"It's funny how I feel like it's been forever since you were last here; even though you were here just a couple of days ago before the accident." Katherine said to JR. JR was at Katherine's house for one of their usual visits for the first time since he had been released from the hospital.
"It does seem that way. I guess that having an experience like that can make even one day feel like a long time." JR said.
"I'm just glad that you're here and that everything is back to normal again. I don't ever want to go through something like that again." Katherine said.
"Me neither! I've had enough hospital visits for a lifetime!" JR said wearily.
"Well, now we can finally relax again. Would you like some more tea?" Katherine asked.
"No, thank you. I'm fine. But, well... There is something that I need to tell you, Katherine. That's part of the reason why I came here tonight." JR admitted. Katherine noticed that JR seemed incredibly nervous. This wasn't like him, and it worried Katherine. It sounded like he was about to tell her something that she wouldn't like to hear at all. Was it possible that JR had suffered more from his injuries than he had let on?
"What is it, JR? Did something happen?" Katherine asked worriedly.
"No, no. It's nothing like that. Don't worry. And it's not a bad thing. It's just sort of...hard to explain." JR said.
"JR, whatever it is, you can tell me about it. I promise that I won't get angry with you. I'm your best friend, and I'll always listen to you and try to help you." Katherine said reassuringly.
JR hesitated for a moment before answering. "Alright, then. How should I start?" JR said to almost to himself. Katherine had never seen him struggle like this before.
"How about at the beginning?" Katherine said encouragingly.
"The beginning. Okay. Well, I guess I can start with last year. I remember what a mess things were in my life during the time when we first met. I had just gotten divorced, and then there was daddy... I guess what I'm trying to say is that I was feeling pretty low then and because of that I didn't even bother to try to see you as a real person. More than anything else, you were just another woman that I hoped to charm and conquer. I'm really sorry that I treated you like that, Katherine." JR explained.
"While it's true that your intentions weren't what I would call pure, it's not like you openly asked me for any favors or harassed me. And you helped me save Wentworth without asking for or expecting anything in return. So I don't really think that you have anything to feel guilty about, JR. Compared to other guys that I've met, you were quite the gentleman. If anything, I'm the one who should be sorry. I simply expected you to help me without even trying to get to know you as a person. You were just someone I could use. Just because I was afraid that you were just another womanizer doesn't make what I did okay." Katherine said.
"Well, I was a womanizer, and you were smart to not get involved with me then. But anyway, after that, you left and I completely forgot about you. And then suddenly, you were back again and everything was different. I don't know exactly what it was, but something changed for me. I was finally able to see you as a real person. A real friend. I remember when I heard that you were about to go back to New York again. I was in the hallway and I could hear you on the phone with the airline. I don't know if that's when it started exactly, but all I knew then was that I had to try to get you to stay. Somehow, I knew that if you left again, I would lose a chance for something very special in my life. And after all of the time we've spent together now, I know that I was right. I've been afraid to tell you this for a while now. But after the car crash, I realized how close I came to losing everything again. Life is too precious to waste, and I know now how important it is for people to tell someone something while they still can." JR explained.
Katherine still didn't know where JR was going with all of this, so she simply waited for him to continue.
JR took a deep breath, and then finally started to speak again. "Katherine...I love you." He said quietly.
What? Katherine thought to herself. Out of all of the things that she had guessed that JR would say, Katherine had never imagined that it would be this. She was stunned. Somehow, this whole situation felt unreal to her. Katherine knew that she had to say something, but her brain couldn't seem to form any words.
"I know that this is all very sudden, but I've felt this way for a while now. You are the one person that I feel like I can tell anything to. You understand me better than anyone and have been more kind and caring than anyone I've ever known. You don't see me as "JR Ewing" like so many other women do. When I'm with you, I feel like I am really at home. It's been so long since I've felt this way, but this time I know that it's even more true than before. I want to be with you forever, Katherine. To marry you and and have our own family one day. Even though you never talk about it, I have a feeling that you have been hurt in the past. But I swear on my life that I would never do anything to hurt you, Katherine. I know that it is probably hard for you to believe after hearing about the things that I have done, but I have changed. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have even considered being with you. I hate to admit it, but the old me would've been too afraid of what a woman as wealthy as you are could do to me if she found out that I had been cheating on her! I would have been so caught up in trying to do whatever it took to keep up the false image of myself as a good husband to ever try being with someone who was financially independent and could leave me anytime. Even though those reasons had nothing to do with why I wanted to be with Sue Ellen back then, they did end up being important to me for a long time. But I'm not like that anymore. I have no desire to cheat and control anymore in a relationship. I love you more than anything Katherine, and I believe that we could both be happier together than we've ever been before. Because more than anything else, I believe in us." JR said.
Katherine still couldn't believe it. To think that JR had been hiding his feelings from her all of this time. Suddenly, a lot of things that he had been doing now made a lot more sense. Like his reaction when he had found out that Katherine had been trying to help Bobby with his Canadian deal. JR had been jealous. There was also all of those moments when Katherine thought that JR had seemed to be subtly flirting with her. She now knew that he actually had been flirting with her!
