Dear Journal, it's me again. Life has been going better since the last time, considering I'm not behind bars forced to write because it helped with my anger issues. I don't have anyone else to talk to, nor would I talk to anyone because what man talks about his feelings to friends? At least not ones I've barely made from the repair shop I work at now anyways. Back to what the fuck I was trying to say anyways; life isn't too fucking terrible now that I left town and became friends with Gwen again. Gwen...she is just as beautiful as I remember her, maybe even more so now than back then. We go over to each other's apartments all the time now, and she even helped decorate the place so it didn't look so fucking gloomy. I've missed having her around so fucking much, but I can't tell if she's in to me yet or not. I mean I think she is, but she could just be being friendly cause her best friend is back. I hate that word best friend. I want the other BF title. I just have to figure out what the fuck she's thinking. Women...I love them but fuck they're so hard to peg sometimes. No pun intended. Haha. Anyways, not really even sure what the fuck I'm doing. It's just I can't sleep so why the shit not. Whatever. If anyone ever finds this and make fun of me I will beat your ass! It's not my fault they made me do this in juvie for my anger issues and it stuck! Who am I yelling at? No one. Probably the side of me this still thinks is the girliest shit I've ever done in my life. What am I, a teenage girl?
No. No I'm not. But I am still fucked up. Of course I'm a better version now, but I'm still fucked up.
I throw the book across my bedroom. Knew writing wouldn't help. I run my hand through my black and red hair and sigh. As much as I think I'm different, I sure don't feel like I am. Especially with Gwen. It feels like nothing has ever changed, but I still feel guilty for what I did to her. Hell, she still has the scars on her arm from when she punched her arm through the window. I hate seeing that reminder of the monster I was...and maybe still am. My parents still think I'm a monster. That's why they shipped my ass out here to work with my uncle. Of course Mom promised her and dad would call, but it's been almost a month and nothing. Not that I need them. I never needed them...plus I'm sure it's dad's fault Mom hasn't called and checked on me. Fucking controlling bastard. I don't know why she's still with him. Then again I'm the chip off the old block right...just a big fucking asshole. I had no reason to change. My parents hate me, everyone in that God awful town hates me, they should have just let me go back into the system so I could have gotten killed or something. But my dad was so ashamed he had to ship me out here because he wasn't going to let his failure of a son do any more damage in Koda County.
Then I saw her.
Gwen. How the hell was she even here? When did she get here? And I'm still pissed the fuck off Trent broke her heart. I gave emo boy the world and he had to go and leave Gwen. For what? For who? Gwen swears up and down there's nothing that will ever be between them again but I almost don't buy it. She swears the next time Trent Skype's her she'll explain why, but I don't know. I'm skeptical. Does it stop me from wanting to be with her? Absolutely not. She's still the most amazing girl I've ever known, and even now with the grace she holds herself to is mesmerizing. And she doesn't even see it. I lay back on my pillow and sigh. The last thing I thought I would run into out here is her. She'll either save me or be the death of me. I groan and roll over and read the clock, it says 5:21 am. I have to be up at six anyways. I throw the covers off of me and start up the coffee machine. Lord knows I'm gonna need it.
Dear Diary, it's 5:23 and I cannot for the life of me go back to sleep. I had that dream again. He kissed me, and why did I enjoy it? It's only been a month! A month! Why am I feeling this way about Duncan again?! I swore I wasn't going to let him in that easily. I swore this time I wasn't going to fall for him again. Yet, here I am falling for my best friend again. Damn him and his charm, smile, and caring nature for me. Of course he's the same old cocky ass sarcastic, semi-asshole Duncan. But once again, he's different with me. I know there's only one thing holding him back, and that's Trent. You and I both know he isn't going to ever come back, but even if I tell Duncan he wouldn't believe a word I said. It's unbelievable really, if he were to say the same about Courtney, I wouldn't believe it either.
Ding ding! Ding ding!
"Oh!" I put my diary to the side and see my computer is lighting up. That only means one thing. Trent is calling. I throw on a sweatshirt and open the computer. Sure enough, there the rockstar ex boyfriend is.
"You said you needed to talk to me?"
"Good morning to you too." I yawn. "You do realize it's like 5:30."
"Sorry, it's like noon over here."
"yeah cause you're on the other side of the world you dick." He smiles and chuckles.
"Anyways, what's on your mind? Your text seemed urgent." I take a deep breath.
"I have a new neighbor."
"Do they have ten cats like the last one?" I laugh. "No, but he is a handful."
"Oh Gwen, you finally met a man for yourself! What's his name? What does he look like?"
"Trent!"'I blush and look down from his excited gaze. Lord knows I never thought this conversation would be happening. "Uhm, you actually know him. You remember...remember Duncan right?" His eyes widen
"oh, my, God. Gwen you can't be serious? Like not a bad "you can't be serious"'but...wow."
"I know exactly what you mean..."
"So, are you two like dating? I mean you did say he was a handfull."
