For about the tenth time that day, Katherine crumpled up a sheet of paper, and then tossed it onto the living room floor. She had been trying to write a proper eulogy for Rebecca for hours now. Needless to say, it was not going well. There was no way that one simple speech could explain just how much her mother meant to her.

"It looks like you've come down with quite the case of writer's block there." A familiar voice commented from across the room.

Katherine almost jumped in surprise. Bobby was standing in the doorway to the living room.

"Oh! You startled me! I'm sorry about the mess! I really should have brought the waste basket in here before I started doing this." Katherine said.

Katherine began to pick up the wads of paper from the floor. Bobby immediately started helping her.

"No, it's alright. If you were doing what I think you were, then I can certainly see how it led to this. Were you writing a eulogy for tomorrow?" Bobby asked Katherine in a subdued tone.

"I was, but I just can't seem to be able to find a way to do her memory justice in writing." Katherine admitted sadly.

"I'm sorry." Bobby said quietly.

Katherine looked at him for a minute. Bobby really was kind. Even though he was busy helping Pam through all of this, he had still made time to talk to Katherine when he could. While JR had also been kind, Katherine felt that his guilt had probably played a big part in that. Bobby's concern and sympathy were just a part of how he was as a person. He truly was the nicest guy that she had ever met.

"May I ask you something personal?" Katherine asked Bobby.

"Sure, I guess." Bobby answered a bit hesitantly.

"What was it like for you when you lost your father last year? How do you make yourself get through every day?" Katherine asked curiously.

Katherine was desperate to find out if there was a way to live more easily with her grief. It was true that Jock Ewing had only passed away last year. But the family was still going on with their everyday lives. At least Katherine thought so, anyway. If she could just have some sort of insight from someone, Katherine felt that it might help her right now.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you a whole lot, Katherine. I have to keep my grief private most of the time because that is the easiest way for me to deal with it." Bobby explained.

"I'm sorry. I guess that was a pretty rude question to ask. I shouldn't have pried like that." Katherine apologized in embarrassment.

But Katherine couldn't help feeling disappointed as well. Anything would have helped her at this point.

Bobby looked thoughtful for a moment before replying. "Well, there is one thing. But you would have to promise to keep it a secret since I've never told anyone else about it. Can you do that?" He asked.

A secret between just the two of them! Katherine couldn't help feeling thrilled that Bobby was choosing to trust her with a secret of his.

"Yes! I promise!" Katherine answered a little too eagerly. She couldn't help blushing after that.

"Okay. The truth is that I like to write in a journal whenever I start to miss daddy too much. But it's not actually like writing a normal journal entry, though. I write as if I'm actually talking to daddy. It's more like writing a letter to him, I guess." Bobby explained carefully.

"Does it help?" Katherine asked.

"I guess it does. At least a little bit, anyway. I always like to imagine that there is some way for him to see it." Bobby answered with a faraway look on his face.

"I'm sure that he can." Katherine reassured Bobby, even though she actually wasn't sure about it.

"Thank you. But remember, you promised not to tell anyone, and I'm going to hold you to that!" Bobby said teasingly.

Katherine laughed. "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me!" She reassured him with a smile.

"Good to know. I have to leave now, though. Christopher will be waking up from his nap soon. That means that he'll be ready and willing to wear this poor guy out!" Bobby said with a smile and pointed to himself.

"Well, I wouldn't want to keep you from that kind of excitement! So I guess I'll see you later then, Bobby. Oh, and thank you for talking to me about that. It meant a lot to me." Katherine said.

"Sure, anytime! Bye!" Bobby said. He then went upstairs.

Katherine couldn't help smiling happily for a few minutes after Bobby had left. While it wasn't quite the type of insight she had been hoping for, Katherine was still grateful that Bobby had told her anything at all about his experiences with grief. Katherine kept a diary of her own, but there was no way that she could've told Bobby about that. Especially since a lot of the entries were about him.

Bobby really was the most perfect man that Katherine had ever met. But I can never be with him. I guess this is what people mean about something being too good to be true. Katherine thought to herself sadly. Katherine quickly shook off her thoughts about Bobby. She had a eulogy to write, and pining away for her sister's husband wasn't going to help her finish it any faster.

