Fate Stay Night Umbra Bello

... penny for your thoughts. How'd you guys feel if I somehow integrated Hollow Ataraxia into the the story as a sort of bridge between this and Grand Order? I've had an idea running around in my head about a plot that could lead to some major world building and character development... or would you all just rather I skip that and move on to FGO? I'm not gonna start a poll until I get a general idea on how you all feel.

brakamonoga- It's around. Probably gonna play a bigger role coming up though.

RandoReader- Oh believe me, this crazy train is going off the rails the further we go.

max305- At this point, I should name the sequel Fate/Grand Headache, right?

Guest- Oh dear... didn't you know?

Being Emiya is suffering.


Chapter XXIII: Shifting Shadows

Date: 02/BZZT/2004

Time: 11:BZZZT am

Locatio- BZZZZZT

Bzzzzt

BZZZZZZZT


Date: ?/25/199?

Location: Providence, Rhode Island

Another body stilled.

"I… -urk!" the monster doubled over as their mind registered the lead that had passed through them.

"..." I didn't spare the moment another thought. Their body dropped, and I checked the room for more hostiles-

"'SCREEEE'-!"

-SHLCT!

I cut down the attempted ambusher. Upon closer inspection, it resembled a horrible genetic experiment to cross a dog with a cephalopod.

Nearly bisected down the middle, it continued to writh on the ground until my boot came crashing down where its head ought to be-

BANG!

BANG!

Two more rounds put it down.

I survey the environment once more.

None… that was the last one.

"Clear." I called out outside the room.

While my allies finished their own tasks, I analyzed the room.

It… it wasn't pretty.

Magi tended to make use of blood, and animal sacrifices in their rituals, but they usually kept things organised. Preferring to work in mostly sterile environments.

This place looked like Jack the Ripper was having a field day.

Skulls and bones, some with skin and flesh still clinging on, adorned the walls like a macabre mural. Dried blood caked where the thralls performed rituals for their former masters.

We were too late. Again. The Elder seemed to have bailed… at least an hour ago. Leaving only some initiates behind to delay me, and cause the PRD some grief.

I doubt he thought they would actually cause any damage. The newly converted are a lot like coked out thugs. They must have felt invincible before silver rimmed .45 Auto passed through their hearts.

I holstered the firearm when the last human called out their 'clear' status, but didn't take my hand off the eight decade old firearm covered in celtic runes.

I grimaced. The PRD (Paranormal Response Division) was a relatively new organisation. Their Field Agents consist of mostly former police, and military service members that happened to encounter the supernatural at some point in their careers. They weren't Mages, Clerics, or Mutates, so their ability in determining whether a Eldricae nest was 'clear' was dubious at best.

Don't get me wrong- these men and women are good fighters, they just don't know what the hell they're talking about.

Americans in a nutshell, eh?

"It's that "Equivalent exchange", aint it?"

I turn to the Sergeant in charge of the second unit. A crude, but cunning man with a thick Brooklyn accent.

"That's an old adage Sergeant. I'd also appreciate it if you refrain from scrying my surface thoughts. The Academy loaning me to your president doesn't immunize you from the defenses of my mind's eye." I remind the fledgling psychic.

He threw his free hand up in defeat.

"Just sayin' man. You teach us how to kill vampires, werewolves, 'n leprechauns, then we teach you guys to drive on the right side of the road." he jested.

"I'm not hearing how that's supposed to be 'equivalent'." I remark as the clean up team arrives with the Commander of the unit.

"You're right… maybe we'll count it towards what you still owe us from the 40s." he mulled it over as the Commander finished his own survey of the area and approached us.

"What do we have Sergeant?" the balding, dark skinned man eyeballed the dead Mutate on the ground.

"Mr. Lovecraft Lover skipped town before we got here sir. Left one hell of a mess before he did though." the former Army Ranger reported.

"We got at least four Class G Mutates, one Class D, twenty-something humans showing early signs of mutation, and another fifthteen under suggestion. We got nine of the poor bastards restrained, the others had to be put down." Squad A's Sergeant gave their own report after appearing from thin air, having deactivated her cloaking field. "We're lucky we got here when we did. Another week and we'd have another Quincy on our hands."

"...damnit." The Commander held the bridge of his nose in frustration. "This is the eighth nest this month…"

"In New England alone. You're forgetting the five in England proper, six in France, four in Germany, thirteen across the Balkans, and that's just the ones being reported in Europe." I remind the lot. The Soviets were yesterday's news, but everything east of Leningrad, especially past the Urals, remained a dark zone. "If it were just a few over here, I'd think the new leadership was making them sloppy. Dozens across the world?"

"Something big is about to happen…" Sergeant A puts it together.

"I'll have to let the Chiefs know." The Commander considers this for a few moments before turning to me. "How'd my boys and girls do Miss Mystic?"

I gave my response some thought.

"Your soldiers performed adequately Agent Silverman. Still, I'd like to see how they perform against a threat of at least an Apostle Class before I deem the PRD on par with the Knights of Saint Alban, the Inquisition, or the Van Hellsing organisation. The Elder of these nests would do nicely as a test if we can find the bastard…"

Indeed, even before I was loaned out, if the casualty and engagement figures were anything to go by, they could handle small fry well enough. What wasn't so clear was whether they had the major threats under control.

The Evangelical Knights were, as you might say, 'racist as fuck', and deserved everything that happened to them in the Reconstruction, and the tail end of the Civil Rights era. However… the Americans didn't really have a plan for what to do when they were crushed.

There were a good twenty years where Vampire clans practically ran the coasts like a magical mafia, Werebeasts used everything west of the Mississippi as their personal hunting preserves, Wendigos started making a comeback in the Northeast, and rogue Magi used Southern cities like test tubes.

By the time the problem became too big to ignore, Reagan was in office, and he considered the Soviets a bigger threat. As a result, the most he ever did was put bounties on such dangerous elements. Being the cheapskate 'trickle down' moron that he was, the U.S lost vital time and ground to respond to the threat.

