Chapter 3

Jane wandered aimlessly around the booths on the merchant floor of the Mystery Writers Conference, pausing occasionally to pick up a book and read the back of it. When she'd been on the police force she hadn't had a lot of time for reading, but ever since moving in with Maura it had become a way of life. Maura was, of course, an avid reader as well as being a writer. Both activities involved sitting quietly for long periods of time during which Jane was expected to do the same. It had taken Jane some time to get acclimated to the idea of not falling asleep to the TV and reading a chapter of a book instead. At first she had trouble with it and would often get distracted by the sexy woman lying next to her. Many a place had been lost in books plucked out of Maura's hands and thrown across the room by Jane. It wasn't until after the third time it happened that Maura admitted she'd usually been thinking of doing the same thing anyway. Jane was just more forward about it.

As time went on Jane grew to like reading with Maura. It was a relaxing way to spend time, and there were a lot of great books out there with clever plots, gruesome murders, and nail-biting action. Of course there were still plenty of nights where she couldn't resist the allure of Dr. Isles, but now she always made sure to mark their places before tossing the books aside.

She was surprised to note that not all the books being sold at the conference were mysteries. Many other genres were represented, most notably romance. One particularly colorful table caught her eye and she paused to look at it. All at once she understood why there were rainbows all over this booth - the vendor was an LGBT publishing house.

Sitting behind the table was a man with a full, bushy beard and piercing blue eyes. "Hello there," he said, his voice mild and friendly. "Can I help you find something?"

Waving her hand at the table, Jane asked, "These all gay books?"

The man laughed. "More or less. They either feature queer characters or are written by queer authors. That table there is romance. These ones down here are mysteries, although they usually also contain some degree of romance as well."

Jane wandered down to the mystery section, picking up one of the paperbacks and flipping through it. "Any of them any good? Not trying to brag but I tend to figure these things out pretty quick."

"I imagine you would," laughed the man, and Jane looked at him sharply. "I'm sorry. You're Jane Rizzoli, right?"

"Yeah," said Jane. "I guess the whole conference is buzzing about me and Maura, huh?"

"Well, yes, but also my girlfriend is interviewing Dr. Isles later today for her blog and she's been talking about you both nonstop."

There were so many things Jane could have said, but the first thing that popped out of her mouth was: "Girlfriend?" She could have sworn that this gentleman was a gay man, and not just because he was sitting behind the table of a gay publishing house. He was also soft-spoken in a way that was not typical of most heterosexual men.

"That's right. I'm Tim, by the way. Tim McGovern." He stretched his arm across the table and Jane shook it. "It's great to meet you."

"Likewise. So is this your publishing house?"

"No, I'm just helping out my girlfriend. Her name is Marisol Martinez. She's interviewing Dr. Isles after the forensic science panel today."

"Hmm," said Jane, putting her hands on her hips. "I thought she didn't have anything after that panel, not until dinner anyway."

With a sheepish smile, Tim said, "Marisol knows Charles Kline, her publicist. She specially requested an interview after… Well, after she showed up with you."

"Ah," said Jane, snapping her fingers. "Of course. Suddenly Maura's of interest to this company because she's dating a woman."

Tim winced. "It sounds so skeezy when you say it like that, but yes, the publishing house's blog exclusively features queer authors. If it makes us sound any better, we both read her book and loved it. In fact I have it right here." He dug around in a bag behind the counter and pulled out a well-worn copy of Maura's book. As he looked down at it, his eyes lit up. "Hey, wait, I just remembered..." He it flipped open to the dedication page, then turned it to face Jane. "This is you, right?"

"Guilty," said Jane shortly. Though she wasn't embarrassed about the dedication, she didn't exactly have any desire to discuss it with a stranger, either. She pointedly returned her attention to the table and began poking through the books again. "So if you don't actually work here, does that mean you don't know anything about these books?"

"Of course I do," responded Tim, returning his copy of Maura's book to his bag and instead picking up another book from the table. "This one is my favorite. I read a lot of mystery and I never saw the big twist coming."

