Chapter 19: The Inner Light
Killian was drawn back to reality by the soft glow coming from his lover's hands, positioned over the tattoo and when the glow faded the tattoo on his wrist was gone but a new one had appeared on the back of his hand...and his breath caught in his throat.
The trident within the prism.
"Whoops. Sorry. I got a little side tracked by Poseidon...one of the versions of you that I created for my stories...the other being Hook. Do you mind? I think it suits you. I can…" She rambled only to be cut off by him, kissing her passionately, "You know...I could really get used to that."
Which resulted in another kiss, this one far less fiery and more tender. His heart was thudding so hard like a dozen horses at a full gallop. Poseidon...the mark of the trident...his mark, but what about the other one...Hook...the silver hook within the prism?
His brain felt like it was imploding; between everything she had said and that cryptic cat creature...mind blown...and then the events from earlier came flooding in. As much as he wanted to avoid the subject...he needed to tell her about what happened; Kora, the encampment, Rem...what he did...or rather what he didnt do.
He kissed her once more, softly and tenderly...trying desperately to steel himself for what he was about to say. He could only pray that she wouldn't leave him...because now that she was with him, he couldn't imagine living his life without her by his side.
"Artz, love...theres something i need to tell you." He started finally gathering up his courage, his body tensed with apprehension and fear.
Killian watched as those lovely sapphires shifted almost completely to a dull silver, the barest hint of blue remaining and the amount of pain and emotion in their depths...like a knife through his heart, through his very soul.
"I know. It's why i didn't go back. The screaming woke me up, even from that far away, and I had no idea where you were. I was afraid… I'm sorry… i wish I knew how to control this…" she replied revealing her shining hands, "I knew...I knew i was no match for her. I was a coward...and now they're dead...all of them...even Rem and Lily and Charlie...Monica, Lisa, Matthew, Sam, Edward...i know all their names; every man, woman, and child. I made certain to learn each of their stories...because I knew...I knew they were going to die and i did nothing."
His heart broke in a way that he wasn't sure he would ever be able to recover from. It made sense now...why she had been so persistent, talking to each one, getting to know them...even the children. She wanted them to be remembered so she scorched them into her memory, stabbing her heart again and again with every person she spoke to.
She branded her very soul for them because it was the only thing that she was able to do without committing suicide via the heartless witch in a vain attempt to save someone. That was true bravery, the truest form of courage there was...purer than Rumple's courage but still no less heroic.
To have that kind of determination and resolve, to willingly destroy yourself just so that they would be remembered...that they would live on within her, becoming the force that would push her forward … just so that no one else had to suffer like she did, to be murdered like they were.
Tears began to form in his eyes...this woman, this amazing and wonderful woman...there were no words to describe his emotions. They ran so deep, straight into the darkness and for a brief moment, it felt like two people were inhabiting his body.
All fell short of her...he was the one that fell short. He was not worthy of this woman at all and looking at her now...tears streaming down her face as she stared down at her glowing hands, blaming herself for their deaths and the shame of her supposed cowardice...he would never be worthy of her.
Her body was shaking so badly. It was rather difficult to hold on to her. She was practically hemmoraging from the intensity of her deeper emotions and at the rate she was going...she was going to explode.
He tilted her head up and she looked up at him, her tear stained face breaking his heart all over again. This wasnt her fault. Just because she knew a possible future didnt mean that she was responsible for it occurring. There was no shame in wanting to live and she at least did something.
She saved them in her mind, her heart, engraving them into her soul, but he had just stood there, watching as the witch killed every single man, woman, and child...Rem. Sweet lord...little Maria...he let her die, he did nothing to save her...and she smiled at him...she didn't hate him but he sure as hell hated himself.
"You're not a coward, love. In this case, you did the right thing...even though it wasn't easy. I would call myself the coward but I don't want to be slapped again. It doesn't change the fact that I just stood there, unmoving...watching as she killed them all. Rem...the little girl I had once saved...i just stood there...i did nothing to save her.
She smiled...she actually smiled at me. She didn't hate me or blame me. She was happy i was there...like I was still her favorite person in the world. I couldn't even scream because then Kora would know that I cared...that I cared...for Rem.
I know that heartless bitch...love is weakness...that is what she always says, but in that moment, I realized...i realized that she was wrong...because I loved that little girl back in Neverland and I got to see her again...all grown up. A little hellion for sure, but so strong...it made me proud when i realized that it was her.
