Fate Stay Night Umbra Bello

Alright, E3 2021. Gotta say, I'm… largely disappointed. Halo was the high point for it if you ask me, though that's tempered by my opinion on the grappling hook thing it's got going on, but I like the art direction, and can't wait for the multiplayer. Microtransactions got me nervous… god do I miss actually earning shit instead of a very low chance of getting something in a lootbox. You guys 'member that?

In my probably unpopular opinion, I'm disappointed in how Battlefield is looking. The entire trailer all I was thinking was "Battlefront 2 and 5 got their support cut for this… DLC for 4?". Now, if they'd gone and done something with 2142, I'd have lost my shit.

But I digress.

DietGingerAle- While true, I think you may also be overestimating the factor of the "combined IQ" of our protagonists.

Brakamonoga- Orso's multiversal origins have not yet been fully explained but will be soon enough

Chuckleswhy- Thanks man. I try my best, although I'll admit, I probably can't quite capture the same inane chaos the real Mouthwash characters seem to consist of.

runelt99- If not, I'll have a certain cameo show up by the end of the story to explain everything. Although the next explanation chapter will probably clear a lot of things up.

Xian0451- Spoilers

Raven R Mahmood- Fair. I'm phasing such things out of my story as it goes on, and will probably go back and fix things later.

max305- Well, my main idea of Bazzet right now is a lot the same as she normally is, except a lot more stubborn, and doesn't really listen to people. Which would explain why she missed all the signs about Kirei. Think Rin, except intimidating, and she wants to prove herself to somebody in particular.

As for Kirei… you're probably right that they may need all the help that they can get, but the question is, would he want to step in on things as they are now? And if he does, would Orso accept his help?

loaf of cat- no go on. Go nuts.

Episoidal- Again, all fair criticisms. I refer to my response to Raven R Mahmood for most of those. Although I'd like to keep bold text around for emphasis, and italics to separate mental and vocal dialogue. Make that a bit more clear.


Chapter XXIV: Mistakes Were Made

Date: 02/07/2004

Time: 1:08 pm

Location: Shinto Market


"... all I'll say is… I made a mistake." Saber admitted, surprising her two human companions with her capacity for humility. "Things were… heated. But that is not an excuse for my actions. I shall accept the repercussions for my mistakes when the time comes, and see to it that neither of you are implicated."

"That's… great. She's sorry. That fixes everything." Sakura tried her best to be supportive… as dark clouds of barely concealed irritation threatened to consume them all like a tsunami of passive-aggression. "Including the concussion you gave that child."

"...(little bastard was an adult back in my day- lucky I didn't hang him up by-)" the Servant grumbled about the child in question, who's cries could still be heard over the wailing ambulances nearby.

"Wokay-!" Shirou tried to redirect this away from blaming the possibly concussed 10 year old being carted away right now for the… escalation of the football game, "We can all agree that you did not mean to commit a potential 1st degree felony. And while his choice of words could be considered "less than mature", your choice in escalating that conversation by calling his mother a "hamster", and saying his father "smelt of elderberries" was… not an ideal method of handling the incident?"

"Kings don't just idly abide such direct insults Shirou! Accusations about our mother's… extracurriculars, could deeply affect our legitimacy as rulers!" Saber claimed, having taken exception to the 10 year olds exclamation on the football field a few minutes ago.

"God help us if she finds out about the internet…" Sakura noted to her senpai.

"If the ball she knocked into orbit doesn't take it down, letting her on to Shinji's Gamestation will." the redhead looked up into the sky, wondering if gravity had finally worked its magic on that little football that could, "Let's just hope she's as bad with technology as Tohsaka is."

"Don't remind me…" it was moments like those that made her wonder how they were blood related.

"Tohsaka?" Saber paused at the mention of their potential enemy.

"Let's just say she's the reason we don't have a computer lab. Not any more at least…" and Emiya tried his damndest to fix the poor things…

"She continues to prove to be both our most challenging, and challenged opponent." the former King realized.

"Well, anyway, the police say that old man Raiga wanted me to be let off with a warning the first time something like this pops up, and this city is owned by the mob, so we're good for now. Besides, they're hands are still a little full after that completely spontaneous restaurant fire spread through the neighborhood." Shirou explained how they weren't all in jail right now. "I think that thing's still going…"

"... you don't say?" Sakura could still see the smoke on the horizon. "I don't believe in karma anymore, but something like that, happening to a place like that reeaaally makes you consider…"

"Oh hey! Literally anything else!" Saber steered the conversation away from anything potentially incriminating, and beamed towards something ostensibly innocent as she ran off to look at something in a store window.

The two humans couldn't help but form the faintest of smiles at the blonde's mannerisms. Both aware at this point that the swordswoman was taking in the mundane parts of the modern world for the first time.

Sakura's however, did not last long.

It shouldn't take a psychologist to figure out that she didn't like how Shirou seemed to be doting over the other girl when she was the one that asked to go out.

"Sorry…" to her surprise, the boy in question did actually seem to recognize the source of her frustration. "She's…. pretty sheltered..?"

"It's okay. I just… wasn't expecting having to guide a 5 year old around today..." she made it sound like it wasn't that big a deal (it was).

"Well, at least you're good at it?" he offered meekly. "Besides, you seem pretty happy when you're taking care of people. Though come to think of it… you do seem unusually upbeat today…"

"... must be something I ate." she noticed it too. For some reason her grandfather's familiars seemed rather… sluggish since last night. Almost like they were having a bad case of indigestion.

"Couldn't have happened to more innocent creatures…" she thought with something approaching spite as she walked off to make sure that Saber wasn't causing any trouble with that store clerk.

Shirou wanted to ask her what she meant by that, but got distracted by something… out of place.

At first glance, it appeared to be another knick-knack in this store of mysterious baubles. But that… didn't seem right.

This emerald, ornamental sparrow seemed rather expensive to put out on display right in front of the store…

"Keep staring numbskull, it'll last longer."

It also seemed odd for such a nice looking ornament to have the voice of such a dangerous witch.


Sakura could only sigh in exasperation. Something, she noted, that happened a lot around Servants.

Having diffused another situation involving Saber, and what can only be described as culture shock, she had something of a non sequitial thought. Imagining the Rider Servant spending a lot of her time in a place like this… or mayhaps as a librarian?

"Sakura?"

She nearly jumped.

"It's nothing Rider." the Master realized the Servant must have felt her thoughts gravitating towards her.

"Are you sure? Saber's guard is down. Now would be an ideal time for you to… "make your move."?" the Servant seemed to be pushing her along into being more bold.

The Girl of Destiny™ stole a glance at the target in question.

Shirou had his back to her as he seemed to be having a conversation with…

… a bird?

She couldn't tell if it was cute that he seemed to be getting along with small animals, or concerning that he seemed to be getting agitated with it.

"... you're right. Today… today is the day of Sakura Matou." guided by her Servant's support, she decided to carry on with her atypically bold actions.


Little did she know just how right she was.

Or how much she would regret it.

Because, if the incarnation of Drifting Wakame is to be believed-

"Today is the day Sakura… the day the true heir presents himself..."


ThemeSong- ENGLISH "Brave Shine" Fate/Stay Night: Unlimited Blade Works (Akane Sasu Sora)


Time: 1:12 pm

Location: Tohsaka Household Yard

"So, before we start, is there anything I should know?" I check with my Servant before we make first use of this particular Noble Phantasm, "I'd like to make a decent first impression."

"Relax, they don't bite. Well… Serizawa might." she answered with what seemed to be a joke at the absent comrad's expense.

"Right… well, I'll just keep him at arms length." I'll try to get along first though, "You ready for this?"

"Hm? Why wouldn't I be?" Okita tilts her head in confusion.

"Well… you were… well… dying about an hour ago…" I try to phrase this delicately.

"And here I thought I've seen just how pathetic a Master can get…"

I swivel my head around to find the source of the now familiar voice. A white haired man in a red mantle leaned against one of the walls of the mansion.

"Say what you will about Shinji, but at least his Servant isn't actively self-destructing." Archer snarked at me.

"Stones and glass houses Archer." I retort, "Also, Rider's dead, so..."

"... odd. I didn't see any huge explosions lately…" he seemed to drift off into his memories.

"It didn't take much. …. actually, the poor thing went down faster than I could blink. I guess we caught them with their pants down." Okita explains for me, disappointed herself that the fight ended so quickly.