Bush was even worse. Bad enough that the Academy and the Catholic Church were forced to step in on several occasions just to stop the situation from evolving to a level where knowledge about the magical world could no longer be contained. The guy just kept sending G.I Joe to the slaughterhouse to try and slow it all down. The Circle determined that, if the Americans didn't get their damn act together by the turn of the millenium, the country would collapse like a failed souffle.

Clinton started to get the ball rolling, finally. Directing a lot of that funding and manpower that would have been funneled into the blackhole the CIA calls its 'discretionary budget' into forming the PRD.

Unfortunately, all the funding in the world wouldn't make up for the fact that they didn't have any experienced witch hunters loyal to country before coin.

That's where I came in.

Well, to be more accurate, I'm supposed to be advising these fledgling hunters.

The powers that be deemed that it was in the best interest of the world that someone taught these yanks how to stop Vampires from hypnotizing them into shooting themselves in the feet.

It took about three years, but they finally seemed to be making a dent into their various threats. The Vampire clans leadership was decapitated. The beastmen were heading for the hills (the Rockies, specifically), cognitive that they no longer had free reign to hunt as they pleased. Local Magus Guilds now had the resources to properly regulate those within their jurisdiction. The situation was nearly under control.

That was until two years ago.

These… cultists. They pop up every few decades around a few select areas around the globe trying to commune with their 'Outer Gods'.

Truth be told, I didn't think much of their type. Usually a bunch of local idiots mess with things they shouldn't, and end up letting some Eldritch horror peek through a small hole in reality. The cultists can't handle its presence and their minds crumble, then the tear is corrected by Gaia. Being a problem that usually resolves itself, if it weren't for the amount of innocent people affected by the summoning rituals, the regulating agency responsible for the area would be tempted to put them to the backburner.

That started to change ten years ago.

Now, they were organised. They had plans. And with the power vacuum the purges caused, they spread like wildfire.

And to make matters worse, they were learning to harness the power their deities emanated. The foreign energies mutating their bodies and minds into inhuman forms.

It wasn't easy to spot at first. These people aren't usually the most stable to begin with, so the mental deterioration wasn't always that noticeable. Skin turning as pale as bleach, and the eyes turning sullen were often mistaken for a bad case of the flu.

The next stages tended to be far more noticeable.

Green ichor replaced the blood in their veins while the light of humanity in their eyes died. For a great deal of time, their minds flood with dopamine like they're experiencing the greatest high in the world with every cruelty they commit. Pain and pleasure become one as malignant tumors rip through their flesh, warping it in manners nature did not intend. Blades and bullets become mere inconveniences to these former people as they truly enter the realm of the supernatural.

If they survive this, they become… something it'd be hard to recognize as human.

"Yeah well, we'll let ya know when we got em'. Get you a front row seat. With Popcorn." Sergeant Wheeler 'offered'. "Careful though. That's the splashzone."

"I'll take that under advisement." I respond, unamused, "You have the situation under control Agent Silverman?"

"Containment teams are all on site, ready to contain the "gas main accident.", We'll let you know if anything turns up." he relives me as men carrying packs of explosives made their way into the bunker.

"Well then… there's gotta be a decent pub around here, yeah?" I move to leave the old nuclear shelter.

"Wash up first well ya?" Wheeler called out, "You're covered in… whatever the hell these guys use as blood."

I looked around my trench coat, and grimaced at the stains…

Blood was bad enough. Seltzer water and lemon weren't getting this crap out...

"Right…" I resolve to use hypnosis to disguise the look and rather fishy scent. "I leave this in your capable hands Agents."

I moved to leave the bunker. Passing by a massacre's worth of bodies.

I think for a moment on those among them that had been forced into this situation.

But it was just a moment.

It took a minute to work the ladder leading out. It'd been damaged in the breaching.

Climbing out, I let the cool autumn breeze envelope my face.

After ten minutes of blood soaked action in a cramped old building, the fresh air smelt like the breath of god.

Then again… maybe not. An entity like me… a touch of the divine would more resemble experiencing a sunburn from hell.

I make it past the sound dampeners the PRD set up on the perimeter, and reenter the world beyond the crime scene.

A suburb like any other. The picture-perfect representative of the safe, peaceful facade all the worthless sheep of the world would so often dream of obtaining.

The exact kind of place you'd think to yourself- 'nothing like that could happen here!', or- 'this is a nice, safe neighborhood.'.

Let me tell you something.

Safety is relative, especially in war.

And we're always at war.

At this point, I've had to back myself off from the belief that the very concept of 'peace' was anathema to humans every time I try and get some sleep.

Because, at this point, I'm invested. If I ever came to believe that humans were hopeless…

I… I need to believe that much. That there is an answer- a way for all this… suffering to come to an end without it meaning the end of humanity.

You can't save humanity without condemning it.

Way I see it, the moment humans ascend past the limits of their flesh and blood, when suffering and strife come to an end… what else is there?

"Well, they're pretty fun to watch, for one."

I turn to scold the Sergea-

"... oh, it's you." I take this… visitor into account. Finally realizing what's going on.

I see… so that's how it is, huh?

"So, this is who you were before, huh?" the white haired, youthful daemon seemed to be judging me, and the dreamscape around us, and frowns in disappointment, "Very Noir… can't say it's my idea of fun, way too dreary, but… hey, no judging!"

"Hmph, I'd like to see your world enter the apocalypse, and manage to stay chipper…" I knock on a nearby tree in the hopes that that doesn't actually happen.

"Yeah, I've been meaning to ask about that, what happened?" the 'stranger' asked his first pertinent question.

"Can't say. A lot of memories don't get passed on to the next host when the former dies. Some skills, and personality traits get passed on, but most true memories are left behind." I explain better to my counterpart.

"I see… then that makes you-"

"A shard of what… of who came before." I confirmed for him. "In time however, even I will fade completely. Once Orso has finished acclimating to his magecraft, I... won't even be a memory."

"Hm… shame. I'd say you have my sympathies, but…" he scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

"It'd be a bit more literal than you had in mind?" I smirk at this.

