Kayo always enjoyed working out with John; he was self-sufficient enough to know exactly what he was doing and Tracy enough to want to push it just a little too far. She was there to make sure that he (and any other Tracy for that matter) didn't hurt himself doing something stupid. Though she probably shouldn't have dashed up to the gym straight after three back-to-back missions, but he'd be gone soon and who knew when he'd be on Earth again.
"I'm going down; I needed a shower like two hours ago."
John frowned. "We aren't sparring?"
"You've done enough today."
He read the subtext and was not impressed. The raised eyebrow said that much. "I'm not made of glass."
"You only just got back."
"For the third time in two weeks."
"It's not long enough."
"We haven't sparred in months."
"We are not sparring," she carried on, trying to ignore the expression that crossed his face. "It would be different in 0G anyway."
"Self-defence is self-defence Kayo."
Fuck off logic. "Too much risk."
He moved past her and she reached out without thinking. John's intake of breath was painfully sharp and she let go as if he'd burned her.
"Kayo," his fingers brushed against hers, as if trying to convince them to come back. "Please?"
It was so soft, so vulnerable, so not John. The usual cool, calm mask had vanished and it made him look so young. And absolutely terrified.
"When was the last time someone touched you?"
He shook his head. "I can't remember."
It was another stupid impulse and she wrapped him in a hug. John melted into it far too easily. She could feel him trembling. We've fucked up. We fucked up massively. She guided them down to the floor. Detangling their limbs ended with her sitting on his lap, her legs around his waist.
"Is this okay?"
His answer was muffled but affirmative. The only sound in the room was his uneven breaths, and her heart pounding in her ears. She ran her fingers through his hair and he buried his face in her shoulder.
"Imsorry."
"Don't be. Where did you get the idea that you're not allowed to feel?"
" s'easier."
She could understand that, emotions in their line of work could be dangerous but even she knew that they had to be acknowledged sometimes. But she couldn't say that, not right now. So she didn't say anything and just focussed on his heartbeat.
John's breathing began to even out but his voice still shook when he finally spoke. "Why do none of you ever touch me?"
"Because you don't like it," Even though that clearly wasn't true. "And Scott always told us not to."
John didn't speak for a few minutes, when he did she had to strain to hear his voice. "After dad died, when Scott finally got me down from Five," he paused trying to order his thoughts. "I'd spent so long in microgravity that when something touched me it felt like my skin was on fire. There's no resistance in zero gravity so you end up with this extreme hypersensitivity. I was exhausted and grieving and in so much pain…"
"You shouted at him?"
John shrugged, his embrace loosening. "Just a bit, I think I passed out."
They could address that later. "So you aren't anti-contact?"
"Not all the time. Just sometimes."
He was still trembling, and she had another stupid idea. "Do you want to do the Thing?"
"This isn't the Thing?"
"No the full contact relaxy Thing."
"Ooh that Thing," he sighed, warm breath ghosting over her neck. "Yeah, if you want to."
"Yes I do, because it will make you feel better."
They disentangled themselves, John lay on the floor and Kayo lay on his back.
"You okay?"
"Mm hm."
She found his hands and interlocked their fingers, their breathing synced. She nuzzled his shoulder blade.
"Anything else you need my counsel on?"
"Who stole my slice of chocolate cake?"
"Virgil."
John laughed and the vibrations ran straight through Kayo's body.
"Last suspect."
She closed her eyes. "Relax, you've still got tension in your legs."
"How do I tell them that I feel more isolated on the island than I do in orbit? I'm here and you treat me like I'll drop dead if you touch me, I don't want three feet of space around me and everyone to apologise for sitting next to me because I might as well stay up there," he squeezed her hand. "Am I being stupid?"
"No, I get it. Change 'you' to 'they' and I'll be happy."
"Yeah, because you touched my hand and didn't let go."
"I won't let go again."
There was a pause then; "God, that was corny, Kayo."
She snorted and dissolved into giggles. "I couldn't help it."
"Shut up." It was lighter than she'd heard from him in ages.
"You know I'm here, right? If you need someone to lie on you."
"I know."
"Can I join?"
Kayo almost gave herself whiplash. "Shit Alan."
"Relax Kayo, your hip's stabbing me. You can join if she's okay with it."
She lay back down, furious that she'd let Alan sneak up on her.
"Sure, head to upper back, pelvis below pelvis, legs outside legs, arms relaxed."
"Tracy sandwich coming up."
If she could facepalm she would've, John faceplanted the mat with a 'I-can't-believe-I'm-related-to-you' groan.
"What are you doing here? You never come up here willingly."
"Food's ready. Kayo you smell."
"I know."
"Just checking."
They lay in comfortable silence broken only by Alan's stomach rumbling.
"Guys, it's getting hard to breathe now."
The pile of bodies rearranged into a cluster. Kayo left them sitting on the floor and collected her uniform which was strewn all over the room.
Alan and John were speaking in soft voices, Alan's eyes were wide and sincere, and John was carefully avoiding eye contact. She paused by the lift. Go on you idiots, just hug. Then John wrapped his arms around him, and Alan relaxed into it despite his surprise.
"We good?"
"We're good."
"I'm hungry," he dragged John to his feet and towards lift. "Let's get food."