Rider probably needed to drink a couple more people before she could put up anything in the way of a fight.

"That implies they ever had them up to begin with…" he threw shade at the Master/Servant pair before pausing "...out of curiosity, do you know who she was?"

"Ninety nine point nine percent sure she was Medusa." unless she was one of the other sisters… nah.

"Huh… neat." Archer seemed to find some satisfaction in uncovering this detail. "Been sitting on that one for a while…"

"Yeah- sorry-notsorry to interrupt… whatever this is, but what are you doing here Archer?" Assassin redirected the conversation.

"Rin wanted to know what you were doing out of the house."

"Testing a Noble Phantasm we've been neglecting. And doing it somewhere that doesn't smell like it'll go up in flames at the slightest sharp increase in heat... 'cause, y'know... her house kinda smells-"

"Like an opium den that's been poorly covered up with copious amounts of perfume?" he hits the mark.

"... not as delicate as I'd put it but... yes?" that is what I'd imagine it smells like.

"Well... you probably made the right call." Archer admits, and for some reason doesn't give an explanation before shifting toward a more aggressive attitude, "But I think it's time we got something straight-"

"As things are, if you try to kill Shirou, I will stand in your way." I get the idea about what he's here for.

Hearing the very name set the failed hero off.

"Oh? And what is it exactly about that delusional man-child that makes you so eager to leap to his defense?" The red bowman seemed eager to get into an argument. "Let me guess, is it the hands? Tell me it's the hands."

"Dead people typically can't fight Babylonian God-Kings."

People die when they're killed.

The statement of my plan gave the Red Bowman pause.

"... in what world do you think human Shirou Emiya stands a chance against the King of Heroes in anything close to a straight fight?!" the Archer looked at me like I'd just given Rin a run for her money in the crazy department.

"You and I saw very different wars it seems. It's unlikely, but I've seen it happen. And frankly... I'm not left with many other good options. Not unless you're willing to take a shot at him." I dare him to come up with a better idea.

"... you don't ask for much, do ya?" he grumbled at me before taking a more lecturing tone, "If you want my advice about gunning for that golden prick, first of all- don't. Second, I'd tell you to get your head examined. Third, I'd suggest coming up with something more original than "let Shirou at em'". Even if he somehow got his Reality Marble, the second Gilgamesh stops playing around, Shirou Emiya will be lucky if there's anything left of him." he paused before coming to appreciate the idea "… on second thought, great plan, I'm on board!"

"If you happen to have a better idea, I'm all ears, smartass." I roll my eyes as I turn back to my Servant, done with the pessimistic Archer, and determined to test this NP out before it was time for the 6th Holy Grail War.

"Why exactly do you want him dead so badly in the first place?" Archer asked rhetorically.

"I would think that's fairly obvious. I believe we both know what happens when that Grail gets completed. And whether or not you give a shit anymore about the world of humans- I happen to live here- and so I'm kinda forced to." property values tend to go down the shitter when everything's on fire.

Among other things…

"Food for thought- maybe making sure the Grail isn't completed would be a better use of your time than picking a fight with a demi-god that can and will wipe you off the face of the planet for daring to breathe the same air as him." he continued to snark at me.

I sigh as I turn back to the red-clad marksman,

"Okay, good plan. Quick question though- would you rather try and change Gilgamesh's mind, or convince Rin Tohsaka to give up?" I think I could have accomplished this with canon Rin if I had enough evidence about the Grail. This one though?

"... you've got me in a box here." even Archer isn't going to walk into that hell.

"Besides, even if I did manage to convince your Master, Illya, and Zouken to all stop what they're doing and end the fighting, that man would take things into his own hands and try to kill us all himself." At the end of the day, between Caster, Kirei, or Zouken, the only one that still actually worries me with this coalition is that the King of Heroes might feel inclined to challenge it. As such, I take an aggressive tone with this Counter Guardian when I'm making this threat- "So, all things considered, as long as Gilgamesh is still breathing, if your mission is to make sure Shirou Emiya isn't, I'll make mine sending you back to the hell you made for yourself. Did that clear things up for you?"

If the failed hero was phased by the threat, it wasn't expressed in any noticeable manner. Instead, it looked as though he was about to argue with me more-

But that's when he then seemed distracted by a sudden thought.

"Actually... no." his gaze was caught by something distant as he changed topics, "I was actually here because I wanted to know if you knew anything about Caster. Wasn't really meaning to get into this conversation yet."

I was taken aback by what he originally sought in coming here, and blinked awkwardly.

"... oh. Sorry about that. I shouldn't have assumed..." I scratch the back of my head in embarrassment.

Making an ass out of you and me.

"Yeah…" he gruffly agreed with me. "So, Caster?"

"Er… right… to be honest, she's as much a mystery to me as she is to you. I don't even know how Zouken managed to summon her. Medea should've filled the role of Caster." I'm guessing she wasn't outright replaced, as Kuzu-Kazuki being a Master would attest.

"If memory serves, Sasaki should be the Assassin Servant, so wouldn't it be rather hypocritical to accuse Zouken of changing the cast?" The Servant saw fit to remind me.

"True enough I suppose. Though you won't catch me complaining about this particular tag-in." I shrug towards Assassin.

"Aww, I'm happy to work with you too Mast- 'cough'!" The moment we were about to have was interrupted by my loyal Servant's curse.

"... you sure about that?" Archer showed his doubt with an expression to match his question.

"No offense Archer, but if I had to choose between you, Assassin here, Saber, Lancer, Medea, or Rider, I don't think I'd take anyone else." I say as my Servant brushed off my attempts to support her in her coughing fit. "Call it what you want, I think we just fit."

"M-Master…?" Okita wanted to say something, but between her tuberculosis, and what seemed to be a fever, she could only hang her head so her face was obscured by her platinum hair.

"Noticing you didn't mention Berserker." Archer picked up on the omission.

"I mean… I'm cool with him, it's just… well…"


"▂▃▄▅▅▅▆▆▇▇████!"

The Einzbern Manor shook as its Servant partook in its… preferred pastime.

Much to the chagrin of one of the Manor's lowercase 's' servants.

"I JUST FINISHED PLANTING THOSE YOU BARBARIAN!" the maid roared back in outrage at the destruction of the garden.

All the worse, she doubted their master would care all that much. Too engrossed in her… 'gamestation', or whatever that was.

"Children these days with all their gizmos…" Sella nearly sighed, tending to get testy when Illyasviel's own… hobby came up. It was rather unbecoming, or in the least atypical for a Magus to prefer electronic activities to recreation befitting their social class.

"▂▃▄▅▅▅!" the Servant seemed to sass back like a petulant child saying 'I do what I want, MOM'.

As if she didn't have enough of those on her plate.

"Hey Sella. Herc-Dawg's just living his life. Doing him. Ya gotta let him be his own thing. Ya dig?" the second maid of the household voiced her monotone opinion.

To this, the more articulate servant lost the battle with her frustration and huffed.

"Liz, honey, trust me, I get it. I'm cool with Berserker doing whatever. I just don't like him doing whatever when HE TREATS OUR PETUNIA'S LIKE A GODDAMNED SANDBOX!"

"▂▃▄▅▅▅▆▆▇▇████!" the mindless warrior tried to tune them out with more digging.

"DON'T IGNORE ME YOU 8,000 YEAR OLD BRAT!"


"I don't think I could afford the property damage. … or the mana costs." I say as though the latter is the least serious of the two issues.

The Archer Servant got the idea before quickly returning to the previous topic.

"I'd presume that it's only natural. Servants tend to be summoned by Masters with a degree of compatibility. Apparently one's psyche acts as much of a catalyst as any artifact." The hero summoned by a fateful pendant mused before his features shifted to a more scrutinizing form, "Almost makes one wonder what kind of person would summon someone only famous for being a killer."

His accusation froze my thoughts in place as my Assassin Servant tilted her head in confusion at my reaction. Not bothering to deny the moniker the Archer gave her.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did you not know?" Archer sounded more amused than apologetic. "Sure, Okita Souji is an obscure figure outside of Japan, but I-"

"No. I… I know who she is. I just..." the first words that come to mind don't sound right.

"You just don't care that she could slice a stranger's throat, and go back to eating dango without a second thought if she was ordered to?" The Bowman used those two words I couldn't.

"..." he wasn't incorrect.

I don't care that my friend doesn't care about killing people.