"Trent! Just because you know what a handful is now doesn't mean we've even- Trent we haven't even been on a date or anything!"
"I heard handful." A somewhat muscular man with a tattoo sleeve, Brown shaggy hair and blue eyes walks into the frame of the camera.
"Of course Ryan, we were just talking about you." Trent says smirking and Ryan wraps his arms around Trent. It's still hard to realize that Trent is bisexual and dating a man, and it's been so long since he told me and it's still just about as shocking as the first time he and Ryan Skyped me.
"Actually, perfect timing. Why I think nothing has happened is he's afraid you'll come back, but every time I've even tried to tell him that you're with a guy, I chicken out. I just don't think he'd believe me if I just came out and told him about you guys."
"Like how you didn't believe me when I called you?" I look down.
"Exactly, Trent. I really do like him and-"
"She found a man?!" Ryan says happily, almost too happily but i'll Brush it off.
"possibly, Ryan. I was just explaining I think what's holding him back is afraid I'd go back to Trent and all three of us know we just wouldn't work now." Both of them nod in agreement.
"So he has no idea about Trenty and I?" Ryan asks.
"Nope, not that you two are engaged or anything." That's why we would never get back together...he found his true soulmate...in a form of a guy. That's why it stings, but I want Trent to be happy and all, but it's my turn to move on.
"He was in jail til like when, six months ago, Ryan." Trent says.
"Damn, who knew you'd like the bad boys Gwen."
"Ha ha very funny." I roll my eyes. "Anyways, stay there. I'm gonna go see if Duncan is awake."
"Gwen, it's like 5:47 where you are...I can call back later you know." Oh Trent, always thinking of others...
"He has to be at work by 7 in the morning anyways, it'll be fine." I get up from my desk chair and walk across the hall and knock on the door.
"I really hope he's awake and I didn't-"
"Gwen?" Duncan answers the door without a shirt on, a pair of basketball shorts and a cup of coffee in his hand.
"I-I Uh...can you come over for a second? Also, put on a shirt." Duncan smirks.
"Why? So you can just take it off when we get in there?"'I hit him across the arm and blush again.
"No you perve, trust me, you'll thank me in a second. Just trust me."
"Alright pasty, I mean I've heard of wake up calls but I don't remember ordering this one." He shuts the door then comes out wearing a black tee shirt.
"perfect. Now, follow me."
We walk into my apartment and I stop in the living room.
"Remember how I said I would tell you why Trent and I wouldn't get back together the next time he Skyped me?"
"Yeah, but why the hell is he Skyping you now?!"
"because I asked him to. Duncan, I promise you'll understand. Just please, be nice?"
"I make no promises, but I won't be as big of a dick as I could be."
"Trust me, I think you'll be a whole lot less angry in about two second." I take him into my bedroom, and Ryan is now sitting on Trent's lap.
"Finally! Is he awake?"'Ryan asks, and Duncan looks at the screen and about chokes on his coffee.
"Hey Duncan, long time no see." Trent says smiling and holds Ryan. The look on Ducnan's face is priceless.
"Yeah, no kidding...so I'm assuming you're..."
"Gay? Yes!" Ryan says. Trent rolls his eyes.
"Just because I'm in a gay relationship doesn't mean I'm gay, but I am bisexual Duncan. This is Ryan, my fiancé."
"fiancé?!" Duncan exclaims, then immediately recoils. "I mean like, not that I'm against I'm just, I just wasn't expecting..." They both erupt in laughter.
"Trust me, I get it." Trent says. "Before we let you two discuss, we will be having a show in your town in a few weeks. I can give you some tickets if you guys want to go." I look at Duncan, and he nods.
"Sure, Yeah. We'll go."
"Awesome! I'll email the tickets to you later, Gwen. I do need to go. We have an interview soon with KFOGTVA about our wedding plans."
"okay you busy bees, have fun!" The connection ends and I turn and look at Duncan.
"See? I told you that's why Trent and I will never work again."
"I need to learn to listen to you..." Duncan mumbles and I giggle and lift up his chin.
"Trust me, you'll have plenty of time to learn I'm always right." His signature smirk once again appears on his face.
"Is that so?"
"Mhm" I purr. I love teasing him like this. Just like I did when we were younger.
"I might just enjoy that." I get up from the chair and stretch. I can feel his eyes on me.
"Anyways, don't you have to go to work now?" I smirk at him.
"Shit! I'm gonna be late! Dammit!" Duncan says, I'm assuming not about it being late either.
"We'll have plenty to do after you get off work. Remember, it's movie night at my place tonight like we talked about."
"Wouldn't miss it for the world, but I have to go." He rushes out of my apartment and I laugh.
"Well, I hope that'll help him make his decision about me." I say to my empty room. I yawn and crawl back into my bed. It's my day off and I'm planning to sleep in, happily knowing now I have set the ball in motion to maybe get him to make a move. The ball is in his court, and I drift off to sleep to once again, happy dreams.
