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Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit or its characters.
The Loudest Silence
Chapter Seven
After the Dwarves went back about their business and scattered to tell the others of my joining the group, I finally got Gandalf alone. He raised an eyebrow when I hurried over, mouthing 'You. Me. Talk.' while pointing to him, then myself, and tacked on a jabbering motion with my hand. I pointed a thumb down the hall as well. Even if it was just the illusion of privacy, it felt better than questioning him out in the open room. He complied easy enough, though he did have to hunch a bit in the short hallway.
"What is the matter, Miss Hollander?" Gandalf asked. He seemed genuinely interested.
'This!' I answered mutely, gesturing to my throat. I tried to wave my hands towards him in a way that suggested he use magic to fix it.
He maintained an amiable face, though his words were serious, as he told me, "Oh no, I'm afraid that's out of my hands, dear. The Valar do not intervene as such without good reason, so I can only assume there is a lesson you are meant to learn from it."
Yeah, sure, okay. 'So?'
"Your voice will return when they decide it and no sooner," Gandalf explained. "I cannot simply undo this form of magic. I do not have that kind of power, nor is it my place."
I felt myself slouch with this news, already having known deep down there was no way for him to give me my voice back. As bummed out as this made me, I still had another question. This was more out of curiosity than anything, as I had a hunch of what the answer was, but I couldn't come up with a good way to word it.
Glancing around the hall, I spotted a vase of flowers on a shelf. Gently as possible, so not to actually crush the plants, I plucked a few out and held them atop my head in mimicry of the woman I saw.
'Who?' I asked, gesturing to the improvised flower crown.
There was a moment of befuddlement while he was trying to decipher my crazy actions. I felt ridiculous when I had to use my other hand to strike a girly pose, setting my face to what I hoped was a regal expression and tilting my chin upward. I wiggled my fingers off to the side to show magic, and relaxed, taking off the flower crown, patting my chest, and pointing to the floor with a tiny stomp. When Gandalf finally understood, his eyebrows shot up in legitimate surprise.
"Gracious. You saw the Valar who brought you here?" he questioned, and I nodded. "Flowers… It must have been the Lady Yavanna. I have to say that is a very great gift in of itself, my dear. For her to show herself in such a way to a mortal… I can only imagine what your importance to this quest is."
There was a long moment of profound silence as he regarded me. Of course, the answer to my question was as I had suspected – that it had been Yavanna who I saw. Or, a phantom-like version of her, anyway. I was pretty sure that the Valar wouldn't actually be able to pop up and say hi to random citizens, but then again, up until a few days ago I had been pretty sure that Middle Earth wasn't real, so my surety of anything was fragile at best.
I sighed deeply, both from exasperation at my situation and just plain fatigue, then turned to put the flowers back in their vase of water.
"I was not lying when I said I believed you would be an asset to this company," the wizard kindly said, obviously trying to cheer me up.
I gave a look of skepticism and propped a hand on my hip. Other than the obvious 'change' I miraculously had to make at the end of the quest (which he didn't even know about yet, and so was a moot point), I really had no idea how I would be useful.
Gandalf only chuckled at my doubt, insisting, "The Valar would not have brought you to Middle Earth on a mere whim. You were chosen for a reason, Miss Hollander; the others will see that in due time, and so will you."
A hush followed as I stared at him, mildly encouraged. My hand slowly slid from my hip and an embarrassed smile of self-depreciation made its way forward. He should just write motivational books or something, honestly.
"Now, I recommend you get a bit of rest, as the morning will be here before you know it," Gandalf added, and our short conversation felt done.
The wizard went off to do who-knows-what and I shuffled back down the hall, where I remembered setting my backpack. I needed to sort through it and take out the unnecessary crap before we started the journey, and see what I had that would actually be of use.
In the entrance hall, I spotted my bag atop a slim table against the wall, and made my way over. As I went to grab it though, I heard a deep hum. Multiple deep hums, coming from the room to my right. Within the first note, I recognized what was going on, and silenced my movements as I slipped my backpack over my shoulder.
"Far over the Misty Mountains cold,
To dungeons deep, and caverns old.
We must away, ere break of day,
To find our long forgotten gold."
Thorin's voice was joined by the rest of the Dwarves in singing of their loss. I crept closer, but didn't dare peek around the doorway for fear they would see me. It felt like I would be intruding on a private moment for them, time for mourning that they wouldn't be getting any more of for a long while, though I knew the song was partially to convince Bilbo to come along. Somewhere in the house, the Hobbit was sitting on his bed listening in as well.
