Naruto was pumped up.
His blond hair was shining. His orange clothes were extra orange and free of new tears and holes. His weapons... Could be sharper and perhaps without the rusty spots but he'd replace soon them with his very own paycheck!
Today was going to be his big day. He would become an official member of Team 7 and then he'd show the world what he got. No more disrespect! Today was the first step towards becoming Hokage and super-duper strong. With the future trumpets blaring in mind, he completely forgot about Kakashi's instructions and cleared two cups of instant ramen. He only remembered them when he grabbed his headband and promptly cried out in guilt.
It took him two whole minutes of running around screaming before he dived in his bed and curled up in fetal position. Whimpering, he laid there until his thoughts were reduced to a blank panic. However, let it never be said that Naruto Uzumaki was not creative. He gasped when the perfect idea popped into the empty void that was his brain and shot out of bed.
Determined, he put the kettle on again and made three more cups of ramen. Proving that he was indeed growing up, he collected his stuff, remembering the few storage seals Chi had given him for his birthday and put his sandals on. Proving his intellect once again, he poured the hot water in the cups without looking and secured the lids with the elastic bands he kept in a zip-lock in his kitchen. He carefully stacked everything in a bag and threw in some chopsticks. On his way to the entrance hall, Naruto paused at his little shrine and pressed his hands together.
"Oh great Cup, please keep these three cups of ramen firm and hot until my team gets to eat them. Oh, and please make sure that the taste is so good, Kakashi-sensei won't get mad at me."
Naruto nodded to himself, shot one last look at the Greatest Cup of Ramen he had ever eaten perched on an upturned bowl surrounded by chopsticks and dried vegetables, and bolted out of door.
The blond then proceeded to scare the hell out of the village by power walking all the way to the training ground in a record time of two and a half minutes. He was not going to let these noodles go soft. That would make a very bad first impression. He just barely remembered to plaster on his trademark smile as he reached the center of the village. No one in the village gave him a second look, everyone quickly averting their eyes but it was fine! Soon they would acknowledge him. He'd make them or die trying.
By the time he had arrived at Training Ground 3, Sasuke and Sakura were already waiting. Naruto greeted them with flushed cheeks and a cramp in his calves. They barely acknowledged him, though he had a feeling that Sasuke wanted him to distract Sakura who was clinging onto his arm. Naruto growled at that but the scent rising from the bag brought his mind to the important stuff.
"Hey, hey, guys-" He had their attention, now he just needed their cooperation. He had to hurry, only fifteen seconds until the noodles were done. Concentrating, he brought his eyebrows up and widened his eyes like he saw puppies do.
"So, I woke up this morning and I was really hungry since I'm still growing and I'm going to grow taller than the bastard here-" Naruto blithely ignored Sasuke's glare, " and I need to eat like all the time. So this morning I accidentally ate breakfast. Then I thought it wouldn't be fair to Sasuke if I had kind of cheated so I brought some for you. And for you Sakura-chan, since it's really good y'know. I also made one for sensei but he is not here yet..." He lifted the warm bag up.
Sasuke scoffed and turned away. Sakura planted her hands on her hips, "Idiot! Sensei told us that we couldn't eat breakfast! Why can't you listen for once?"
Sensing that the noodles were about to go soggy, Naruto pleaded "But if you all eat then we're even! Besides it's just one cup of ramen-"
"I would never eat that! Do you know how much salt and fat ramen has?" Sakura snapped and peeked at Sasuke, hoping for a reaction. Sasuke ignored her the way he had for the past years and eyed the bag. He had done some training when he had woken up and was starving.
Naruto noticed his look and was almost tempted to tell the boy he couldn't eat it after all but, he remembered Chi's words and the countless times he had stared at a bag without receiving food, and thrust the bag at him. Sasuke's eyes grew wide minutely.
"Here, it's chicken flavor. There are chopsticks in the bag too. No napkins though." Naruto looked away, fighting the heat rising in his neck. Sakura blinked at him. Or maybe her ears were not adjusted to his quiet voice. Naruto heard it could happen and Chi had begged him on fifty separate occasions to please learn how to be silent.
"Hn." And there was the Uchiha pride again. Only this time his stomach seemed to forget whose body it was in and rumbled loudly. His team stared at him as his ears flushed red. Naruto snickered and held the bag closer. Sasuke glared at him but he too was a growing boy and there was only so much his pride could hide. Faster than the eye could see, he took out a cup and a pair of chopsticks.