"Great," said Jane, taking it from him and flipping it over to read the summary on the back. "Is it gay?"

"The main character is a lesbian, yes."

"Alright. I'll take it." Jane dug her wallet out of her back pocket and handed him a bill, still examining the book. "I've never read a book about a lesbian before."

If Tim thought that was strange he didn't say anything about it, and Jane appreciated that. Instead he said, "You're in for a treat. I think you'll be hooked."

"I think you're probably right. God knows I got hooked on other lesbian things," she replied drolly, and Tim laughed. Jane's cell phone buzzed and she pulled it off her belt clip and checked it. "I gotta get going. Thanks for the book. It was nice meeting you, Tim."

"You too, Jane."

Tucking the book in the bag slung over her shoulder, Jane headed back upstairs to where the main area of the conference center was. Up here were about a dozen large rooms where panels were being held about all sorts of different topics. Jane made her way to the room where Maura was waiting for her. It was empty except for a few other event insiders - the other panelists, their guests, and some crew members setting up audio and visual equipment. This was where the forensic science panel was being held. "Hi," said Maura when Jane joined her. She reached out and took Jane's hand, squeezing it lightly.

"Hey," replied Jane warmly, squeezing back. "How did your interviews go?"

"She was perfect," said a voice behind them, and they turned to greet Charles and his radiant grin. "She's the first client I've ever had who's never said anything stupid on the record."

"If there's one thing Maura is not, it's stupid," said Jane proudly. "This girl couldn't give a wrong answer if she tried."

Trying and failing to hide her flattered smile, Maura told her, "Charles lined up another interview for me right after the panel. It's with a blogger for Gleeful Books. They're an LGBT publishing house."

"I know," Jane said, pulling out the book she'd just bought. "I just met your interviewer's boyfriend downstairs. He sold me this."

Confused, Maura glanced at Charles. "I thought my interviewer was going to be a woman," she said.

"She is," Charles said.

"So she's not gay, then?"

Charles shrugged. "It's not really any of my business. Marisol and Tim have been dating for as long as I've known her, though. We met at Pride a couple of years ago and we've been friends ever since. You'll like her, Maura. She'll want to ask questions about Jane, but she'll also be respectful of anything you don't want to answer. I thought she'd be perfect for your coming out interview."

"Okay," said Maura with a sigh. She looked at Jane. "Will you sit in on that one with me? Technically it's about both of us so I think that would be appropriate."

"If Charles thinks it's a good idea, sure," said Jane, glancing over at him.

"I think it's a fantastic idea," he said with an approving nod. "In fact, let's pretend I thought of it, shall we?"

"Sure," laughed Maura.

"Gosh, Charles, you are so darn good at your job. How did we ever manage without you?" said Jane flatly.

"I have no idea," replied Charles arrogantly.

A staff member came over and timidly asserted his presence by clearing his throat. "I'm so sorry to interrupt, but it's time for Dr. Isles to take her seat. We're about to start letting the guests in."

"Alright," said Maura. To Jane she said, "Wish me luck?"

Not caring about all the people lingering nearby, Jane leaned down and kissed her unhurriedly. "Good luck, Maura. You're going to be amazing. I'm so proud of you."

It made Maura feel dizzy. It bolstered her so much to hear that from Jane that all traces of nervousness left her in an instant. She kissed Jane back and said, "Thank you."

As Maura made her way up to the stage, Charles put his hand over his heart and collapsed into the nearest seat. "Oh my fucking god," he said dramatically. "You two are so god damn cute I can't even deal with it."

Jane rolled her eyes and sat next to him, crossing her legs and arms. "Shut up," she muttered, blushing.

"I'm serious. You two are so solid. If that's not relationship goals then I don't know what is. What's your secret?"

"Be best friends for ten years before you start dating someone," said Jane, watching as the crowd shuffled in and began taking the seats around them. "And throw in a couple of life-or-death situations along the way. Those tend to make you feel really close to someone."

