3. Suffering and Discovery
~ Merlin ~
For the second day in a row Merlin was woken with a bucket of cold water to the face. He groaned as he was pulled harshly back into consciousness, the throbbing agony of his ruined back entering the forefront of his mind once again.
Moments later he felt of the cold caress of a knife against his cheek, tracing his jaw and throat with sadistic intent and he held as still as he could in his bonds wary at what she would do if provoked. He struggled to focus his eyes but the lingering water and the pounding in his own head left him with only the distorted image of a twisted smile.
Licking his lips nervously, collecting what moisture he could, he waited for the mocking words and false sweetness that Morgana wore like a mask. Instead he felt the sudden sting of a knife as she dug the edge into the side of his cheek. A shallow cut, hardly painful, but enough to cause a small gasp of surprise to escape. Her smile widened in response and he bit down in his lip to stifle another gasp when she repeated the action on his other cheek, denying her the satisfaction.
A few more lazy cuts were then traced along the column of his throat and across his collar bones. Sometimes the knife would dig in a bit deeper or linger but when those failed to get a response Morgana's smile turned sour.
"There is no point in acting brave Merlin when we both know you will soon be screaming. You should know by now that I am very skilled at inflicted pain." She had moved around his body while speaking and had begun to lightly skim the knife across the raw skin of his back.
Merlin panted, twitching slightly in his bonds as the sharp edges caught on torn flesh that had barely had a chance to heal. It still felt as raw and painful as when the wounds had first been inflicted and he knew that without proper medical care they would become infected before too long. He had seen enough knights suffer from infected wounds much less severe than what he had and the results weren't pretty.
Merlin wondered how long he would be able to stand Morgana's personal brand of torture before he succumbed to his wounds. As willing as he had been to sacrifice his life for Arthur during the attack he was afraid of dying when his last memories would be of pain and suffering at the hands of someone he once considered a friend. His only other option at this point would be using magic to get out of his situation.
He knew that despite his desire to keep his gift a secret at all costs he wouldn't have much of a secret to keep if he was dead. The only problem was that it had felt strangely absent since he had woken up the previous morning. The familiar warmth within him was muted, it's presence within him not unlike a deadened limb. He reached for it while Morgana was out of sight, just to reassure himself, but found the effort of trying to call it forth made him feel shaky and sick. But the feeling of utter helplessness that followed in its wake was even worse. It meant there could be no clever escape, no trick up his sleeve to ensure his survival - and that terrified him.
His horrific realisation was interrupted when Morgana lost interest in his back and stepped around to face him again. The knife trailed gently along his rib cage and up to rest above his heart where the ugly gash resided from his run in with the bandit's sword. Leaning forward, she pushed the knife into his exposed flesh, twisting the tip until it pulled a pained groan from him and watching in rapt attention as blood began to well up and trickle down his chest.
Merlin bit back his distress as best he could as she continued to carve into his wound, but let out a scream of pain as Morgana abruptly bore down on the blade, the tip of the knife disappearing into his flesh deep enough to scrape his bone. His body twisted ineffectually in its bonds but she just bore down harder and twisted more vigorously.
By the time she was done the straight gash had become a mangled mess and blood ran freely down his chest staining his trousers and joining the dried blood from yesterday on the dirt floor. Stepping back to admire her handwork Morgana pouted in an over exaggerated way.
"Oh dear Merlin, your chest wound has opened again. You really ought to try not moving so much!"
"I'll try to remember that next time you're torturing me, thanks." Merlin retorted, voice hoarse from screaming but his tongue not dulled by her torture just yet, it being the only weapon he had left at his disposal. He felt woozy with blood loss and nearly delirious with pain and that made him want to fight back with anything he had left.
Morgana growled in response, the noise disturbingly animalistic. He mustered a smile then and she glared at him for a long moment before a wicked gleam entered her eyes. A mumbled spell and golden eyes was all the warning Merlin had before pain swallowed his senses once again, his chest blistering under a hand that was now as hot as a branding iron.
