"Again," Lee said. It was the next day, and, as promised, Kate was there bright and early at Tool's before Lee took them to the woods where he trained.
"This is hard," she complained.
"Did you think it would be easy?" he asked, incredulous.
"No," she shook her head. She had a cigarette dangling in her lips as she aimed her knife.
"Would you put that out already?" he requested.
"It helps me focus," she said. It makes me feel like Liam is with me, encouraging me. Of course, these words are left unsaid.
"Like hell it does," he retorted. He yanked it from her lips and stamped it out on the ground. She huffed but didn't say anything. She threw the knife again only to miss the target.
"How do you do it?" she asked. "Cos that's my hundredth knife, and I still miss."
"Rome wasn't built in a day," Lee replied.
"You have no idea how much I hate that statement," Kate told him.
"It's true, though."
"Just show me again," she commanded. Lee chuckled, but he obliged. His knife hit the target dead center. She groaned.
"You make it look so easy," she whined. She threw another and missed.
"Look it," he said, going over to her and handing her a fresh knife. "You're holding it all wrong."
"How else do you hold a knife?" she asked, waving it around and feeling annoyed. He stood behind her and put it in her hand properly, moving her fingers into position. He was very aware how close his face was to hers, but he forced himself to stay focused.
"It's also in your stance," he said. He moved her legs and hips to where they were supposed to go. She looked at him after, feeling a little flushed inside from the feeling of his hands on her.
"Is that all?" she asked, hating that her voice sounded funny.
"Throw it," he nodded. She did so, and it landed on the edge of the target.
"Holy shit!" she crowed, fist pumping. Her fluster was taken over by excitement. "I got it!"
"Nice throw," Toll said, coming into view. He had a coffee for her. Kate went over to him and gave him a quick hug. Lee was grateful she didn't kiss him. He knew he couldn't handle that.
"You're just in time," she said, taking her coffee from him. She felt jumpy inside still. She wondered if Toll had seen Lee handling her. She had almost lost her footing when he touched her. She had not been expecting that at all. When his face had been that close to hers, she couldn't stop herself from thinking about what it would be like to kiss him. What was wrong with her?
"How's practice going?" Toll asked, interrupting her thoughts. She beamed at him, thankful he couldn't read her thoughts. She liked Toll. She really did. She hated that Lee still had this hold on her, though, when he had no interest in her.
"She thinks it's going to be super easy," Lee teased.
"Right, so you can all throw a knife well then?" Kate asked. Toll proceeded to pick up the knife from the ground and threw it into the target. It wasn't quite the center, but it was close enough.
"Somewhat," he answered, grinning at her.
"Since when can you throw like that?" Lee asked. He knew Doc and Tool were his best opponents, but he had no idea Toll could throw that good as well.
"I've practiced," Toll answered nonchalantly.
"So what are you doing here?" Kate asked Toll then.
"I just came to say hi and provide caffeine. I gotta do a short stint with Barney this afternoon."
"Where are you going?" Lee asked, surprised. Why hadn't Barney told him about a mission?
"It's nothing big. Something about a bomb."
Ah, so that was it. Toll was their explosive expert after all.
"Don't get blown up," Lee commented. Toll snorted.
"Thanks," he said.
"Well, bye," Kate said, giving him a small kiss then. Lee turned away. It made him nauseous.
"See you later," Toll said. "Don't be too hard on her, Lee."
Lee didn't respond. Toll was gone a moment later.
"Okay," Kate said, facing him again and holding out her hand. "Give me another knife."
...
That night, Lee opened his eyes from a dream he had been having. It had been so real and so vivid, and he couldn't help but look beside him to make sure Kate wasn't lying beside him again. She wasn't.
"Shit," he said, sitting up and rubbing his face hard. He should not be having those kinds of dreams about a girl his friend was dating. What was wrong with him? He kept thinking about her, though, and he couldn't stop if he tried. Their day together training had been fun and intense at times. He wondered if she was thinking about him, but he doubted it. All day she had not shown him any indication that she wanted to more than friends, so he knew he had to let this go. He got up then because he couldn't sleep, and he did his best to think about anything other than the image of Kate lying on top of him and kissing him, but nothing was working. He decided to go for a walk.
...