"That, and I'm not the most sympathetic creature to begin with…" he sighed before changing topics, "... can we trust her?"

"... no. Caster, even when she does mean well, is all too prone to the human failing of hubris. I don't know what she's planning specifically, I just know that she is going to fail, and bring the world down around her in the process." I warn him as I'm gazing at the handful of stars that pierced through the fog of pollution, "So, unless you want your entertainment to come to an end real soon, I'd suggest lending a hand."

"But if I help any more than I already am, it's gonna get really boring…" he complained like a child being told to do his chores.

"Throwing Cath Palug off your tower and hoping he'd track Orso down isn't helping as much as you seem to think…" I point out to him, annoyed.

"... it's keeping Alaya off his back?" he half-heartedly offers. "Plus, I've already stopped him from dying more than once. That's more than I'd do for Artoria at this point…"

"Your backseat driving has hindered as much as it's helped. Though I suppose we do have you to thank for directly saving his life after the battle with Heracles… still, the facts stand that-"

"Yeah yeah, I get it… (shikata ga nai…), I'll keep helping in my own way, but don't expect me to get more involved than I have to. I've got a reputation to uphold…"

"A reputation? As what? "Dick-Wizard-Extraordinaire"?" I laughed at his expense as he snapped his fingers at me in affirmation.

"That's the idea!" though, it didn't seem he took much offense to the moniker.

I was going to discuss this further, but we both noticed the dream was coming to an end.

"Hm, I suppose we'll have to postpone this for another time… though I think this me will be gone by then…" I give myself a week.

"I think we can get about one more talk in, ~buuut~ you are right that it's about time I properly introduced myself..."

"Yeah… to be honest, it's a little... concerning to me that he isn't freaking out about having a voice in his head…"

"That's the old "Dreamlike Charisma" at work!" The part-time Jiminy Cricket sounded proud of this particular skill. "But still, if we don't speak again…"

He takes a moment to think of an appropriate goodbye.

"Rest easy, hero me."

The Magus of Flowers began fading away into his namesake, Sakura blossoms bringing some color to the end of a dreary mare.

"Hm… "hero"? No… no that isn't right…" I let one of the petals fall into my hand.

A hero doesn't do the things I did…

A hero is remembered fondly by people…

A hero shouldn't leave nothing behind...

A hero….

A hero wouldn't have failed.

"I'm… not much more than a manslayer. And, if my history remained, that's all it would remember this me as." I'm not happy with it, though I can't say I can dispute the fact.

"So sure of that are you?" The tower-bound hybrid had a good laugh at my own expense. "My Clairvoyance isn't as good as it used to be with you foreigners running around, but… I'm getting a sense that, if you let it take you, the Throne would definitely be making room for you."

I find that hard to believe.

"We both know that it doesn't work like that. With the exception of Counter-Guardians, your Throne of Heroes only really accepts legendary souls that leave their marks on human history. I never truly "lived" here for the latter, and I am not going down the former route. If being Counter-Guardian EMIYA is suffering, being Counter-Guardian AUTUMN would be an unliving nightmare…" I don't even want to imagine it…

"Hey, it's your afterlife…" they decided to drop it as they left this fading memory behind.

I gave the dreamscape one more look over before it broke down.

"That'd be nice but… no, it's not." I look to you now Orso. "Because there is no end to us."

"This Echo will not fade into the night."


BZZZT-PAIN-BZZZT

Ergh… my head…

Good morning sunshine.

Wha-? "Where-?"

"Don't move."

-huh!?

A tall shadowy figure holds a blade above my body.

BZZZT-BZZZZT!

"DAGAZ!"

BANG!

"-FUCK!"

A thaumaturgical flashbang blinded the stranger, letting me roll off this… couch I don't remember passing out on while something skittered away into the shadows of the room.

"Naudhiz!" energy sprung from my left arm, knocking the dazed enemy over the couch-!

SLAM!

THUD!

I look around the room for an out.

I don't know what's going on, but I'm in an unfamiliar place, I don't know how I got here, and I don't know who that was. My first instinct would ordinarily be to talk things out, but I wasn't taking chances with that sword to my-

-wait.

This place… it was old. Everything in it seemed like it was an antique…

Why does it seem… familia-

"Dammit..! What the hell man!?"

I let my guard down as I recognized the voice.


"Funny, I almost took you for the great Italian spearman Cu Chulame."


".. okay, we'll be having words later!" EMIYA called out, realizing I knew him too well.


Archer rose from behind the furniture, still reacting to the blinding light stunning his superhuman eyes.

Well, you sure know where to kick 'em where it hurts…

"Don't you "what the hell man" me! What the fuck's going on!?" I back away from the enemy Servant, expecting trouble. Limping, as it seemed I didn't get out of the last fight scott-free.

There's a window. I can jump outta there if I can't-

Wait.

The photo on the wall…

On the left hand corner, there's a little, familiar, twin tailed girl.

… hehe, I'm in danger!

THUD

"-dah! My feckin' wrist..!"

I turn to the source of the new voice. A currently closed door keeping a monster at bay.

THUD

"Rin, just use the doorknob like a civilized person…" Archer complained as he shook off the last of the flashbang.

"That's what it wants me to do Archer-!" THUD

"... (blink three times if you need me to save you from her.)." I whisper, suddenly finding Archer a much more sympathetic character.

THUD

The Servant seemed surprised by the offer, but quickly grew a vindictive grin, "You're the one that's gonna need saving when she finds out you broke her furniture. Whatever she does to you will be far worse than anything I could come up with after what you just pulled."

I paled when I saw the damage I caused.

"... (save me)."

EMIYA gave it a moment's thought, but his nature won out.

"I reinforced that door myself, so I'd say you have about ten seconds before she starts-"

"ONE HUNDRED PERCENT MAXIMUM-!"

"-that."

I don't think- I act.

"Shit!"

SHATTER!

The jump is barely twelve feet, it'd be rough, but I could stick the landing without reinforcement.

THUD!