He could feel his skin burning, raw flesh underneath turning black, her magical energy forcing its way into his very soul and corrupting everything it touched. He felt paralyzed with the absolute all consuming agony of it, seconds stretching out until he could remember nothing, understand nothing, but the pain of her touch. He didn't even notice when she ceased her torture, only a gradual awareness of his surroundings as his mind refocused.
"I think that just about sealed the wound, don't you?" Morgana was content to fill the silence as Merlin gasped for breath, eyes rolling back in his head as he sought the relief of unconsciousness that hovered just out of reach. Instead he was jolted back to his dismal reality when Morgana grasped his face harshly, long ragged fingernails digging into his flesh.
"Oh don't think you can faint on me now Merlin. The morning is so young and full of promise."
When he failed to respond his face was given a harsh shake until he managed to bleary focus on her again while fighting the wave of nausea that threatened to engulf him. The pain in his back now felt like nothing compared to the blistering wound Morgana's touch had left behind. He could still feel the imprint of her magic against his flesh like a brand.
Satisfied at his continued awareness she released her hold on his face and stroked softly down his cheek, tracing the cut she had made earlier. Merlin didn't even have the strength to flinch away and she repeated the action with the other cheek before her fingers moved down to probe at the edge of the burn she had just created. That was enough for him to finally lose the battle with his stomach and he gagged against the bile that was forced up his throat, his stomach empty of anything else. Morgana took a step back in disgust and he felt thankful for her distance while he struggled to cope with what his body was being forced to endure.
She gave him some space after that, content to let him suffer in peace while she prepared a small meal for herself. He felt his stomach cramp at the smell of freshly stewed meat, both in longing and disgust. He knew he should be desperately hungry but with the smell of his own burnt flesh still lingering in his nose it only served to unsettle his stomach more. It was doubtful she would be feeding him anyway. The suffering she inflicted upon his body indicated his wellbeing wasn't a priority. Yet he stared transfixed by her actions as they provided a welcomed if not completely effective distraction his pain.
.
His break was short lived once her meal was completed. He had been in a daze of pain, slipping slowly into unconsciousness when he felt her hands against his body again, her touch invasive as she petted him with a familiarity that left his skin crawling. A few minutes passed in this fashion before she broke the silence, pinching his side to get his attention.
"You know there is one thing I don't understand Merlin. You're Arthur's servant, nothing more. Yet, time and again, you've proved yourself willing to lay down your life for him."
"I don't expect you to understand Morgana." He started speaking before his brain could catch up with his mouth, voice hose but thick with pity at her apparent lack of understanding.
"Enlighten me then." Her words were a challenge and despite his best interests to stay silent he found words pouring from his mouth from where they had been bottled for so long.
"You have no sense of duty, no sense of loyalty. If you did, you wouldn't need to ask."
"That's where you're wrong. Don't think I don't understand loyalty just because I have no one left to be loyal to. You made sure of that."
"Me? It is your own fault for you pushing everyone away who loved you to join Morgause and her destructive regime. We were your friends. What happened to make you to hate those you had once been so close too?"
"Coming from the person who poisoned me." She hissed in his face even as her posture became defensive.
"That was to save Camelot! If there had been another way I would have never hurt you and for what it's worth I regret my actions more than I can say. If anyone was to blame it was Morgause for connecting your life force to the spell."
"You know nothing of my sister or the bond we shared," snarled Morgana. "I was doing what I knew to be right by ridding Camelot of the evil influence of Uther's destructive reign."
"You would have replaced one tyrant for another. Morgause might have been your sister but she cared nothing for you beyond your usefulness to her. She took you and turned you into a weapon, a monster of her own own creation!" He knew he had struck a nerve when a hand yanked harshly in his hair pulling his head back and the knife in Morgana's hand flashed up towards his face, stopping inches from his right eye. Merlin flinched at the obvious threat but was unable to do anything.
"Enough of your lies! You talk as if you know me and the struggles I have been through but you never knew me as I truly was, a scared lonely little girl frightened of her own dreams. A gift that might have been my death. I finally have power to fight back and will use it to make anyone who persecuted my kind tremble before me."