"Maura mentioned you guys had some brushes with danger. What was the scariest thing that you ever experienced?" Charles asked, wondering if he would even get an answer to this very intrusive question.

For a long time Jane said nothing. She sat there gazing at Maura up on the stage, who was listening to the panelist next to her with a polite smile on her lips. Her heart swelled with love, and she thought of the ring buried at the bottom of her bag. Eventually she said to Charles: "The scariest thing was when I told her how I felt for the first time. I've had guns pointed at my head, knives held against my throat, people I love have been threatened… But nothing is ever scarier than when I risk losing Maura. And at that time I was taking a huge risk. A necessary one but… I could have lost her for good. And that would have… I wouldn't have survived that."

Charles patted her arm reassuringly. "Risk paid off big time though, huh?"

"You have no idea," said Jane, the corners of her mouth lifting in a warm smile she couldn't contain.

"Oh, god," groaned Charles, fanning air on his face with his hand. "I think I'm gonna cry."

"Shut up," laughed Jane, pushing him away playfully. She was relieved when the head panelist stood to begin the discussion, effectively ending the uncomfortably personal conversation with Charles.

The panel proceeded easily, the audience listening with rapt attention to the experts on the stage. Jane admired the way Maura spoke easily and fluidly about complicated scientific subjects, wowing the spectators with her seemingly endless knowledge and incredible vocabulary. Several people sitting near Jane were even taking notes. Two gentlemen behind her were whispering to each other, and a few times she could make out what they were saying.

"Smart, sexy, successful, and an amazing writer," one of them said quietly. "She's the whole package. Seriously, look at those tits, man!" Jane bristled and fought against a powerful urge to turn around and punch him in the mouth.

But then the second man spoke. "Heard she's a lesbian, though," he said. "Apparently she's here with some lady cop."

"Damn. What a fucking waste," grumbled the first guy. "Guess she's off-limits, then. I'm not trying to get arrested."

Jane grinned. If her reputation as a cop was going to keep assholes from hitting on Maura, she'd never correct people about her profession change again.

Once the panel ended, Jane and Charles pushed their way against the flow of the crowd towards the stage until they found Maura chatting with a group of people who were peppering her with more questions. Jane placed her hand on the small of her back and leaned down to speak into her ear. "Come on, we gotta go meet this not-gay gay interviewer," she said quietly, and Maura held back a laugh.

Maura politely extracted herself from the gathered crowd, and Jane kept her hand where it was the entire time as they walked down the hall to a smaller room. This one was empty but for a single woman who was sitting alone at a round table. She was short, curvy and Latina, and she was shuffling through some papers as she waited. When Maura, Jane and Charles entered the room she stood and offered a wide, friendly smile. From the smile alone, Jane decided she liked this woman.

"Dr. Isles," the woman said, stepping forward and offering a hand, "I'm Marisol Martinez. I can't tell you how pleased I am to meet you."

"Likewise, I'm sure. Please, call me Maura. And this is my partner Jane Rizzoli."

As Jane shook hands with Marisol, she said, "Nice to meet you. Sorry to crash the interview."

"Not at all," Marisol said casually. "Considering the questions I have for Maura, I think it will only be better that you're here as well." They sat around the table and Marisol turned on a small digital recorder. She explained that her publishing house was LGBT-focused, and that because of this she was planning to ask some very personal questions. But, she assured them, she would respect their boundaries and they didn't have to answer anything they didn't feel like answering. Then she dove in with her questions. First she asked about Maura's career and training as a medical examiner, then she moved on to Forensic Instinct. She asked about its inception and its reception. These were all familiar questions to Maura and she answered them fluidly and easily. But then Marisol asked: "How has your identity as a queer woman informed your experience as a member of the law enforcement community?"

For the first time, Maura hesitated. "I don't know that that's an appropriate question to ask me," she said slowly.

"Oh," said Marisol, surprised. She'd thought that was a tame, simple question. "I'm sorry. We can move on."