"The pines were roaring, on the height,
The winds were moaning, in the night.
The fire was red, it flaming spread,
The trees like torches, blazed with light."
My throat felt tight as I was reminded, once again, that Erebor existed here. These were real people who had lost their home to fire and destruction – something I was lucky enough to never go through. Yet another moment that made me wonder what Yavanna could have possibly been thinking by sending me. I would never truly understand how the Dwarves felt. The hardships of my life were few and far between, and of a completely different nature besides.
I was so not the right candidate for this.
A silence stretched on after the final note of their song had finished, though it was eventually interrupted by their leader's voice.
"All of you get some sleep," said Thorin. "We will be leaving at first light."
Ugh. All thoughts of dragons and homes were pushed aside at hearing this. I was not a morning person. It looked like I would have to become one though, since this would likely be our schedule from then on.
I heard the Company shuffling about from inside the parlor and took that as my cue to go. Bag End was a pretty large home, and I still had no idea which room I was supposed to sleep in, or if it even mattered. I crept back down past the parlor's other door and into the West Hall, looking for the guest bedroom that I knew was somewhere back there. Once I finally located it, I realized that there were no lights on inside, and hurriedly grabbed a candle from the hall to light the ones in the room.
Living before electricity must have been an absolute pain in the ass, I thought, closing the bedroom door behind me. I lit two large candles that were perched on the walls, blowing out the extra.
The room looked cozy in the dim glow of the candles and the moonlight filtering through the round window, not to mention much more organized than any bedroom I had ever lived in myself. There was a single little bed with plush quilts and fluffy pillows, their cases having white crocheted flowers all over them. The wooden bed frame appeared sturdy, and there was a dresser made of the same wood. A petite matching table sat beside the bed, holding a large oil lamp and more crocheted doilies, and all in all it reminded me of my grandma's house. Minus electricity.
I set my backpack down on the floor and began dumping the contents. Pencil bag, notebooks, cell phone, calculator, a library copy of The Last Unicorn, two granola bars, my water bottle, several feminine products in a baggy with some Tylenol, my (thankfully) small literature class text, and my wallet.
I put the unnecessary things aside, as it was getting late, and we would be departing "at first light" – also known as the butt-crack of dawn. I had no wish to get on Thorin's bad side on the very first day, and I figured slowing down their launch would be less than helpful. If I overslept and they didn't wake me, there was also a very good chance that I would have to run after them with Bilbo, and running was not on the list of things I was good at.
I then remembered how much of that I was going to have to do, regardless.
Ugh, I'm totally going to die.
I put the baggy of feminine products and pain meds back in the bag, knowing I would definitely need those. Of course, the tampon and pad supply was maybe only enough for one cycle, so I knew I would run out and have to resort to the medieval methods they used here, but I was going to put that off for as long as I could.
The Last Unicorn also went in, as I figured one tiny bit of entertainment couldn't hurt. Though it was crinkled and damaged from the river, it was still readable. Mostly. I flipped through a few times, finding a some pages that were permanently stuck together, but I'd read it once before - a long time ago. Boredom was not a good look for me, so I went ahead and added it all the same.
I glanced over my pens and the notebooks then, hoping that even if I wasn't allowed to write words, maybe I would still be allowed to doodle. Surely Yavanna would allow me that? 'You cannot create words, be it with voice or ink, until the fulfillment of this task.' That's what she had said. She didn't say anything about drawing...
Curious, I clicked one of the pens and opened a notebook to the first page. I tried to write my name, but the pen just… didn't write. The imprints of the letters on the paper weren't even there, no matter how much pressure I used. On the other hand, when I went to scribble and test if the ink was okay, the little zig-zag of swirls showed up just fine. Dafuq?
Back and forth, I alternated between trying actual writing and mindless doodling, and eventually came to the conclusion that it only worked when I had no end goal. I couldn't even draw a tree or a box. Just squiggles.
That's messed up, Yavanna, I thought sourly, but wound up putting two of the pens and the smallest notebook into my backpack regardless.
I saw no point in bringing my wallet, since I doubted the markets around here took debit. My cell phone and my calculator hadn't worked since arriving here (no signal, plus the river debacle), so I set them and my Batman wallet in one of the dresser drawers, beside my extra notebook and my literature text.
I put the granola bars and my water bottle back into my pack with the other necessary items before declaring myself finished. Of course, I would have to acquire several things when we stopped in Bree somehow, even though I didn't have any money from this world. I figured if I couldn't come up with a different way to earn the money, I would just take the bet tomorrow on whether or not Bilbo would join them. It felt sneaky and underhanded, since I already knew the outcome, but I tried my best not to feel guilty. My hands were tied, really.