Is famous for killing people.

As he said, Okita and the Shinsengumi are rather obscure outside of Japan. As such, their reputation as the Wolves of Mibu has been somewhat... lost on me. At least it has been for a while.

In the time I had to actually do independent research on the subject, this 'police unit' more resembled the judges in Judge Dredd than anything else. They could (and did) execute people… pretty much just on the suspicion of wrongdoing. No judge or jury necessary.

Pretty much my worst fears on what they could have been.

Having that spelled out for me… it's different from when I think of it myself.

"I just thought…" In my head I could think of it like…

"If you held her leash, this Wolf wouldn't bite anyone?"

… it's been true so far, hasn't it?

But for how much longer?

Finding something in my response, or lack thereof, EMIYA decides to back off.

"Maybe Rin was wrong." he turns to walk away. "Maybe you do belong here."

...

"Shirou." hearing me call his true name, he stops in his tracks. "You wanted to know something about Caster?"

I… don't know how I know this.

Just… it feels like something I could never forget.

"Her greatest weapon is you."

"Right… well I'll just keep myself out of her dastardly hands then." He seems to take my advice with a flippant attitude as he fades away.

"... be straight with me. What are the odds that man's going to turn on us?" Okita interjected with a question.

"If we're working with Shirou, nearly 100%. Why?"

"Because when he does, I'm going to cut out his tongue." she huffed in his general direction,

"What, you let him get to you?" I exclaimed in mock surprise.

"I'm more annoyed at how he seemed to get to you. You okay?" the police-girl seemed to pick up on my hesitation earlier.

"... I suppose I'm still getting used to this… environment." I, of course, refer to the amalgamation of contradictions, violence, blood-rivers, and chaos that is the Holy Grail War, "We've been lucky so far. Only person that's died was technically a ghost, so I wouldn't really count it, but…"

"Master. Just… let me handle the bloody stuff, alright? It's what I'm here for." She gave me a reassuring smile.

Unfortunately… That's not the problem.

Whether the blood is on her hands or mine is irrelevant.

"Right… let's just get this started then." I dropped the issue… though I was still uncomfortable. It must have been clear on my face, as Assassin dropped her positive expression in concern.

However, this did not last, as my Servant's élan rose with the triangular blue-white flag that suddenly materialized in her left hand.

"Okay, stand back Master! What you're about to witness is a gathering of warriors the likes of which hasn't been seen in two hundred years. Our collective awesomeness may very well blind you in all its shining Shinsen-glory. Indeed, once this crystallization of our comradery has been conjured, Gaia herself may very well-!"

"Oh for the love of-! GET ON WITH IT!"

Some eavesdropping girl yelled from Tohsaka's house.

"-eh? But… the hype-?" Okita reeled as the Tsundere announced her opinion.

"DON'T CARE, GET ON WITH IT!" someone that was totally not Shirou Emiya called out from the direction Archer left.

"Fou! Fou!" Translation- 'JUST GET ON WITH IT!'

"Alright- fine..! Sheesh..." the part-time assassin scratched the back of her head, suddenly bashful.

The swordswoman waved me to stand back a few feet before taking a breath.

"Here, will I raise the flag."

The mana around us began to churn in excitement as she held her flag longingly.

"This… is the proof of my existence."

Blue mist formed a vortex around the flag that carried wisps of snow with it.

"The Flag of Sincerity, it represents our pledge to fight together!"

And as the Flag was planted in the earth, a mighty gale blew away all doubt.

"This is… the Shinsengumi!"

And as she warned, a blinding light forced me to shield my eyes while the Noble Phantasm did its job.

The light carried on for a few moments as the mana died down.

But, where my eyes failed, my ears worked just fine.

"Yo Captain! You called?"

One could hear the cool smirk in this newcomer's voice.

"Kondō!" Okita called out in excitement as I could finally lower my hands to find… them.

"... instantly regretting not using this before…" I note as I take in this… well, army of swordsmen.

"Did you think I wouldn't show?" A woman about my height chuckled as she messed with my Servant's hair. "What kind of Neesan do you take me for?"

"Hey, watch it! You don't wanna pull that thing!" Okita tried to throw off this attack on her ahoge but was pulled into her friend's-

… hold up.

Ah shit, here we go again…

… I'm actually fine with it at this point. This is just the universe I'm living in now.

I'm just waiting to hear the explanation from historians on this one.

To be fair, that tomboyish haircut might confuse some into thinking she's just a pretty-boy, but… well…

The chest?

...

I-I'm sorry, did you say something?

"Kondō… could we maybe not assault our Captain the moment we get here? Hijikata's already looking like he wants to execute half of us for how things went down, let's maybe not piss him off with insubordination?" a shorter man with messy hair sighed, not noticing a stern looking man walking up behind him.

"Eh? Oh, sorry Sou-chan." Isami released my Servant, who immediately took offense to how she was referred.

"Wha- I TOLD YOU TO NEVER CALL ME THAT!" Okita flushed at the name. "YOU'LL CORRUPT MY MASTER!"

"If they managed to summon you, I'm pretty sure they're not so innocent to begin with…"

I nearly jumped as a tired looking man appeared behind me with a mirth filled comment.

"Well, nice to meet you too." my eye twitched at this particular first impression.

"If you're all done reenacting your favorite Kabuki love-drama, I'd like to know why we're all here. Okita, report." a stern looking man in a noticeably more western uniform demanded of his summoner, expecting a quick response.

He got one as 'Sou-chan' snapped to attention.

"Well sir-"


"-and that's everything."

"... when this is over, I'm putting you in for a loooong overdue psych evaluation." the 'vice-commander' had a long-suffering sigh.

"I'd like to meet the poor sod that takes her case." the short man interjected.

"...oi." Okita pouted at the both of them as Fou seemed to snicker at her from my shoulder.

"Well, you don't have to look far." the tired guy shrugged in my direction.

"Not her psychologist, just her Master. Robert Orso… though in this country that'd be the other way around, wouldn't it?" I think 'Orso Robert' actually has a better ring to it.

"Doc or not, you've been taking care of our Captain here for a while now, haven't you?" he pantomimed a coughing fit.

It took a moment for me to properly answer that.

"... when she lets me." is the best thing that comes to mind out of an entire host of terrible potential responses.

"(thiswasamistakethiswasamistakethiswasamistakethiswasamistakethiswasamistake-)" Okita began uttering a dangerous string of regret-filled non-words that could function as a proper thaumaturgical curse.

""When she let's me," he says." tired guy rolled his eyes as if to say 'oy vey' before turning back to his summoner, "We leave you on your own for a month Sou-chan, and you're already gotten yourself hitc-"

Before he could finish what he was about to say, he disappeared.

… along with the rest of the Shinsengumi.

Okita turns away from me, the flag taken out of the ground, and into her hands, apparently deactivated.

"... Okita?" concern present in my voice, I found it trepidatious to approach her as a dangerous aura began to exude from the Servant.

"So… this is where the Shinsengumi dies?" she questions softly, as though this was a profound revelation.

"YOU KILLED THEM!"


Ten Minutes Later…

It'd taken a while, but I'd finally managed to calm Okita down, and have her summon back her friends.

And with that, we'd gotten around to discussing strategy.

"It's best if we only use one squad for this mission. The entire force would just give away our identities, and how many troops we have to our enemies when we don't know what we're up against." Hijikata suggested as his gaze occasionally shifted to the house suspiciously. "That, and we won't truly be able to bring our forces to bear in such tight quarters."

"... agreed." I say, after weighing the pros and cons of bringing such a small force. "Archer should have a handle on any other potential escape routes, or avenues for reinforcements."

"Hajime, get your team ready." Commander Kondō called him out.

"Wha-!? … damnit, why do I always get the shit-jobs?" 'tired guy' Saitou Hajime grumbled about having to go into the sewers.

"Hey, Shittygumi gets shitty work," Assassin wasted no time in putting him down. "Now get to it!"

"Fine fine, yeeesh…" Saitou tactfully endured the insult, believing it wasn't entirely undeserved. "Shoulda' stayed on the throne like Serizawa…"

"Yeah, speaking of, where is fatass?" Kondō did not mince words, it would seem, as she looked around for the missing 'gumi.

"Like Saitou said, he heard both you and Okita were here and decided to be literally anywhere else." 'Yamanami' explained, looking displeased at the absent first Commander.

