"So how are things going between you and Mark lately?" Katherine asked Pam. It was Friday evening, and since she didn't have any plans with JR, Katherine had decided to stop by her sister's house for a visit.
"It's okay, I guess." Pam said in a dejected tone that told Katherine that everything was most certainly not okay.
"That right there tells me that something is definitely wrong. What happened?" Katherine asked in concern. Katherine knew that thanks to her and JR's actions, her sister hadn't exactly planned to end her marriage with Bobby, and could understand that she still had feelings for him. However, Katherine was a little surprised that Mark's continual love and support didn't appear to be winning Pam over at all. Of course, Mark was no JR, but Katherine still believed that he was one of the most decent guys that she had ever met.
"Well, in a way, that's just it. Nothing has been happening between us." Pam admitted.
"But why? Did you guys have a fight or something? Surely it couldn't be because of something that he thinks that you have done? Because you do know that women are always right, don't you?" Katherine said; attempting to make a joke in the process.
"I don't think it's what I have been doing so much as what I haven't been doing that is the problem." Pam said; purposely putting emphasis on the word "haven't".
Katherine realized immediately what her sister was referring to. "Oh... You mean that you haven't gotten there yet. Right?" She asked meaningfully.
"Right." Pam admitted uncomfortably.
"I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that the reluctance is on your end. Am I right?" Katherine asked.
"You're right. I know that Mark and I have been seeing each other for awhile now and that I should want to start planning to take the next step in our relationship. But I just can't even imagine being so close to someone besides Bobby..." Pam explained sadly.
"Mark hasn't complained about it, has he?" Katherine asked carefully.
"Not in exact words. But he has made it pretty clear to me that he's starting to get frustrated about it." Pam said.
Katherine couldn't help feeling surprised and even a little angry at Mark. She had thought that he would have been more understanding than this. Was sex the only thing that men really cared about!? Katherine couldn't help feeling a little uneasy when she thought about this aspect in her own relationship with JR. Right now, he was being patient with her. But she knew that that would only last for so long. The problem for Katherine was trying to determine whether she truly felt like she was ready to start taking things further with JR. Because she knew that once they had finally slept together for the first time, it would be time for her to start thinking about their lives beyond just dating.
"If you don't want to do it, then you shouldn't let Mark pressure you. It's as simple as that." Katherine said firmly. She could empathize with her sister based on all of the situations she had been in where almost all of the men she had dated prior to JR had tried to pressure her into sleeping with them sooner than she had wanted to. Sometimes even on the first night that Katherine had met them.
"I know that you are right. It's just that aside from our relationship as a couple, I've come to depend on Mark's friendship for so long now. I'm worried that he'll want out of my life completely if I don't start moving things forward in our relationship." Pam explained worriedly.
"I understand. But if Mark is actually willing to stop being your friend over this, then he is not worth it. I hate to say it, but it's true." Katherine said.
"Well, when you put it that way, it sounds a lot simpler. I just hope that I don't ever have to make that choice..." Pam said.
"You should tell Mark about your fears. That might help." Katherine suggested.
"Thanks, Katherine. It really helps to have another perspective on this." Pam said gratefully.
"Sure. I'm glad that I could help you." Katherine said gently.
Pam hesitated for a moment before continuing to talk. "I know that we had agreed not to talk about this. But how are things with you and JR, Katherine?" She asked carefully.
Katherine couldn't help smiling. "I couldn't be happier. JR is everything I've ever dreamed of..." She said softly.
"You have been a lot happier ever since you started dating him. No, even before that. But now, the change is even more obvious. I'm starting to wonder if I've been wrong about him..." Pam said thoughtfully.
"You are wrong if you still believe that JR will hurt me. He's been doing everything he can to make sure that I'm comfortable in our relationship." Katherine said.
"Well, as long as you are this happy, I'll believe it. I've just been worried because you two seem pretty serious now, and I know how complicated things can get once you start to really plan for the future. I just want you to know that I am always here if you ever have questions, or if you feel like you need to talk about anything that happens. And I am not just saying that because he is JR. I'm just trying to be here for you because you are in a serious relationship now, and you might need some support. Do you understand, Katherine?" Pam asked seriously.
