A/N: Hello my lovely readers! It's been a while hasn't it? Unfortunately, this isn't an indication that I have time to write again. Oh no! Because now I have a full time position as a teacher in a school, and now I'm even busier than I was before. So, even though I'm dying to write again, because I'm soooooo close to finishing this story, I'm afraid I just don't have the time to write at the moment. Perhaps, when I'm on holidays, I'll be able to get stuck into it again. I'm sorry to keep doing this to you. You are such loyal readers and I really appreciate your support! Please stick by me and this story. I promise you, I have not abandoned it in my heart :)
Chapter 40
The silence was almost deafening. Anakin swore he could've heard a pin drop. The air grew thick, tight, hot and uncomfortable, and he could practically feel Ben's eyes scalding the side of his face. But, he didn't notice, because his sole attention was focused on the young teenaged girl standing before him. Ahsoka's face was wide open in obvious confusion; her large, turquoise eyes blinking slowly, incredulously, as her mind tried to wrap around and process the shocking information. It was several long minutes before she came to, lifting her head to stare directly at Anakin. It was an unnerving stare, one that portrayed the significant hurt and betrayal she felt at being kept in the dark about something this important. For a moment, Anakin felt relieved that he had told her. Ahsoka deserved to know, after all. It was her family, too.
But, all that relief soon dissipated when hot tears fell from her eyes, sliding down her cheeks in smooth silent rivets. Her mouth opened and closed several times, as though she was struggling to form the words, until a hoarse whisper surged forth, dropping with all the force of a bomb in the stillness.
"What?!"
It was as though her entire world had come crashing down around her (which, in essence, it had) – all those beautiful images of her loving parents that she'd built up in her mind over the years had been shattered in an instant, and all Anakin could do was watch helplessly as she completely broke down in front of him. Her whole body was shaking as she repeatedly shook her head, desperately muttering, "No, no, no!" to herself, instinctively curling inwards to block out the sheer overwhelming pain she was feeling.
It was absolutely heartbreaking.
Seeking some sort of comfort and support, he looked over at Ben, only to find those sea-green eyes cold and hard, full of accusation. His mentor didn't speak, only stepped forward to hold his miserable little girl in his arms to try and reassure her.
"Shh, Ahsoka… c'mon, Sweetheart, it's okay. Talk to me," Ben cooed in a soft, gentle voice, but the girl flinched away from him, her eyes shimmering with untampered rage.
"Is it true?" she gritted her teeth and muttered under her breath, a tiny twinge of hope tainting her voice that only caused Anakin's heart to break a little bit more.
Ben flicked his angry gaze over to Anakin, his lips thinned in a bitter grimace before sighing and nodding his head slowly, "…Yes. It's true, Ahsoka. All of it. You and Anakin have the same father." He reached out to cup her cheek in his palm, but she flinched once again, shuffling away from him several steps, acting as though he was about to brand her.
"And you lied to me?!," she spat out aggressively, her eyes narrowing to slits and her top lip trembling. "All this time you've been lying to my face!"
Ben raked a hand through his auburn hair and sighed once more. "It's not like that, Sweetheart. I only wanted to protect you."
"Protect me from what?!," she shrilled hysterically, tears now streaming freely down her cheeks in her temper. "A monster? The only monster I see here is YOU!"
Even Anakin cringed at the devastating blow, but it was nothing compared to Ben's reaction. His entire face fell, his expression practically imploding, and he went white as a sheet, tears staining his eyes, which he fought back with furious blinks.
"Ahsoka…" he begged, his hand outstretched toward her beseechingly.
"You lied to me for 5 years! How could you do that to me? How could you make me believe something so wonderful about my own family, when it was nothing but a LIE?! A big fat lie!"
Anakin gulped, watching the bitter scene unfold before him in immense horror. This wasn't what he'd wanted to happen. None of this was going to plan. Sure, he'd wanted Ahsoka to know the truth about her parentage, but for her to openly attack Ben like this…It wasn't fair. The man was shattered, completely and utterly shattered, and Anakin now realized that it was all his fault. In hindsight, given her reaction, he shouldn't have said anything. He should have listened to Ben. She wasn't ready for this, and Ben had understood that. Now, his family was falling apart, and he'd been the one to instigate it. The guilt he promptly felt was like an anchor weighing him down, and suddenly, Anakin wished he'd never gone to Ben's house that day, never seen Siri Tachi at Ben's door, and never asked any questions about Ben's secret life. He wanted nothing more than to forget it ever happened, to wipe his memory clean, and go back in time and relive that entire afternoon. If only I'd stayed home and just worked on C3PO.