"He's still being a bit sore about… y'know." Nagakura slowly dragged his finger across his throat.

"What's his beef with me?" Okita was apparently only just now hearing about this.

"Besides you being friends with Kondō? You're terrifying." Saitou shuddered at some unpleasant memory or another. "We've all been dead two hundred years, and we're still banned from half the bars in Edo thanks to you. And frankly I don't blame them."

"So, what I'm hearing is that what happened during last call at Applebees wasn't an isolated incident…?" I give Okita the stink eye.

"A-Ah… hehe-um…" the Assassin in question shuffled in crimson-cheeked embarrassment before trying to change focus, "S-So I guess the rest of you guys can just de-summon yourselves until we need you? I-I mean I'm sure it's taking a lot of mana out of you to keep everyone here, right Master!?"

Initially I was going to agree with her, after all, Okita's pleading eyes are almost physically impossible to deny, as well as the fact that I could feel my life force draining faster than my admiration for just about every 'character' from the show I've met so far.

But then I saw how cute she was when she was flustered.

So I decided to tease her a bit longer.

"Hm… I dunno. Could always use the extra hands around here. Besides, I want to hear more stories from Okita's friends…"

"Oh, well in that case- has Okita told you about that time we were trying to raid an Imperialist's office, but got the wrong address and ended up in a hostess-"

"Saitou. If you finish that story, I'm liable to stick our flag UP YOUR-!"

"Aaaaand~ like that I'm gone!" Hajime decided he'd rather head into the sewers than face the killing intent Assassin emitted as she reached for her katana.

"Yeah, we should be heading out too. Let us know if you need our help Sou-chan~!" Kondō told her (to Okita's chagrin about that name thing), and was de-summoned with a cheerful simper.

"Yeah, what she said." Nagakura nodded simply as he and many of the lower ranking Shinsengumi followed suit.

Hijikata was the last to go. Still glaring at some unknown nuisance behind us.

Don't worry too much. That's just Archer scowling at you guys from the roof.

Honestly, I think about 50 to 60 percent of that guy's problem is just that he hasn't gotten any couchie since his contract with Alaya.

… file that information under 'things I didn't want to know, but can't erase from my mind now' please.

"Some advice for you, Okita's Master." the vice-commander's intense gaze held mine as he began his own de-summoning, "You need not fear a wolf that knows her Master. But beware the dog that doesn't."

With the biting remark against the roof-bound hero delivered, the last of the group had vanished.

"That'd be almost ominous if I wasn't already planning on keeping Archer at arms length..."

"I think it's pretty prophetic actually." My Servant disagreed.

"In what way?"

"I'm sure it'll make sense by the end."


Time: 6:34 pm

Location: Outside Matou Household Bounded Field

After checking my clock for the gazillionth time, I got back to what is apparently Tohsaka's third favorite pastime.

Tapping my feet impatiently.

"Perimeter check finished. Nothing, again..." Okita sounded as bored as she was concerned.

"Did Saitou check in yet?" Something about this situation had me ill at ease.

Instead of the bubbly Assassin, I received a response from her crabby subordinate.

"Ugh, I can speak for myself thank you." he complained as he sounded like he just stepped in something foul. "And on that note, I gotta say, as far as first impressions go, this has got to be one of the most shitty I've seen!"

Considering where you put him, I wouldn't exactly hold it against him for thinking that.

"Just stick to spirit form and you should be fine." Assassin basically told him to suck it up.

"I've been in spirit form since we started. I just feel like I'll need a shower after this…" he continued to moan. Not that I blame him. "Why couldn't ya have summoned me for a hit job?!"

"Well, when you think about it, that's basically what this is. Only difference is you're getting your hands a bit more dirty than usual." I point out offhandedly before refocusing on the situation at hand. "Besides the smell, how's it looking down there?"

"Like shit? If you're referring to those bug things you talked about, none of my boys have seen any. Maybe they're all out to dinner?" he pondered.

I find the absence of the familiars to be… unsettling for some reason.

"(maybe he's not expecting us to attack so soon..?)" I don't find myself believing that for a second-

-I nearly throw another Dagaz rune at the rustling thicket of bushes to my 10 o'clock, but catch myself when I notice the familiar red mantle approaching from them.

"Easy there, wouldn't want to waste another priceless stolen jewel would we?"

Archer attempted to sooth the situation his approach prompted.

"Is it really stolen if they haven't reclaimed it in 70 years?" I pose what was supposed to be a rhetorical question as I lower my guard.

"Unattended doesn't necessarily mean unclaimed… or unmonitored. And you'd be surprised at the grudges that family is capable of holding. I'm not sure if they've met yet, but I'm fairly certain that the heiress of that family has it out for Rin for something her Grandparents did." The Servant tried hard to recall some long fragmented memory as I myself seem to vaguely recall that blonde woman from the epilogue of the anime that threw hands with Tohsaka for some reason. "And if she does know that you've taken her family's belongings, I wouldn't be surprised if you're already number two on her shit list. Especially if you ruined her attempt to get in on the Grail War."

But that would imply that the place I ended up in when I got to this world was-

… I just ruined a dead drop for a powerful Magus family.

One powerful enough to get involved in the Grail War, and have a rivalry with Tohsaka.

…. Well shit.

Thinking back on it, it was kinda... odd that there would be an abandoned house full of jewels and a summoning circle that no one had messed with for over 70 years.

I mean… I thought we were playing by RPG rules. Finders looters and all...

I'm beginning to wonder about your true character alignment.

"Well… she better get in line. Besides, if I survive this war, I plan to give them and Magi in general a wide berth." I for one value not being in the consistent company of career sociopaths. "Shouldn't you be across town by now Archer?"

"Shouldn't you be… er…" he stops himself from saying something he considered less than correct.

"What? Don't tell me cat's got your tongue?" I myself am surprised he's even capable of messing up like that.

"No, no it's just… the first thing that came to mind would've been more of a spoiler than the Youtube homepage. Everything has its time, place, and messenger. This isn't that time, that place, and there's a far better messenger waiting for her moment." he answered vaguely.

'Spoiler'… so I can assume that he knows what's going on with me, but won't tell me for drama reasons?

That, or maybe he just doesn't like you.

Probably both, all things considered.

Saber's right, people 'round here are such drama queens.

Yeah, but they're her drama queens.

King Arthur be the real harem protagonist here.

Shirou Emiya eat your heart out.

"Right… well, point still stands, we're moving in in ten minutes, what're ya jawing off to me here for?" I leaned against an old maple tree as it appeared this was becoming another conversation.

"No bullshit? I was looking to compare notes." EMIYA didn't seem to be taking this oncoming attack very seriously, or at least seemed to find information gathering the more pressing concern. "We both seem to have different pieces to this Grail War puzzle after all. It would only make sense if we collaborated to put it all together."

Didn't we just go over this?

"Ordinarily, I might agree with you, but your goal and the plans to achieve mine are like oil and vinegar-"

"Now, now, I'm not here about that. I'm more interested in some… old curiosities never satisfied that don't seem like they really will be this time around either. Figured that in exchange, you might hear me prattle on about some more… pertinent events." The Servant made a carefully worded offer. "And if those events happen to convince you that you don't necessarily need Shirou Emiya for what you have in mind, I suppose we'll both benefit."

Right, just 'satisfying curiosities'.

As if I'd actually believe that.

I wouldn't put it past him to tell half-truths and lies to get me to open up.

Still, logic would dictate that, in his timeline, Gilgamesh was defeated without the use of his reality marble as it took him time to develop it.

If there's a 10% chance he'd tell me the truth here, I'd like to have as many options as possible. Especially if Shirou does end up dead, and Archer's plan somehow breaks the laws of continuity as I understand them and erases him too.

I decide to hear him out, even though I probably won't end up doing things his way.

"Alright. Make your case. Might make the wait a bit less boring." I scrutinized the area one more time.

No activity from the house. There were lights on, but there hadn't been any figures in the windows. So, no change there.

Tohsaka seems far enough away that she'd be out of earshot. Besides, she looked more interested in burning the house down with her mind than anything going on over here.

Archer began his 'curiosity satisfaction' as he pulled up a fallen log.

"First, I want to know something. Have we met before? I feel like I'd know if you were in my war, but this thing with Alaya being what it is…" he decided to start with that red herring I threw his way earlier.

Huh. I guess he was telling half-truths about his memory problems.