PAIN

pain

Unfortunately, I still haven't mastered the ancient art of the superhero landing…

"'der'... thorns…"

"THOSE BETTER NOT BE MY ROSES MCFLY!"

I've got a lot of work ahead of me…


ThemeSong- ENGLISH "Brave Shine" Fate/Stay Night: Unlimited Blade Works (Akane Sasu Sora)


Date: 02/07/2004

Time: 11:17 am

Location: Tohsaka Residence

After about five minutes, Archer dragged my sorry ass back into the house, and boy, was he in a mood.

"How the hell was I supposed to react!? "Holy Shit! Holy Shit! there's a sword about to take my fucking head off-! Guess I'd better accept death!?""

"Hmph, (would've saved me the trouble…)" the Servant mumbled before switching into vindictive mode, "Make no mistake, that spider's days are numbered."

"I- … 'sigh', look, I'm sorry, okay? I panicked and… didn't think things out." I stop throwing a fit and grow up.

Archer stopped in the middle of the hall.

"... you do realize that you're supposed to be hurting the enemy, right?" what should come off as concern ends up sounding very threatening.

I hesitate to answer due to his tone.

Why the hell-


"I'll make your dream come true!"


"A superhero? Don't make me laugh."


...oh.

... oh hell no!

I need to fix this fast-!

"... you're correct… but that's not exactly right. I've always been a firm believer that words make for better tools for peace than swords. Words, and information-!"

THUD

"-grph!" the wind is knocked out of me as the Counter-Guardian grabs me by the throat and slams me into the wall.

"Another ridiculous ideal. Fools of a feather…"

"I-! I'll prove...it-! 'Gck!'... just four! Just four words!" I raise the matching number of digits.

On a whim, the tool of Alaya loosened his hold.

"I'm. not. Shirou. EMIYA."

A battle of wills played out between our eyes. One that, this time, Shirou might've ended up winning.

However, Archer didn't take long to realize the full scope of the power play I made with those four words.

thud

I grasped my sore throat the second he dropped me.

"... and they say you have nice hands…" I say as I pick myself off the ground.

"Tell me how you learned that, or I'll be using my words to inform Rin you impaled yourself on one of the old swords she has lying around here to avoid being experimented on."

… experimented on?

What's wrong?

… let's file that freudian slip away for later, right now, let's stick to the plan.

There's a plan?

Oh, dear Watson, there are no accidents.

are you trying to be Holms, or Oogway?

Try Sun Tzu.

While I always preferred having Shirou serve as my human shield… er… (sword-?), I always try to take a certain other adage into account.

'No plan survives first contact with the enemy.'

Before the first battle, I had a plan B ready. As well as plans C, and D.

I would have gone further than that, but me and Okita both figured that, if we'd gone through four plans over the course of the changing battlefield, we'd probably be dead by plan C.

Archer and Rin were plan B. We'd leverage my knowledge of the war to get our feet in the door, and form an alliance predicated on keeping the extreme factions of the war under control.

Of course, back then Archer seemed like the greatest obstacle to that plan. I've had time to think playing him through.

Luckily, it seemed like a lot of that plan wouldn't go to waste as, despite the… unforeseen complications of this timeline, my subtle threat hit home for Archer.

"Question for a question. Do you remember me at all?"

Part red herring, part unrelated curiosity.

"... should I?" he either intentionally answered vaguely, or was having genuine memory problems.

In response, I gave a clearly fake pout.

"Fine, if you're gonna be like that, you're getting an equally unhelpful answer. Let's just say you're not the only one that isn't from around now."

Now, not here.

It gets the message across.

The Servant thinks this through.

"Okay then Mr. McFly, you're from the future, or have some knowledge of it. So what's stopping me from shutting you up?" he has his threat backed up with a newly traced Kanshou.

"Because Assassin knows. And unlike me, she is capable of doing exactly what it takes to hurt you." I make him aware of the consequences if he tries to silence me, "I hear the Shinsengumi had a number of "interrogation" specialists… I doubt physical pain means that much to you anymore, but how many of your old friends could say the same?"

Er… dude? WTF?

I thought you were Neutral-Good!?

It's called acting you uncultured swine.

And besides, you saw the same dream-cycle we did.

no, I must not have been paying attention for five minutes.

Well, the weird, non-Okita related dreams aren't the only ones I have.

I can still vaguely remember some of those moments. Dreams being what they are, it ain't always easy to hold on to them for long, and I wasn't exactly looking to write down what I saw in a dream journal.

Invading someone's memories is enough of a privacy intrusion. I'm not too sure how I'd feel about putting them into written form for someone else to find.

What'd you see?

… I remember her meeting Kondo, one of her friends, when they were kids. They were going under their Samurai training under the same man.

I vaguely recall a number of assassinations she took part in, probably earning her class in the process…

I also remember her acting as an instructor, like she does with me… except she's not as harsh as the dreams would have me believe…

Most of what I more clearly remember is her disease getting progressively worse.

… for most people, it's hard enough to deal with the knowledge that their death is imminent. It's hard on them… and the people that care about them.

It's even worse for prideful, stubborn warriors.

When so much of their identity is tied into their strength, vitality, and self-sufficiency, being taken down by something like pneumonia… it's devastating.


"Saitou, I'm fine, stop worryin- 'cough'!"


"H-Hijikata don't go! I-I can still fight!"


There's a reason I don't like bringing it up… even though it's apparently still a problem. There's a bunch of… issues that can probably stem from this.

Themes of feeling weak, loss of control, and disappointing family and friends are often sources of distress.

I don't really want that for her, but...

I... don't really know where to start with that conversation… or even if there is anything that needs to be said.

Like I said before, nobody wants me to be their shrink.

Not Shirou.

Not Saber.

Not Okita.

Not Rin.

I'm not even sure I want to open the can of worms Sakura is slowly turning out to be.

Oooooh….

… what?

n-nothing.

Wait… I think I know what's going on!