"Yes, I do. That, and the fact that you are trying to give JR a chance means a lot to me. I really do love him..." Katherine said.
"I can tell that just from the way that you talk about him. I just hope that everything will work out for you. Because if you're not good enough for JR, then I don't know who is!" Pam said.
xxx
Katherine examined her reflection in the large, full-length mirror carefully. When JR had suggested that they spend the day at a hotel that was really more like a fancy country club, she hadn't thought that she would need a swimsuit. But once he had asked her if she would like spending some time at the hotel's outdoor pool, Katherine couldn't bring herself to say no. Seeing JR shirtless was very appealing to her. But this also meant that he would see her in a swimsuit, too. Katherine was a little self-conscious when it came to her body. She had always thought that her figure was more on the scrawny side compared to a lot of other women. And Katherine had always been somewhat displeased about her lack of development in some areas. While it was true that that a lot of men didn't seem bothered by Katherine's appearance at all, she still made a point to dress more conservatively than normal on most occasions. Unless she was in a more intimate situation with a man, the less skin they saw, the better. Even though she was only wearing a simple, blue one-piece swimsuit, Katherine was still nervous. JR had never seen her dressed in anything this revealing yet, and she was worried about his reaction.
Well, he's going to see everything, eventually. So there's no point in worrying about this. Katherine thought to herself ruefully as she walked out of the changing room.
xxx
"If I didn't already know that I'm going to be spending my whole life with you, I'd think that I had died and gone to heaven! You are absolutely gorgeous, Katherine." JR said as he gazed at Katherine appreciatively.
"Why thank you, JR! But you're the real gorgeous one here!" Katherine complimented JR as she admired his physique. While JR was not overtly muscular, he still had a nice solid build that told Katherine that he was doing something to stay in shape. More than ever now, she felt her willpower crumbling.
JR laughed. "Well, that's a new one! I'm flattered! Do you want to go for a swim now?" He asked; pointing towards the hotel's large outdoor pool.
xxx
"That was fun. But I think I'll take a break from public pools for awhile now." Katherine said. She and JR were resting on two lounge chairs in the shade in a corner that was a bit further away from the pool. They had placed the chairs right next to each other so that they could be closer.
"You don't like swimming in front of other people, do you? If it you makes you feel any better, I don't really either. But I just had to bring you here at least once. The drinks served out here are worth it!" JR said.
Katherine knew that JR was telling the truth. He had kept looking around him almost the whole time while they were in the water. But she had no idea why JR would feel self-conscious. In Katherine's opinion, he was easily the best looking man here.
"Well, we could always just go swimming at my house instead. The indoor pool is especially nice because there is no sun! It reminds me of the one we had in our old house back in Houston." Katherine said fondly.
"I'll definitely take you up on that offer! This place is fun, but it would be nice for us to not have to share with anyone else." JR said with a mischievous grin.
"I couldn't agree with you more!" Katherine said with a grin that mirrored JR's.
JR and Katherine started to kiss. They leaned in closer to each other so that they were both sharing the same chair. Eventually, JR's actions started to get more intense. He was kissing every part of Katherine's body that was uncovered while his hands roamed freely all over her as well. But as much as she was enjoying it all, Katherine couldn't help feeling that JR was taking things a little too far right now. After all, they were in a public area. What if someone saw them?
Katherine was momentarily distracted from her concerns when JR's hand came dangerously close to the area between her legs. Her breath hitched in her throat. Before she completely lost control of herself to her urges, Katherine gently pulled away from JR. It took a few moments for her breathing to return to normal. What had gotten into JR!?
"Did you enjoy that?" JR asked in a low, seductive whisper.
"Of course I did! I'm surprised that you even asked! But don't you think that this is just a little too...public?" Katherine asked. But when she looked around, Katherine was surprised to discover that there were hardly any other people in the pool area now. Just how long had they been kissing?
