Hear me now DM x JD
Jorel p.o.v - 2008
"How do you live with a deaf boyfriend?" Jordon asks, as we sit in an office waiting for the meeting to start so we can chose which songs we want on our first album which comes out soon. "I know American sign language which helps a lot. We also write down what we want to say sometimes, and he can lip read. I am hoping one day to be able to afford the cochlear implants so he will hopefully be able to hear," I reply. It was something I have explained before, but I think it was only to George because he was curious about meeting Danny and what would happen. I would had to have told them because they would have thought Danny was rude if he didn't respond to them. I have been dating Danny for 3 years now and I don't see it changing any time soon.
Danny was born on the 21st of November 1985 and they quickly realised he was deaf at birth. His mom has worked so hard to get him where he is today, and she is so proud. He can play instruments based on the vibrations he feels, and he can sing pretty good as well. I know he wants to hear, but he is stubborn when it comes to accepting funds from people. Which is why I am planning to raise the money without him knowing and then giving it to him as a birthday or Christmas gift. He can't refuse it that way and he will be happy to be able to hear for the first time. Although we both know and accept that it is not 100% guaranteed to work and he might still be deaf after they turn it on for the first time.
"It must be hard for Danny though, not being able to hear anything," George says, I was grateful that at this particular moment Aron is out of the room and late as per usual. He hates it when anyone brings up their partners, but he hates it even more when I bring up Danny. I think he is a homophobe but because we are so close to releasing our first album he has to suck it up that his band mate has been gay for almost as long as he has known him. "I think he has his down days where he wants to hear but knows he can't. I don't know about him missing it because it is all he has known," I reply. There are so many questions they probably have about Danny that I would probably struggle to answer myself.
Most of them are about his feelings, because I don't know how Danny feels inside. I don't know about the emotions he hides from me at times where he wants the focus to be away from himself. I get a message from him asking if he could come and wait outside of the meeting. Danny's upset; I can tell because he never usually asks to come to the meetings. I quickly reply and say that I couldn't see why he couldn't sit with me in the meeting. Danny's not going to go telling the world what songs we chose, heck he wouldn't even pay attention to what's going on because I will focus on calming him down while they talk which he can't hear. One of our managers walks in and I ask him if Danny could join us.
Aron is still not here so he can't object to it. "I don't see why not, he's a good guy," the manager says, and as soon as I get the text that Danny is outside of the office building I dash down to meet him. When Danny sees me he gets out of the car and throws himself at me. I hold him and rub his back, saying sweet nothings really doesn't help here. He looks and me and shakily tries to sign what's going on. I noticed a few bruises on his face and some scratches too. I sign to him "Calm down bear, we can talk about it when you're calmer." He was having so much difficulty trying to get the words formed properly with his hands, so the best decision we could make right now is to wait until he is calmer before asking again.
I take his hands and we walk back to the office I was in before. I pull Danny down onto my lap when I sit down again and let the vibrations of my calm heartbeat try and calm him down. "Is he okay? He looks like he's seen a ghost," Jordon asks, and I shake my head and shrug. I keep rubbing Danny's back and it seems to be working. "I am not sure; I think he might have been attacked but he is too scared to tell me anything right now. I am gonna ask again when he has calmed down some more," I tell them. I knew he had gone to the store nearby and we were going to meet up for lunch today. So it might have happened then. I kiss Danny's head and he looks at me and smiles. It was the first smile I have seen from him since he ran into my arms. He reaches up a little and kisses me on my cheek.
"It's gonna be okay Danny," I tell him, talking a little slower so he has the chance to lip read me. He smiled at me. I am going to protect him while he is with me. Whatever happened to the poor guy is not going to happen again with me around him. He snuggles back into my arms and Aron finally shows up for the meeting. The manager quickly made him shut up over the fact that Danny was here. I knew it pissed him off, but he needed to suck it up. Danny has calmed down quite a fair bit now which is good. I didn't like that he was upset in the first place, but after the meeting I am gonna ask Danny what happened. Danny asked me for some paper half way through the meeting and I gave him some and a pen.