"I… don't think so? All these alternate timeline shenanigans are a bit over my head, so I can't say for sure anymore. But since I don't seem to be ringing any bells, let's assume neither I, nor any of my alternate selves have gotten involved in your Grail War." I give an answer that doesn't necessarily clear anything up.

The philosophical implications of multiverse theory being multiverse fact notwithstanding, the mechanics of it all have done nothing but leave me scratching my head.

Are there truly infinite timelines, or is there a limit?

How is this timeline connected to my own?

Are there other me's running around in their own Grail Wars after being kicked out of their timelines?

Is the magic of this timeline compatible with the magic of mine, and if so, how?

Was there even magic in my timeline? If there was, how did it work? If there wasn't, why can I do magic now?

"Well, then I suppose you wouldn't know how he was defeated then." Archer got on with it, "Explains why you're going for the longshot where Shirou Emiya learns how to use his reality marble during the Holy Grail War. Well, I'll spare you a lot of effort in telling you this- give it up. The only circumstances where such a turn of events could possibly occur within the span of this war are nearly impossible. Especially if he doesn't have an experienced Magus to propel him along. In other words, Shirou Emiya is useless to you."

Well… I want to argue that point, but he isn't exactly wrong.

"... yeah, I figured as much." I admit with a sigh. "Y'know, with the benefit of hindsight, I think I should've stuck to the shadows and just let him and Rin do their thing. Trying to help from behind the scenes would've been a much better role for the Master of Assassin. Instead, I went about trying to fix what wasn't broken, and now even I have to question if he'll end up any more useful than a human shield. Thank you for pointing out my mistake Archer, I don't think I would've admitted that to myself until it was too late."

"...oh. Well… good. Good to see you learning from this..." the hero of justice seemed to be temporarily stunned by what I said.

"... you okay?" I picked up on his surprise.

"Yeah it's just… I suppose I'm not so used to a Master that actually listens to a Servant's opinions. Let alone owns up to making mistakes." he recomposes himself.

"I'm just as surprised to be hearing an opinion from a Servant. Saber had been trying to avoid talking with me altogether, and getting advice from Assassin can feel like pulling teeth."

"Hm, true. While the Shinsengumi did have its more opinionated members, Okita Souji wasn't remembered for being one of them. Nor was he- er...she remembered as its great tactician. Merely commanding one squad. As I said, her claim to fame was her capability to cut people down with such great efficiency that it was often compared to that of swordsmen like Miyamoto Musashi. She is also remembered well for a famous sword skill that could cut one's neck, as well as their left and right shoulders in the same strike, much like the Swallow Reversal of Sasaki Kojiro." he paused as though to take a breath before changing topics, "Getting back to what I was saying earlier, most Masters tend to have their personalities become catalysts for summoning their Servants. Then again, it is said that certain weapons, and tools in the moonlit world have personalities and minds of their own, so it could be possible that artifacts end up in the hands of those more compatible with them. For example, it would only seem natural that the King of Knights would be summoned by the incarnation of swords. I could hardly envision any other spirit connected to Avalon answering that call. I can at least vaguely recall Rin Tohsaka and Shirou Emiya working together well enough, and I can't really see too many on the throne besides him putting up with her for very long- well, besides the dog-"

"Er, Archer? While this tangent is… interesting and all, I'd much rather we get to the point. We don't exactly have all night." I interrupt his monologue as I check the time.

6:42

We set things up so we'd attack at 7:00 precisely. Exact same time that Shirou would be checking Ryuudou out with Saber.

"My point is that I want to know how someone like you summoned someone like her. There doesn't really seem to be any theme connecting you to Okita Souji, and while I know there's more to you than meets the eye, none of what I've been able to figure out explains your being here, so what I'm really asking is, "what's your story?"." He finally got to it.

"Well well... for a man who claims not to remember me, you seem to have me pretty much figured out. And here I thought perception was the forte of the Lancer class." or so the blue bomber claimed.

"If I really had you figured out, I wouldn't have bothered with this song and dance. Now spill." he wasted no time.

I took a few moments to decide what I was, and wasn't going to say. Or if I would say any more at all.

"Alright. Though I'll say now that I don't exactly have the full picture of everything that's happening, so excuse the plot holes. You see-"

"All right, let's do this-! ONE HUNDRED PERCENT MAXIMUM NO CHILL!"

Shocked by the sudden outburst, neither me or Archer reacted to what was happening for nearly a full fifteen seconds.

"... oh my god, she just ran in." I broke the silence as the violent Magus blew down the front door with a thunderous explosion.

"... so she did." Archer said, as though he was taking note of the weather. Though I could sense he was trying, and nearly failing to contain an outburst.

It would have taken another ten seconds for us to fully process the event.

Thankfully, Okita was a bit faster on the uptake as she fazed into existence right in front of us.

"ARE YOU BOTH BLIND!? Come on!" she shouted as she dragged me with her-

"R-Right! Stick to the plan!" I ordered as I braced myself for the fight, nearly stumbling to the ground as my Servant dragged me.

"ShitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitSHIT-!" Archer scrambled to get to his ass to a proper firing position.

I took a moment to look at the time-

6:50

Okay, so maybe Rin's not so great at following plans to the letter.

… or communicating.

"The hell's going on up there!?" Saitou demanded as I got close enough to hear a lot of yelling going on in the house.

"Tohsaka's off script! Shit's going down!" I warned him as I got to the door.

"Who's Tohsaka!? What script!? NOT WHILE I'M DOWN HERE!" the captain-

Wait, how much did we explain to him?

I just assumed he knew what Okita knew?

"Rin, what the hell's going on!?" I called out as I barged in through the wrecked entrance to the-


DisgustDisgustdiSgustFEarfEarpAiNpain

AlOnealoNeLUSTdisGusTdisgust

greedGreedit'smineit'smineit'smine

DisGUstDisgustdiSgustfearfEarpAiNpain

AlOnealoNeLUSTdisGusTdisgust

greedGreedit'smineit'smineit'smine

disgustdisgustdisgustfearfearpainpain

alonealonelustdisgustdisgust

greedgreedit'smineit'smineIT'SMINE

Why can't I just DIE!?


-I leaned against the busted door as something… something utterly, and completely wrong swept over me.

Nausea swelling up, all the screaming, and explosions seemed like they were miles away as I fought to hold in the contents of my stomach.

Okita had stopped in front of me. She was saying something, but it was… out of focus.

The first thing I could hear again was the thumping.

At first I thought someone was banging a drum at almost random intervals.

Then I felt the house shake.

"Master!?" The Servant broke through the disorientation with our mental link.

"y-yeah… I read you." I tried shaking it off.

"What's wrong!? You nearly collapsed… that's my thing!" she… er…

"I'm beginning to wonder about your priorities." I say as I center myself as I worry about what she's taken offence to. "And… It's this place. There's something… wrong about it."

A terrible greed.

Desire

Blinding hatred.

Self hatred

And it was so… so bitter.

Petulant

"OLLY OLLY OXEN BITCHES!"

I diverted my attention to the yelling.

A rather one-sided conversation was taking place.

It was then that I noticed something else.

No one was attacking us.

I looked around this sad, broken household, and found no response to Rin Tohsaka's rather violent intrusion.

"... watch my back." composure found, I march myself into the source of the situation we found ourselves in-

And had to duck as a Grandfather Clock came flying past my face.

"-shit!" I nearly fell on my ass when the ancient piece of furniture broke apart, and its pieces flew across the room.

"OH NO, I sure hope no one takes this sudden opportunity to- oh, I don't know, ESCAPE or something!" the daemoness loudly announced for all to hear.

My limited well of patience gone dry, I resort to yelling louder.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?" I all but scream at the lunatic.

"BUZZ OFF MCFLY!" she literally pushes me away.

Aaaaaand like that, the shouting match begins.

From there, Rin carried on making as much of a ruckus as possible. Throwing spells, and picture frames, and furniture around like a raging tornado.

"COME ON OLD MAN! YOU WANTED RIN TOHSAKA, COME AN-"

"RIN! HE'S! NOT! HERE!" I tried grabbing shoulder her to stop her from throwing anything else-

That was your second mistake coming here.

Caught up in this human force of nature, I get the wind knocked out when the fury blinded Magus throws me through the dining room table-!

"-grk!" temporarily stunning me before she ran elsewhere in the house.

"You-! Master!?" Okita was torn on her next actions.