Sakura gasped and eyed the bag. She was kind of hungry. Her new diet was brutal but the magazine had promised it would work wonders so she followed it. Sasuke hadn't noticed her figure yet so she couldn't give up. Still, smells good...
Naruto shuffled his feet, his ramen-alarm going off. The noodles were so close to ruin! Sakura couldn't decide whether to come closer or stand further away. Sasuke was halfway through his cup, ignoring them with practiced ease.
"You know, I eat them all the time and I never gain any weight." Naruto edged but winced when the girl huffed. Sakura crossed her arms.
"Yeah right, I bet your clothes are just hiding the fat!"
Naruto blinked at her and without preamble, lifted his shirt up, inspecting his abdomen."I'm not fat! Look here, I bet I got more muscle than Sasuke!"
Neither of the two reacted. Naruto looked up and frowned when he saw their faces. Sakura's eyes were wide and worried. Sasuke looked mildly indignant but couldn't tear his eyes away. Growing uncomfortable, Naruto dropped his shirt and shifted, forcing a huge grin on his face. "Maa, stop staring. You're making me shy."
Sakura's eyes snapped up but there was no anger in them. Only confusion. "Naruto, do you only eat ramen?"
Naruto shrugged, wrinkling his nose. "Well, sometimes I make rice and like, miso, y'know. But I keep burning the rice and I don't want to keep buying a new pot."
"What about meat, or chicken?" Sakura pressed. Even her diet allowed that.
Naruto looked at her like she just told him the greatest joke. "Sakura-chan, I'm not rich y'now. I can't buy actual meat! I do like the spicy beef ramen though..." he added, remembering he had ran out of that particular flavor yesterday.
Sasuke put his empty cup aside, brows pinched in thought. Naruto pressed the bag in Sakura's hands. "Eat up! They're going to get ruined!"
Sakura looked conflicted but then her own stomach grumbled. Flushing red, she sat down and began to eat. Naruto plopped down across from her and stared at the remaining cup miserably. Sakura noticed his look and nudged the bag at him. "Eat the other one. I bet sensei already ate."
Naruto brightened. "Really? Cool!" He dug in and finished in a minute. Sakura gave him a long, contemplative look before focusing on her food again.
The cups were cleaned out and neatly gathered in the bag. Training Ground 3 became devoid of children's voices. The trio sat in the growing shadow of the tree, half dozing and half alert. Sasuke was mostly brooding, glaring at the Memorial Stone as if, instead of names, it bore an insult to his mother. Sakura was braiding her hair for what seemed to be the hundredth time and incorporated flowers in it.
Surrounded by paper summoned from one of his scrolls ("I just need to cut my thumb a bit and swipe, see?" "Ack! You're bleeding out!") Naruto was planning a prank fest. His thumb and most of his palm was wrapped in cloth by Sakura and Sasuke, the latter only offering the occasional grimace when Sakura did something wrong. After he was done drawing and cackling, he turned to his teammates with an evil grin.
"Hey, hey, how about we prank sensei?"
Sakura looked panicked and shook her head "No way, idiot! Did you forget what he said yesterday when your traps went off?"
Kakashi had declared that he disliked them severely and brought them to the roof for a dubious round of introductions. Then a teacher had stormed up to them and forced them to clean their entire classroom, Kakashi was long gone by then. Naruto waved her worries away.
"These are special ones. When he sees them, he will see how awesome I-we are!" He smiled his thousand Watt smile that blinded Sakura, made Sasuke look away and flash-fried a passing dove.
"We can't!"
"It's practice!"
"It- It is?" Sakura's jaw clicked shut, wondering where Naruto had come up with that idea.
Naruto nodded vigorously, "Yeah, he's gonna be all 'Wow, you made this? Amazing, you pass!' and then we'll be Jonin in no time, y'know!"
"I-if you say so..." Sakura wasn't sure what to think of her teammate other than that he had a dangerously convincing smile. They both turned to Sasuke. A vein popped in his jaw but he turned away. Naruto crawled around him and stared at him with wide eyes. Sakura hesitantly followed and shyly batted her eyelashes at her crush.
"C'mon you jer- I mean, good person..." Naruto tried, rubbing the spot on his arm where Sakura had elbowed him. "I know you want to."
Sakura nodded. Kakashi deserved some kind of revenge, or he might keep doing this the whole time! "I saw his plans, they're not bad!"
Naruto blushed "Aww, thanks Sakura-chan!"
Realizing they weren't giving up, Sasuke sighed. "Fine, but you better not mess this up idiot." He shot a glare at Sakura who froze like a deer caught by a hunter. "And only if you stop bothering me."