Merlin wisely remained silent in the wake of such an outburst cursing himself and his tongue for landing him in more trouble. He could feel Morgana's magic writhing around her in anger and the current position of her knife had him swallow any responses that would have come out.
"Trust me when I say I will make you suffer for every moment of agony she had to endure before I end your miserable existence." Her vicious expression smoothed after spitting the words and it served to terrify Merlin more than her anger.
"Arthur has lost his favourite pet servant, perhaps I should give him a piece back." It took a moment for Merlin to comprehend the meaning of her words only truly understanding the implication when she brutally grabbed his right ear and sawed it off. His shout of panic quickly turned to a scream of agony, feeling fresh blood pouring from the wound down the side of his neck and shoulder.
The action was so quick that Merlin was left in shock staring at the ear - his ear - that now sat in the palm of Morgana's hand before the pain hit anew from this fresh mutilation.
Then all he could do was scream.
~ Arthur ~
Despite his exhausted state, Arthur's sleep had been patchy at best. As soon as he noticed light peeking over the horizon he abandoned his bed altogether, wanting to take leave of the castle before the first bell to search the forest for any signs of Merlin or his captors.
He dressed sloppily, not bothering to pull on anything more than a pair of breeches, plain tunic and leather jacket before exiting his chambers. He skipped breakfast altogether wanting to be gone before anyone could demand his time with tedious duties and kingly demands. Creeping through the deserted hallways and out into the fresh morning light Arthur missed the freedom his title as prince had afforded him. When he had be able to go where he wished with minimal fuss and bother. Now he was accosted by council members on a daily basis or pulled into meetings that would discuss petty grievances and problems without actually doing anything about them.
No, Arthur had concluded that he was a man of action. It was past time he took matters into his own hands to look for Merlin and determine once and for all the fate of his man servant.
His path to the stables took him past the training grounds and it was there he noticed a lone figure practicing their sword work against a wooden dummy. The strikes were rough and sloppy, and Arthur gathered it must be one of the new recruits getting some extra training in.
Only once he got closer did he recognize the person to be Gwaine, the dark haired knight looking as haggard as Arthur felt. The king wouldn't have been surprised if Gwaine had gotten any more sleep than he had after yesterday's news, having taken Merlin's continued absence badly. Disappearing from the council chambers in barely contained frustration and anger after Arthur had been presented with the scrap of cloth torn from Merlin's jacket.
It was with a final roar of fury that the knight lifted his sword and brought it down on the wood with enough force to split it almost in two. Arthur approached further, drawing the attention of the panting Knight.
"Sire." Gwaine greeted tersely, his usual good temper and joking manner noticeably absent. "how can I be of service?"
Arthur winced at the awkward formalities finding it strange to have the knight acting so out of sorts. Merlin's absence had hit them all hard. But his offer of help had Arthur realise he could do with some backup on his rescue mission.
"As a matter of fact you can. I am going to search the forest for Merlin and could do with an extra pair of eyes." Gwaine's entire demeanor shifted at his words, the forlorn expression giving way to determination, his eyes alight with the possibility of action.
"Say no more, I shall join you." They both fell into step moving towards the stables in silence. If the stable hand was surprised to see the king and one of his knights so early or sloppily dressed he didn't comment and within minutes two horses were saddled. Arthur tossed the boy a few coins left in his trouser pockets for his prompt service before they left the stables.
Gwen was somehow waiting for them and they both stopped short in surprise at seeing her. She looked worried, the bruises under her eyes indicting her own difficulty sleeping.
She standing before them looking worried, arms ladened with food.
"I thought I would find you out here. I made you some breakfast, but I guess you will have to share it now." Both knights perked up at the mention of food and she smiled at their eager expressions, handing the food to Arthur who had come forward to collect it.
"Thank you Gwen." Arthur smiled softly back at her, gratefully for her help and support. She gripped his arm once the food had be handed off.
"Arthur, please be careful. I want Merlin back as much as you do, but please remember to take care of yourself." She then turned to Gwaine.
"Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid won't you?" Arthur sputtered in response while Gwaine let out a short bark of laughter.
"No promises my fair maiden, you know how hard it can be to keep an eye of him at every moment." Gwaine's good humor had returned with the promise of food and the chance at finding Merlin again. His voice then turned solemn, "but I will do my best to return him - and Merlin - to you in one piece."
"That's all I can ask. Good luck to you both." Gwen waved her farewell as they mounted their horses and soon they were leaving the streets of Camelot far behind them.
~ Morgana ~
With the sound of Merlin's screams ringing in her ears, Morgana left her hut in grim satisfaction but still shaking with rage at his words. That he could get under her skin in such a way while beaten and bound was infuriating, destroying her carefully constructed façade and refusing to break under her torture.
The ear she had cut so viciously from his head lay bloodied and still warm in her palm and she quickly wrapped it in a piece of Merlin's bloodstained jacket ready to be planted for the patrols to find. She was sure Arthur would recognize its significance and would serve as a reminder of what she had in store for him.
.
It took her most of the morning to travel close enough to Camelot to plant the ear, placing it on a well used patrol path, making sure to present it obviously enough to make it unmissable.
The rest of the afternoon was spent checking and resetting her traps and snares for food. There was enough for her to be able to survive another week if she rationed carefully. Gone were the days where her meals had been served to her three times a day, food hot and rich. But Morgana had long gotten used to the ache of hunger and the feel of her ribs through her skin. All her suffering would pay off once she finally had her throne and Arthur was dead at her feet. In the meantime she was content with her scrounged meals.
Pulling out her knife, Morgana caught sight of the dried blood she had forgotten to wipe off the blade from that morning. Her thoughts turned to the brutality of her own actions a strange feeling rising in her when she remembered the horrors she had inflicted upon someone she had previously called friend. The truth of the matter was that under her callous exterior the young innocent girl she had once been still existed - just barely - and she was horrified at causing such pain and suffering.
It took a while for her to realise that what she was feeling was guilt but as quick as the understanding came she ruthlessly crushed it. Anger filled her instead and she cut savagely into the rabbit, but a growl of frustration left her when her hands started to shake and the blood dripping onto her hands made her feel sick. Cursing her own weakness she gripped the knife harder until her knuckles turned white, gutting the rabbit with more force than necessary.
She knew by now that there was no going back on the path she had set down. Regrets and guilt would get her nowhere, especially when the only thing that kept her going was the thought of completing what Morgause had set out to achieve. A world where Sorcerers reigned supreme and would never had to cower in fear again.
It was time to let the past die.
.
Arriving back at the hovel later that afternoon, Morgana pushed open the doorway to find Merlin unconscious and limp in his bonds. Dried blood coated the left side of his head and shoulder, the remains of his ear still weeping sluggishly. She approached him and gripped his face harshly to inspect her handy work again but was surprised that the boy failed to stir at her rough touch. Observing him critically she realized her actions might have been a tad reckless, risking him dying of blood loss before he had suffered in all the depraved ways she had concocted. It wouldn't do for him to miss out of what she had planned for him tonight in any case.
Moving to her personal store of potions she selected a replenishing potion that with the right spell was supposed to help promote healing and restore energy. With practiced ease she uncorked the bottle and forced a little of the liquid down the unconscious boy's throat and massaging until he swallowed reflexively. That done she gathered her magical strength, placing both hands on either side of Merlin's head and willed her magic to heal with a few carefully pronounced words.
She had always found healing a tricky magical art to master. Morgause had told her it was because it required more control and finesse and when learning she had desired to learn magic of a more destructive nature. Preferring to be the one inflicting harm rather than healing it. Although when Morgause had been struck ill after their escape from Camelot she had dedicated most of her time to helping her sister recover and knew a few spells that with the potion would help Merlin recover enough to not be in any danger of dying.
She felt the rush of magic through her and could see the positive effects almost immediately. Colour returned to his previously ashy complexion and she saw that the majority of his wounds had scabbed over enough to reduce further bleed out but nothing so far as to have undone all her careful work.