I only allowed myself to think on this moral dilemma for a second before realizing how tired I was. I went to blow out the candles before tossing off my shoes, hoodie, and – as long as I was inside a building and not camping – my bra. If I could preserve it just a little bit longer by not sleeping in it when I could, then great.
After that, the cushy bed swallowed me and I was out.
It felt like I had barely closed my eyes when there was a knock at the door.
I didn't want to raise my eyelids. It was warm and snug under the heavy covers, and my sleepy mind didn't recall anything important happening. When I heard another few knocks, and the sound of the door opening, I scrunched my eyebrows together as I forced my eyes to open.
"Goodmornin', lass," greeted Bofur from the doorway.
I peeked over my shoulder, squinting at the Dwarf. There was hardly any light coming through the small window at all, but it was definitely morning, causing me to groan. Or, let out a strained breath that would have been a groan. We hadn't woken up anywhere near this early during the few days of travel we had done together, but then again, Thorin was leading the pack now.
Bofur let out a small chuckle at my discontent, then said, "If you'll be wantin' breakfast before we hit the road, ye best get on up. Don't give me that look now, missy."
I didn't even realize I was glaring. Rubbing the heels of my palms across my eyes, I sat up and gave him a sarcastic smile that was part snarl.
"That's the spirit!" he laughed, knowing full-well that no such spirit was present.
The Dwarf waltzed back down the hall, leaving me to roll out of the plush heaven. The cool air alone was enough to make me consider just bundling up again like a happy burrito and forgetting all my problems, but noooo. I had to go save the stupid line of Durin.
I huffed and stood, putting my boob-holding torture device back on, along with my hoodie and sneakers. I only glanced at the small hand mirror on the dresser long enough to smooth out my dark, crazy hedgehog hair and look more presentable. My brain was not yet in "awake" mode, and probably wouldn't be for a while, so looking like a damn L'Oreal advert was the least of my concerns.
Once I got myself to not look like gravity had stopped working, I grabbed my backpack so I wouldn't have to come back down the hall to fetch it when it was time to go. Of course, my bladder was screeching at me, so I dropped my bag in the hall by the others' things. After taking care of business, I took a moment to wash up a bit more thoroughly than I had the previous night. Though I still felt like I needed a bath, I knew how fast these Dwarves could eat, so I quickly headed back to where I saw the group.
The dining room was not nearly as chaotic as it was the night before. Everyone seemed to be in good enough spirits, but there was a bit of seriousness to it all. This gloom was likely because as far as they knew, they no longer had a burglar, so their quest was already off to a rocky start. Not to mention they had just been saddled with me, the human potato.
I figured if I wasn't going to be super useful, I could at least try and keep morale up. I gave a good morning smile to Bifur and Bombur, who were already eating, receiving smiles back in return. The seat next to Bifur was open, so I wound around, making a plate of the breakfast on the table before sitting. Most of the others were in the process of eating as well and I was glad Bofur woke me up when he did, or it would have been goodbye breakfast.
Ori and Nori were sat across the table from us, the younger of the two studying me when he didn't think I was looking, though Nori was not so shy as to hide his interest in the oddity that was me. I gave an awkward smile to the two, getting a short, "Morning," from Nori, and a tiny smile from Ori.
I counted it as a win, eating the rest of my breakfast.
Once everyone had finished, they cleaned up quite nicely, leaving no trace that they had even been in the house at all. It was pretty impressive for all the lunacy they brought into Bilbo's home the night before. I ran to use the bathroom one last time and refilled my water bottle, coming out as everyone was gathering their things up and heading out the door. I quickly grabbed my backpack, putting my bottle back inside the bag and following.
On my way out though, something on the table in the entrance hall caught my eye, and I debated for a second before grabbing the object and stowing it in my hoodie pocket for Bilbo later. Really, how could I resist?
I thought I was the last one, but as I made to leave, I spotted Balin in the other room. There was a long sheet of paper in his hand, and I realized it was the contract as he set it down on a chair. He looked at it for a moment with his hands on his hips, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, a small frown on his face.
I paused, unsure of whether to wait on him or what, but that decision was made for me when he turned to leave and realized I was watching like a creeper.
"Oh, Miss Hollander, I didn't see you there," he said. The surprise wore off quickly, and he gave me a dry smile, looking back at the contract then to me. "Thought I'd leave this for Mister Baggins, in case… Well, it's not likely, but you never know."
Wise decision there, Balin. I nodded to him, knowing that the Dwarf's hope would not be in vain.
