"Even when I think things are going my way, and the world starts to make sense again, here comes something to come and try to fuck it up!" I sniffle and wipe away the tears that have been flowing from my eyes the past thirty minutes. "I thought that this part of my life was over, I was done with him! Why did he have to do this to me?"
"Gwen, please. Open the door, none of this is your fault." Duncan sighs and knocks on the door again. "You didn't ask for this, but please, open the door."
"No!" I choked out between my sobs. "I can't believe this is happening!"
"Gwen, it's going to be ok."
"You do not know that, Duncan! I never thought this would happen! Not now! You can't understand how I am feeling right now, just go away!"
"Gwen I'm sorry, you never told me, please please come out here…"
"No!"
"How in the world could Trent come around now, now of all times! It's been years, he's been with Ryan for so long now, just why now. I'm sure you are wondering what the hell are you talking about Gwen, you have just been crying and writing in here for the past half hour and haven't said a damn thing. Well my dear diary…here's the story."
It had been a month since my birthday, a month since Duncan and I had made things official with a seal of a kiss, and a few other things. I blocked Trent, didn't look back. He attempted to get a hold of me almost every day since. For once, I think he got the hint and didn't even attempt to contact me tonight, or so I thought. That brings us to Duncan's living room, twelve in the morning.
"Did you find anything you want to watch, babe?" I ask from the kitchen watching the little red numbers on the microwave get smaller and smaller as the popcorn pops in the background.
"We could watch "Bloodbath Four: When Killer Clowns Attack" or "Graveyard Shift: Night of Terrors." "All the rest of the movies are either Frozen or some other kind of stupid ass shit."
"Bloodbath it is then!" The beeping signaling that the popcorn is done, along with the aroma of fresh butter and salt, signal it is movie time. I strut over to Duncan; I can feel his eyes on me. Even if it has been a month since we first have been together, it makes me blush like it's the first time all over again. Really, I suppose he has looked at me like this for a long time; it is just now official. Granted, he doesn't look too bad shirtless and just in a pair of his black basketball shorts either. I smile and sit down next to him; Immediately, his arm rests on my shoulders, playing with my black hair.
"You ready for some bloodbath, sunshine?" He smirks at me.
"You know I am, the question is, are we actually going to watch the movie this time."
"Eh, you never know. There's a first time for everything." I laugh and put a piece of popcorn in his mouth.
"You're not wrong stud, you're not wrong."
The movie full of both nostalgic, but shitty special effects and acting goes on the screen for the next two hours. We did not watch the movie most of the time. We haven't except for when I'm experienced my own bloodbath last week. Thank God it came though, not exactly ready for it to not show up at this time. Cuddled up on the couch, at some point we both dozed off. What should have been a nice morning to wake up to, just like it had been every other time, this morning was different. Eight in the morning, I guess one of us ends up rolling on top of the remote cause it blasts so loud it wakes both of us up with a fright. That shitty "Celebrity Manhunt" opening sequence rings throughout his apartment, scaring us to death.
"What the hell!" Duncan falls off of the couch, I scramble to find the remote in the tangle of clothes and blankets and get it turned down. However, instead of turning it off and going back to sleep, something caught both of our attentions.
"Trent and Ryan, or Tryan as they are more commonly known, have broken up!" Blaineley said, gripping her fake blonde hair. My eyes widen and I feel like someone just punched my gut and knocked all the air out of my lungs. I'm too scared to even look at Duncan.
"Doesn't look like they were tryan too hard to stay together! We have an official word from Trent coming up after this commercial break!" Josh said and the camera panned to Trent, looking like he hasn't sleep in a year, waving to the camera. "What the hell is going on here…" I gulp and manage to look at Duncan. His fist here lightly clenched and so was his jaw, putting his shorts back on.
"Duncan…" He throws my clothes back at me.
"What, Gwen? What more is there to say? Your first love is back on the market…I'm sure you're so excited…" Tears spring to my eyes, and I put my clothes back on, taking the hint.
"Duncan, don't. I haven't talked to him in a month. I blocked him on skype! I've ignored every message and phone call! I don't know what is going on and I don't know why you think I would go back! I told you, there's things that happened that nothing could ever make me go back!"
"You still have never once said what that was! I don't know that Gwen…" I feel my chest tightens.
"Duncan! It's…it's hard to- "
"Hard to explain? Hard to admit? What?"
"You have no idea what I went through with him!"
"And yet you still talked to him after whatever the hell happened that was so horrible you would never go back!" I put my head down, knowing he does have a point, but he has no idea what he's talking about.
