Heya, sorry I have been dealing with some health issues these last couple of weeks which has hindered my writing process somewhat! This was a request by AvengedDoctorDioxide so I hope they enjoy. Sorry that it took longer than I expected.
TW – DARK/SUICIDAL
Third p.o.v
A curly haired man sits in his bathroom, a small kitchen knife is in his hands. He spins it around a few times. The blade appealed to him. To the male this blade did so much more than just chop the food which made his dinner. He felt like the blade could take all of his pain away from him. To him the blade could solve all of his problems and fix all of his mistakes.
He knew if he was going to do something he would have to be quick about it. His friends worried about him enough already. He had not shown up to work once this week and had ignored most of their calls other than ones where they threatened to come over. He didn't want their help, he didn't think he needed it. He had an argument with someone and that had led to the downward spiral he found himself in. He was surprised he wasn't really upset by the words his supposed friend had said to him. "When will you see that no one really cares about you?" To the male or had confirmed what he thought all along, no one wanted him around. No one really cared about him, they were just doing it to make him happy. They were just doing it to make the fans happy, they had no idea what was going on behind the scenes, that the drummer was falling apart behind a very securely closed door.
He wasn't really sure that all that pretend was truly making him happy. In the end they are all going to turn their backs on him, so he was waiting for that day to happen. For that day where they all tell him that they have all had enough of him and didn't want to deal with him any longer. He knew that day was going to come soon. The band was only doing it to make it appear to everyone else that they were worried about him, he knew deep down they were going to reject him, just like everyone else.
To him the knife was his paintbrush and his thighs were the canvas today. His arms were already littered with the same lines that he would make on his legs. No one knew about them though, they were all scars and reminders that he was still alive. He had managed to keep people in the dark by hiding them with the tattoos and occasionally some light make up. The world was none the wiser to what he was doing, and he wanted it to stay that way for as long as possible. No therapists around to tell him that they pretend to understand the internal pain and struggle he was going through on a daily basis. The sheer will power it took to get out of bed each morning.
No one knew how much effort it took and how much energy it took to keep his mask up every day and appear happy to everyone around him. No one knew of the demons that haunted him and watched his every move quick to point out where he had gone wrong that day. It was 20 minutes before his bandmates will have finished work for the day and he was finished with his self-infected art project, so he needed to clean up his tools. He needed to keep up the act that everything was fine. He cleaned his wounds and dressed them before making sure everything was clean and the way it was before.
Then George decided to pay a visit, unannounced like usual and with the usual I care about you talk. The curly haired male decided to keep a façade up, George must not know the truth. Especially when it involved him and certain romantic feelings the younger one had for the older. He thought he was doing well to keep his facade going. The band had no reason to suspect that anything was wrong with him. He was his usual cheery self, so they thought. He gave them no reason for them to think otherwise. They didn't know that the demons were already tormenting him for not going all the way.
"You really are a failure. You really can't do anything right can you?" They taunt and it took all his effort not to yell at them to be quiet. The last thing he needed was a reason for his friend to take him to the mental hospital because he hears voices in his head. The voices sounded like his friends, people who were supposed to care about him. People were already thinking he was insane or slightly crazy, they didn't need more evidence on it. "Don't forget you promised you would go to that party tonight," his friend reminds him, making the demons behave for now. The party? Oh yeah the rest of the band were having a party tonight and he said he would go. "I will go, I am feeling better now anyways. Just needed a few extra hours rest," he says a dangerous plan forming in his head.
"That's alright Mattie. Just promise me you will stay safe and ask me if you need anything. I know you had that nasty stomach bug recently, so no one will be mad if you think it is too soon," George tells him. He smiles at him, he had no knowledge of what the other man planned to do tonight. "I will George, don't worry about me," he says, sounding cheery like usual which put him at ease. If only he knew the truth. He wouldn't be so encouraging for him to go out then unless someone else knew what was going to happen during the night even though he was going to be there himself. He would get distracted eventually.
There was going to be alcohol at that party, there usually is when one of his friends is hosting. He had friends who loved to get wasted and at first he planned to be the sober one. Then he changed his mind, he always cared for them when they were drunk, but they always pushed him away when he got drunk on the rare occasions he did drink a lot. He wanted to do something different, something dangerous and he knew no one was going to stop him. Why would they stop him when they hated the type of drunk he was? This gave him the perfect opportunity to make everything better for them and everyone else that claimed they cared about him.