It was late in the afternoon when Katherine had finally finished writing the eulogy. It wasn't perfect, but it would have to be enough. Now, Katherine was back to just sitting around and trying to not think about anything. She was sitting outside near the driveway with an untouched glass of iced tea. Katherine thought that the tea seemed very much like her life did right now. It would not disappear until she drank it, and time would not start moving again until after the funeral was over. But in a way, this was terrifying for Katherine. As long as things could stay like this, then she wouldn't have to ever begin living her new life, without her parents.

JR's car pulled up into the driveway just then. After JR got out of the car, he saw Katherine and walked over to her.

"Hi. Did you manage to finish writing the eulogy yet?" JR asked her.

"Yes, but I feel like there was no way for it to completely explain how I feel about her." Katherine answered.

"That does sound like an impossible task." JR said.

Katherine was surprised by JR's response. "Didn't you have to write one for your father last year?" She asked in confusion.

Now it was JR's turn to look surprised. "No. We didn't hold a funeral for daddy. I thought you knew that already." He answered.

Normally, Katherine would have noticed a detail like that. After all, she had considered keeping up with all forms of current news as a journalist's duty. The day when Jock's plane crashed had been memorable for Katherine, too. Because that was also the day that she had first met Bobby. It had been difficult for Katherine to really focus on anything else for a while after that. But now she felt like a complete idiot for not knowing about this.

"Why was there no funeral for him?" Katherine asked.

"After we heard about the plane crash, Bobby, Ray, and I went down to South America to try to find daddy. You see, when it first happened no one had any real information about the crash, or if there were any survivors or not. So we started searching around the crash site. We couldn't find an actual body anywhere. But then, Bobby managed to find daddy's favorite necklace. Near the bottom of the lake. That was when we knew that he hadn't survived. The bottom of that lake is like quicksand. Anything that manages to get into it doesn't come back out of it." JR explained grimly.

Katherine was horrified. "So his body just got trapped down there!? That's horrible! I am so sorry, JR!" Katherine apologized.

"Thank you." JR said quietly.

Katherine realized something important then. "But how did you just accept that? I mean, even though his necklace was found there, that doesn't necessarily mean that he was also in the lake, does it? Couldn't it have been possible that Jock had taken it off before the accident and that maybe he ended up somewhere else? Or that maybe he wasn't on the plane at all when it crashed? How can anyone really know what happened to him without actually finding his body first?" She asked.

"Believe me, I have asked myself those very same questions over and over again. I used to imagine that daddy had actually survived, but that he just never came back because he had amnesia or something else that was preventing him from doing it. And that maybe, one day, he would find a way back to us. Sometimes, I still do believe that..." JR admitted.

"In other words, you were never able to really have closure. I can't even imagine how I would feel if my parents had died like that." Katherine said.

It was obvious that JR was still struggling. Katherine thought that his pain must be immeasurable. She felt truly sorry for JR now.

"I've pretty much accepted that daddy is gone now. There are no real answers to it, anyway. That is also why we've never held a funeral for him. But back then, I probably would've just stayed there and continued to search that whole area forever if Bobby hadn't made me leave. Because that way, I wouldn't have had to start trying to live without him." JR said.

"That is exactly how I feel right now. That as long as the funeral never starts, nothing will have to change." Katherine admitted sadly.

"I'm sorry. That whole story probably just made you feel even more depressed than you already are." JR apologized.

"No, it's fine. I'm glad that I know about it now." Katherine said.

Since JR had talked about his feelings so freely to her, then maybe he wouldn't mind answering her most important question of all, either."Does it ever get easier? At all?" Katherine asked desperately.

"No, it doesn't. At least it hasn't so far for me, that is. I guess you could think of it as a hole in the ground. It's in front of you everyday, but you just have to find a way to walk around it so that you don't end up falling back into it." JR replied.

"Thank you for talking to me about all of this, JR. I feel like it has actually helped me a little." Katherine said honestly.

"Well, I'm glad that I could help you." JR said sincerely.

Katherine started to pick up her glass of iced tea, but JR immediately reached out and set it back down. Katherine was startled, but it had more to do with the fact that JR's hand had closed around hers when he had put the glass back down.

"Sorry, but trust me, you really don't want to drink that right now." JR said.

JR pointed at the glass. Katherine looked closer. There was a huge, grotesque bug floating in the tea near the rim of the glass.

"Eeew! I can't believe I didn't notice that thing! I almost drank it! Wow! You know, you just saved my life, JR! Really!" Katherine said with mock seriousness.

"Well, then that makes two good deeds for me today! You probably just let that tea sit out here too long. How about if I get you another one?" JR offered.

"Thanks! That would be great!" Katherine said with a smile.