"I suppose you're right. But if you'd like a little more privacy, I could get a room for us here right now." JR said. Katherine knew what JR was really suggesting, even though he hadn't actually put it into words.
"No. I think I want to just head home now. It's been a long day, and I'm kind of tired now." Katherine said; trying to make her voice sound as nonchalant as she could.
"That's okay." JR said gently. But despite his reassurance, Katherine thought that she caught a brief flash of disappointment in JR's eyes.
xxx
Later that night after JR had dropped her off, Katherine tossed around restlessly in her bed. She could still feel the touch of JR's hands and lips while their bodies had pressed tightly against each other, and it was driving her crazy. But despite how good it had all felt, Katherine was still surprised by JR's actions today. During all of their previous make-out sessions, JR had never taken things as far as he had today. What had made him become so bold!? It wasn't as if she had told him that she was ready to start taking things further, especially after only two months into their relationship.
Suddenly, Katherine remembered Leon's words to JR at the golf course. She had been humiliated when he had told JR that she was "a huge disappointment in bed". But she had never thought too much about what JR might think of her after hearing that revelation.
Just great. Now that he knows that I'm not a virgin, JR thinks that he can just tempt me into sex easily. Katherine thought to herself angrily.
Even though Katherine knew that it was obvious that JR would have eventually found out the truth about her, she was still uncomfortable with him having that knowledge right now. Normally, Katherine wouldn't have been bothered by it. But she also knew that men like JR who had been raised in more traditional Southern families usually had different beliefs about women. Katherine knew all too well how a lot of Texan men were obsessed with the idea of marrying the ideal "virgin goddess" that would be theirs alone when it came to sexual history. And if JR had assumed that she hadn't been with anyone before Leon had opened his big mouth, then he might be disappointed with her now. Had JR just assumed that Katherine was a virgin because of her social standing that came from being from a rich family like the Wentworths? Katherine didn't think that JR looked down on her for sleeping with Leon. But she also knew that a lot unreasonable men would label her as "slutty" just because she had been unlucky enough to not know that her first time wouldn't be with the man who would love her forever.
The worst part of everything was that Leon wasn't the only man that Katherine had slept with. After Katherine had moved back to New York before Rebecca's death, she had had one-night stands with more than a few men; even married ones. She wasn't proud of her actions, but Katherine had been too depressed to really care back then. It had been during one of the lowest points in her life. Her father had just died, and Katherine had been feeling more than a bit left out of her mother's life after watching her gravitate towards Cliff and Pam when she had needed her the most. And seeing how happy her sister was with her wonderful husband and baby had just made Katherine feel even more depressed. The fact that both of her siblings who had come from seemingly nowhere had managed to please her mother in ways that she had never been able to had just been too much for Katherine. So she had gone back to New York in order to escape from it all. What did it matter if Katherine had wanted to distract herself with some pleasure from a few random men? And if the ones who were married wanted her in bed, then it wasn't her fault that they had already chosen to betray their vows by spending time with her. At least that was how Katherine had seen it.
Katherine hadn't believed that she would ever find happiness in her life with another man after Leon. If Katherine had known about JR, then she wouldn't have slept with anyone else back then. That way, JR could have been her first. But that wasn't how things were, and Katherine was more confused than ever. She knew that she should just talk to JR about her feelings, but she had no idea how to even go about starting a conversation like this. All she could do was hope for the best and try to move beyond her insecurities.
Author's note: I just want everyone to know that even though I made Katherine have some negative thoughts about her body in this chapter, I do NOT agree with that sentiment. I think that Katherine is prettier than all of the other women on Dallas. I just always imagined both her and JR to be a bit self-conscious about their physical appearances in the show what with how they were covered up in clothes a lot more compared to a lot of the other characters. Also, the hotel they were at in this chapter is the same one that JR went to with Kristin back in season three. And lastly, no, this story is not going to be all about sex now, so don't worry! Lol.