A few hours passed and the party was in full swing at his friend's house. He was on his fourth or was it fifth beer that night? The man had lost count after the second one and no one else was going to keep count for him. His friends were spread out around the house too busy to care about the male's dangerous mental state. Tonight he was going to make the pain end. Make everyone happy again and forget about him for the rest of their lives. He noticed how different they have become since he first met them, and he blamed himself. They could go back to their old selves after this. They would all be fine after this.
No one was going to notice if he disappeared forever after tonight. No one was going to go looking for him. No one would miss him either, the male was certain by now that everyone was going to celebrate him being gone. The night dragged on as a blur. The male was well and truly drunk by now. He was being pushed away by his friends just like he was expecting. The final nail in the coffin for him was when one of his friends had punched him in the face after he walked up to then other male and told him he loves him, and Matt started showing his type of drunk more clearly.
All rational thinking was well and truly gone by now. The male only had one thing on his mind and that was death. He craved it and was sure in his mind that it was the cure to all his problems. He had notes in his drawer addressed to those he loved to provide an explanation as to why he did this. He had his funeral planned out and paid for. It was going to be simplistic since he doubted anyone would show up to it. He believed no one loves him or care about him so no one would show up to his funeral. No one at his job would miss him, that was clear when his friend/co-worker punched him. That punch was probably going to be followed by more by the end of the night if he kept this behaviour up.
If the male had lost count of how much he had drunk at six beers then by now he has completely no idea although it could have been beer fifteen or even twenty by now. His friend told him to go sleep it off in the spare room and he mock saluted before heading up. He felt sick which was what he was aiming for. He wanted to go to bed and never wake up again, that was the way he was going to end his life while no one cared about him.
"Can you wake him up? I know he is breathing again now. I managed to bring him back" Was the first voice he heard probably the next morning. He had a major hangover, but he could hear some panic in that male's tone. He wasn't sure what happened after he went upstairs, but all he knew was he failed again. "I'm not sure, he isn't responding to me yet. What even happened last night?" A second male asks, this time it was the one who punched him last night. "I don't know, I knew he was drunk. I sent him to bed to sleep it off, but something was different last night. He wasn't himself at all and I don't think this has happened over the course of the night," the other male says.
He felt the gentlest touch on his forehead and tried to move away from the cold feeling. It shocked the other two males in the room. He bust have been lying completely still until now. "Come on buddy, open your eyes "he heard, and he thought he was in a weird dream. No one cared about him that much did they? No, one of the guys in the room punched him last night so they couldn't care about him. Still he opened his eyes to hopefully make them leave him alone. He blinked a lot and the light was making his hangover worse.
He still thought he was dreaming when he saw relief in both of his friends eyes. The one who punched him frowned when he carefully touches the bruise he made. "Hey how are you feeling?" The first male asks. The male lying on the bed could only give as thumbs down. He didn't feel confident enough to speak. "We'll get you something for the pain now then you will relax with us for a while," the first male says after he received his response. "Why do you care what happens to me?" The hungover male asks, wincing at the tone of his voice. He sounded weak, and whiney and not the strong man he thought he should be.
He also said too much, they would be worried about him now. Especially when they piece together that they had revived their friend from a suicide attempt. "Dude, of course we care about you. Have you not noticed us checking up on you more during the day now?" The second male says. The curly haired man had to think about it for a moment. He did notice some of them asking if he was okay every now and then, but he thought it was going to stop eventually. He kept telling them he was fine when in reality he was far from fine.
"Were you attempting to end it all?" The eldest of the three asks the curly haired man and the curly haired man responds by not looking at either of them. They knew now and he was terrified for their response to it all. They surely hated him now. " I'm tired of being a burden to everyone," the curly haired man admits and then is pulled into a hug by the male who revived him. "Aw dude, you never have been and will never be a burden to us," the male says to the curly haired man who is holding back tears.
The eldest male of the group goes to get the pain medication and the curly haired man some food. He was bound to be hungry by now. He left the two younger men to hug while he did this. He felt confident now that the curly haired man was not going to attempt to do something he was going to end up regretting anytime soon. The other two members of the group were waiting in the kitchen since they were waiting for news on the curly haired man who hasn't woken up.
"How is he?" The blue eyed male sitting at the counter asks. "Hungover and sore but he is going to be okay. We need to keep an eye on him for the rest of the day at least and check up on him when he gets home," the eldest male says, and the rest of the males were a little confused, but they would be given the full explanation in a moment, but the curly haired man needed to get pain medication first which was more important at that moment in time.