"No, wait," said Maura hastily. "It's not what you think. It's just that… It's complicated because the truth is I didn't really have an 'identity as a queer woman' until about a year and a half ago. So none of the formative moments of my career were influenced by something that, for all intents and purposes, didn't exist."

Marisol leaned forward in her chair, burning with curiosity. "Can you explain what you mean?"

"I mean up until quite recently, I identified as exclusively and enthusiastically heterosexual."

"And what happened recently to change that for you?"

"Jane happened. She was my best friend in the whole world for a decade, but then one day I realized that I wanted more from our relationship. And it turned out that Jane wanted that too. So quite suddenly we both found we were members of a community with which we'd never interacted before, aside from one particularly memorable undercover operation at a lesbian bar for work. And even then, Jane had more of an opportunity to interact with gay women than I did."

Snorting, Jane said, "Yeah, it was basically speed dating for lesbian murder suspects."

Raising an eyebrow, Marisol said, "Now, you can't say a thing like that and expect any self-respecting reporter not to ask for more. Would you mind telling the story? It would make a good topic for the article, especially since we can't go in the direction I originally intended."

"Sure," agreed Maura amicably, and together she and Jane told the story of the murder at Merch.

After the interview was finished, Marisol turned off the tape recorder and thanked them for their time. Then she said, "Listen, we're off the record now so let's talk woman to woman. I think your story is fascinating, especially since I sort of lived it in the opposite. I went my whole life thinking I was gay. I dated women exclusively from the time I was old enough to date. But then I met my boyfriend Tim and everything changed, and I've honestly never been happier. But the beautiful thing about the LGBT community is that we are accepting of everyone, and plenty of us believe it's possible to feel one way your entire life only to find yourself falling in love with someone you'd never expect. Sexuality is fluid. It's not a spectrum."

Maura already knew all this. She'd been voraciously reading every study she could find on the topic ever since she'd realized that she was in love with Jane. But it was still incredibly comforting to hear that someone else had lived through a similar experience.

"I met Tim," said Jane, draping her arm casually around Maura's shoulders. "He seems like a nice guy."

"He is," replied Marisol with a lovesick smile. "He's been a huge help this weekend, and he's only complained a tiny little bit. He runs an LGBT youth center downtown. Actually, if you two are looking for a way to engage with your new community, volunteering there would be a great way to start. I know we could always use the help. Here, I have a card." She dug around in her purse and handed Maura a business card. "Give us a call if you want to get involved. We'd love to have you."

The interview had run a little long, and Jane and Maura rushed back upstairs to change for the dinner and awards ceremony. As usual, Maura took a lot longer to get ready than Jane did. By the time Maura finished her makeup Jane was sitting on the couch in the den of the hotel room, idly scrolling through her phone as she waited. But when Maura came out of the bedroom, the phone fell from her fingers and her jaw dropped open. Maura's light blue evening gown was floor-length and hugged her curves in all the right places. Jane rose on shaking knees and walked over to her, running her eyes up and down and blinking rapidly. "My god, you're beautiful," she breathed. "I seriously can't believe how lucky I am."

Maura was doing some staring herself. Rather than a dress, Jane had worn a dapper-looking black pant suit that was perfectly tailored for her long body and included a thin tie and a matching pocket square. "Oh, it's safe to say that I'm the lucky one here," Maura replied. She reached up to run her hands along the lapels of Jane's suit jacket, straightening it out and making the lines neater. "I thought you said you were going to wear a dress."

"I wanted to surprise you. Do you like it?"

"That would be an extreme understatement. You look absolutely stunning, Jane."

"Thank you," replied Jane, an endearing blush on her cheeks. "I figured if we're gonna do this gay thing, we might as well do it right. Tonight, you're the femme and I'm the butch. Maybe next time we can swap." She smiled when Maura giggled.

"Sure. I'd like that."

"Cool. Although I gotta admit, I really like wearing this. It's a hell of a lot more comfortable than a dress."