In an attempt to make amends, to try and soothe Ahsoka's heartache, Anakin tentatively stepped forward and reached out to touch her shoulder. "Ahsoka…Snips...Obi-Wan kept this from you for your own good. To protect you. Being a part of this mess, the mess that I went through as a kid…It's not the life he wanted for you."
Snapping her head up, the girl glared at him, reaching out to slap his hand away. "Shut up! You're just as bad as him!" she accused, pointing her finger at Ben, her voice full of venom. "You knew about this, and you never told me! You knew and said nothing! You lied to me,too!"
Swallowing the lump that had risen up in his throat, Anakin raked a hand agitatedly through his hair. "I wanted to tell you as soon as I found out, Ahsoka. I swear to you…"
"I don't know who the fuck to the believe anymore!," she spat out through gnashed teeth. "You can all go to hell for all I care!" Then, she turned on her heel aggressively, her thick dark hair almost whipping Anakin in the face as she stormed out of the kitchen and headed upstairs to her bedroom. Ben called out to her, his voice garbled from choking back tears, and went to follow her, but Anakin gripped his arm tightly and shook his head.
"No, Ben. Back off. She needs to be alone right now," he said bitterly, guilt swamping him as they heard her footsteps pounding up the stairs.
The loud bang of Ahsoka's bedroom door slamming shut echoed eerily throughout the house and suddenly, Satine came rushing into the kitchen, her eyes wide with shock and concern as they flicked back and forth between the two men. Padme followed behind her meekly, her dark eyes fixated solely on Anakin, equal parts worry and concern reflected back at him. He shrunk under her questioning gaze – this was definitely not something he wanted her to know about, much as he hated the idea of lying to her.
"What happened in here?" Satine demanded of Ben, crossing her arms over her chest and frowning at him. "We heard shouting and then Ahsoka storming upstairs!"
The two men shared a pointed look. Even though, obviously, Satine knew about Ben's secret and Anakin's and Ahsoka's true parentage, Padme, on the other hand, did not. And, they wanted it to stay that way. Anakin pushed his guilt at lying to her aside. It was for her own safety that she remained oblivious to the truth. A silent exchange passed between them, and Ben just shrugged.
"Oh nothing, Love. She just had a bit of a tantrum about having to help with the dishes. You know how much she hates doing chores round here." Ben gave a weak smile and raised his eyebrows. Anakin simply nodded his head, glad of Ben's quick thinking. Good save, Ben.
If Satine caught onto Ben's hint, she didn't indicate it, but her eyes quickly flicked to Padme ever so slightly. "Hmmm," she sighed, tight-lipped. "Well, I'll have to talk to her about behaving so rudely in front of our house guests."
Anakin shook his head, brushing aside the comment as best he could so as not to draw attention to the enormous fight that had occurred just moments before. "Don't worry about it, Satine. She's a teenager. All teenagers hate chores. I'll have a chat with her," he added, the faintest of smiles on his lips. He knew that he would be the best person to talk to Ahsoka at that moment. They'd always been close, and they shared a strong bond. She'd always looked up to him. Besides that, she was as stubborn as a mule, and Anakin knew that all too well. He was like her big brother – no, he was her big brother, and he knew she would listen to him. She always had. He would make her come around, he just knew it.
Satine graciously thanked him for his offer. "Sometimes it's so hard dealing with teenagers," she lamented with a half smirk and a roll of her eyes, a lamentation Anakin could certainly sympathise with. He'd been more than a handful himself for his mother and Ben during his own reckless teenage years.
"She'll grow out of it," he assured her wholeheartedly. "Don't worry, Satine. She's a good kid. She'll turn out just fine. After all, I did." Anakin shrugged his shoulders again.
Beside him, Ben rolled his eyes and coughed loudly under his breath and muttered, "Barely," before smirking wryly at Anakin. The attempted humour seemed to soften the tension in the room just a little, and soon all four of them burst out laughing, and for a moment, Anakin thought that maybe… just maybe… things could go back to the way they were before all of this. But, once the laughter died down, and Anakin looked back at Ben, misery and betrayal were still gleaming in his eyes, and the look on his face was one of pinched nervousness.
Ben, Satine, and Padme left the kitchen and headed back into the living room where Shmi and Cliegg still were, leaving Anakin leaning against the kitchen counter alone with his own thoughts. He desperately wanted to make things right with Ahsoka, but he knew that she needed time to cool off. Her temper - so like his own - was hot at the best of times, and he didn't want to make this delicate situation any worse. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes for a second, before departing the kitchen for the front hallway and traipsing up the stairs towards Ahsoka's bedroom.
