Dear diary. It's been a long time since I've written, but tonight I can't sleep and usually once I write down my feelings I'll be okay. Last entry I wrote was when I was sixteen years old, and now I'm twenty one. I guess I should catch you up on my life. After the day I told Duncan my feelings and punched my arm through a window, he took me to the hospital. I'm sure you think that meant we lived happy ever right? Wrong. While I was passed out I guess he called up Trent and when I woke up he was there. Not Duncan. I was confused and hurt, and that was the last straw. I screamed and cried in Trent's chest how much I hate Duncan for his mind games. Trent told me not to hate him, and he gave me a note. Duncan wrote I want you to have a good life, forget about me. I was confused more by the letter and why he wrote that. Then when I returned to school I found out exactly what he meant. He broke up with Courtney and told them to throw his ass in jail; and they did. He's been in the slammer ever since and no matter how many times Trent has told me it wasn't my fault, it was. I never wrote Duncan. I never went and saw him. I tried to honor his wish and move on. Trent and I were together after that day. I love him to pieces. He helped me through the hardest part of my life, he was there for me. All in all he was perfect. Then came the shitty part about growing up. We changed; I changed. His band took off, and I got accepted to a prestigious art school the year we graduated. We tried to keep it long distance, but as the saying goes "if you love someone, let them go." I let Trent go. For my sake and his own. I'll always love him and thank him for the time we had together. We still talk, actually. I will never want anything but the best for him. He was a lot of firsts for me, as I was his. Except one first…he was never my first love. Aka why I'm still awake tonight and cannot sleep. Duncan told me that day he would be twenty one by the time he gets out of jail. His birthday has since long past and gone. I've been thinking about him non stop the past few months. Whether if he got out of jail to only go back. Or, does he have a wife and kids? Maybe he's alone like me out away from our hometown. I just know I miss him. I've always missed him. I even have a painting dedicated to him drying at my little studio the school has provided for me after I won the graduating year art contest. It might not even be a piece I'll sell. I'm sorry for not writing sooner my dear diary; life is complicated. Thank you for listening to me ramble on and on. Maybe now, I can get some rest. Love, Gwen.
I shut the book and wipe the tears off of my face. I haven't done this since I was young. I roll over to the other side of my bed and put the diary in my drawer. I lie down once again, and the same feeling of the disdain creeps back. How foolish can I be? Duncan is long gone. I'm sure he's moved on to his next phase and here I am alone and stuck. Eventually, sleep comes.
The next morning
My alarm sounds and I groan. My eyes still tender from crying last night. I make my way over to my vanity and start brushing my long black hair. Instead of my bob cut I used to rock, my hair is down to my middle back. I still rock my Smokey eye, just now with a purple lipstick color instead of that teal color. So much has changed in the past five years, but yet so much has stayed the same. Black is still my signature color. I put on my favorite black tank top, and a pair of acid washed skinny jeans. I lace up my purple converse and grab my faux leather jacket and look at myself in the mirror one last time. After last night, I have a feeling that today is actually not going to suck so bad. I grab my purse and my keys and start heading down the stairs from my third story apartment. Once I get to the bottom, I see a moving truck. Great, someone is finally moving in across the way from my apartment I'm sure. They better not be anywhere near as pretentious and rude as the last one. I still hated that girl Taylor. What a cunt bag she was. Entitled brat. Considering I am my own boss, I decide I have a few minutes to spare to see who my potential neighbor could be.
"Perfect time for a smoke break." I think to myself. I pull out my pack of cigarettes and take one out and light it. As I take the first drag, I see a man I've never seen before walk out of the apartment managers front office. He's tall, quite muscular with a tattoo sleeve on his right arm. He has dark shaggy black and red hair, with a couple of piercings on his face.
"Now him; I can get used to seeing across the hall." I breath out the toxins and I guess I didn't go unnoticed either. The handsome stranger walks up to me.
"Hey, I'm new here. What floor do you live on?" He says smirking. I'm almost a little taken aback. Not by his boldness, but something sure does seem familiar about him.
"Third. 303." I say taking another drag.
"Ah, so God has for once smiled down upon me and gave me a sexy neighbor." I started giggling and then immediately regretted doing so, feeling like I'm back in high school or some shit.
"Good God I know it's been a while since I've had attention but get a grip!"
"Well then neighbor." The stranger says smiling. "Since I'm sure you know where everything is, I saw a sign in there for badass artistry and I'm intrigued. I don't want that dull apartment to look any duller. You know where that place is?" I smile.
"Of course. I actually I know the owner. I'll walk you over there if you'd like."
"Sure, why not. Lead the way sunshine." I almost stop in my tracks. I haven't been called that in years. It feels strange to hear it from someone who isn't Duncan. It's strange to hear it at all. We walk in silence, and it's not even uncomfortable. Then, he speaks.
"I'm surprised you're not scared of me honestly." I rolled my eyes.
"Do I look like a girl that's scared of a man who has tattoos and piercings?" A smirk once again forms on his face.
"Not at all sweetheart, it's just different."
"How so?"
"Well why I came out so far is because once I uh, got out of jail…no one looked at me the same. So my ass left and came to this city. Just far enough to get a new start." I nod my head.
"Trust me. You're not the only one who came here for a fresh start."
"So then, what brought you out here?"
"College."'I say, as we near Badass Artistry.
"Fuck! It looks like it's closed!" He says, and I can't help but smile.
"Not for long." The look on his face when I opened the door with my keys was priceless.
"You own this place?!"
"I sure do. College happened to be art school." He looks around at my paintings, tee shirts, coffee mugs, and piercings.
"Holy fuck this is sick."
"The store technically doesn't open for another couple of hours, but I'm the boss so I'll break a rule for you."
"Well aren't you a special woman." He says smirking, and I feel my cheeks heat up.
"I try. Just look around and find something you like." He walks around, looking at my pieces. It always feels somewhat intimate when a customer looks at my art, but he feels so much more different.
"There's something so familiar about him. His, dare I say, swagger, seems so much like I've seen him before. I know he said he just moved here but I've had to have seen him around." Preoccupied with my thoughts, I see him look at the white door that leads to the back.
"What's back here?" I smile.
"That's where the magic happens. Back there is my studio where I paint and create the tee shirts and stuff."
"Do you have anything new?" I bite my lip, there is that piece I made about Duncan…
"Yeah, I'm not sure if it's something I'm going to sell, but we can go look at it if you want to." He nods, and I open the door. The paining of the skull with a big green Mohawk and shading with teals, blacks, and greens is the first thing we see. I look at him and he has the biggest smile plastered on his face.
"This is so fucking cool! I used to have green hair just like that too. Then I went to fucking juvie and they made me wash it out." My heart lurches and a shockwave goes through my body.
"No. Way. In. Hell. He can't be…..there's no possible way."
"Uh, speaking of…you never told me your name." I have to know.
"Well fuck, where are my manners. Name's Duncan. What about yours?" My mouth literally falls open. His eyebrow raises exactly like how it used to when I confused the fuck out of him.
"You have no idea who I am either do you…." I mumble softly. His eyes study me, and I can already feel the tears Well up in my eyes. He hates me, or is going to in about 2.5 seconds.
"…Gwen? Is it…is it really you?" Instead of him storming out like I though he would, next thing I know I'm snuggled up to his chest as he embraced me in a hug. I lose it. I absolutely lose it. I start crying, Sobbing.
"I though you'd hate me." I sob out. His hand runs through my hair.
"Never…absolutely never."
"Dear diary, what the fuck is the universe doing to me."