Kate worked hard to calm her rapid breathing. She sat on the edge of her bed and gripped it with her hands, bending forward a little. She wished the nightmares would stop. It made her dread sleep and feel exhausted afterwards. Kate looked around the room, and she suddenly wished she wasn't alone. She stood and threw on a hoodie and jeans, heading to the door. She didn't know where she would end up, but she needed to go for a drive. She turned up her music, trying to drown out her thoughts as she drove. Without realizing it, she drove to Lee's street. She had no idea why or what she was going to do, but she didn't have to think long because Lee was suddenly in front of her, walking down the street. She hit her brakes, startled, and Lee turned to look behind him. She couldn't read his expression very well as he went to the driver's side window, and she rolled it down.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm driving," she answered, trying to be amusing.
"At this time of night?"
"It's safer than walking," she said pointedly.
"Right," he nodded before moving away and starting to walk again. Kate put the car in park and got out.
"Hey," she called. "That's it?" He turned to look back at her.
"What were you hoping for?" he asked.
"I don't know, maybe someone to have insomnia with?" she shrugged. He laughed.
"Really."
"Yes, really," she responded.
"Sorry. I'm not very good company right now," he said after a moment.
"What's wrong?" she asked, concerned.
You, he thought, but he kept it to himself. Having her near him was the very opposite of what he was trying to get from this walk.
"I just want to be alone," he said instead.
"Is it Lizzie?" Kate asked boldly. She had kept thinking about her since their last conversation about it.
"What? No," Lee shook his head.
They looked at one another for a moment, and Kate knew he wasn't going to tell her what was really going on, so she dropped it.
"Okay," she sighed. "Good night then."
"Good night," he repeated back, turning to walk again. He felt bad because he could tell she needed someone to talk to, but he couldn't be around her right now. He just couldn't. Kate felt a little rejected as she got back into her car, watching him go, but she gave him his space and drove off. Lee heard her tires receding into the distance, and he wished he had just let her stay even though her being around him was so hard.
...
"You look like shit," Barney said the next morning. They were at their usual coffeehouse together, and Lee was exhausted from the night before. He had walked for a long time. Barney and Toll had finished their quick mission before midnight.
"Thanks," Lee replied.
"Everything all right?"
"Of course."
"Liar."
"Ah, you got me," Lee said, tired of pretending. He couldn't hide it from Barney anyway.
"I can still talk to Toll..."
"It's all right. He's nuts about her," Lee said. It was true. He noticed Toll was happier and lighter on his feet lately. The guy deserved to be happy too. Lee was just miffed that it was at his own expense and stupidity for letting Kate get away.
"So when they get married, are you gonna be all right watching that?" Barney asked.
"Whoa, they're just dating," Lee said, holding his hand up. "One thing at a time, huh?"
"I'm just saying. If it gets serious, you gotta be able to handle it."
"I will."
"I doubt it," Barney commented, sipping his coffee.
"Then I'll move away."
"Running away from your problems is not the answer," Barney chided.
"Then what do you suggest, oh wise one?" Lee asked, impatient. Barney stared at him.
"Do I really have to tell you?" he countered.
"I can't tell her."
"Why not?"
"It's complicated."
"No, it's not. You don't want to get hurt again, so you figure being alone will save you from that. I got news for you, being alone and in love with someone else's girl is no way to live. You're still getting hurt."
"I can't tell her."
"All right," Barney said, throwing his hands up in the air. "I don't know what else to tell you then."
"Don't tell me anything."
Lee's phone chirped, and he looked at it.
"It's her, isn't it?" Barney asked.
"Time to go to work," Lee said instead, getting up and throwing some bills down onto the table. Barney shook his head as he watched his friend leave, knowing that Lee was going to die inside if he didn't do something about his feelings for Kate and soon.
...
Kate had noticed that Lee hadn't been himself that day. It was like he had been there but not fully there. She wondered what was going on with him. She figured it had something to do with his night walk, but he wouldn't open up to her, and she didn't know how to get him to. They had parted ways after training without much being said. Kate went home and wished she had just pushed him to talk a little or something. Her phone rang, and she saw it was Emma, but she slid it to voicemail. She hadn't spoken to Emma since their heated conversation. She just didn't want to hear it. She wanted someone to tell her how proud they were of the progress she was making, and Emma was not going to give that to her. She began texting with Toll, not sure who else to talk to, and he suggested going out for some chicken wings. She agreed. She briefly wondered what Lee was doing and if he was okay, but then she put it out of her mind. They were just friends. She would be okay with that. She had to be.
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