"Sasuke-kun-"
Sasuke glowered at her and it was so reminiscent of Chi's piercing gaze that Sakura's jaw clicked shut. Taken aback, she blinked rapidly and swallowed, before nodding quietly. She glanced at Naruto who was watching the exchange with wide eyes. "You too- You can drop the -chan, Naruto..."
"But-" Naruto began, his limited social skills flown out of the window. Sakura shook her head. "Chi was right... We shouldn't- Let's just start over..."
Naruto's eyes widened "Chi didn't mean it- Whatever she said. She's just a bit grumpy-"
"Just," Sakura sighed, "leave it."
A tense moment passed where none of them knew where to look. Eventually, Sakura reached for the papers and smiled tersely. "Let's start?"
The three separated the many papers and material they had together and got started. Soon all three were putting their utmost in the job, snickering under their breath every now and then when they attached a paper tag. Even Sasuke had to admit that these traps were of genius caliber. He never knew that the dead-last was capable of such creativity.
Two hours later, they were back at their starting points and looked thoroughly satisfied, though Sasuke mostly gave of the air of satisfaction. It took another hour for their sensei to arrive but at this point Sakura and Naruto simply greeted him and Sasuke nodded. Kakashi's senses jumped into action instantly as his internal alarm began to shriek.
No one had ever greeted him like this when he was this late. Not even the Hokage after so many years of him arriving three hours late. At this point the least he got was a twitching eye and some four-letter words thrown at his head. Nonetheless, his eye curved in a cheery smile.
"Good morning! I am sorry for being late but I got lost on the path of life." It was his most obvious excuse and it pleased him to see Sakura's eye twitch. Ha, I win. His eye went over the bag in the corner. All three suddenly looked guilty, Naruto the most.
"A-ah you see sensei... I was really hungry this morning so I ate some ramen-"
"And then he brought some for us to get even. He even brought one for you but you were too late." Sakura unexpectedly finished, startling both Naruto and herself. It's alright. I can't go around blaming him when I ate the food too. Her Inner Sakura calmed her internal turmoil down and she managed a smile. "So Sasuke-k- ate yours."
Her ears turned red but she soldiered through. Sasuke didn't seem to care either way but she figured the honorific was part of the 'pestering'. Sasuke hardly called anyone 'sensei' either.
"Hn, the noodles were cold and soggy anyway. You wouldn't have enjoyed it."
Now Naruto was openly gaping and Sakura clutched her chest in utter shock. Kakashi was glad to see the Uchiha openly huff and turn away with a pink tint on his cheeks. He had been slightly worried that the kid was suffering from paralyzed facial muscles due to some fault in his genes. It would make sense since the pokerface was a clan thing and the Uchiha's married within the clan.
He eyed the team that he would have to test. Truth to be told, they already passed. Hmm, but where is the fun in that?
Kakashi smiled and pulled out the infamous twin bells. "I guess I just have to raise the bar for you to pass. Alright, time for the test."
He led them to the center of the training field, fully aware of the mischievous looks of his blond and pink student. Even the blue one looked amused. But not too much, just enough. His inner alarm was still blaring and he figured that it might have been better to just pass them. Especially since he couldn't detect anything odd.
Warily, he explained the test, watched in pleasure how their tiny brains worked out the underlying issue of the two bells for three students. He was already so proud of them while simultaneously completely done with their crap.
"So come at me with the intent to kill, okay?" He pulled out his book, briefly noting the gawking expressions of Sakura and Naruto. Sasuke was full on amusing himself now.
"You sure sensei? You could get hurt y'know." Naruto told him in all seriousness and Kakashi's mind was in overdrive right now. He heard of this kid, of course he did. Besides the things every shinobi of his caliber knew, and because he had guarded the kid even before he was born, he knew that the boy managed to outrun ANBU and hid from them with success. He knew that he was responsible for the many pink files in the Headquarters and for painting on the Hokage monument in broad daylight. His file showed some promise in sealing (and if that wasn't a blow to the gut) and the odd control he had over his massive chakra reserves. He even managed to befriend a kid from a clan most gave a wide berth.
Kakashi smiled again.
"I'm sure I'll be fine."
Naruto looked at him fellow Genin and shrugged "If you say so sensei."
He formed a seal and all three immediately jumped away. Kakashi's sole eye widened when he felt chakra flare from all around him. The ground blurred and suddenly five large sheets appeared with a seal on each of them. In a split second, Kakashi saw and recognized the suppression formula scrawled around the main part of the seal. That's impressive.
