Rome, Italy
"Let's walk," Jake said to Amy, offering her his hand and pulling her up from the couch. They had been watching New Year's Eve coverage from the Rosenbloom brother's apartment in the center of Rome. Amy hadn't understood a word of the Italian, but knew many of the famous singers, including her famous cousin, Jonah Wizard, who had just finished his set and was leaving the stage. Dan and Atticus were mid-binge on junk food and non-alcoholic champagne while wearing ridiculous glasses and hats proclaiming the incoming year. They were live streaming with Hamilton and Phoenix. They couldn't have cared less that Jake and Amy were getting coats, hats and gloves on. A light snow had begun to fall outside and it seemed so romantic.
Jake lead her down the mostly deserted street that edged their building. Most people were in pubs or on the via dei Fori Imperiali next to the colosseum. "I just needed some time alone with you," he said, holding her hand and giving her one of his sideways looks.
He was the best boyfriend, no doubt about it. He had cooked them all dinner and they had had candles and the nice china out tonight. He had put a lot of thought into her visit.
"I'm glad you wanted to walk, I'm not sure how much more belching from fake champagne I could handle." Amy said smiling at Jake. He squeezed her hand and led her toward a small park with a stream that ran through it. The winter air was damp and Amy tugged on her zipper a little higher against the cold. Jake noticed and stopped.
"Are you too cold, we can go back if you'd rather."
"No, I like being out here with you." Amy said. She meant it. Ever since they had defeated the Vespers Amy had been doing a lot of thinking…and mourning. They had lost so many people; Alistair, Natalie, Erasmus, Macintyre…Evan. Amy felt like she had done nothing but go to funerals ever since October. When Jake had suggested that she and Dan come to Rome for the holidays, she hadn't been sure. It felt so weird to be doing something normal like celebrating holidays, or visiting her boyfriend, but it had been just what she and Dan needed. She'd been racked with guilt over the decisions she made as the head of the family and the deaths that ultimately resulted from those decisions. Seeing Jake and being around his infectious personality had shown her just a glimpse of what could be.
"What is it?" Jake said with concern on his chiseled face.
Amy gave a deep sigh and a sad smile, "I just feel so torn all the time. One part of me feels guilty about everyone who died, and part of me wants to move on and have a normal life, with you." She looked up into Jake's eyes. He was giving her that piercing, searching look he did.
"None of that is your fault Ames, you couldn't have stopped their deaths. You aren't responsible for any of them. They did what they did because they wanted to, not because you asked them to." Jake said, taking both of Amy's hands in his.
"That's not true. I specifically told Erasmus to check out that Vesper stronghold. I sent him to his death." Amy said but Jake was already shaking his head.
"Amy, he was probably already in that building before he ever got your text. He was a pro, and he knew what he was doing. He would have gone in there even if you hadn't said yes." Jake said, taking their joined hands and putting them on his chest. She could feel his heartbeat through her hands. It was so steady and even; so alive.
"And as long as we're talking about guilt, you have to let Evan's death go. You didn't cause it; I don't care what his mother said to you. I was there, he came of his own will." Here, Jake bent his head down closer to hers. He was looking at her intently, his eyes volleying between hers. These next words cost him a lot, she could tell, "He came…because he loved you. He would be disappointed that you're still beating yourself up over his death. It diminishes his worth in the fight Amy. Don't steal that from him. He knew the risks, and he came anyway-that's love."
Amy paused, unsure what to say, "Jake, I was going to dump him…but I loved him, too! Why is this all so confusing?" Amy said, wrapping her arms around his waist and leaning in, hard. Silent tears started leaking down her face. Jake took a deep breath and put one hand on the back of her head and pulled her tight, the other around her back.
They stood like this for several minutes while Amy just cried. Jake said nothing but held her tight. Amy became aware that she was crying all over his coat. She pulled away and began to wipe her eyes. Jake looked down at her and wiped the tears from her face.
"Amy, I know I can't grieve for you and I'm not going to try and cheer you up. I know you need to feel this for a while and I've been trying to figure out how I can help you through this, so here goes." Jake said, taking a big breath. "You are my everything. I love you Amy Cahill and I always will. You're the most amazing, clever, introspective, thoughtful and beautiful woman I've ever met. I can't solve this for you, but I can wait for you on the other side. I know you need your time to heal and process your grief, but when you're ready, I'll be here. I want to know everything about you," at this, Jake brushed a hand along her jawline, "I want to know you intimately, and hopefully I can be your everything too."
Amy could feel her face going red at his words. As the great city began to cheer the moment of the New Year, she stood on tiptoe and kissed him. She wanted this too and it was just the glimpse of the future she needed.