JR took the contaminated tea and went into the house. Katherine hoped fervently that he was also going to get rid of that bug, whatever it was.

Another car pulled up into the driveway. Clayton Farlow immediately walked over to Katherine after he saw her sitting there.

"Katherine, it's good to see you again. I only wish it could be under better circumstances." Clayton greeted her.

It seemed like only a short time had passed since Katherine had last seen Clayton at her father's funeral.

"I'm glad you could make it for the funeral, Clayton. I know that mama would've been happy, too. Thank you for coming." Katherine said with gratitude.

"It seems like just yesterday that you were still a little girl. I still remember how you were so intent on showing each and every one of your stuffed animals to me. Not to mention telling me all of their names, too!" Clayton remembered fondly.

Katherine was suddenly very glad that JR was still in the house right now. That story was just too embarrassing.

"Yeah, those were the days!" Katherine said with a light laugh.

"And just look at you now! I still can't get over how you have blossomed into such a lovely young woman." Clayton complimented her.

Katherine was even more embarrassed now. She knew that Clayton was just trying to be polite, but it was still embarrassing.

"Thank you." Katherine said.

"I'm really sorry about Rebecca. You've only just lost your father, and now this. You're too young for all of this." Clayton said seriously.

JR came back outside. He was carrying two glasses of iced tea, but he quickly set them down when he saw Clayton. When Clayton saw JR, his face immediately darkened.

"I heard about your part in all of this, JR. I still can't believe that Ellie is actually letting you come to the funeral! Especially when it was YOUR actions that caused Rebecca's death!" Clayton practically shouted at JR.

JR looked small and helpless. "I know that." He said quietly.

"If you know that, then show some decency for once and stay away from it instead!" Clayton yelled at JR.

Katherine felt sick. Would anyone ever stop blaming JR for this? She had to step in.

"Clayton, JR has every right to come to mama's funeral! I invited him, not Miss Ellie. So as long as he wants to go, he can! I would also very much appreciate it if you and everyone else would stop blaming him for something that he did not cause!" Katherine said in frustration.

"This was your idea!?" Clayton asked Katherine in disbelief. He then went on without waiting for an answer. "I understand that you are trying to be kind Katherine, but JR really has no place there. It would be upsetting for the other guests as well." Clayton said in a much calmer voice.

"So, what then!? Are you saying that JR should just feel guilty forever, and that he shouldn't be allowed to do anything that will help him to forgive himself either!?" Katherine questioned Clayton angrily.

Clayton looked like he was about to say something in response, but then seemed to change his mind. He then turned back to JR.

"You're even worse than I thought." Clayton said to JR in a low, cold voice. Clayton's gaze then fell very deliberately on the two glasses of iced tea that JR had left on the table. "Rebecca hasn't even been buried yet, and you're already flirting with her daughter! You have no shame at all!" Clayton said disgustedly. He then walked into the house without another word.

There was an awkward silence for a few minutes. Katherine couldn't even look at JR. She knew that her face was probably bright red. Katherine was both furious and embarrassed about Clayton's accusations. How could he say such things!?

"I'm really sorry about that. I had no idea that he would get so angry." Katherine hurriedly apologized.

"It's not your fault. I deserved it, anyway." JR said.

"But even Pam admitted to me that she thought her reaction to you was a bit harsh. She hasn't even complained about you going to the funeral. But Clayton just blew up completely!" Katherine said.

"I will admit that I am surprised about Pam. It seems like she is actually going easy on me this time. But I really hope that people will get over this, eventually. I don't want to see you argue with anyone else about it. I'm not worth it." JR said.

"I can't agree with that. After what you did for Wentworth last year, and how kind you've been to me during all of this. You are definitely worth getting into a few arguments for, JR." Katherine said.

Later that night, Katherine was still thinking about everything that had happened that day. Ever since she had come back to Dallas, JR had been a lot nicer to her than she thought he would have been at first. Was this a side of him that he just didn't show a lot?

Clayton's accusation that JR had been flirting with her was unnerving to Katherine. JR was only being kind! He hadn't talked to her like he had last year at all! But even so, a tiny part of Katherine wondered if maybe JR had actually somehow been trying to do that today. She shook her head. Why am I even thinking about that!? I'm in love with Bobby, and I have to leave here and go back to New York once the funeral is over and the will has been read!

Katherine turned off the lamp near her bed. The funeral would finally be over after tomorrow, and she had no idea what her life would be like after that.