Shinji's an abusive bastard of a brother that doesn't respect women…


"...sakura..? what's that on your cheek..?"


er... I don't-

Zouken's a creepy bug-monster man with absolute power over his children...


Zouken had a small army of flying bladed bug monsters, likely designed for swarming, and overrunning his enemies defenses. Individually, likely not very strong, but united as they are, they could probably tear me to shreds.


Sakura was super depressed and self-deprecating to the point where she's okay with the abuse…


"U-Oh! I uh… it's nothing, I just… fell? On some stairs?"


And we're in Japan


"It's too big Senpai! It won't fit!"

"J-Jam it in!"


Maybe… maybe she-!

'Snap!' 'Snap!'

"Er… hello? You... kinda spaced out there for a bit? Did you hit your head on the way down or something?" Emiya retracted his snapping fingers from my face.

"-aaaaaaand~! I lost my train of thought…" I cross my arms, frustrated. "-I'm sorry, what were we talking about?"

"... you were threatening my friends and family with torture?" EMIYA's opinion of me seemed to have dropped a bit.

"Right right… look, can we start over? This conversation has taken a more… aggressive turn than I was looking for… and don't twist my words, I said Assassin would do that, not me. You of all people should know Servants don't always follow their Master's orders and wishes to the letter." I don't want to give off the impression that I'm some kind of psycho.

You did make the threat though…

Archer took false offense at the latter statement.

"Okay, first of all, I've never disobeyed an order Rin gave me-"

"ARCHER! ARE YOU GIVING HIM THE FRICKIN GUIDED TOUR!? WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG!?"

Archer stopped his words in their tracks, and took a long sigh.

"HE'S NOT EXACTLY BEING COOPERATIVE RIN!"

"CAN'T YOU JUST-!"

"I'M NOT THE DEVIL RIN!" he responded preemptively.

"-DRAG HIM IN LIKE A GODDAMNED SERVANT!?"

"... I gave you an out." I remind him.

He considers it further for a moment.

"... I think I'll stick with the devil I know." he turned, and walked down the hall, not wanting to try her patience further, "Come on, if she wanted you dead, she wouldn't have jumped in after you."

… what'd he just say?

Well, a Tohsaka pays their debts, no matter how much they might gripe about it…

"... fine, but we're clearing this up when and where the walls don't have ears." I resign myself to follow him to my fate. "... or paintings whose eyes follow you wherever you go."

One of the more ancient frames rolled their aforementioned orbs at me as I crossed its path.

"... (don't you fucking mock me… yee yee ass arts and crafts piece of shit...)" I grumble as I limp pass it.


"Ugh, FINALLY! What did you do, crawl here!?" Rin got in my face to complain as soon as I got into the room I jumped out of minutes ago.

"Well, not everybody likes sprinting into hell's maw…" I stand my ground.

"Okay, FIRST OF ALL-!"

"Before this gets derailed any further, I just want to point out that you haven't exactly explained to anyone why he's even here yet?" Archer comes in for the save.

"Actually, I was just taking offense to what he called my house. It isn't driving me to bankruptcy because it's a fixer-upper you know!" She took pride in it.

"... anyways, he has a point. Last thing I remember, I was facing Poseidon's wrath, what the hell happened?" I ask as I notice the window had been mended, probably by magic.

… oh, and it was storming out, so what else is new?

Weather has been pretty shit lately… =(

"'Kay, so here's the deal. After you fell and couldn't get up, that haunted condom started having a frickin seizure." Rin started to explain as we both sat down.

"Haunted condom?" I try to remember.

I mean… if you kinda squinted at it...

I recall a black shadow piercing through my chest.

I feel the area where its attack did the most damage…

BZZZZZZZPAINBZZZZZZZPAINBZZZZZZZZZTPAIN

PAINPAINPAIN

And I thought Gandr sucked...

"You got a better idea dude?" she dared me.

"... Samara 2?" I think out loud.

"... not bad…" she gives it some thought. ..

"Focus!" Archer got our attention.

"Right, well, after Itachi Uchiha's even more emo cousin bitch slapped you into tomorrow-"

"Kinda stretching it there..."

"-don't care-" she waved the banter off, "-Baeber was too busy going through an existential crisis to move, and Archer had already ran halfway across Asia."

"(Bae-?) -Saber!? What happened to Saber?" I happen to notice that she's not in the room and shot up in alarm.

"Maybe if you didn't interrupt me, I'd get to that." Tohsaka explains with a passive-aggressive smile.

"... carry on." I sit back down.

"So, noticing that there wasn't any immediate danger, I returned the favor you did for me when you acted like a human shield. So, you owe me one now, 'kay?" She made that clear?

"... how do I owe you anything? I saved your life, you saved mine (thanks for that by the way…), the tenets of that "equivalent exchange" you Magi live by have been fulfilled." I can't recall anything off the top of my head...

If anything she owes me. I'm the only one in this war fighting trying to save everyone's skins.

… well, besides Shirou. But if anything so far, he's put more lives in danger than not. Particularly mine.

For some reason Rin… blushes? And looks away.

"H-Hey! Which one of us has never gotten anything less than an A in Math!?" she seems to be trying to deflect the issue.

"I mean… if I said me, you couldn't know if I was telling the truth or not, so…" I point this much out. "And that doesn't have any bearing on the fact that what you said doesn't make good math."

"I… you-!" Rin seemed like she was about to blow her top in embarrassment when Archer stepped in.

"Look, before she breaks something over your head, that I'll have to fix, in frustration, just know that the only reason you got to that fight in the first place was because she healed you after the first fight with those golems." The hero of justice played diplomat.

"Oh… I see..." that checks out actually… "My apologies, and thanks."

Still doesn't explain why she was embarrassed there though… I'm guessing something weird happened while I was unconscious?

While watching the ensuing shenanigans would be hilarious, I'd recommend holding off on asking exactly what happened until you find out more about why you're here… and where Assassin is, and why we haven't heard from her…

Good call.

"Oh don't you worry, I'll be cashing in on that…" she grinned like a predator.

Well, you weren't wrong.