"I had no one! He was all I had!" I stand up, fully crying. I get as close to his face as I can. "I went through Hell, Duncan! As fucked up as it was, he was the only one who knew and understood me for years!"
"What about your mom, your brother? Miranda for God's sake! You held on just hoping! Hoping something like this would happen!" Duncan's eyes are filled with pain, he's yelling. This is the Duncan I remember, the Duncan that would fight when something was bothering him.
"That was before I met you again, dumbass!" Interrupting our fight, Celebrity Manhunt comes back on the air.
"So, Trent." Blaineley now sitting next to Trent while Trent has a guitar in his hands. "What happened?"
"It's a lot to explain…I just realized there was something I was missing. Someone I was missing…I always pictured my life ending with a woman, one specific woman."
"And who would that be, Trent?" Blaineley asks with a smirk on her face, knowing she is about to break the internet with this "exclusive" story.
"Oh no…" The pit grows.
"Gwen, I know I hurt you…I know things are so different now. Please…"
"Your ex!" Josh exclaimed. "Boy, are you sure you're just not having what I like to call a "gay-life crisis?" Josh said. "It's not ideal but you and Ryan are like, the perfect couple! What you are saying is shocking! Truly shocking!"
"I know I know, it seems sudden and crazy, but the fact it is so perfect feels so wrong…" Trent sighs. "I can say it better in a song than I can right now…so right now here is my new single "Midnight crow." The camera focuses right on Trent.
Midnight crow come back to me
I miss you don't you see
I know you'll never come back home
That is a darkness I have come to know
The white dove he's not the same
I clipped your wings and you fly in pain
The scars I've caused to you midnight crow
It will always make my heart feel the pain deep within my soul
That white dove he's not the same
I clipped your wings and you fly in pain
The scars I've caused to you Midnight crow
It will always make my heart feel the pain deep within my soul
That white dove he's pure and filled with grace
But midnight crow how I miss your beautiful face
Come back home, fly back to my window
And midnight crow we can be back together I know
The white dove he flew away
Fed up with my bullshit I couldn't make him stay
My heart just belongs to you my midnight crow
Oh, my midnight girl I miss you so
That white dove he's pure and filled with grace
But midnight crow how I miss your beautiful face
Come back home, fly back to my window
And midnight crow we can be back together I know
I know the misery I've put you both through
Made me the worst kind of man I know
Please hear my plea my midnight crow
Baby girl oh how I've missed you so
Dear white dove I apologize
I set you free now go and fly
That white dove he's pure and filled with grace (fly back home)
But midnight crow how I've missed your beautiful face (fly back home)
Come back home, fly back to my window (Please fly back home)
And midnight crow we can be back together I know
We can be back together I hope
I'm so sorry my beautiful midnight crow.
It cuts to Blaineley and Josh sobbing.
"Okay, even I can admit that is such a sad and sweet love song!" Josh blows his nose. "If she doesn't respond, she's a monster!" That sets me off.
"Oh, here we go again!" I scream. "Gwen is the big monster that is going to fuck up Trent's life again! That's why the fuck he did it publicly. He knows how cruel the fucking press was to me! She's too skinny, she's too ugly, she's too fat, she's too freaky for him! So now if he does this publicly, he thought I would say yes and come running back! Yeah, you left me scarred you fucking asshole! I almost killed myself, but that fucking dove saved my life and somehow, yet I was the bitch who tried to kill herself because he broke up with me! Newsflash you are fucking morons, he cheated on me with Ryan so no wonder he left Ryan hung out to dry! Narcissistic little motherfucker! Also, thanks for taking almost a decade to write a song about me dumbass!" All during the rant I'm throwing anything I can get my hands on at the TV, punching the couch and crying uncontrollably. I finally realize I just said everything I tried to not talk to Duncan about out in the open and my eyes meet his. He's backed up to give me room, staring at my arms, then looks into my eyes.
"Gwen…I didn't"
"How did you not know about all of this shit anyways! It was all over the magazines and the news!"
"Gwen, probably because I was in prison…" The realization hit me. He didn't just want to hear my side of things, he didn't even know about any of this, why did I forget he was in prison at the time? How could I forget he was there during thing time! My checks flush red, and I just bolt. Bolt into my apartment, into my bedroom, grabbed my diary and locked myself away in the bathroom.
"That's why I'm writing on the cold bathroom floor once again…how can I face him now. How can I go about my day, knowing I'm going to be the monster again? And if I don't be the monster to the media, I'm going to break my heart and Duncan's. That's not an option, but in the end will I be strong enough to handle this new chapter while I know the media will be looking at me. They'll find me. Even worse, am I going to allow Duncan to be the monster beside me."