Shaking off the disorientation, I try to bite back the rage.

I failed.

"(that…) dammit... Don't kill her. I want to wring her neck myself." I growl in the girls general direction.

"Roger!" My Servant chased after the Master with nigh-murderous intent.

I tried to at least sit back up as my body screamed in pain.

Both broken chinaware, and being thrown through a table seem to have done their share of damage as I tried to think whether any of this would be worth wasting another stolen jewel to heal.

In the end however, I decided there wasn't any true damage here.

Well, besides to my pride.

Not that I had much of that to begin with.

"That's it. Next time these people wanna run off and get themselves killed, I let 'em." I say as I brush off the wood chips.

Between Shirou and Rin, my patience candle was burnt at both ends.

A series of impacts rocked the house.

I shake off this lapse in focus, and advance up the stairs to follow it to the source-

"-shit!"

And I stop short as Rin gets thrown out of a room and right into a cabinet, sending picture frames hurdling to the ground.

"... well how the turns have tabled…" I find some degree of amusement from this.

"Bozo down. Recommend we muzzle her Master." Assassin appeared from spirit form with her blade to Tohsaka's throat.

"We'll... see about that. But for the moment, I'd rather look into getting an explanation. Now Tohsaka, would you mind telling me why you really brought me along, as well as what all this is about?"

"Why… I don't know what you're talking abou-" the witch tried playing dumb. I wasn't going to play along.

Upon me giving her a look, Okita pressed her blade closer to the Magi's throat, silencing her.

"I'm not going to waste anymore time. You weren't afraid of Zouken or Caster when you ran in here on your own without telling anybody, so you didn't need me for a fight. If you wanted my command seals, or my life you could have taken both at your leisure for nearly twelve hours. You're clearly not working with Zouken, even you could tell how bad an idea that is. Tell me what's going on, and I may not have you killed." Again, I'll say my patience for these people has run thin.

"You wouldn't. You're just like him." the Magus didn't seem that confident in her comparison. Presumably with Shirou.

"Are you so sure about that? I'm not. I'm really not. All I know is that you're a dangerous lunatic with a history of pseudo-terrorist activity and a stubborn streak a mile long, and your random outbursts of "Look at me, LOL I'm so random, pay attention to me!" annoy me. Give me a reason to go with the paragon option here before I decide you're not worth the risk of putting up with." I give her one last chance to prove she's more than just a pain in the ass.

"... well. As long as we're all sharing our feelings… you are WAY TOO BORING to be Batman."

"Assassin."

"On it-"

"Rin I took a look around, it looks like Sakura isn't even here… did I miss something?" Archer asks as he made his way into the hallway.

"... yeah, I'll say you have. Archer, would you care to explain what your Master had you doing? Y'know, before I have Assassin paint the walls here with a stunning new coat of crimson?"

This place does look like it could use a sprucing up…

Recognizing the miscommunication here, Archer sets about to diffuse the situation.

"... okay, I'm only saying this because she physically can't, but she wanted you to rescue Sakura while we took care of Zouken and Caster."

So, I'm guessing the reason he was stalking you in the bushes was because she was never planning on going with your idea?

"... couldn't you have just said that instead of all that other bullshit!?" I pinch the bridge of my nose at the ridiculous Mage girl.

"No, she really couldn't." Archer wasted no time dispelling any illusions about what was going on here.

"Archer…?" the girl in question seemed confused as to how he was able to discern the truth. Certainly unaware of his true name, or history.

Or what he saw after his war.

"Not-Batman over there isn't the only detective around here Rin. I have a general idea of what's going on here. You're held back from even acknowledging the truth of the situation, so leave the exposition to me." so, Archer's going to explain everything?

Held back…?

Not much can stop Rin from doing whatever the hell she wants…

So there's probably some magic shenanigans going on?

"Orso, let me ask you one question first. Why did you think Rin showed concern over Sakura's well being, but not Shinji's when we were discussing your plan earlier?" The Servant posed a question with a fairly obvious answer.

"... because he's the third biggest piece of shit to ever foul the city of Fuyuki with his presence?"

Archer was about to immediately repudiate my deduction, but gave it a moment's thought.

"... personally I'd rate him a bit lower than that… maybe fifth or sixth, but that's not it. Well, while that probably didn't help him, there's more to it. Think. Why would Rin go out of her way to help anyone?" that...

"Hey-!"

"Negotiating for your life here Rin. Could do without the backtalk." the Servant dismisses the Master.

"... I'll remember this Archer…"

I know canon Rin is a lot nicer than the mask she puts on, and would probably find a way to protect innocent people from magic shit when practical. This one…

I'll admit, I haven't exactly gotten a good read on her.

My first impression of her has been… well, poor.

I was pretty honest about my opinion a minute ago. She's a brat acting out for attention.

Like that girl from Hellsing abridged that turned a British destroyer into a ghostship, shitting and giggling as she went.

Almost worthy of pity if her fits didn't put people in danger.

I'm hoping there is more to her than this. Hoping, but not expecting.

"... if she were a normal person, I'd say human decency. But since this is Rin we're talking about…" I mean, she did say no one got to hurt her friends but her.

In canon Rin and Sakura seemed on... okay terms. No more, no less. Not unlike how she acted around the rest of the muggles.

But… canon can't be considered… well canon anymore, can it?

And I can tell Archer's pushing me towards considering Sakura in particular.

The strange, adorable bundle of sarcastic energy.

I've always known there was something up with her.

If the signs were any more obvious, you could probably see them from the moon.

You be quiet about the moon.

In fact, if Shinji weren't the Makiri heir, I'd almost say-


"In hindsight, perhaps she could have proved more useful than Shinji..."

Implying she does have capacity as a Mage.


"Perhaps if I spent (any) time training him (my "heir"), he'd know some humility."


"Sakura does not have the capacity to be a Master."

If she doesn't, and Shinji doesn't,

Then who does?


"Why is Shinji a Master? He obviously isn't a good Mage."

So bad he can't supply the Servant he summoned.


"Any spare children are either raised unaware of the moonlight world, or on rare occasions, adopted by families in need of an heir."

"Yes. She doesn't even know our family is one of magi."

How could she not?


"My body... is trying... to die…" Emiya breathed out, drained of energy.

"Oh please, it's only 37.6. Sakura's got it worse, and you don't hear her complaining." Taiga told him off after reading the thermometer.

"Get gud scrub."


"Get gud scrub."


"ONE HUNDRED PERCENT MAXIMUM NO CHILL!"


I compared Rin to… one of the pictures on the ground.

One of Sakura.

The same Sakura who looks ~waaaaay more related to Rin than Shinji.

That's when I realized.

This was never an attack on Zouken. Not really.

This was a rescue mission.

And she tried to get you to do the rescuing because she couldn't.

"... she's not here. She's been living with Shirou for the last few days." I order Okita to stand down as it all comes together.

"... so you're saying-"

"This entire endeavour has been pointless." Archer sighs after he interrupts his master.

"Wait… what's going on?" Okita remained the only person out of the loop.

"Sakura and Rin are sisters Assassin. Their father put Sakura up for adoption because Mages are sociopaths that treat people like objects. Zouken needed an heir, Shinji wasn't it, and Sakura was… available. Rin wanted us to rescue Sakura from that… "person", presumably because there's some magic stuff going on that's stopping her from doing it herself. But when I pretended as if Sakura was an acceptable casualty, she believed me, and it threw her plan into disarray. And I'm guessing she was making all this noise in an attempt to give Sakura a chance to slip away on her own. Am I in the ballpark Archer?" I complete my deductions.

"That's about what I've figured myself, yeah." Emiya nodded, either having some knowledge of what's going on, or truly having just figured this out himself.

"I see… now it all makes sense… but there's still one thing I think we're all missing." my Servant tensed.

"And that is?" I ask of her.

"If he's not here, where is Zouken?"

Everyone looks at each other, and the house around them.

"... the workshop. He's got to be hiding in there, wherever it is. It should be in a Mages nature to defend their house though… even if it's against these odds, to just run out…" Rin felt there was something wrong… she wasn't alone. She began to order us around upon getting off the ground. "It's probably underground, so look for a secret door, or cellar. If nothing else, we're going to make him regret bailing."

The plan seemed sound, so I decided to go with it, regardless of the recent revelation.

"Right, Assassin, with me." I turned my back on my fellow Master and began searching.


5 minutes later…

I'll admit, I wasn't completely focused on the search.