My Spider Tingles are entangling…

"... wonderful. Okay, so, what happened after that?" I try to move this conversation away to somewhere less prone to result in my becoming a Guinea pig.

"After that, the incarnation of all the world's emo energies disappeared, along with the barrier. Your pet dorkaramous and Baeber-lite were apparently outside the entire time, trying to get in… until Assassin…"

"... she collapsed into a coughing fit, didn't she?" I sigh in worry.

"To be honest, she looks worse off than you did…" Tohsaka shuffled uncomfortably.

I lose some of the color in my face at the news.

"Looks… current tense?" I was afraid of this…

creeee

"Hey! Don't count me out yet Mast- 'cough'!"

THUD

Aaaand, once again, Okita-san comes to save the day!

She just ran in and collapsed on the floor…

It saved us from this awkward atmosphere for a minute?

"A-Assassin!?" I rush over to the plague-ridden Servant.

"(No, Hijikata-san… no more Tsukemono… if I eat any more I'll…)" she sounds delirious as blood flows from her mouth.

"DON'T GIVE UP ASSASSIN!" I cried out dramatically.

"..." I could feel Tohsaka's incredulous stare at the back of my head as I tried and failed to help my Servant sit up due to my own injuries. "... (how the hell did this guy beat me?)"

"Luck of the underdog Rin." Archer offered an explanation.


Three minutes later, and we had gotten Assassin back into the guest room in which she had apparently been lying unconscious since yesterday. Fou patted her in concern.

"Fou... Fou..." the tiny familiar seemed to almost sigh at her predicament.

"She'll… she'll be fine in a bit. Not the first time she's been knocked out for this long…" I informed my hosts as we left the room, resigned to a Servant that's liable to self-destruct long before any enemy can get to her.

"How exactly-?"

"It's none of your business." I shut down this line of questioning before her achilles heel is exposed to an audience all too willing to make use of it, "You said Shirou was waiting outside too, where is he? … and why'd he let you take me?"

"Okay, first of all, RUDE! Section B, he took Baeber home rather than fight me, LIKE A WUSS, when I decided you were going to pay me back." the witch explains my current predicament.

"... remind me to throw him to the wolves next chance I get." I request of Archer, finding my patience with the young 'hero' running thin.

"To be fair, do you really think Shirou Emiya could have actually stopped Rin Tohsaka, even if he tried?" surprisingly, he actually ended up making a good statement on his younger counterparts behalf.

"... good point." I admit. "So, from there you dragged our unconscious bodies to your place to do… what exactly?"

If she was going to kill me, or steal my command seals, she would've done it while I was out.

"It's actually pretty simple-"

"-I doubt that."

"Shut it-, we… are going to attack Zouken." that…

… that might actually be too simple for Tohsaka.

"... and I'm guessing that I'm here because you want a meatshield." I reasoned.

"Guess again." she ordered with a smirk, surprising me. "I'd like your brawn, but I need your brains."

"... you have my tentative attention." whether she's buttering me up so that I take an unnecessary risk, or she's actually got a mutually beneficial plan in mind remains to be seen but… either way I'm curious as to what she's got in mind.

After that, she led the way back to the living room while having Archer make tea.

"See, here's the thing. We both know where Zouken's hiding. Ordinarily, I'd go knocking Zoukens front door down and eighty-six him myself. That usually works for me, but this time…"

"This time Caster had the power, set up, and awareness to hold off two Servants at once in what was supposed to be an ambush we'd set up for her Master." Archer made the concern known as he set the tea down on the table. "An attack on her own territory without backup would be… costly."

"So what happened in the park-"

"She pulled an uno-reverse card on us. We set up a bounded field to disable communication with the outside world and cut her off from the army that she's slowly growing like some garden of death, but she either found a way around it on the spot, or knew we were coming and came prepared." Rin explained the scene I walked in on.

"... between the two of them, Zouken's probably got eyes across the entire city with those bugs of his, and Caster undoubtedly has her own means of obtaining information she shouldn't know." I realized.

"My thoughts exactly. Caster's been in the game for three days, and she's playing us all like a pro."

"So, you want to crush them before they can really dig in, and before they can recover from their last attack." I get the picture now. "You also want backup, and I was… available. That explains a lot, except for when you said you wanted my... brains? I'm hoping you meant figuratively." It's a genuine concern, considering the kind of people I'm dealing with now.

"I was getting to that. You see… you were right." she seemed happy to get to the point.

"... about?'

"I don't know you. No one does." she seems like she's caught on to something. "Between Lancer, what happened with Berserker, and when you got away from me the other night, I realized you probably weren't some rando that got roped into this war, so I did some digging, and you know what I found? Nothing. Zip. Nada." she got up and began… um…

Predating?

… yeah that.

"You're clearly not from around here, so I had a "friend" go looking for records of travel. Airport records, ship manifests, even the new electronic system they've got at train stations now. "Robert Orso." just appeared out of thin air a month ago. So, you're either another Kischur-case, or you're Actually Batman. Either way… you know more about what's going on than I do." Rin dissected the situation like a genderbent Sherlock Holmes as she sipped tea.

I think this should serve as a public service reminder to everybody that crazy doesn't necessarily mean stupid.

Oh, you think?

So, essentially, she knows that you know things you shouldn't know, and therefore thinks that you probably know how to defeat Zouken easily. We don't know how she knows this for sure besides the fact that she seems to know people with immigration.

Stop that.

Know.

"... what's a "Kischur-case."?" I got a bit hung up on that.

"Not important. What is important, is you figure out how we can get these guys before they cause any more problems."

"... temporary alliance then?"

"That's the idea Mcfly. Just don't get any bright ideas, this is just until that bug is nothing but a stain under my boot."

Thinking this through, it made sense.

Caster and Zouken seemed to be playing their way around the Masters, and Overseer of the war all the while growing their power with impunity. Zouken had already defeated Medea and whatever defenses she'd set up on his own, and managed to throw Kirei off his tracks with the investigation. Together they'd managed to defeat Lancer and nearly got away with kidnapping Berserker's Master. Not to mention what happened last night.

