"You like it?" Lee asked, looking around the apartment. Kate had her arms crossed as she examined everything. The landlord was standing near the doorway, observing. It was the next afternoon, and they were looking at the apartment Kate was interested in. They hadn't talked about the night before with the whole cat scare incident. He knew she was embarrassed enough as it was. She was grateful he had let it go.

"I do," she nodded. "It's exactly what I need right now."

"I'll get a lease and the key," the landlord said, smiling. She seemed like a nice lady. Lee felt he was biased against everyone right now, though, because he wanted Kate to stay with him.

"You sure you're ready?" he asked again. Kate gave him a look.

"Lee, is there something you wanna tell me?" she countered.

"No," he shook his head.

"You positive?"

"Yup," he lied. Barney's advice flew out the window. How was he going to convince her to stay without revealing the rest of it? He had been thinking all night about the two of them after she had woken him up for Merlin, and he figured that it was probably for the best that she didn't date him. He was a train wreck with his emotions at times, and he didn't want her to get hurt. In order to carry on, it was smart for her to move out. The landlord returned, and she and Kate went over the papers and chatted while Lee stood and looked out the window. It was a nice view of a field at least, just on the edge of town.

"Ready?" Kate asked a moment later.

"Sure."

They waved to the landlord and went to get Kate packed up and moved.

...

"I'm impressed how fast you make decisions," Toll said admiringly as they stood in the furniture store. Kate had to get a couch at least since the living room was not furnished. Lee wished she hadn't called Toll for help. He felt awkward around the two of them now that they had gone on a date.

"I'm someone who knows what I want," Kate replied. Lee was not oblivious to the look she shot his way. He refrained from thinking it had anything to do with what he thought it did because he knew it didn't.

"Will you be needing it delivered?" the salesman asked.

"Nope. Got my truck out back," Toll answered.

"Okay. We will take it..." the salesman started.

Lee and Toll already had the couch up and moving towards the door.

"...out," the salesman finished, sighing. Kate joined them while they were finishing strapping the couch down.

"What about a bed?" Toll asked.

"There was one there," Kate answered. "Surprisingly. She just didn't have anything for the living room."

"Make sure it's clean," Toll warned. He'd had a bad experience with bed bugs once. He shuddered at the memory. Lee didn't say anything as they drove along. Kate was in the middle seat of the cab, and Lee was conscious of every single time their arms touched on bumps or corners.

"Trust me, I looked," Kate promised. "I wouldn't have taken the place if it was infested with anything."

Toll nodded approvingly, and they were quiet for the rest of the drive. Lee was thankful it was a ground floor apartment and not one with a bunch of stairs. He didn't feel up to fighting with pivoting a couch around railings and such.

"Thanks, guys," Kate said once it was in place.

"No problem," Lee responded.

"You wanna go get something to eat?" Toll asked her. Lee clenched his teeth together. Did he have to do that in front of him?

"Um, sure," Kate answered, looking at Lee.

"You can come too," Toll said, but Lee knew he didn't really mean it.

"Nah. I've got some things to do," Lee shook his head. "Have fun."

"Thanks," Toll smiled. There was a moment, and Lee wondered if this was Toll waiting for approval. He didn't give it.

"See you around," Lee said, heading for the door. His feet took him to Barney.

...

"You are the biggest dumbass I have ever known," Barney said to Lee after Lee told him Kate and Toll went out for the second time in less than 24 hours.

"What's this?" Tool asked, overhearing.

"Lee's in love with Kate, and he's letting Toll date her," Barney explained.

"Ohhh man," Tool said, shaking his head. "You are a dumbass."

"Enough," Lee snapped. What irked Lee the most is that Toll didn't even ask him if it was okay to date her. Did he just assume that Lee didn't like her? Well, Lee remembered that he did make a scene about them just being friends, and how would Toll know he was lying about that? He wouldn't. He'd believe Lee and think there was nothing there. God, he really was a dumbass.

"We aren't all mind readers," Barney said, reading his mind. "You should have told him."

"Do you just permanently live in my head or what?" Lee asked roughly.

"I just know you very well," Barney corrected. "And I know that you want Kate."

"She made her decision," Lee muttered.

"Yea, cos she doesn't know you like her," Barney retorted.

"If she liked me, she wouldn't be dating Toll," Lee shot back. "So that proves it. She doesn't like me that way."

"Oh my God, I feel like I'm back in high school," Tool said suddenly, blowing smoke slowly out of his lips.

"I'll talk to Toll," Barney started.

"No, just leave it, will you?" Lee snarled. "It's done."

"All right then," Barney said, holding up his hands. "But just know you're being an idiot."

"Big idiot," Tool chimed in. Lee stood up and left the two of them behind him. He knew he was an idiot, but he didn't like being told he was one repeatedly. Yes, his heart wrenched every time he thought about Kate with Toll. Yes, he wanted to throw up thinking about them touching and kissing and other stuff. Yes, he should have told her, but he was afraid to. He didn't want to face another rejection. He didn't want to be left again the way Lacy had left him. Most of all, he didn't want anything to happen to her because bad things happened to people he was close to with the exception of Barney. So he kept quiet. If Kate was happy, then it wasn't all for nothing.

...

"Are you all right?" Toll asked, seeing Kate looked preoccupied.

"Hm? Yes," she answered, coming back to the room. She had been thinking about Lee and the look on his face he had when he had left earlier after Toll had asked her out again in front of him. Was there something there? She wasn't good at guessing games.

"Have you found a job yet?" Toll questioned when she put her attention back onto him. He was touching her hand. She did like him, but he didn't give her quite the same reaction as someone else had. Kate cleared her mind of it. That someone else did not like her that way. Why else would he let her date one of his friends?