Instinct kicked in and he jumped up, right before the ground tore apart in a mass of explosions, paint and glitter. In awe, Kakashi landed on a nearby tree who immediately puffed away, making the Jonin jump away again. A leaf fluttered down and Kakashi just managed to spot the storage seal drawn on it. His heart leaped and he had to force the painful memories away. Instead he decided to move.
Like that, a long chain of randomly disappearing trees, squirrels wearing a bomb suit (that was very disturbing and Kakashi had already planned a speech on abusing God's innocent creatures), doves that dropped paint bombs (that was impressive), patches of grass rigged with wire that triggered kunais and burning logs to fly at him, kept Kakashi on his toes. At some point he also encountered a very creative, yet simple genjutsu that he admired for a moment before dispelling it, and finally complex seal pinned to a bush that he didn't dare to touch out of fear for blowing up the village,
After he was sure that all the traps were gone, he took a look at the destroyed training ground and then looked at the disappointed students hiding in the tree.
He sighed, "I didn't even say 'start' yet, did I?"
Barbecue restaurant, evening~
Sasuke would never admit it, but his first day of working together with his team was enjoyable. Naruto had impressed them with his seals (apparently that was what he had been doing in class though he never really understood it) and Sakura shocked him with her chakra control. The fact that she hadn't asked him out again also helped.
Sasuke had a sheet of paper folded and hidden in his pocket. Seals were finicky and Naruto had insisted they first practiced them on a different paper before copying it to the actual conducting paper. It was a rare display of foresight from the blond so the other two agreed, baffled. Sasuke had sketched the seals all out on this paper first and jotted down their names and uses. Unfortunately, most of Naruto's seals just exploded in different fashions and that wasn't really elegant or impressive. Sasuke was going to get a book from the library and see if there were any less primitive seals that could kill a man.
Naruto explained that he once tried to make a square seal and blew up part of the mountains. Sasuke didn't want to believe him, but he had seen the cavern and knew it was not from natural causes. Killing a man should be easy then. Even if that man was It- Ita- that Man.
Since Naruto's genjutsu skill was abysmal, he and Sakura went on to design a simple illusion. The base was a genjutsu they had learned in the Academy and they decided to alter it a bit to make it fit in the training ground. According to Sakura it was a shadow that looked like a shinobi hiding in a tree. They altered it so it looked like a man was crawling out of the shadow and then burst into swirling patterns to create nausea and confusion.
In the end, he couldn't perform it but she could. She was sweaty and out of breath, hidden by a concealing seal slapped on her dress, but she managed to cast it. Of course it stung and he was determined to beat her but, in the end he would naturally become a better genjutsu user than any of them so it didn't matter. I just need my Sharingan.
He put his chopsticks down and looked at his team. They were sitting in a barbecue restaurant after blackmailing their sensei into paying for them. It was a nice place, mostly visited by teens and large families on a budget. They had been led to a far corner by the waitress who had taken one look at Kakashi and nearly jumped in the little aquarium behind her. Kakashi was reading porn so he never noticed. As they made their way over to the table, Naruto tried to hide behind Kakashi, and managed it fairly well. Sakura send him countless glances but something kept her from speaking. It was almost as bad as when she kept talking.
Now they were seated and halfway through their meal. Naruto was sulking because it wasn't ramen, Sakura was fussing over her diet again and Kakashi was reading his orange book. His plate was already empty. Sasuke's eye twitched, he hadn't even seen the man move!
The laughter of a nearby family startled him. It was a family of four, one older boy fussing dangling a piece of meat high above his scowling little brother. Their parents looked on with amusement. Sharp pain shot through Sasuke's chest. He pinched his thigh until he managed to tear his gaze away. Naruto was yelling something, he too had discovered Kakashi's empty plate, and it hurt his ears. Sakura wasn't paying attention to him, instead berating Naruto for being too loud.
Sasuke gritted his teeth and stabbed a tomato with his chopsticks. Memories flooded his mind in an onslaught like he usually got at night. Naruto managed to spill his glass of water and Sasuke snapped. He caught the glass and glared at Naruto, "Shut the hell up, idiot!"
Naruto turned to him, eyes blazing with indignation, "What did you say, duck-butt? You wanna go?"
"You'll just waste my time." Sasuke retorted, feeling grounded now that he had a target.
"Guys..." Sakura squirmed, trying to push them both down. It was the last time Naruto and Sasuke would be allowed to sit next to each other, she decided. "Stop fighting, we're in a restaurant. You're going to get us kicked out!"