If the Masters don't unite now, Caster will be back to full strength in about two days, and by friday she'll be able to pick us off at her leisure.

Given a percentage of the prep time, Caster's eclipsed Medea as a potential threat.

Don't give her too much credit. The Masters they both got were completely different animals. Zouken said it himself, this is his last run. I wouldn't doubt it if he was throwing every resource he has but the kitchen sink into this war. Even if she was a one star Servant to Medea's five, Zouken's essentially bankrupting Wells-Fargo to win while Kazuki was dirt poor (in a thaumaturgical sense, and a literal one.).

"Fair enough. Now for a plan…"


Five minutes later…

"Okay, so their main base of operations is undoubtedly here." I pointed out the Matou Mansion on the map of Fuyuki we'd pulled out of a drawer somewhere. "But despite its being under constant surveillance, you haven't seen him come or go from it since the war started, despite his repeated appearances."

"He hasn't been disrupting the vision I get from the familiars around the place, at least as far as I'm aware of." Tohsaka got serious as we got into 'heist-prep mode'.

"So either Caster is doing it in an undetectable manner, or Zouken's using an alternative method of movement. If I had to guess, I'd say he's using the sewers to get his and Casters familiars around the city. I didn't see any of his toys in the storm-drain, but we can assume they were all out to play by the time I got there. So unless we want to give ourselves Vietnam style PTSD hunting him down in those tunnels, we gotta clear them out, and secure them so he doesn't retreat into them. At least the ones surrounding the house. And about the same time as the house is hit. So-"

"We have to split up anyway." she figured.

"That, or collapse the system." Archer added his own idea. "Might as well put the bomb parts to good use…"

"I like the idea, but there's too high a chance of accidental civilian casualties if something goes wrong." plus, I don't trust Rin with explosives for some reason. "Me and Assassin will just take care of this the old fashion way while you take Shirou and Saber to play Jehovah's witness. Besides, Saber's better suited to frontline combat against Magi like than Assassin."

"Hey! Don't count me out just yet! (Yes! Nailed it!)"

And, like a broken record, Okita made her entrance into the war room, Fou following suit, seemingly trying to herd her back.

"Assassin..? Are you…?"

"Back to one hundred and ten percent!? You haven't lost your Assassin yet Master!" she declared boisterously... As blood dripped from her mouth.

"... right." not sure how to tell her to take a break, I move to include her in the discussion. "So, you guys take Shirou and Saber, me and Assassin will secure a perimeter-"

"Master, I've got a better idea." Okita objected, getting serious herself. "I think it's time we called them in."

"Who-? … maybe…" realizing what she was on about, I think it through…

"Even if we do go down there, we'll only be able to cover so much. The bad guys will slip through. You can't set up a perimeter with two people. If we call them in… hell, we could set up a third front." She makes the case further.

"Could we not with the pronoun game?" Tohsaka got annoyed.

"... fair enough." I'm not exactly a fan of it either… "Suffice to say, the sewers are covered. We're with you on the assault."

"Yes!" Okita jumped in excitement, learning she would soon be reunited with her friends.

"Whatever. What's next!?" the Magus wanted to move on.

"Next, we get Saber to blow down the front door with her Noble Phantasm. It isn't exactly subtle, but there ain't much room for Solid Snake shit in this op."

"Hold up. My bombs will cause too much of a problem, but Baeberliscous gets her shot in?" my temporary ally complained.

"Saber's got a strength of B, and a Magic resistance of A. Your bombs ain't shit to her, and she'll blow her way through any old defenses Zouken has in place."

"Yeah but… what about Sakura?" she made that sound hard to say.

"What about Shinji?" I jest.

"What about Shinji!?" she retorted, "Look, I know her from school, and no one gets to kill my friends but me."

"... well, don't worry too much about it. "A Magus walks with death" right? If it makes you feel any better, we'll be putting her out of the misery that is being the granddaughter of that bastard." I put on a mask of nonchalance about the potential casualty in order to… in order to test a theory.

She momentarily looked like she was going to throw a chair at me. It must have come across empathically as well, as Okita moved to get in her way before Rin bzzzztlonelygirlbzzzzt relaxed… or put on a mask of her own.

So, you noticed it too?

"... you're right. (It'll show her for getting in the way or something…)" any of that bombastic energy she had before had been taken out of her sails.

"So, Saber plays "big bad wolf", then the rest of us move out. If Archer can find an appropriate vantage point, we have him act as overwatch to cover us from whatever comes out when we shake the beehive, and cut off their retreat on the surface."

"There's an abandoned office building in Shinto that would provide the best view of the area. It's also close to a decent bakery…" Archer gave his two cents.

"... fighting tends to build an appetite." Okita seemed to be hinting towards something with all the subtlety of finding your friends finger in the mail because someone wanted to send a message.

"Fine. We win? We get cake. 'Cause that's what winners do. Eat cake and fuck the prom queen… and I'm fresh outta prom queens."

...

le awkward silence.

...

"Devil's food anyone?" you can guess who suggested that.

Enter laugh track here.

Is this war a tragedy or a sitcom?

"Anyway, Archer covers us while we go room clearing. When we find them, Saber handles Caster while Assassin helps us take down Zouken. Whoever gets their kill first gets to claim that command seal from Kirei. Sound good?" I look around.

"... and what if he's not there?" Assassin is the first to object. "He has to know that his house is the first place we'll look."

"True, but how many other places would be suited for supporting the Caster Servant?"

"Well… there is Ryuudou." Archer suggests.

I mull it over.

"... you think they can take over where the last Caster left off?" I follow his line of thinking as Fou seemed to be chasing a slippery arachnid through the living room.

"Not completely. Even if she was born from the last one's corpse, this Caster wouldn't be able to just take over the workshop of a Magus from the age of gods. However…"

"There's still the framework that was left behind…" I see where he's coming from.

After all, why build something from scratch when someone else did half the work for you?

