When I got to the van, the crying had turned to hate and I wanted to break that cycle, I wanted to tell myself that hate only hurts those who hate it, but another part of me said that whoever said that had not gone through anything like that… Only could.
James had been quiet all the way, I didn't know, but in his mind came only the worry of John's words that it wasn't going to be like this, it was going to change…
"Look… I don't know if this is the right time to talk about it, but I'm worried about what he can do not to make it cheap… it's Liura, right?" - he would question, placing one hand on the back of his neck and pursing his mouth, while brooding over something else.
"Yeah, the name is Liura, but I know it's hard to pronounce in English, so it could just be Li… I'm having trouble managing my hatred right now, James… I can't think clearly and come up with an answer for you, sorry …" - and started shaking my body back and forth as I said that.
"I know it sounds crazy, but I can help. I understand something about anger and I know it's best to get out of it, Li… I can also help in other ways. It will seem strange, I know, but I can offer you my bed for the night and I sleep on a couch in my room, so you wouldn't be where he might want to go for revenge or whatever ... What do you say? "- with his elbows on his knees and genuinely waiting for an answer.
"Can help come sooner, James?" Was the only thing I could answer, closing my eyes then.
"Oops! Of course! I never went through a situation like yours, until I wonder if I didn't cause situations like yours during my long life… "- stopping to remember some actions…
"O! Spoken Methuselah… If you can ask yourself that and you still have doubts, I think it's very likely that it wasn't the cause of a rape situation, man. What's more, those who live in the past are museums! "Go forward"!" - finally opening my eye and sparking with rage.
"U can live in this anger forever, thinking that doing something personally against him will bring some peace. But believe me, it doesn't bring ... Good justice, the one that lets you sleep in peace, isn't what we do with our own hands, Li. It has more to do with what we let others do, you know? In this case, the authorities. I invite you again to complain about him, you will know how many tourists he has not already hit and u can be the one that was enough for him to stop being awkward!"- asking permission with his head to take my hands and having acceptance with a blink of eyes.
"I understand that if I just walk away, this will all go with me, you know? I can't leave what happened here… Unless I go into some hypnotist that makes me forget this afternoon!… But then I'd forget how nice you were to me, amazingly, in both situations… And I don't want to Forget it, James. Argh! What a complicated situation for one person to solve!"- and then came the understanding of what he had said about "leaving it to others". "I got it, I don't have to solve it by myself, I'll buy it."
"It will be difficult these 15 minutes in the van with him, but I'll be by your side, giving that strength, ok? We take my car and go to the police station as soon as we get there." - Again, his blue gaze flooded my gaze as if it were a sea of understanding and empathy and I gave in. I'd give in to almost anything that stranger told me, all because he was the one in the wrong place at the right time!
The guide and the other tourists finally arrive, to me it seemed like forever. The other four looked at me differently and John had the side of his face purple from the punch he took from James… If you stop to think, he's the one who had something material against us. We only had the facts, but nothing to prove them ... It shook me a little and I shivered again, felt a warm hand hold mine and turning his face, James smiled, saying "everything will be alright". I kept repeating it like a mantra and in the 15 minutes it took me to get back, I was able to look across the pine forest that was ending in a beautiful lake that, unfortunately, my mood did not make me enjoy.
We got out of the van and got into a Land Rover, he put me in the passenger seat and got into the driver's seat, then pulled off and dusted the road. It took us a half hour to get to the police station. A policewoman answered us and referred us to an interrogation room, asking us to wait. Always thinking of giving up or returning to my self-pity I would look at James and get the comfort and strength he needed. He was saving me for the third time that day and I didn't see a way to thank him well.
We were assisted by two investigators, took our statements and wrote down our names. They informed that I could not leave the country until the case was finalized, which I found absurd, after all, I was the victim and not the tormentor… Should I be available for how long?
"Sexual harassment cases are a priority throughout Canada, we believe that in two weeks we will have some answer to give, ok?" - replied one of them.
"But in the meantime I have to watch the face of the man who tried to rape me?" - I retorted without thinking much, apologizing right away.
"We sincerely ask you not to leave Canada, but you don't have to stay in that joint if you don't want to, Miss Lauri. Let's go get his statement by tomorrow afternoon. With that in hand, let's proceed with the case; the judge will probably be caressing earlier this week. So don't go too far, right?" replied the other investigator, then thanking and reinforcing the value of what I was doing.
Outside, a strange weight seemed to come off my shoulders. Knowing the steps that would be taken, knowing that in a confrontation the truth prevails (or should prevail) and that now there were others aware of my case and sympathetic to my suffering aroused a feeling of strange fullness. I even managed to look at the clouds with the reddish tips of late afternoon and smile:
"You were right, James. Letting others do the justice we seek can be comforting…" - I took courage from the air in a deep sigh and let go: "And if the offer to watch over my sleep was real, I want to leave that part in someone else's hands too, you know?"
"Um… every now and then even Methuselah "hits the ball" ['dá uma bola dentro']" - he said happily and the last sentence in almost perfect Portuguese.
"This is not the first time you use Brazilian expressions, James… And your Portuguese is very good! Have you ever been to my country?"- I asked, making conversation so that the half hour of the passage would pass faster and I could be in bed as soon as possible, to lie down and cry what was "stuck" in.
He told me that he had been to Ceará in the 90's and after that he had also known Rio de Janeiro, always on business and, therefore, had learned some jargon, without really knowing how to speak Portuguese. He explained that he was a headhunter of an investment multinational. Honestly, I didn't understand almost anything! But it wasn't my best day to understand. I spoke a little about myself, my career as a Graphic Designer from São Paulo; the sad fact of never having known other Brazilian states for the price of traveling within their own country…
"But I think you really should be a superhero, James! You saved me twice physically and once psychologically, see? It's not for anyone! Have you ever thought about it? Or do you really make these trips around your country to help those in need? "- I threw the words playfully in the air, as if not waiting for an answer.
And he frowned again, as when I wondered if his last name was "Howlett" for breakfast; didn't answer anything, which was good because I didn't expect anything at all. I couldn't stop myself from saying what I wanted, but I didn't feel entitled to ask for a "list" of what I could and couldn't say, since we would be together for very few days. I was going to have to learn how to deal with the feelings that some issues I had brought up in him; but I had already realized his understanding of my ignorance and the fact that I didn't do it badly.
Returning to talk he admits: "Ah, the offer was real yes and is standing. I take a long time to sleep and I have light sleep, I can be useful at such a time, girl."
"I have no words, see? Thank you! Unfortunately, by the rush of adrenaline, I won't be able to sleep right away either… And I will need to use the bathroom more than once at night… Sorry for the sincerity, but I think today you'll see the worst of me, James…" - with the face of "I'm sorry, but I can do nothing…"
"It's fine, I understand and how I said I'm with you on this one, ok? You have the ability to remind me of very dear people and to focus on what I came to do too… "- super enigmatic and with a slight smile on her mouth.
We arrived at the inn parking lot and he told me to take what would be needed for the night and go to his room, that the door would be open, he would go ahead because he needed to make a tidy. I couldn't even answer "ok", because he disappeared like an arrow!