Sasuke huffed but sat down, smirking at Naruto's red face. The blond was no longer hidden and already, the first glares were thrown at him. Sasuke watched as he shrunk back in his seat, muttering curses under his breath. Sakura sighed in relief, bowing briefly at the waitress to apologize. Sasuke glanced at Kakashi, who looked wholly undisturbed. This is our sensei? How are we supposed to learn from him? He glared at his food.
Unbeknown to him, Kakashi was eying him over his book. His team had been together for one day and they already had their first fight. His eye lingered on Sasuke. He had been so sure that they were alike. Kakashi didn't like to remember how he had been at twelve but Sasuke was much like him initially. Then he picked a fight with his teammate while Kakashi would have bore it all with stoic silence. Combined with the test of today, Kakashi wasn't so sure if his comparison to his old team was correct.
He looked at the other members. One was sulkily eating more than all of them combined, the other was picking out the least fatty bits while sending hungry glances at the juicy meat. He sighed again. Nothing made sense about this team. Sensei, what would you do with them?
There was no answer but, in that moment he saw Sakura sneak some fatty meat on Naruto's plate without the boy noticing. His sole eye blinked slowly, processing what he had witnessed. A tendril of hope wove around his heart. Perhaps they stood a chance.
The bar, night~
"Yo!"
"What happened to meeting at nine, asshole?" Anko threw a bottle at him the moment he appeared. Kakashi's eye curved into a smile.
"I was taking my team out for barbecue."
"Yeah, right. Come up with a-mpff-" Genma's hand clamped over her mouth as the entire group of Jonin stared at him. Kakashi felt his eye twitch at the attention. He made his way over to a chair near Asuma and sat down, pulling his book out.
"You passed them?" Asuma asked, his cigarette was balancing dangerously on his lower lip as his mouth hung open. Kakashi nodded cheerfully, turning a page.
"Yup. Actually they passed before I even arrived."
The occupants of the room sighed collectively. Of course he couldn't arrive on time on such a big day.
"MY HIP RIVAL PASSED A TEAM?" Guy shot forward, bringing his eyes close to Kakashi, who batted him away.
"Yes."
"TRULY?" Guy eyes were wide.
"That's what I said." Kakashi sighed, fearing the worst.
Guy burst into tears. "This is the most beautiful moment of your life, Kakashi! Cherish this, and them! They are your children now, your legacy-!"
He couldn't continue anymore, the crashing of waves behind him growing too loud. Kurenai patted his back consolingly as he bravely stammered on. "I-I never thought I'd see the day where my rival found himself his very own team!"
"Maa... They're just Genin-"
Guy froze in a way that told his friends that he just had an idea. Kakashi backed away. Kurenai jumped behind Anko, who held up a dango-stick as a weapon.
"Joined training sessions." Guy whispered.
Dead silence.
"Absolutely not." Kakashi shot back. The three were brats but they didn't deserve the view of spandex-clad butts just yet.
"Yes!" Guy ignored him. "It will be amazing! An explosion of youth!"
Anko, bless her impatience, kicked him into the wall. "Knock it out Eyebrows! You're going to drown us in your tears!"
The barman went to peel Guy off the wall while Anko scowled, trying to gouge the damage to her eardrums.
"Damn, Kakashi. He's not completely wrong." Asuma laughed heartily. "Now you have to train them! Take care of them!"
Kakashi shuddered but didn't respond. Guy calmed down enough to sip some lemonade. His eyes were sharp again, Anko's kick having sobered him up.
"I am curious. Why did you pass them?" he asked curiously.
"Yeah, what the hell did they do?" Genma inquired, sitting backwards on a chair.
"They showed that they could work together for a single goal without tearing Naruto's throat out." The silver haired man ignored the pointed looks from his colleagues.
The trio had exhausted themselves, trying to show off all their other skills at once. It wasn't until Sakura's stamina finally ran out when Naruto and Sasuke shot out to help her before Kakashi 'killed' her. It was adorable to see Naruto jump out under the cover of his clones and carry Sakura off while Sasuke shot a fireball at his head.
Clones Naruto should not have been able to make and a fireball Sasuke should not have been able to execute that perfectly, but that was a concern for the upcoming-week's Kakashi.
Afterwards they hid in the tree again, as if Kakashi couldn't point them out without even trying, and had a furious discussion that included Sasuke muttering and Naruto screeching while Sakura groaned. Kakashi had decided to end his (and their, but mostly his) misery by asking them to pick who would fail. Mean, yes, but needed. He regretted it within a minute as all three of them turned out to be self-sacrificing idiots who established dominance by yelling louder.