As always, loud, obnoxious music echoed through her bedroom door, some sort of indie persuasion that Anakin didn't even recognize. He knocked twice on her door, knuckles rapping sharply against the wood. There was no answer, assumedly because the loud music prevented her from hearing him. So, Anakin knocked again, a bit harder, this time, calling her name.
"Ahsoka? It's me, Anakin. Can I come in?"
Again, no answer. He frowned. This was getting ridiculous. Yeah, she was upset, but now, she was just acting immature. Pouting was childish, and she needed to get over it. "C'mon, Snips, open the damn door," he growled.
When she still didn't respond, Anakin gritted his teeth and slammed his fist against the door, swinging it open with a bang, expecting to hear a cry of outrage from the upset teenager at the invasion of her privacy. Instead, he heard nothing.
The room was empty.
Empty?
Anakin blinked several times, his eyes scanned over the mussed-up bedspread, the piles of clothes strewn haphazardly over the carpet, the posters of popular celebrities plastered on the walls, the speakers blasting ridiculously loud music from on top of the bookshelf.
…And the wide open window letting in the crisp cold night air, fluttering the curtains gently with the incoming breeze.
"Goddamn it, Snips!" Anakin groaned, tugging at his hair in exasperation. She'd run away. As angry as he was about all of this, he couldn't exactly blame her without being hypocritical. He hadn't exactly been the epitome of charming to Ben since finding all of this out either. Besides, God knows how many times he'd run away when he was her age, forcing his mom to call Ben in a panic. And yet, he'd thought she was better than that. Ahsoka had seen firsthand what had happened to him when he was a teenager. Anakin thought she was smarter than him. At least, he'd hoped she'd be smarter than him.
But, now she'd run away from home.
Anakin slammed his fist hard against the wooden post of the doorframe and let out a frustrated howl, before sprinting back downstairs where the rest of the group were sitting in the living room. "She ran away!," he blurted out breathlessly before anyone even had a chance to realise he was there.
Ben stood up immediately, Padme looked shocked, Shmi and Cliegg looked bewildered, and Satine gasped, her hands flying up to cover her mouth, horror written all over her face.
"What do you mean she ran away?!" she shrilled, her voice weak and high-pitched. Anakin hated to give her such news, to make her so upset in her condition (it couldn't be good for the baby), but at that moment, all he wanted to do was rush out and comb the streets looking for Ahsoka...and talk some sense into her and bring her safely back home.
"The bedroom window's wide open, and she's not in her room. But, don't worry. She's on foot, and she hasn't been gone more than fifteen minutes. She can't have gone far. I'll find her." Anakin tried his best to look and sound reassuring for all of their sakes.
Ben went to grab his coat. "I'm coming with you," he insisted, his eyes hard with determination. Anakin realized that he was worried. Worried about his child. Worried about his family. Understandably so. In his shoes, Anakin realized he would do and say the same thing. And, while Anakin couldn't blame him one bit for that, he also knew that Ben wasn't the right person for Ahsoka to talk to at this moment. She was beyond furious. She felt betrayed. She felt lost and alone. No, right nowshe needed someone who wasn't her parent to comfort her. She needed someone who could understand what she was feeling, who could empathize with her pain, and only Anakin could do that - because he was dealing with the exact same sense of betrayal and hurt that she was. They were siblings. They were both Skywalkers, and they understood each other and needed each other right now in a way no one else could.
"No. It's alright, Ben. I'll find her. You stay here. I don't think you're the best person for her to talk to right now."
When Ben made to protest, Anakin put his hand on his shoulder and gently squeezed and looked him sincerely in the eye. "Don't worry, ok. I'll find her. I promise."
Ben nodded respectfully and tentatively reached out to clap his own hand on Anakin's shoulder, returning the support. "I know."
Nodding his own head, Anakin glanced around the room at everyone silently and then pivoted and went back out into the foyer to retrieve his coat from the coatrack by the door when he was stopped by the sweet, meek voice of Padme.
"Ani…" she called to him softly. "Do you want me to help you find Ahsoka?"
He looked sincerely into her concerned brown eyes and shook his head. "No, Angel. I need to do this alone."
Bottom lip shaking, Padme reached for his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Why?"
It was that moment that Anakin was completely torn in two. The agony that keeping his secret was causing him was almost too much for him at this moment. He wanted nothing more than to confide in Padme everything… but he knew he couldn't.
"It's just better that way," he urged her softly, before leaning down to kiss her forehead sweetly, hoping that was enough to keep her at bay. The disbelieving glint in her brown eyes was enough to know that he hadn't fully convinced her, but there was nothing more he could say. With a weak smile, he slipped his arms through his coat and headed out into the crisp night air.