Maura could tell that Jane liked the way she looked by the way she carried herself. She seemed relaxed and confident, and it made Maura woozy with desire. Draping her arms around Jane's shoulders, she brought her down for a long, indulgent kiss. "There are no words," she said softly in between kisses, "that can express how very much I love you."

"You don't need words," Jane assured her, cupping the side of her face. "Not when you kiss me like that."

A knock on the door made them both jump in surprise. Charles's voice floated in from the hallway: "You ladies better not be making out in there! We got places to be!"

They both laughed as they separated, but not before Jane stole one more quick peck. Then they opened the door and headed downstairs with Charles.

Even Jane, picky as she was, had to admit that dinner was delicious. And the champagne was even better, although she stopped after two glasses. She didn't want to be too drunk to appreciate the rest of the evening.

Because she wanted to remember this night for the rest of her life.

And Maura refrained from drinking too much, too, because the last thing she wanted was to make an ass of herself on stage. But the truth was that she wasn't nervous at all about what was about to happen. She had prepared a great speech, she looked fabulous, and Jane Rizzoli loved her. Jane looked so good tonight that it was hard to look anywhere else. Every time anyone came by to chat she introduced Jane with obvious pride. A few people seemed a little uncomfortable when confronted with the same-sex couple, but the vast majority of people didn't even bat an eye. Encouraged by the response, Maura leaned further into Jane as the night went on, at one point even daring to place a soft kiss on her cheek when looking at her simply wasn't enough anymore.

At last the time came for Maura to accept her award. When her introduction was read and she was invited to the stage, everyone in the room stood to applaud her. Before going up to the podium she gave Jane a quick but loving hug, and Jane said into her ear: "Knock 'em dead."

"I will," she replied. Then she turned and headed up the short steps and stood behind the podium. As the applause died down, Maura spoke in a strong, confident voice into the microphone. "Thank you so much. And thank you to the Minuteman Mystery Writers Society for this incredible honor.

"If someone had told me ten years ago that I'd be standing here today, I would be convinced that person was suffering a severe psychotic break and would probably call them an ambulance." She paused for a light chuckle from the crowd. "Allow me to elaborate on this theme a little, because it may help you understand where Forensic Instinct came from and why it is so close to my heart. Let's begin with a fun fact about Dr. Maura Isles: I cannot lie. I'm not being facetious. I have a serious physical aversion to lying. I hyperventilate, I break out into hives, and I have even been known to suffer a vasovagal episode.

"You may be wondering why this is relevant. Well, what is writing but a telling of an elaborate series of lies? We writers spin tales of people who don't exist, of circumstances that have never happened, of situations that have never occurred. I wrote five hundred pages of lies. And with my body's normal reaction to lying… Put simply, one might expect me to be giving this speech from a hospital bed." There was another break for laughter.

"So why, then, is it possible for me to be here tonight? The answer is really quite simple: Love. In opening my heart to love, I've learned that writing stories is a way to put onto the page the essence of truth. No, the exact crime in my novel has never occurred. But it is true to the horrific nature of crime. And the people in my novel don't exist, but they are a reflection of the things I feel and experience every day. That's why I could never have written this book ten years ago. I wasn't feeling my feelings honestly enough shape them into a form where I could retell them. That's why I owe this award to my family. To my mother, who has also recently come to see her own feelings for what they really are. To Hope, who helped me learn who I am. To Angela, who is the world's foremost expert on feeling feelings with honesty. To Tommy, Frankie and Nina, who are the siblings I never knew I desperately needed. And above all, to Jane. My Jane." She paused to draw in a deep, shaky breath. "Who looked at me, a cold, distant woman who was hiding from the world, and saw someone worth knowing. If I know anything at all about love, it is because of you, Jane.

"I hope everyone understands that when you read my novel, you are reading a piece of me. The story may not be true, but there's not a single lie on those pages. Thank you for reading my truth, and thank you again for this incredible honor you've given me tonight."