Sasuke's pride led him to say things like: 'I don't even want to be in this team. Next year they'll be better.", causing Naruto to yell back along the lines of: 'I failed three times already, so take it you turd-faced jerk! Or you Sakura-chaaaa-! You deserve it!', which led to Sakura shrieking something like: 'Don't yell at Sasuke-k-! Sensei don't laugh!' and 'My parents don't mind. You two are strong anyway. I can just do it again.' Kakashi passed them simply to save his ears if he was honest.
"How are they?" Kurenai asked "I did hear a lot of noise coming from your training ground."
"Yeah." Kotetsu chimed in from his corner where he had build an impressive tower of bottles. "Hokage-sama was staring at his glass ball the entire day and kept muttering about squirrels."
"Ah that. Let's just say that my usual training ground went through some, eh, changes." Kakashi explained sheepishly, deciding that telling them about the kamikaze-rodents would end with him and his team in a psychiatric clinic. No one was satisfied with that answer and he was sure that they would all make a trip to the field to find the answer. Potential gossip material was to Jonin what shiny objects were to crows.
Kakashi only knew one Jonin who fell under both categories. The Ultimate Wingman, Shisui... Simply having to be around the tall Uchiha was enough to deter anyone from wearing jewelry unless that person wanted Shisui to be up in their personal space, awing over silver and gold. Kakashi had even noticed the man eying his silver hair and promptly decided to go for a haircut.
"What did you do?" Kurenai's voiced brought him back from the memories. Kakashi's eye curved but his lips were sealed. He'd let their curiosity do the work for him. Knowing the crowd around him, Kakashi knew that they would all be at Training ground 3 tomorrow. They would then see a sea of pink, blue, orange and red glitter, would notice that a lot of trees were missing and that, despite the mess, the memorial stone was suspiciously shiny and polished. Almost as if Kakashi had made the Genin scrub the stone clean of any glitter and dye. Almost.
Kakashi hadn't dared to activate the seal and neither did his team. They instead chose to look away when he asked them what they had planned to do. When he asked Naruto about the seal, the boy shrugged and said casually, "Chi made me draw it once."
Kakashi made a mental note to have a conversation about the dangers of teaching potentially destructive seals to Naruto with her. He would also bug Ibiki to let him borrow the girl so that Naruto might be able to live up to his Uzumaki name. For now, he just carefully kept the seal in a slip of plastic hidden in his vest. Every now and then he checked in case any burning or itching or sealing happened. So far still safe.
"So now that even you have a team, and Gai's team is still breathing, that leaves just one person." Anko ginned evilly and looked past Kakashi. The Jonin turned around and smiled at the sight of Ibiki who really wanted to blend in with the background. Too bad his black leather jacket didn't match the auburn bar. Asuma grinned at him, put his cigarette out, much to the relief of Kurenai, and instead downed his glass.
"You can't escape now. It's been two days and even Lazy-Kakashi passed them. What are yours doing?' Genma grinned like a shark. Kakashi was just glad the attention was off him and opted not to throw an ice cube at Genma's head.
Ibiki huffed "I am testing them to see if they can handle the job I am going to give them." In hindsight, not the greatest choice of words. Ibiki pointedly kept his eyes on Genma. The room fell silent
"Are you forcing them in the ANBU?" Kurenai narrowed her eyes. Besides him Asuma's expression froze. His sister and brother-in-law were both ANBU and had left their son orphaned.
Ibiki shook his head, holding his hands out as if they could protect him from a genjutsu expert. "No, I am making them do a simulation of a mission. If they can handle it then they will have a bright future ahead."
"And if they can't?"
God that woman was scary, and what's with her eyes? Ibiki grumbled and twirled his glass. He was a tough guy, hardened and brutal. He tortured people, broke them beyond repair. That's what he chose to do, more or less. It's what the girls would be doing, if they made it.
"Then they can no longer be shinobi." He finished his glass as soon as the words left his mouth.
"Ibiki!" Half the Jonin glared at him in shock. He noted the lone eye of Kakashi studying him, grim but steely. He knew. Of all people in this room, only Kakashi and Anko had enough experience in the murky ways of the ANBU to truly understand this test and why it mattered. Anko was currently stealing alcohol from her surroundings, lips twisted into a bitter smirk.
Asuma stopped Kurenai from continuing. He played with his lighter. "What kind of mission are we talking about? What rank?"