We stepped out of the house, and he closed the door behind us as we headed off towards the others. The ponies were gathered a little ways down the road with the Company securing their gear to the saddles. I tried not to get too excited. Of all the things in Middle Earth to get wound up about, the thought of riding a freaking pony was the one that got to me. I almost wanted to slap myself. I used to ride ponies at fairs and things when I was a kid, but that hardly qualified as riding. Since I lived in the city, there were only a few times in my life that I got to ride an actual horse, and those were some of my fondest memories.
Balin went off to prepare his own pony when I saw Gandalf wave me over.
"Goodmorning, Miss Hollander. I trust you slept well?" he asked conversationally. I nodded. "Excellent. This morning I had the misfortune of trying to procure an extra pony for you…"
The pause killed me. I wasn't going to have to share, was I? Oh god.
The wizard smirked and guided his horse to the side, shutting up my fears. Behind his horse stood a large shaggy pony, mostly grey in coloring. The nose looked as if it had been dipped in a puddle of black ink, but overall, the animal looked like a big fluffy raincloud. Albeit, a raincloud with a saddle, but one all the same.
Gandalf was amused by the grin on my face. "She was quite hard to come by on such short notice, but it appears as though luck was on your side."
I let the mare smell my hand, petting the length of her nose once she was comfortable. She was so adorable. Attempting to find my chill and not act like a five year old at a petting zoo, I turned to Gandalf with a slightly calmer face, mouthing, 'Thank you.'
"You are most welcome, my dear," the wizard chuckled, leading his own horse closer to the front of the group before mounting. He made it look so frickin' easy.
I guided mine closer as well, unsure of how I was going to get up. I had only ever used step-stools to get on the animals before, and I was not known for my coordination, so this was going to be horrible. Putting it off for a moment longer, I tied my bag to the saddle as I had seen the others do. It was only me and four others who had yet to hop on, and that number was dwindling to three, then two, so I made my attempt.
I planted my foot in the stirrup, bringing my other leg up with not nearly enough momentum. There were some snickers from the Company as I stumbled backwards, pulling my foot from the saddle and trying not to land on my ass.
"Do you need assistance, Miss Jenna?" I heard from behind me. I turned to see Kili, the only other one who had yet to get on his pony. I could tell he was trying not to laugh, and the same went for his brother who was already mounted next to us.
I shook my head a little and made an effort not to be rude about it. The sight of them made my stomach clench again, but I had better prepared myself for the feeling this time. Honestly, I couldn't go choking up every time I saw these two, or this was going to be one horrible journey.
"Have you ever ridden before?" Fili asked, only partially joking.
I tried not to scowl, nodding quickly before turning back to the pony with determination. We hadn't even started the quest yet and they already thought I was incapable of mounting a damn pony – given, it was a tall pony, but still.
"There's no shame in asking for help," Kili put in, a bit closer.
I put my foot back in the stirrup and gripped the horn of the saddle, jumping, kicking my leg out higher this time. When it actually made it over I was elated, and quickly adjusted myself on the animal before I could fall off.
At the front of the group, Gandalf had been speaking with Thorin about something, though their conversation appeared done just as I got settled. Not a second too soon, it seemed.
Thorin stared back at his nephew for a moment, obviously unhappy. "Kili, on your pony. We're behind enough as it is," he called, before turning his own steed and leading the group onward.
Kili looked like a fish for a moment, opening his mouth to say something, then closing it. He glanced up at me, and I shrugged, trying not to giggle at his expression. Fili on the other hand was making no such attempt, sniggering as Kili jumped up onto his ride, the three of us leading our mounts after the rest of the Company.
As we officially set off, I allowed myself to relax around them ever so slightly; the final battle was still so far away – I had time. They had time.
"This is what I get for trying to be a gentleman," Kili mock sighed. My eyes rolled automatically.
"It would take more than that to make you into a gentleman, brother," Fili chuckled.
The younger scoffed. "And I suppose you would be an expert on that?"
Fili smirked, stating proudly and wiggling his eyebrows at me, "Why yes, I would be. I'm sure our lady here can tell a gentleman when she sees one."
I resisted the urge for a moment, but wound up lifting my hand to my brow, pretending to shield the sun from my eyes as I gazed around us with exaggerated movements. I turned back to Fili, shrugging and trying not to give a cheeky smile when his face turned sour.
Kili grinned like a little shit and leaned over, lightly pushing his brother. "I think I like this one."
So. We've figured out a few things, and the group is finally leaving Bag End! Now the real fun begins. ;D
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