Another round of applause erupted as she left the stage, but she barely noticed. Instead she walked down the stairs and directly into Jane's arms, who hugged her tightly and placed several kisses on her forehead. They sat back down to enjoy the rest of the evening, but all Maura really wanted to do was go back to the hotel room with the most important person in her world.

Dinner was supposed to be followed by dancing and socializing, but by unspoken agreement they decided to skip all that. They bid goodnight to Charles and headed upstairs. The hotel room was dark but they didn't turn on any lights. "I'll open a bottle of wine. Meet you on the balcony?" Jane said, and Maura nodded before stepping outside, shutting the sliding glass door behind her.

She leaned against the railing, looking out onto the night-blanketed city and its twinkling lights in the darkness. It was beginning to grow chilly, but there was an impenetrable warmth in her belly that made it impossible for her to feel cold.

Hearing the sliding glass door open, she turned to greet Jane and accept her glass of wine. They stood beside each other on the balcony, close enough to enjoy each other's body heat.

"I hope I didn't get too personal in my speech," said Maura softly. "Did I make you uncomfortable?"

"No," said Jane. "I thought it was perfect." She paused, reflecting on what Maura had said in her speech about the earliest days of their friendship. "I didn't have to look very hard, you know. To see the person you really are beneath your shell. I was drawn to you so quickly. And every time you would show me these little snippets of your personality, I wanted more. It was so easy to love you. And once I knew what was hiding behind that shield you'd built up, all I wanted was to bring you out of there, because you didn't need the shield as long as I was around. I wanted to be the one to protect you from all the things that had made you feel like you needed to close yourself off from the world."

"You are. You always have been."

"And if you'll let me, I always will be." She reached over and took Maura's wine glass from her hand, placing them both on the table nearby. Then she dropped down to one knee and took Maura's hands in her own. "Maura," she said, her voice thick and husky as she stared up at Maura with focused intensity. "I want to be by your side for everything that may come. I want to be your best friend, your support, your confidante, your proofreader… Your family. I want to be your partner and back you up whenever you need help. I know you can stand on your own two feet, but I want to be yours to lean on just in case. You're going to do such amazing things, and I want to be there for all of it, just like I've been there since the day we met. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Maura Isles, will you marry me?"

At first unable to vocalize her reply, Maura simply nodded repeatedly, tears streaming down her face. "Yes," she said finally, smiling wider than she'd ever smiled before.

"Yeah?" said Jane, her own smile breaking out and growing uncontrollably.

"Yes, Jane, of course I will."

Jane leapt to her feet and brought Maura in for a crushing hug, peppering jubilant kisses all over her face that ended with a deep, passionate one on her lips. "I love you so, so much," she said, openly sobbing with joy.

"I love you too," replied Maura, burying her face in Jane's neck and letting herself cry. "I didn't know it was possible to love anyone this much until I met you."

They hugged for a long time, and then Jane abruptly pulled away. "Shit!" she said, her eyes red from crying.

Alarmed, Maura said, "What?!"

"I forgot the ring!" She dug in her pocket and pulled out the ring she'd been staring at for the last year. "I can't believe what an idiot I am! How do you propose to the woman of your dreams and forget the damn ring?"

Maura broke out into hysterical laughter. "Jane, it's okay," she said through her mirth.

"No, it isn't, Maura! I've been obsessing over this ring for almost a year, and then the time finally comes to give it to you and I completely blow it."

"You didn't blow it. I still said yes, didn't I?"

Grinning, Jane said, "Yeah, you did." She kissed Maura again, then pulled away and took Maura's left hand in her own. Wordlessly she slid the ring onto Maura's finger, just as she'd wanted to do for so long. Her heart roared in her chest, and she felt at that moment as though she could have stepped off the balcony and flown off into the sky, and the only reason she didn't was because all she wanted was to stay as close to Maura as humanly possible.

"It's beautiful," whispered Maura.

"You're beautiful," replied Jane, and then she lifted Maura up into her arms and carried her back inside.