He showed me when he was finished that he had written what had happened to him and I was so angry and sad at the same time. He was beaten up in the shop he went to, they didn't steal anything from him because he was in the middle of Walmart with the CCTV cameras on them and people trying to help Danny out even though he couldn't hear them. That will help when I take him to the police station after the meeting to report the crime. As we were sitting in the meeting more bruises started appearing and I had not checked him over completely. I distracted him with some plain paper and let him draw for a while because this meeting is taking longer than we thought. Aron was being problematic as usual.
We'd all say yes to a song like "Paradise Lost," then he would say no, and the manager would ask him why then over turn it. It took longer than we expected but we finally chose the songs and I could take Danny to the police station. The guys were going to meet me at my house afterwards so we could have dinner together without Aron there because that was just gonna end in a fight. We were already mad at him for his behaviour during the meeting, so it is safe to say tensions are running pretty high right now. Danny held my hand the entire drive to the police station. I knew he was scared but I am going to defend him with every last breath in my body. I go to the desk and do the explaining, and I mentioned about Danny's deafness.
That way the officer who will speak to us is prepared. I don't want Danny to get upset and stressed out further because an officer will just try and talk to Danny and he won't have any understanding of what is being said to him. We waited five minutes before we were called, and I held Danny's hand tightly to reassure him as we walked into the room. The officer was very nice and considerate and read Danny's written statement on what happened. He talked me through the next steps so I could translate that into sign language for Danny. They are going to check the CCTV footage and then look for the people that they find on the cameras. They promise to keep us update on what happens and they took evidence pictures of the injuries done to Danny.
Danny was exhausted when we left the police station so I said I would cook something at home for everyone. George and Dylan quickly said that they would not let me cook and make me focus on Danny who would need more emotional support right now. They were right, Danny is a bit upset still and wants me to stay close to him. He would be more upset when I am leaving him to cook the dinner. It would be more expensive to order pizza for all 6 of us than it would be to make a pasta bake or something with the food I already have in the fridge, freezer and cupboards. I give George the permission to cook whatever he choses for food. If Danny just wants hugs I am not about to deny the poor lad.
When we got into my apartment George went to the kitchen and Danny wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his head into my shoulder. "I would suggest you join us for a movie, but would Danny enjoy that?" Matt asks me, and I shake my head. He is not one for movies now, but I have a list of them saved for when we hope he can hear so we can have a movie marathon. "Maybe I should take him to my room to calm down a bit before dinner. He'd probably appreciate it more," I tell Matt. He's still pretty shaken up still I have noticed. He didn't object when I started walking towards my room, so we can have some more personal time together. Danny lies down with me on the bed and I draw patterns on his back.
I can't wait for the moment where Danny can hear me say the words I love you. I'd love to have him feel confident enough to say I love you so and he can be able to hear me say I love you too. Even when we get married the vows will be awesome. I watch Danny follow Tiger around the room with his eyes. He loves our little kitten and I am sure Tiger loves Danny just as much. It took some time because Danny would get frightened when Tiger suddenly jumped on his lap. I would hear Tiger coming, he likes to meow before he jumps up. Danny couldn't hear the little hello, so it scared him at first. He is more used to it now than he was at first, but it still scares him every now and then. Like now when Tiger jumped on the bed when Danny was distracted for a moment.
"Hey Tiger, try not to scare Danny again okay?" I tell Tiger, who just meowed at me in reply and I was hoping that it was cat language for okay. Danny reaches out and plays with Tiger's fur which helps calm him down. I can hear George singing while he cooks something. I was not sure what he is cooking right now, but it smells good. Danny seemed to notice it too because he looks to me and signs "That smells good." I love being able to sign with him. Most people will think that we are just making weird signs with our hands, but it is the only way we can communicate right now. "It does smell really good Danny. I know that he can make good meals, so I am hoping this is going to be yummy," I sign back, and he smiles.