Ibiki shook his head. "Classified."
"C'mon man..." Genma protested. They all had secrets and information that they withheld from each other, but the general rule in the bar was that they didn't. Everything, everyone and their dog was discussed in the confines of the room. The bar was so heavily secured with countless seals, traps and insulation installed by any shinobi who came here more than once a week, that sharing secrets was no breach at all. Ibiki hesitated.
"It's not exactly ranked but I'd guess around B-level." It also wasn't exactly a mission. It was a giant trap. The room looked at him in disbelief. Genin on a B-rank without any supervision. Might as well slit their throats during the briefing.
"Orders are orders." Ibiki added and turned away.
The tension grew in the room and the barkeeper quietly walked to the far corner. The Jonins knew who Team 11 consisted of. They were warned. The clan wasn't famous, but they were rumored. They were the shinobi equivalent of a bogeyman, in that most would scoff and laugh at the notion and then wet their pants when they met one. Just uttering the name Ketsueki in most Hidden Villages was enough to send shinobi on either side in a frenzy. Hidden Stone in particular, held a few dozen grudges against the Ketsueki clan.
If Kakashi was completely honest, he wasn't even sure who was hated more there: the Ketsueki or Minato. Aside from the Hidden Leaf and Hidden Stone shinobi, no one else seemed very aware that the clan existed. It was probably for the best. Added to that was a descendant from a samurai family, an automatic disadvantage in a shinobi village, and a pure and simple civilian. It was a team made for disaster. Only Kakashi's own hellions had a higher chance of bringing Doom to the world.
"What's the point?" Anko suddenly burst. The Jonin blinked at her. She gestured with a bottle of vodka that had teleported into her hand, "What's the whole point of making some little girls cry?"
Ibiki scoffed. "It's not to make them cry."
Genma raised a disbelieving eyebrow at him, "And how is that going?"
Ibiki leveled a glare at him, which the latter shrugged off. He once dealt with an irate Iruka before, when the man had found him reading one of Kakashi's books near the Academy. An angry torturer was nothing.
"The point," Ibiki gritted out, "is to isolate Chi and get the other two away from shinobi life."
"Just Chi?" Asuma frowned, "Isn't that the kid from that-"
"Yes, and that is why." Ibiki rubbed his forehead. "Her clan, her abilities, make her very valuable."
He paused and looked around. All trusted faces of friends he'd die for without a second thought. They all looked at him in varying states of sobriety.
"Danzo wants her in ANBU."
Kakashi even lowered his book for that statement. His lone eye was dangerously sharp. "Which ANBU?"
Anko's eyes widened as she looked at Kakashi with newfound respect. "Damn, you really went there."
"Is this about," Genma lowered his voice and leaned closer, confusion on his face, "that other division?"
"The one that was supposedly dissolved years ago, yes." Ibiki confirmed, "Danzo is still the face of ANBU despite all that." He added bitterly. On paper, Danzo had no actual power in ANBU aside from the occasional meetings with the Hokage. Danzo was a retired veteran who served his village blah, blah- In reality, a reality the Third Hokage somehow hadn't seen coming, Danzo still controlled a large part. He could go and enter the buildings whenever he wanted, performed routine inspections, selected ANBU for his personal guard and there was a suspicious amount of socially stunted shinobi in the ANBU. Some had improved over time, but none spoke a word about Danzo. Ibiki thought the Hokage was at least aware that Danzo had methods of keeping people quiet.
One look around told him that Kakashi's friend wasn't around. The kid was young, had no name of his own and followed Kakashi like a puppy. He was also related to Konoha's greatest headaches in terrible ways and strictly speaking a secret. Ibiki knew because Shikaku figured it out and it was Ibiki's speciality to get information out of people. Kakashi noticed him looking around and narrowed his eye. Ibiki signed a quick reply and the man relaxed.
"Isn't she way too young for ANBU?" Asuma looked for support- which he got unanimously- in the group, "I mean, Kakashi joined early and so did Itachi and look how they turned out."
Kakashi whipped around, disbelief at the blatant betrayal written on his face. Asuma winked at him but didn't stop. "My dad will never allow that to happen, again."
"Apparently, they made a deal." Ibiki explained, "Once Chi becomes a Chuunin, her skills will be evaluated and depending on that, she will be indicted or not."
"Still time then?" Genma tried. Ibiki shook his head.
"Why do you think I gave them this test?"
The bar fell silent. There was an uneasy tension in the air. Kakashi fought the urge to get up and leave because then his friends might plan another intervention and he had had plenty of those in the past. Most ended with him feeling like an open wound even if it was nice that they noticed him walking around with two-day-old soup in his hair because he couldn't bring himself to shower.