Moments later Merlin's eyes struggled open and a pain filled gaze met her own. She felt a smirk tug at her lips as she surveyed the damage she had inflicted to his body, particularly the hand shaped mark that was seared into his chest.
He remained quiet and wary, a sign that she was making progress in breaking his spirit and hopefully quieting his tongue. She supposed cutting it off as well would solve any future arguments but it would deny her the pleasure of making him beg. And it was only a matter of time now...
Picking up her blade from the table she turned and approached her captive, enjoying the flinch when he saw the the blade in her hand. She gave into the urge to drag the tip over his other ear and despite his best attempts to not react she heard a small whimper escape him even as he bit into his lip to keep silent. As much as she wanted to play with him more, drag out the fun and torment him more, she was expecting company soon and couldn't afford distraction. With a disappointed sigh she lifted the knife from his skin and sliced through the ropes above his hands, stepping back to avoid him crashing into her.
Oh she could hardly wait for him to see what the night had in store for him, excited at the prospect of what he would soon he suffering.
~ Gwen ~
It was with a heavy heart that Gwen watched Arthur and Gwaine return from their search for Merlin. The lack of the boy in question led her to consider the worst, tears gathering in her eyes at the implications of his continued absence.
Unable to stand another moment of grief she ran out to meet the two knights as they dismounted, needing to know what they had found and desperate for reassurance that Merlin could be still alive. She staggered to a stop in front of Arthur, barely catching her breath before demanding answers.
"What news do you have? Did you find anything? Any tracks, or signs or–"
Arthur met her eyes with his own and his expression made the words in her throat die. It was one of hopeless despair that she had last seen when his father had died.
"He's alive." Arthur spoke after a few moments of tense silence, his voice flat and empty, a complete contrast to the joy that such words should bring.
"But…that's a good thing, right?" Gwen was confused that Arthur's mood, feeling relief and hope bloom in her chest that Merlin was still alive and probably with Gaius right now being patched up.
"Did you drop him off at Gaius'? Is he badly hurt?" She prompted when neither man elaborated on his condition.
"We didn't find him Gwen" Gwaine spoke when Arthur remained silent, his eyes downcast and fists clenched. "There was no body, no tracks, only…" The dark haired knight trailed off, expression pinched that did little to reassure her. Just as she was about to ask again Arthur spoke up.
"We found this." Arthur lifted his right hand and opened his fist to reveal a bloodied scrap of cloth, larger than the one found previously and stained with fresh blood.
But that wasn't the worst of it. Sitting in the center of the blood soaked cloth was the mangled remains of an ear, the owner of which became obvious.
"Oh god!" Gwen felt like she might be sick, stumbling back in shock. Gwaine caught her arm gently to make sure she didn't fall and she gratefully took his support as the true horror of what she was being shown sunk in. The urge to vomit rose within her and she fought to swallow down the bile at the back of her throat, closing her eyes to regain some semblance of composure. Thankfully by the time she opened them again the ear had been covered the hidden from sight.
"What do we do now? How do we find him?" She wasn't sure how to remain hopeful for a happy ending with such stark evidence of Merlin's suffering.
"He's alive, that's all that I care to focus on. I will find him."
Gwaine stepped forward, face tight with anger, "We will find him, and make the bastards suffer tenfold for every pain they have inflicted."
Arthur nodded in acknowledgement of Gwaine's vow and Gwen shuddered at the murderous expression that darkened both men's features. She didn't envy the fate that would befall any that had been responsible but felt vicious satisfaction at the idea of them being brought to justice.
Gwen excused herself a few minutes later when the men left to gather the rest of the knights, talking intently on their plans to systematically search the forest in the hopes of finding Merlin and the ones responsible for his suffering. She wished there was something she could do to help with the search but she knew that Arthur would refuse any offers she made for her own safety, something that grated on her, but that did not mean she had to remain idle. She would do all she could to assist, even if that meant taking care of Arthur in Merlin's absence, and praying for her friends speedy return.