"It would explain why she was able to catch up so quickly…" I figure. "So, it looks like we'll need that third front…"

"We'll have enough for the familiars… but I'm not so sure about the Magus and Servant." Okita shifted in uncertainty.

"... mix up then. One pair of Master and Servant need to check out Ryuudou before doubling back to back the rest up at the Matou house." I adjust the plan. "All things considered… it's probably for the best to leave that to Emiya and Saber. Me and Assassin probably need to be nearby for the sewer cleaning, and your bomb will have to do for the breaching. I still hesitate to leave him to his own devices, especially if Archer is right, but if he is… me and Assassin... should be there to back Shirou up in time?" about… three hundred-ish Shinsengumi should even the odds if we send about 50% into the tunnels, and split the rest between the assault and Ryuudou.

"Do you really think you and Assassin will be able to handle them without Saber's firepower?" Archer expressed his doubts.

Given that he probably knows more about Zouken than I do… his objection worries me.

I give it some thought.

… this was extremely risky.

We'd be running into enemy territory without anything in the way of intel. Caster was able to kick my ass last time, although that's to be expected from a Servant taking on a Master.

Okita has magic resistance… although only to the degree that she'll nullify anything Zouken can throw at her.

Actually… maybe not. He clearly pulled something on Medea that got one over on her. And her Magecraft puts anything I got off the Golden Gate Bridge in shame.

Uno Reverse Card!

Don't forget that Rin managed to kick her ass too. The Witch of Betrayal is not as invincible as you seem to think.

"... I don't like it. But it's the only choice we have if we want to get these guys within the time window. Between two Masters and a Servant…" I'm liking the sound of it less and less…

"Master." it must have showed as Okita got my attention. "You can count on your manslayer. She's going down."

"... you're right." her contagious confidence commands me to take her word for it.

"... wasn't she nearly dying in my guest room ten minutes ago?" Rin seemed to be questioning if my head was on straight.

That should worry you.

"Like I said, she'll be fine. Now, the plan is to split up, have Saber and Shirou scout out Ryuudou while we crush Zoukens hopes and dreams before his very eyes. Sound good, everyone?"

"... I have the weirdest feeling that this is going to be a legendary enemyship." Rin seemed to like my phrasing of the worm's demise.

EPIC FORESHADOWING!

… ya think so?

Pfft-! You kidding!? She's at least a thousand light years outta your league dude!

well, we can't all be a harem protagonist.

… speaking of.

"All right then. The sooner we talk to Shirou, the sooner we can get this going. You wanna make the call, or should I just head out and let him know?" I begin the coordination stage of the pla-

"...about that…" Rin looked away, hiding her face. "We… should probably let Shirou have a few hours..."

"... why?"


Three hours ago…

A jewel crafted sparrow landed on the roof of the Emiya state. The bounded field was ridiculously weak at keeping foreign Magi out if they held no hostile intent, so the emerald based familiar's Master doubted the owner of the house was even aware of the intrusion.

It fluttered across the yard, checking through the windows for a potential entrance.

Landing on a windowsill that was open just a crack, it began its search for the homeowner when-

"It's too big Senpai! It won't fit!"

"J-Jam it in!"

The ruby-red sparrow turned right back around and left.


"Okay! Just a little more! Hang in there Sakura!"

"It's close… just a little more…"

"Aaaaaaand it's perfect!" Shirou declared proudly.

"... you two sure you don't need my help?"

"No Saber, everything's good here." the redhead took pride in what he and Sakura had done.

"... you sure?" the Servant was jealous she wasn't involved.

"Yeah… we really fixed up the Feng Shui in here, don't you think so Sakura?" he turned to his 'just friend'.

"Yeah… it's just a shame all your dumb new friends suddenly disappeared for no reason and couldn't help us move your furniture around." she pointed out, before she hung her head so that her hair hid her expression, "Let's hope they don't come back dead or something."

"That is something… definitely correct you just said."

Caught up in the mood, the totally normal girl asked something rather bold for her.

"... hey Shirou, would… you want to go on a picnic later?" she hesitated, surprised at the words that escaped her mouth.

"... yeah, let's go!" it's not like anything Grail War related could possibly interrupt them at any time.

"'Ahem'!" the Servant coughed into her sleeve.

"... nasty cough there…" Shirou didn't seem to take a hint.

"Yeah. Tends to act up when (youactlikewe'renotatwarrightnow…)" the blonde practically growled at him.

"... Sakura, Saber's coming with us." less for his sake, and more for hers, he was fine with the backup.

"She is..?" her disappointment could be detected from the nearest neutron star.

"I am." the Servant grit her teeth, not at the other girl, although it definitely came off that way to her.

... she'll eat tuberculosis, she'll eat anything I give her

Dismissing the sudden dark thought, the Girl of Destiny™ took the fact that she was about to go on a date and ran with it.

She grabbed her Senpai by the arm, and took him into the kitchens thinking-

"Sakura Matou, today, is your day."


ENGLISH "This Illusion" Fate/Stay Night (Akane Sasu Sora)


DUN-DUN

DUN-DUN

TAIGA DOJO!

"GRAB THE POPCORN! THE REAL BATTLE BEGINS NOW!" the Master of bzzzzztmyroombzzzzt the dojo declared, swinging her practice sword about.

"...Sensei?" Illya looked up from her GameStation 3000. Largely apathetic to the woman's mannerisms. "Some of us are busy hoping on to modern trends."

"Nuts to your CastleDay!"

'SHATTER!'

"MY SOCIAL LIFE!" the albino girl mourned over the remains of her chosen XXX Generation game console. Avoiding the 'fake' sword penetrating it.

"The war of the Unlimited Harem Works has begun! There's no time for a social life!" the guardian of the protagonist had her priorities straight.

As if any of us had much of one to begin with…

Anyway, before we go, thoughts anyone?

"Don't give up Sakura-chan!" the teacher supported her ship.

"She's had her route! SHIROU ONII-CHAN! YOUR SISTER IS COUNTING ON YOU!"

Christ… maybe I should have stuck with rewriting the Dragon Ball fic...