In fact, as one might expect, I was reflecting on the information I'd just learned.

Sakura was, in fact, Rin's sister.

What truly concerned me about that, beyond the whole getting rid of 'unnecessary' heirs thing these Mages seem to have going on, was that I had been unaware of a potential threat living under the same roof as me.

Besides her being, most likely, capable of magecraft herself, it stood to reason that Sakura was Riders Master, and therefore-

I stop myself.

I said it before, I'll say it again. She is no enemy of mine.

At least… she shouldn't be.

She is Tohsaka's sister. Even if she is half as strong, that's definitely stronger than Shinji. If she's not a Master, it's because she doesn't want to be one.

… no. I'm wrong either way.

I don't have all the facts yet.

If Sakura Matou is an enemy, or an innocent in the crossfire remains to be-

I lean on a wall, overcome by a wave of nausea.

"Master?" Okita notices my discomfort.

"I-I'm fine… I think lunch is disagreeing with me." that, or-

"It's this place." Archer interrupts my thoughts. "It's drenched in such despair I'm surprised you can stand the stench of it."

"... you just can't get enough of me today, can you?" I taunt the Servant as he appears.

"You're a mystery Orso. One almost impossible to ignore." he retorts with something that sounds like a warning, before returning to the previous subject, "I can feel it too. Servants are inherently spiritual beings. Leaves us susceptible to phenomena like this."

"I know what you mean Archer. When I was alive, I often got… feelings. Gut instincts that something was wrong, or out of place. It served me well in my line of work, and as a Servant, it's a far more… real, sixth sense." Okita explained further.

"But you're something else." Archer sought to point out, "Not too many Mages possess such empathic abilities. Usually that lies within the realm of those with ESP... or some recent daemonic heritage."

"... if what you're saying is true, then why am I just… feeling these things now?" I ask as I finally get my stomach to stop tearing itself apart.

"As a matter of fact, I'm certain this is far from your first time. It's just been a fact of life for you. An occasional subconscious "feeling", or awareness. Getting a sense of people's true nature, or motives, it's something as natural to you as breathing. Seeing through the bullshit. The masks. Is it any wonder why you don't like people?" Archers' points aim true.

Everything he said… It sounded right. That, and I think EMIYA's seen enough to know what he's talking about.

"As for why you're just noticing right now… I'm guessing magecraft is fairly new to you?" he continued. I hesitated to answer, which is apparently an answer unto itself. "Think of it as… growing pains. Manipulating mana on the levels I've seen you do usually takes years, or even decades of training. You've had, what, a few months?"

"... less than a month, actually." I admit to the man that can apparently read me like an open book.

He narrowed his silver eyes at me.

"And you never thought that was odd? Being able to, not only summon, but maintain a Servant, one of the most mana taxing familiars in the entirety of the field, with a month's training?" another question I have no proper answer for.

"I did. I've just never had the resources to investigate… well, any of this. The only experienced Mage I knew to ask was Rin, and even if I knew how to get her attention at the time, and I didn't, I didn't exactly trust her. Even if she was a decent person, she's a Magus. I wouldn't put it past her to hypnotize, and later dissect me. In the end I had to make due with an old tome Kirei gave me she apparently didn't even want." I admit.

"Interesting… if this is you being self-taught, in under a month, I wonder what you could become under a true teacher… that is, if you could find one that didn't want to turn your insides out." Shirou mused, before returning to the previous topic, "Hm… well, besides the newly minted circuits enhancing this ability, I suspect the fact that this place is just that terrible is nearly impossible to ignore. The accumulated fear, lust, pain, and bitterness of three hundred years. The stench must be unbearable to someone so unused to filtering it out. As an analogy… take a man, who's had ear plugs partially impairing his hearing all his life. And upon finally having them taken out, the first sound he hears is a front row seat to a death metal band concert."

"Yeah that… sounds about right." I shake off another wave of… 'feelings', apparently, that turned my skin a sickly pale.

"Don't tune it out." he told me.

"I have the option to?!" I question with sarcastic enthusiasm.

"Focus on it. Feel where the flashes are coming from. It'll lead us right to it."

Even with that last bit of advice, I hesitate.

I was going to vomit.

If I 'felt' this place any further, I was going to vomit.

"Master."

Okita hand rested reassuringly on my shoulder.

"It's okay. Just relax." the 'link' between us… tightened, for a lack of a better word.

A gesture that she was with me on this.

I nod, take a breath, and focus.


DisgustDisgustdiSgustFEarfEarpAiNpain

AlOnealoNeLUSTdisGusTdisgust

greedGreedit'smineit'smineit'smine

DisGUstDisgustdiSgustfearfEarpAiNpain

AlOnealoNeLUSTdisGusTdisgust

greedGreedit'smineit'smineit'smine

DisgustDisgustdiSgustFEarfEarpAiNpain

AlOnealoNeLUSTdisGusTdisgust

greedGreedit'smineit'smineit'smine

DisGUstDisgustdiSgustfearfEarpAiNpain

AlOnealoNeLUSTdisGusTdisgust

greedGreedit'smineit'smineit'smine

DisgustDisgustdiSgustFEarfEarpAiNpain

AlOnealoNeLUSTdisGusTdisgust

greedGreedit'smineit'smineit'smine

DisgustDisgustdiSgustFEarfEarpAiNpain

AlOnealoNeLUSTdisGusTdisgust

greedGreedit'smineit'smineit'smine

DisGUstDisgustdiSgustfearfEarpAiNpain

AlOnealoNeLUSTdisGusTdisgust

greedGreedit'smineit'smineit'smine

DisGUstDisgustdiSgustfearfEarpAiNpain

AlOnealoNeLUSTdisGusTdisgust

greedGreedit'smineit'smineit'smineDisgustDisgustdiSgustFEarfEarpAiNpain

AlOnealoNeLUSTdisGusTdisgust

greedGreedit'smineit'smineit'smine

DisGUstDisgustdiSgustfearfEarpAiNpain

AlOnealoNeLUSTdisGusTdisgust

greedGreedit'smineit'smineit'smine

disgustdisgustdisgustfearfearpainpain

alonealonelustdisgustdisgust

greedgreedit'smineit'smineIT'SMINE

Why can't I just DIE!?


why won't you let me die...


"Come on." I march with purpose through a disgusting haze. Barely able to hear some remark or another of Archers.

There's a section of wall behind a bookcase.

Some real Scooby Doo shit occurs as I move one of the books around, permitting some ancient, unmaintained clockwork mechanism to begin creaking.

Tohsaka makes her way over upon hearing the disturbance,

And nearly doubles over at the stench that was unleashed.

Literally this time, to be sure.

Immediately, I back away, looking for somewhere to lose my lunch.

I ended up regurgitating it over what appears to be the kitchen sink.

"... Rin. Take Assassin with you. She's better in close quarters, and has magic resistance. I'll watch this one and cover your retreat." Archer's deep voice resonates through the silent house after I cleared my body.

"... right." Rin didn't really want to go down at all, but had her 'stubborn streak' temporarily knocked out of her by a smell worse than death, so she didn't argue.

"Does my Master need to file a restraining order on you or something?" Assassin half-joked, but couldn't successfully diffuse the tension.

"... it's fine, Assassin. I-I just… give me a minute. I need to step out." I walk out on them, the need to wash out my mouth increasing by the second.

I make my way out the front door, nearly tripping on the knocked down entrance.

Through the gate, I land on my hands and knees, relieved to be tasting the night air.

After a few relieved gasps of air, I sit down properly, back to the gate, trying to center myself.

"Here."

Archer hangs a bottle of something black.

Not a fan of soda, but desperate to get the taste of vomit out of my mouth, I snatch it away in a blink.

Only to spit it all out the second it registers on my tongue.

"ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME!? What is that shitwater!?" I toss it across the street, accidentally- ACCIDENTALLY hitting a stray cat.

"Something called 9-Up I stole from Shinji's mini-fridge. I vaguely recalled it turning into a big fad soon, although it was eventually recalled for… something? Probably not important." he shrugs off something relevant to my health now.

"Whatever…" I shrug it off before I notice something. "You didn't need me to find that… place."

"... no, I suppose I didn't." Archer admitted. "But you needed to."

"... you're helping me. Why?" I ask, suspicious.

"Old habits? Helps that you're the first person I've met in this timeline that doesn't ignore everything I have to say." he continued, half-honestly.