But despite knowing all of this, Katherine knew that she couldn't say yes to JR. The memory of the one other man who had claimed to love her still tortured Katherine. Katherine was terrified that the very same situation could be playing out right now. But it wasn't just that. Katherine was not even sure how she felt about JR. It was true that he seemed to be having some sort of effect on her lately. There were moments when Katherine had felt completely lost in JR's eyes when they looked at each other. The car crash had left her shaken to the core. Katherine wasn't even sure if the intensity of these feelings could be considered as purely platonic anymore. But she also didn't know if she was really in love with JR, either. There was also Bobby to consider. No matter what she might be feeling for JR, Katherine knew that she did still have feelings for Bobby.
JR isn't a good choice for me, anyway. Despite what he says, there is no way that he has really changed. It's just not possible for him or any other man who has cheated as much as he has to change. JR's my friend, but he can't be anything more than that. Bobby is much safer. Katherine rationalized to herself.
Katherine hated herself for it, but she knew that she would have to tell JR the truth. There was no way other way around it. She steeled herself for what was going to happen before she finally answered JR. "I had no idea that you felt that way, JR. That makes what I'm about to tell you ten times harder. I've never told anyone about this, not even you. But I'm in love with Bobby. I've felt this way ever since I first met him at the barbecue last year. I'm sorry that I have to tell you this, JR. Please believe me when I say that you are the last person that I would ever want to hurt. You are still my best friend, and no one can ever take your place when it comes to that. Not even Bobby. Don't get me wrong! You're very special. And you are a very attractive man. But anything beyond friendship just can't happen between us. I'm sorry, JR." Katherine explained.
JR looked crushed. His eyes seemed to pleading with Katherine; willing her to change her mind. Oh, God! I've hurt him! Why did this have to happen!? Katherine thought to herself in agony.
After what seemed like forever, JR finally managed to form a response. "I see." He said in a flat, emotionless tone. He then started heading towards the front door.
Before JR could leave the house, Katherine stopped him. "JR, I really am sorry!" She apologized again.
JR turned around to face her again. "I know that you are. But I want you to think long and hard about what I said. I want you to realize that you could have so much more with me than this schoolgirl fantasy that you seem to think my brother can give you. So, when you're ready for something real, come find me. I'll always be waiting for you, Katherine..." JR said. He then turned away and disappeared into the night.
After JR had driven away, Katherine let out a sob that she hadn't even been aware that she was holding in. She then sank down onto the sofa and cried.
Two hours later, Katherine was in Pam's hotel suite. Even though she still didn't feel very close to her sister, Katherine felt like she needed to be with someone right now.
"Katherine, what happened to you!? You look awful!" Pam exclaimed after she had let Katherine inside.
"Nothing happened. I just...felt like hanging out for a while." Katherine said glumly. She doubted that she sounded very convincing to Pam.
Pam looked at Katherine for moment. "Is it mama?" Pam asked quietly.
"Yes..." Katherine said through her tears. Even though it was the incident with JR that had made Katherine feel sad in the first place, she couldn't help crying once she started thinking of Rebecca. Katherine still missed her parents more than ever. If only she could talk to her mother about what had happened. She would probably be angry with me for getting so close to JR, though. Katherine thought to herself.
Pam led Katherine over to the sofa. She then put her arm around Katherine. "I know. I miss her, too." Pam said tearfully.
After they had both stopped crying, Pam and Katherine went into the kitchen to have some tea.
"Sorry about that. I didn't mean to depress you like that when I came over." Katherine apologized.
"Katherine, it's alright. I'm glad that you came. This is what sisters are for!" Pam said.
"Well, then thanks for letting me bum you out...I guess?" Katherine joked lamely.
"Yes, we definitely need to do this more! Especially now that my regular hairdresser is lost, and most certainly does not want to be found!" Pam joked. Katherine and Pam then burst into laughter.
After they had calmed down, Katherine decided to take another try at being a good sister. Pam had provided a shoulder for her to cry on, and Katherine couldn't help feeling that it was only fair that she put in some effort herself. "So, what's been going on with you?" Katherine asked.
Pam sighed. "Well, I'd be lying if I said that things were going good. I didn't want to say anything about this to you or anyone else yet, but I just can't keep this secret anymore. The sad truth of the matter is that things with Bobby just aren't getting any better. Quite the opposite, actually. So...I've decided that I want a divorce." Pam said firmly.
Katherine was shocked. She had been so focused on everything that had been going on between her and JR that she had actually sort of forgotten about the state of her sister's marriage. Katherine knew that she should feel thrilled. After all of this time, she might finally have a chance to be with Bobby! But somehow, it didn't make Katherine feel excited at all. Especially after realizing that she might have feelings for JR. Katherine couldn't help wondering if she had possibly been chasing after the wrong brother all of this time...