Just hold on a bit longer Merlin, we are coming for you.
~ Merlin ~
As soon as the ropes around his wrists were cut Merlin collapsed to the floor in a painful heap, lacking the necessary strength to keep himself upright. His abused body protested sharply against the hard impact on the blood-soaked ground and Merlin drew in short shaky breaths, forehead pressed to the filthy floor as he struggled to control the pain, overwhelmingly glad in that moment that he had fallen forward onto the floor rather than onto the bloody ruin of his back.
But his respite was short lived, as his head was pulled painfully upwards by a tight grip in his matted hair. Morgana's sneering face looked down on him and she leaned in to talk.
"Don't think I'm finished with you yet Merlin, I have something special prepared."
"You shouldn't have." Merlin said halfheartedly, wincing when his response earned a vicious tug on his hair. He heard her mutter words of a spell and in the next moment Merlin found himself being pulled upright by an unseen force and suspended a few inches off the ground – limp and broken like a puppet with its strings cut.
He would have felt mortified at being forced into such a position if he hadn't already endured so many other humiliations at Morgana's hands. The woman in question brushed past him and lead the way through the small space of her house and out the door with Merlin floating a few meters behind her.
As they crossed the threshold Merlin lifted his head, squinting his sensitive eyes against the light but enjoying the feel of fresh air across his skin and breathing in the smell of the forest to replace the stench of his own blood that he had become more than accustomed to. The angle of the light told him it was nearing evening, shadows lengthening and he realized he had only been at Morgana's mercy for two days. For all he had suffered it felt like two weeks and Merlin had to suppress the panic and fear that burned in his stomach at his own hopeless situation, hanging on to the hope that Arthur would send out patrols to search for him and hunt down Morgana.
A small structure came into view, even more dilapidated and run down than the main house. Morgana unlocked the door by pulling the heavy rusted bar back before levitated his body through the threshold. As soon as his whole body was inside the spell was canceled causing him to drop unceremoniously onto the ground, impacting heavily on his side before falling onto his ruined back. He let out a sharp cry of pain as the air was pushed from his lungs and pain stole his voice. Unconsciousness loomed as he struggled against the pain, feeling the need to remain alert in the face of what Morgana might do with him next.
Instead he heard the sound of the wooden door creaking shut and the bar being pulled leaving him alone in the dark.
When, after a minute, she didn't return to inflict more pain he relaxed as much as was possible, breathing raggedly until the pain dulled enough for him to attempt moving.
He then dragged himself into a kneeling position, body shaking at the effort it had required and pain flaring up where he stretched abused muscles and the torn skin on his back. Hunger gnawed at him again and he tried his best to ignore it, groping around blindly with his hands to try and determine his surroundings while he waited for his eyes to adjust. But after a few minutes of staring blindly forward he realized Morgana must have somehow magically shrouded the room in darkness.
Despite his disastrous attempt earlier to access his magic Merlin tried again. Forcing it to sluggishly respond to his request and forming a tiny orb that flickered like an old candle. Feeling the drain on his already exhausted body Merlin quickly directed the light above him to get a view of his surroundings.
He regretted his decision immediately, as the light threw into stark relief what the night had in store for him. Horror at the sight broke his concentration and the light spluttered out, plunging the room back into absolute darkness, made all the more suffocating now he knew what surrounded him.
Paralysed in fear Merlin could only curl into a painful ball and pray for strength to make it through the night.
.
Hehehe I am evil, it is true.
Cliffhangers are the most fun you can have as a writer so forgive me my petty enjoyments. Would love to hear what you guys thought of the chapter and your guesses on what is in store for poor Merlin. I am really enjoying putting him through the ringer...
Also, sorry for the delay. I can't commit to a proper posting schedule at the moment but will be trying to get the next update out faster. Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter (Aaronna, TOO-MANY-FANDOMZ, Sadie H, SheepInASpaceship, m-j98 and guests) I have been terrible at responding to reviews but I appreciate them so much! *blows kisses*