"No," she shook her head.

"Have you thought about joining our group?" Toll asked.

"Be an Expendable?" she asked, surprised. "No, I haven't."

"I think you'd be great," he smiled. "We'd train you, of course."

"I bet you would," she smiled back.

"I still can't believe you're going out with me," Toll said.

"Why wouldn't I?" she asked, curious.

"It's just...I'm kind of the background guy," Toll explained. "I'm there, but I'm not really there, you know? I love my team, and they are like brothers to me, but there are some that I feel get the limelight more than others. I'm not one of them."

"I find that hard to believe," Kate said. She wondered if he was referring to Lee since he was second in command and all and Barney's best friend.

"It's the truth, but I'm okay with it," Toll shrugged. Her favorite song came on then.

"Do you want to dance?" she asked. He jumped to his feet and extended his hand to hers.

"Absolutely!"

She needed the distraction of Toll hanging onto her to stop thinking about her disappointment with Lee.

...

Lee was on his couch swinging his knife in his hand when his door was knocked on. He stopped and looked at the time, and it was late. Who was at his place at that hour? He stood, knife in hand, and answered the door carefully.

"Hi," Kate said.

"Hey," he replied. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm on the verge of making a decision, and I want to talk to you about it," she said. "Can I come in?"

"Sure."

He moved to let her in. He noticed her lips looked a little raw as though they had been kissed a lot, and he cringed inside. What decision could she possibly want to talk about? He wasn't the right guy for relationship advice, clearly.

"This wasn't something you could talk to Toll about?" he asked casually.

"He's the one who gave me the idea," she replied, sitting at his table and folding her fingers together. "I want to be an Expendable."

"You what?" Lee asked, shocked. That came from nowhere; he had not expected it at all.

"I want to join your team. I'm serious."

"But...why?"

"Because. I don't ever want to feel vulnerable and scared again," she said fiercely. "I don't want to be helpless or used or beaten on ever again. I want to be like you guys." I also want to be strong and confident like Liam was. She bit that back down. She never liked talking about Liam, not to anyone except her sister and her parents. Even Reggie hadn't known. Evan had known very little about Liam, just that he'd died.

"We get beaten up," Lee told her. "We get scared. We feel vulnerable. Sometimes we are helpless in situations."

"You're not changing my mind," she said firmly. Liam would think it was cool. He'd like you.

"Then why did you come here to talk to me about it?"

"Because I want you to teach me how to fight and how to throw knives," she explained. I want my brother to be proud of me. Lee looked at her carefully.

"You don't need me for that," he replied.

"Come on, Lee," she said, growing annoyed. "You're my best friend. I thought you'd want to help me."

"I just don't think you're cut out for this kind of job," Lee said back strongly. "You're going to become exactly who you hate."

"I will never be like Alejandro," Kate said quietly. "You guys don't use law enforcement as a cover to do illegal things for you, do you?"

"No, but..."

"You don't force people to sign papers that are false?"

"No..."

"Then it's already different."

"Kate..."

"This is what I want, Lee," Kate cut him off. "Please, help me."

Lee pressed his lips together as he looked at her. She got up and went to stand right in front of him, taking his hands into hers. He swallowed. Any physical contact from her made him want to explode inside. It was why he was so careful to avoid it.

"Please, Lee," she begged. She didn't break eye contact with him, not even for a second.

"All right," he caved. He couldn't say no to her, not even when his brain was telling him this was a terrible idea.

"Thank you," she said, hugging him tightly then. Taken off guard, Lee tensed. She released him almost immediately, backing up. If that wasn't a big indicator he didn't like her, then what was? She forced herself to shake it off. The disappointment was harsh, though.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she smiled, forcing it. "For my first lesson."

"Okay."

She waved as she left his apartment. He stood there in the silence afterward and wondered just what the hell he had gotten himself into.

...

"I don't like it," Emma said after Kate told her the plan. It was late, but Kate needed to talk to her. She had smoked two cigarettes already, thinking about Liam and what he'd tell her if he was there. She needed to hear an actual voice.

"It's what I need right now," Kate insisted.

"To be trained as a killer? No, Kate, I disagree."

"I shouldn't have told you."

"That's not the issue here. The issue is you're insane."

"How am I insane?"

"First of all, you're dating a guy you're not really into because the guy you want isn't into you, which makes my head literally want to explode because you're being so stupid, and secondly, you just told me you want to be a hitman."

"It's not being a hitman."

"I don't care. It sounds scary and dangerous, and I don't think you should do it."

"Emma, you can't change my mind."

"Liam would say no too," Emma said, knowing Kate was thinking about him.

"He wouldn't. He'd sign up right behind me," Kate argued.

"Well, his recklessness is what got him killed, wasn't it?" Emma asked angrily. Kate closed her eyes. The pain was always right there every time she thought about it.

"It was not recklessness. His quick thinking saved my life," Kate replied back quietly.

"And cost him his," Emma added.

"Enough," Kate said roughly. Tears were in her throat now. She knew it was her fault. She lived with that guilt every day. She didn't need to be reminded of it.

"Please don't do it," Emma begged. "I can't stand to think of losing you. It was hard enough to have you in the FBI. Think of Mum and Dad."

"I knew telling you this was a bad idea," Kate said.

"Kate..."

Kate hung up the phone, not bothering to hear her sister out. She got up and went back out to smoke again. The image of Liam's death flashed in her mind. She cringed. It was something she would never forget. Her phone chimed then, surprising her. She looked at it.

Tomorrow morning meet at Tool's place. 7 a.m. sharp.

She smiled at Lee's words, the image of Liam fading now. She wrote him back.

You got it.


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