I sat on the edge of my bed, swinging my legs back and forth and staring at my feet. I desperately wanted to talk to someone, to Alice, anyone. But I couldn't. Because Erik had practically sworn me to secrecy. It was lonely, all these secrets. I didn't want to fall in love only to become lonely all over again. Was I truly in love, or was I just trying to find a replacement for the gaping hole in my chest? I didn't want to be quick to fall into a relationship that would only end in heartbreak. And what else could come out of loving the Opera Ghost? Perhaps it was all just going to my head, the thrill, the mystery… Maybe I was just letting it go to my head.

I hated this. The uncertainty. The secrecy. The loneliness. Why couldn't I just be a normal girl, with normal lovers? Nothing about my life was normal.

I stood, and I picked up a letter on my vanity I had refused to open, and I still refused to do so. Amethyst was written in the middle of the envelope, and I tore it right down the center. I didn't even know how she had managed to find me. I didn't want to read anything she had to say.

I threw the letter into a bin next to the vanity, biting my lip. What if I was just a replacement? I should never have trusted him… Or was I just being stupid? I trusted people that I should have been able to trust and look where that got me.

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair, loosening my braid and pulling it free.

Why couldn't I be normal?

Erik and I had our first fight. It was last night after the show.

I glanced up at Erik, who was staring at me with an odd expression on his face. Concern maybe? I hadn't said anything to him, and I was quiet, which normally I wasn't.

"Alanna, is something on your mind?"

"Am I just a replacement for Christine?" I blurted out.

"What?" Erik asked.

"Is that all I am?"

And from there it had just gone downhill. I hated the way this relationship seemed to be going, but I found it hard to break away from him. Maybe if I just left this whole thing would…

My thoughts were cut off abruptly. "Runaway Alanna, it's what you always do…" But why did I always find myself in positions where I had to run? I'm tired of running, acting the coward. Maybe it was Philippe who hadn't pulled through in our engagement, maybe it was me. Was I too quick to blame others? I ran from Italy. I ran from my family. I continue to run from the pain. Maybe that was why I had chosen to be with Erik so quickly, because I wanted to prove I could get this right, that I could fix his heart and make him happy. Make us both happy. Damn, I just want to get one thing right in my life.