Once he was confident that the curly haired man male was now comfortable, and he was going to be okay so he could give the others the explanation they deserved. "Our friend tried to kill himself last night and he almost succeeded of if we didn't get there and revive him in time," the eldest male says and the two others at the table gasp. They never expected it was going to be the curly haired man that was going to be the first one to try and kill himself. They thought he was the happiest one out of all of them.
"Is he going to be okay?" The chubby male says and the eldest male nodded. "Yeah he will be okay, but he is going to need our help to get through this and we need to be strong and show him that people do care about him," the eldest male says, and the chubby male wanted to get to comfort the curly haired man and the eldest said that he could because they would all be watching a movie later on. That put him at ease a little bit, but they wanted to hug the curly haired man and tell him that everything is going to be okay.
The two males who were upstairs walked down the stairs and then the curly haired man was engulfed in a hug by the chubby blue eyed male then by the youngest male in the group. They wanted to let him know that everything is going to be okay. "You know that you could come to us for anything regardless of what time of night or day it is," the eldest male tells the curly haired man and the curly haired man nods. Everything he was feeling this time yesterday was gone now.
Now he knew people loved and cared about him, all he had to do was to tell them how he felt, and they would make it all go away for him. They were going to take it step by step and day by day, but everything was going to work itself out in the end. They were going to have to let the curly haired man man's mom know what happened and arrange to help him get better. They might be taking him to the doctors but only if he wanted to go. They were not going to force him to go if he didn't want to go.
That would the best thing for him. He would be admitting that he has an issue which can then get him the best help which would suit him the best. They watched a few movies before it was time to go home. The curly haired man was fit enough to drive but the eldest male in the group had some explaining to do that Matt wasn't aware of at the time. He was going to know soon enough and hopefully it was going to have a better outcome than what George was predicting at the time. George knew something about Matt that the other man had no idea he had known. Danny was very good at keeping the secrets and keeping the peace, but while the craziness of last night went on he revealed a couple of the things that Matt had told him to George.
"I hope you don't mind me staying with you tonight Matt. We honestly mean it when we care about you. Danny called Reese last night to help us revive you because we all wanted to do the best that we could for you," George tells Matt, while he drives back. He hopped that Matt would accept that as the truth, the band had no reason to lie to him anymore and he knew that. "Sorry George, I had just gotten myself into a downward spiral and once you get there it is hard to get out of it especially when you convince yourself that it is better not to ask anyone. I do promise that if I ever feel like that again then I will tell you," Matt says, smiling properly for the first time in what felt like months. George smiles back, he knows Matt will keep his promise. He would make sure of it anyway.
George waited a couple of hours to have Matt settled in his home again, with everything cleared away that he has used before last night. George didn't think Matt would do it again, but they had to be careful. He couldn't take any chances on it going wrong, he wouldn't be able to live with himself if something like last night repeated itself. "Matt I have something to tell you," George says, as he brings the younger male a coffee. It made Matt nervous, but the look in George's eyes reassured and comforted him. "Matt, Danny told me about how you feel about me last night. I wish you would have told me sooner, I would have done this and fixed this mess sooner. I love you Matt, just as much if not more than you love me," he says, making Matt nearly drop the coffee mug he was holding.
"I'm sorry George, I told Danny because I knew he wasn't going to reject me for it. I was too afraid that you would hate me for it," Matt admits, making George put their mugs down and pull Matt into a tight hug. "I would never hate you Matt. I love you and I would love for you to be my boyfriend," George replies, hoping that would make Matt even happier. He really would be happy if they were both together and Matt could get the help he needs to manage his depression. "I would love to be your boyfriend and I love you too," Matt says. They both smiled at each other, this was amazing and they were just enjoying the moment.
That night he had peaceful dreams and he was happy that everything was working itself out and everything would be alright from now on. He was starting to get happier now and he was enjoying the cuddles from his boyfriend and the one on one time with him now the demons were leaving him alone properly for the first time in weeks. He hoped that the demons inside his mind will permanently leave him alone. He has family and friends who love him.
This is from something Danny (my lovely bf) and I did a long time ago and we changed a few parts of it, but I hoped you enjoyed. Sorry it's a little shorter than my normal one shots but I sprained my foot a week ago and it is still pretty sore.