I saw the light in her eyes...i saw it fade away...the dust from her crushed heart blowing away in the wind. She fell to the ground and i wished...i wished that it wasn't real...just another ruse...that she would just roll over and say that makes twice now, ya bloody idiot...but she didn't.
She was gone and I couldn't linger. I just wanted to close her eyes, but I couldn't even do that because of that blasted witch. I trailed after her, praying that you didn't return to the camp while I was gone. I was relieved when i didn't see you anywhere and I waited for the Queen of Hearts to leave.
When I was certain that fucking bitch was gone, I went back to where I had left you and you weren't there...i was terrified… for a moment I thought...i thought..." He told her, reaching down to let his fingers graze the little flute he had left with her,
"I heard it...the flute. I thought I was hallucinating, wanting so badly for you to be okay… that I hadn't gotten you killed… that I hadn't let you die like Rem. Then I heard it again… I have never run so fast in my life...my heart nearly stopping every time the music suddenly stopped… then… then I saw you. I almost fell...the relief of seeing you alive, trying to warm up your hands just so you could play."
He closed his eyes, full on crying because his emotions were running so high and so deep. He reopened his eyes when she used her sleeve to wipe away his tears, understanding exactly how he was feeling and like Rem, she didn't hate him.
He gazed into her eyes, marveling at just how compassionate and kind they were. Did she really not hate him or blame him? She cupped his cheek and he immediately leaned into her touch, his hand coming up to cover hers.
He took a chance and turned to kiss her wrist, her eyes filling with tears again. Her expression softened as she smiled at him, her shimmering sapphires so warm and not a single trace of hate or doubt or even fear. That meant more to him than he could ever hope to express in a lifetime and he knew that no matter what...he was not leaving her side ever again...Kora be damned.
He flinched slightly when she removed her hand from his grasp but then realized why. She held out the flute to him, it resting within both of her hands. Her eyes lingered on the small instrument, her eyes seemingly far away.
"It's strange. This flute is exactly like the one that Picard had. That particular episode was called The Inner Light...it was the song I was playing...Killian," She looks up at him, "I don't know how to play the flute...but I could play this one like I had done it for years. Do you think...that maybe…"
"That maybe you gave it to me? I do know how to play the flute, love. It was probably me that taught you how to play but it would also explain how i knew the song. I played it for...it was years ago. How could I know a song from your land and how did you know how to play this particular flute...we've met before...i'm sure of it. There is no other way to explain it." He agreed wrapping his arms around her and clinging to her with a desperate hope that this theory was the truth.
"If it's true...then what happened to us? Why can't we remember? How did we get separated because I would not have left willingly? How did I end up in Storybrooke? How do I have magic? Was I born with it? Was it given to me?" She paused before getting a sour look on her face, "Why was I still a virgin if i spent any length of time with you because I'm pretty certain that i would have jumped your bones at some point?"
This startled a laugh out of Killian though it was a fair point. With how strongly he felt for her... she should not have been a virgin and yet she was. There were so many questions and not enough answers.
"I dont know but we're going to figure it out...together." He stated cupping her cheek with his left hand...he really loved that hand.
"Do you still want revenge?" She asked covering his hand with her own.
"Given everything that you've told me… the only thing I'm certain about...is you. I want to stay with you. Wherever you go, i will always follow. If your path crosses with the Crocodile...well we'll deal with it then." He answered honestly.
The truth was that all he wanted was her, but he knew that she would not accept that as an answer. They had known each other for less than a day, yet it felt like they had known each other for years. He trusted her, he believed her, and he didn't want revenge.
There was no point now...now that he had his star...she was the only thing he wanted and needed, but he knew that despite them being lovers, he still needed to take things slowly on the emotional front. She had endured a great deal of pain before coming here, before meeting him. He needed to heal her heart first before he could claim it forever.
"You promise?" She whispered so much hope in those beautiful blue orbs.
"I give you my word, Artz Lanaria." He stated firmly and without any doubt or uncertainty.
She smiled widely, her body beginning to glow in that same electric blue light as before, and then she climbed fully into his lap and kissed him. Looks like it was time for round two...so much for sleep.
The pirate captain should have paid more attention to what her magic was doing… because she was Artz Lanaria, the woman that does the impossible...nothing was stronger than his star's heart, a fact that would become astoundingly apparent very soon.
