread too because if you get me stuck again Dellia is gonna stick you to flypaper!"

"They don't make that stuff anymore do they?"

"She can."

"No thanks. Don't wanna make her mad. Sorry, gotta run. Got lunch waitin in the old web! I'd share but you'd freak out."

"I don't feel like eating flies today. Or any other day for the matter. See you Friday Otis."

Now that my grass was twice my size I had no idea where I was and how close I was to the house and though I was a great shape, magical drain puts as much strain on the body as an actual workout but now was not the time to take a nap.

I spotted one of the bees flying overhead and flagged him down.

"Ummm...would you mind giving me a ride back to the house?"

"What do I look like? Cricket wannabe taxi service? Fly yourself back."

"I would if I could. Come on Benny, it's not like you're doing anything important right now."

"Yeah I am. See ya later," he laughed and flew away.

"Oh yeah, well your honey tastes like crap!" I yelled back. He cursed. "Same to you jerk!"

Benny was the nastiest bee in his hive, so nasty that even the Queen couldn't stand him and sooner or later she was going to toss him out on his butt.

Moments later I heard footsteps and turned around to see my now tiny wife standing beside me.

"Archie, what are you doing?"

"Umm honey, I shrunk myself!" I quipped.

"How many times have I told you not to do that spell unless I'm here?"

"More than I can count but I got distracted by someone's car backfiring. Probably Grumpy's. Needs to have it fixed."

"We need to get back to the house so you can rest."

"Will you be joining me?"

"I...oh you know I can never say no when you look at me like that. I just put the twins down for their nap."

"So Mommy and Daddy will take one too."

She clapped her hands and teleported us back to the house in our normal sizes. Once we were in our room I was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open but the last image I had before closing them was my Dellia lying beside me, her hand on my chest. I couldn't think of a better ending to my little adventure.