We relax for an hour before George calls us all for dinner. He made spaghetti and meatballs using the vegetarian meatballs I had in the freezer and it was so yummy. "This is really good," Danny signs to me so I can pass the message onto the chef. "Danny says this is really good George and I agree with him on that," I tell George, who signed to Danny. He only knows a few words like hello, thank you and goodbye. He signed thank you to Danny at the same time as saying it so I could make sure that he got it right. It makes it hard for Danny to have a conversation because he has to pause in his eating to talk to people which makes it take longer. He pouts after dinner; we are watching a movie and we are trying to put subtitles on so Danny can read what is being said even through he hates them. He feels like it ruins it for everyone else.
"What's wrong Danny?" I sign, and I try and distract the others who worry about Danny enough even though he is not in the band yet. They want him to be though, despite his deafness he is a really good musician. He can easily play the piano and guitar and sound good on them, we are not sure how but are not about to complain. "I want to stop being a bother and actually hear," he tells me through sign. I was doing some research; I need to save $75,000 for the surgery or Danny's insurance company will cover the cost. "I know buddy, we need to ask your insurance to see if they will cover the cost of it or we have to save up the money to do it," I tell him, and he sighs. He knew I deliberately used the word we because there was no way I am letting him save up for it on his own.
I write myself a to do list because I want to get this sorted before Danny feels worse with his deafness. He does struggle with depression like most people would if they had a life limiting disability. I want it to be done before we are fed up of Aron and want to kick him out of the band and bring Danny in as a replacement. It takes a month after surgery before they turn on the implant to see if Danny will be able to hear. George walks over to sit next to Danny and I. He puts his hand on Danny's shoulder and Danny wants a hug from the older man which is fine by me. I am not jealous of Danny's friendship with my friends and if it helps Danny calm down and feel good about himself. He needs that right now for sure. The attack he had this morning has stressed him out a lot more than usual.
2010- Danny p.o.v
I have just come out of surgery and I feel awful but the countdown to me being able to hear for the first time begins now. In one month's time I should be able to hear like a normal person should. I can't wait. I am so tired though; I have just woken up from the operation and Jorel is sitting in the chair rapidly typing on the phone in his hand. I look at him and wait for him to finish what he is doing which is probably updating the guys on how my surgery went. Jorel puts his phone down and plays with my hair. I was to groggy to sign hi to him at this moment, but I could mouth it pretty well. Jorel signs hi to me and keeps playing with my hair. I feel a lot better knowing that he has stuck by me throughout all of this.
He could easily have left me because of my deafness. It brings an extra challenge because of the communication issues I have with them. They are desperate for some reason to get me into Hollywood Undead. Jorel is making them wait until we know that the implants have worked or not, so it makes the job a lot easier. Jorel joins me on the bed, we can leave today I just need to keep fever and high blood pressure free. I also need to keep food down and go to the bathroom because Jorel told me that they said the general anaesthetic can affect your bladder. I snuggle up to Jorel while I try and wake up some more. The bandage on my head feels weird, but it's only a temporary thing to protect the stitches just behind my ears.
Jorel helped me drink some water and I easily manage to keep it down. Then I had a sandwich and went to the bathroom. I was a little bit wobbly on my feet but Jorel was there to catch me if I was going to fall down. Three hours after I woke up from the surgery they thought I was well enough to go home. This surgery and the whole recovery process over the next month has been covered by my insurance thank god. I don't think any of us wanted to wait to save $75,000. It's an expensive operation to be able to gain the ability to hear. Jorel kissed me on the cheek when we got at home and I kissed him back. I love Jorel so much, he deserves a trophy for putting up with me and my deafness for 5 years now.