The door opened, immediately followed by a familiar voice. "What's with this atmosphere?"
Oh no. Ibiki twitched. Iruku's bag walked in, followed by the man himself and Ebisu. He looked at the group but his gaze landed on Kakashi, who was proud to say he didn't flinch. The question remained unasked but Kakashi could almost taste it.
The Jonin saluted him with his book, "They passed."
It took Iruka two seconds to take it in and then he sighed in relief. The tension left his shoulders as he dumped his bag on the ground. Anko choked on her beer at the loud crash that sounded, making Ibiki grin for the first time that night. Iruka walked to the bar and ordered before sighing again. His tugged at his ponytail to loosen it and smiled serenely.
"Man, am I glad you took them over, Kakashi."
Said man turned to him with a questioning eye. The Academy teacher was know for his fondness for his students. He was also scrutinized for his bond with village-pariah Naruto but most shinobi worth their salt didn't mind the kid. Iruka shook his head and leaned back on the counter.
"Not like that. I like the kids, I really do. I just don't think that I could handle them during their first kills or worse, puberty."
Silence.
All the sensei's collectively paled. Having grown up during war times, where no shinobi was spared, their sensei's had been brutal and aimed for efficiency. Puberty and hormones didn't exist during that time and feelings were stomped down. Unless they were feelings of anger and blood thirst, that was encouraged. The thought of having to teach these peace-time-kids how to kill was disturbing enough, them being driving by hormones throughout was straight out terrifying.
"M-maa, if they pass the Chuunin exams early then it will be fine right?" Kakashi tried but, to his horror Iruka just looked at him with a funny expression. He often had that expression when talking to Kakashi, the latter dimly realized. He had also seen the expression on doting parents dealing with slow offspring.
"What are you talking about?" Iruka chuckled mercilessly. "Puberty has just kicked in, the Chuunin exams are pretty much a deadline for all the Talks since it basically throws all those teenagers in one unsupervised battlefield." He sighed once again and took a large gulp of beer, oblivious to the petrified Jonin. "I am so glad that I don't have to tell them about periods, or sex and protection..."
Ibiki choked, suddenly remembering he had three girls in his team. Iruka continued, shooting Kakashi a glance that might as well have been a loaded crossbow aimed at his head. "Especially Naruto, I don't think the kid could understand how babies were made even if I showed him a movie."
Kakashi's book fell out of his nerveless hands. Asuma made a sluggish attempt to lit two cigarettes but dropped his lighter in his glass instead. The clear sound brought an idea to his mind and he looked up.
"Say, we could always organize a class for all of them at once right? And since you are their most trusted teacher-"
"Forget it Asuma." Iruka shook his head, instantly killing the light in the man's eyes. "From now on they will turn to you for all their problems. Besides, Guy managed it. How hard can it be?"
Guy's smile was a bit tight but he nodded. "Indeed, it was tough especially since Neji-kun is rather... stiff."
Genma choked on his spit, trying to hold his laughter. Guy continued, completely innocent in a way that made Kurenai worry for the older man.
"Lee was very shy afterwards but luckily Tenten was quite mature." Guy nodded. Asuma suddenly had a horrible question in his mind regarding puberty and spandex outfits but he kept it to himself, ordering another whiskey. Ibiki doubled the order, still looking rather faint.
See, it will be fine!" Iruka waved his hand, "Sure, Naruto is a special case but I am sure that you can handle it." Iruka smiled innocently and the entire room wondered what made the man look so evil. Kakashi tried to swallow but his throat was dry as the desert.
A cough announced Hayate's entrance. The sickly man looked around the room and had the audacity to look worried over everyone's pale faces. "What's wrong?"
Genma burst out laughing again. "Man, you have got to hear this!"
Anko grinned, sitting on the counter with gleaming eyes. "We'll finally know who's still a virgin here!"
Hayate looked intrigued and plopped down on the nearest available chair. "I have some suspicions, tell me what's up."
And thus, the teachers had to listen to their verdict once again. It did not sound better a second time. In fact, it really drilled it into the Jonin's heads. Especially when Hayate had to laugh so hard he started coughing and eventually fainted from the lack of oxygen.
Is it too late to fail them? Kakashi thought, staring at the chaos in the room. Of course, at that moment Yugao entered and demanded an explanation for the unconscious Hayate. The barkeeper had never sold so many bottles of sake to the Jonin before.