"Well… I know enough about you to realize that outright ignoring what you have to say is probably a bad idea. Even if I don't necessarily agree with it." Shirou Emiya's experience is something I'd be foolish to ignore. As well as his insights about the war.

"Right… since you seem to know so much about me, let me ask you something. This world's Shirou Emiya. You say he's been taking care of Sakura for most of the war?" He changes the topic.

"Yeah, that's right."

"... does it look like he's going to end up taking the path of the "hero"?" he asks a second question seemingly unrelated to the first.

"It's... hard to say. He's begun to question his methods, but I haven't seen him do the same for his dream as a whole. Granted, I don't think I've really pushed him on the former. Suppose that idiotic selflessness was something I didn't want him to lose. Kindof a dick move if I'm being honest, considering who it leads him to becoming. Again, hindsight's 2020."

Archer considers this for a moment. Lost in a mental tornado of 'what if's' and doubt.

"Leaving well enough alone has never been in your nature. It's just my luck that you've started to learn restraint now." the Servant grumbled.

I tense.

"And how is it that you know so much about my "nature" Archer? Especially since you claim you don't remember me?" my tone took on an accusatory note.

"I have my ways." he claims, simply.

"... you and everyone else apparently." I begin to notice that this is truly a trend rather than an anomaly. "Do I have my "secret past" written on my forehead or something?"

"Not quite. I imagine it didn't take Saber long to pick up on the signs herself, but that's more due to her connection to you, and vice versa. My methods were more... indirect in uncovering your history."

"I see… then what about Illya?" that one actually bothered me for some reason.

"(Illya…?) ...I actually have no idea. Maybe her ancestor was knowledgeable on the subject? I never did get around to finding out how that worked..." he could only shrug, stumped.

With that, silence reigned between us for another minute.

"You know what they'll find down there?" I hesitate to ask.

"... Rin won't like it." he seems to find the subject to be something else he'd rather forget.

"... should I have… done something sooner?"

Archer detects my guilt immediately.

"... no. Your knowledge of magecraft is not developed enough, and this is going to turn into a very delicate problem very quickly." he dismisses my concerns as Assassin and Tohsaka emerged from the house, both looking very disturbed by what they saw.

Recovering from the shock first, Okita demanded in something bordering on rage.

"Where. Is. Zouken."


Meanwhile…

Ryuudou Temple…

The place had obviously seen better days.

Emiya found it hard to look at it now. An empty, lifeless husk of what it used to be. Having lost its tenants… and his friend.

Issei, Reikan, and Kazuki. All dead in one night.

Ayako nearly died not long before. Drained of blood. Just like over a dozen other of Shinji's victims. After all that, even Shirou wasn't sure if he could ever look at his 'friend' the same way again.

The trio… well, they were a duo now, he supposed. They hadn't come back to school after the police found Kaede, and the hole where her heart used to be.

The young Master briefly wondered how many other people he knew would be killed because of an apparently pointless war.

And the more he looked at it, he could only wonder if there was a way out of this that didn't end in a repeat of his fathers war.

"Could I make the same choice, if it comes down to it?"

"Seven o'clock exactly, just as he instructed." Saber woke him from his daymare.

"Let's go." Emiya wanted to wrap this up fast.

The young hero was under the impression that Caster and Zouken were currently at the old man's house… but he had a bad feeling about this.

Still, he had a job to do. Investigate, and don't-

"Saber…? I was hoping for the other one."

"Ah… crapbaskets." was the first thing to escape his lips as the barrier around the temple rippled upon his entrance.

"Life is full of disappointments Caster. A lot like most of your plots." Saber responded in spite, sword raised in a defensive posture. "What's it going to be this time? Make my Master slip on a banana peel and fall into a lake to drown?"

"... no."

Shirou could detect hesitance in the disembodied voice.

"... that was your plan B, wasn't it?" Saber's disappointment could be felt by Merlin all the way in Avalon.

"... D, actually."

"Your "plans" are, as always, a fine ass madness Morgan." Saber called her out by her true name.

Dispensing with the Medea illusion, a Ruler of Avalon appeared before them in a dark cloud of mana and black feathers.

This, however, is where Saber's confidence came to an end.

"Then let us dispense with the cloak of madness for a moment. Hello again… sister?" a woman that did not resemble Morgan le Fae seemed to have trouble with that word.

"... you're Morgan, but not my Morgan." Saber surmised.

"Just as you're Arthur, but not my Arthur. Mine certainly isn't this quick on the uptake... or easy one the eyes..." the dark haired witch mocked the absent King.

"(Another one..?)" Shirou took a moment to process this.

"This certainly explains some things… but raises other questions." Artoria didn't even bother to acknowledge the latter comment her alternate sister made. "Like what you're doing here."

"I'm glad you asked, I was looking forward to explaining my evil plans." the eldest mocked, "Don't disappoint me now dear sister, you were doing so well a moment ago."

"No, I meant in general. What are you doing here? In this universe?"

"It is one of life's great mysteries, isn't it?"

"Don'tgetsmartwithme." the younger was running out of patience.

"It likely has something to do with your friend… what is it he's going by these days? Oslo? Ursa?"

"Orso… so he doesn't belong here either. And he got here first… so you're here-"

"Thanks to him. I wanted to thank him for the opportunity personally, hence the lack of a welcoming committee… but it would seem he'd rather cause my Master some grief. Not that I blame him, that place is rather… repulsive. A perversion of Magecraft really." Artoria blinked, having never seen her own Morgan shudder. "But, well, we've already spoken on such disappointments. Now… not that I haven't enjoyed a civil conversation with you Arthur, but we must now act as Servants are expected to."

"Must we?" Saber hesitated. Jokes aside, she did not want to fight her sister. Not anymore. Even if it was an alternate version of her.

"I'm afraid so." Saber could see her sister expressing something bordering on defeat, before turning cold. "Don't worry though. This is going to be fairly therapeutic for the both of us."

Noticing that there were now black clouds enveloping them all Saber moved to protect her Master when-

"Aaaaand you're gone. … of course you're gone…" the King sighed as she realized Emiya must've been abducted while she wasn't looking at him. "I literally looked away for three seconds!"

"Looks like neither of us are winning the "parent of the year" award this time around."

A distant voice mocked Artoria as it shifted from this new Morgan into…

… into the old one.

The world changed around Artoria. Molding from the Eastern Temple, to a world of storm clouds.

"But if you'd like to make this one right, then step into my parlor."

The echoing voice called out to her from a great distance.

One Saber was left little other choice than to follow.

"Illusions..? Well, the more things change, the more they stay the same..." her own Morgan all but surpassed Merlin in this department.

Nothing she hasn't dealt with before then-

"BITCH!"

Saber stopped in her tracks.

That voice...

"... okay Arty, it's just an illusion, ignore it, and keep looking for your boy-!"

The King of Knights instincts warned her to duck just in time as a makeshift club nearly took her head off.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT!?"

Her eyes widened in shock.

This… it was impossible.

"NononononononononononononoNO! You're not real! You're not-!" Artoria deflected another crushing swing as an old armored menace screamed in her face-

"DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME AAAAAARRRRTHAAAAAA!"


ENGLISH "This Illusion" Fate/Stay Night (Akane Sasu Sora)


DUN-DUN

DUN-DUN

TAIGA DOJO!

"Can you smeeeeeeeeeelll, what this Jaguar is cooking!?"

The distinctive roar of a tiger cheered on this humble English teacher's successful debut in the Carnival.

"Sensei! Sensei! We've won, but actually lost?" the student dispelled the notion of victory.

"Fool! Our dojo will extend beyond the walls of the end section!"

LIKE HELL IT WILL!

This story doesn't make enough sense as it is right now...

"Oh dear… did Narrator-kun truly think the almighty king of the jungle would be satisfied with season 4? No… this expedition will not end as long as we remain ambitious!" the Tiger of Fuyuki declared with stars in her eyes, "Think of it… a Grand Carnival episode dedicated to the Taiga Dojo- no. An entire SEASON of Taiga! An anime- Fate/Black Stripes! Follow me, we'll take over this franchise overnight!"

"Sensei… you must temper your ambitions with reality. Right Narrator?" Student #1 looked at me expectantly, but had her eyes twitch upon seeing my crying form.

writing one story… means not writing another...

"... the cutting room is hell." The girl of the lost route knew my pain.