Disclaimer: Not owning anything, duh
Well, this is not really a second chapter and more of an alternative with a different chapter. What more is there to say, it's simply more crack humor.
UPDATE: I DID SOME MUCH NEEDED GRAMMAR FIXES.
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Ron Weasly honestly had no idea how he was supposed to react to the current situation. When Harry had returned to them after a two-year absence everything seemed no so bleak anymore. The Harry that had come back was nothing like the one that had left them. There was no way to describe him then superhuman, superior to them all in every aspect. This of course while confusing did a lot to raise people's hope in their savior.
And at first glance, everything looked fine, after some thinking he had agreed to help them. But quickly the incidents started. Wich brought him back to the current situation.
''Give me back my snake Potter, now.''
''No, it's mine now.''
Standing upon Hogwart's great bridge was He who must not be named, desperately trying to get back his snake from Harry, clad in that red Armour of his, who... well, refused. This did of course only anger the Dark Lord further.
''Your death shall be especially painful Potter, Lucius get him.''
As soon as he had given his order... nothing happened. Confused the Dark Lord turned to see why his loyal Death eater had refused his order only to find the spot empty. Ron was confused about the Death eater whereabouts as well. He quickly found him though, slung unconscious over Harry's shoulder. Soon He Who Must Not Be Named noticed that fact as well, shockingly he was not amused.
''LET GO OF MY DEATH EATER!''
But Harry just looked back with a confused expression.
''Yours? I am afraid you are mistaken, he is mine. I found him you see.''
The Dark Lord did not see.
''YOU DAMN MAGGOT. AVADA KE- WHERE IS MY WAND?''
By now, Ron was sure of the answer and immediately turned is look to Harry and indeed, he could see a tiny part of the Dark Lords Wand peeking out of one of Harry's giant hands.
''STOP TALKING MY STUFF, YOU DAMN THIEF.''
Hearing those words Harrys face turned outraged.
''HOW DARE YOU PROCLAIM ME A THIEF. I AM A PROUD BLOOD RAVEN AND BY MY PRIMARCHS NAME-''
At this point, he interrupted his loud speech for a low rumble which sounded a suspicious lot like ''Whoever the fuck that might be.'', before continuing.
''- I SHALL NOT TAKE THIS INSULT. I SHALL LEAVE THIS PLACE AND RETURN TO MY BROTHERS.''
No sooner then he had said that, did he stride past the astonished Dark Lord who was to shocked by his nemesis behavior to even react. For almost half a minute no one did anything before Voldemort suddenly collapsed and a giant hand threw him over the owner's shoulder.
''Mine. Whop whop whop whop.''
It was almost comically to see that giant armored from run away mischievously. Dumbledore managed to find his bearings again the soonest and reacted in his usual sensible way.
''200 Points for Gryfindor.''
Of course, this was rather pointless seeing how the school year was unlikely to continue. The other reason was that somewhere between Harry leaving outraged and him coming back to... acquire the Dark Lord, the giant Hourglass showing the House points had disappeared.
After almost a full minute of utter shock Ron finally was able to form coherent thoughts again and addressed Hermione who had been standing beside him for the whole... could it even be called a fight?
''So does that mean we have won? Hermione?''
Upon not hearing the girl he not so secretly liked answer he turned to her only to find, nothing.
''OH COME ON.''
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Well, I hope that could amuse at least a few of you. Not sure if I will write more version but maybe I will do a few more with things like Inquisitor Harry, Vulkan Harry or others.