"Don't worry Danny, soon you'll be able to hear. They have high hopes on this working," Jorel signs. I am hoping that it will be the end of having to sign to each other soon. We can still do it to keep our skills up so we can communicate with any fan that we meet who communicates through sign language like I have had to do my whole life since I was about one. The doctors also have warned me that even though they have high hopes of my operation being a success there is the chance that it will not work. They had to make sure that I was aware of that, so I don't have my hopes up until after the one month check-up when they turn it on, and we see what happens. If it works I will be overjoyed but it if doesn't then I am not going to be sad about it.
Despite my bouts of depression related to this condition that I have no control over, I have come to accept being deaf as a regular part of life. I was willing to accept there was no cure for me, that I would never be able to do the things most people take for granted. Having the words I love you; I am proud of you signed to you does not have the same emotional impact on a person than it being said and you hearing it, I have had Jorel work with me on testing that theory out. I yawn and snuggle up to Jorel on the couch. Jorel rubs my shoulder and I close my eyes. He's so nice and comfy, I always feel safe when I am around Jorel. I wish I was with Jorel when I was attacked that day in 2008, he would have protected me.
We have barely been separated from each other since then. There were tours that they have gone on before Aron was kicked out and I was allowed to go on, so I didn't have to be away from Jorel for any long period of time. He was teaching Jordon, George, Dylan and Matt how to do American sign language so they can communicate with me and any fans who need it too. It has been going so well and they have picked it up quicker than I have expected. I can almost have complete conversations with the guys in sign language now and it makes me so happy. They didn't have to accommodate my needs at all. They could have gone on their lives with Jorel as the main translator for every conversation that we have.
Even that has it's downsides, if Jorel is too sick to talk then it kinda makes it impossible for them to learn words they might not know because Jorel speaks as he signs so they understand what he says. They are not as fluent in sign language as I am. Even Jorel has less fluency than me and has taken some classes to help himself communicate with me. He didn't have to do that either, he could have just dumped me in favour of a prettier person who can hear every word he says. I snuggle as close to Jorel as he will allow me, and he smiles. "Just relax Danny, go to sleep if you need to. I'll be right here looking after you," he signs, and after I signed okay I closed my eyes. I felt him start rubbing my arms.
1 month later ~ Danny p.o.v
Today is the day, the day I have been waiting 24 years for. The day I might finally be able to hear for the first time. Jorel is with me at the appointment and my mom was here too. They were the only people I wanted with me because they said that I might become overwhelmed if this works because all of a sudden there will be sounds that I will have no idea what they are. Jorel holds my hand as tight as he can while the lady attaches the equipment to my head and inside my ears. They felt weird at first, but I am going to get used to them. All we had to do now was to wait and see what is going to happen next. They encouraged my mom and Jorel to speak to me while they were sorting the equipment so my reactions will let them know if it starts working or not.
All of a sudden it was like someone switched something on inside my head. "Danny, I love you so much," mom says, I heard her say it. I look at mom and she looks right back at me. "I love you too mom," I tell her, my own voice scaring me a little bit. It sounds so freaking weird, this is all so weird. My mom and Jorel gasp before I hug my mom tightly and cry in her arms. "It's okay Danny, we are here for you," Jorel says, and the nurse let us enjoy this moment. I like the sound of Jorel's voice, I get to hear Hollywood Undead's music for the first time soon and I know I will love it. "I love you Jay," I tell him, once I had calmed down somewhat. "I love you too Danny," he tells me. we are going to reveal this to the rest of the band soon.
Today is all about me adjusting to being able to hear and we will see how long that will take me. We are going out for lunch now and then going home, so I can watch a movie properly for the first time. I can't wait to tick that off my bucket list. I have never been so excited to watch a film in my life. "Can't wait to have movie marathons with you Danny. You have a lot to learn," Jorel tells me and I smile. We walk out with me grinning. I love being able to hear as mom tells me we are going to a nice restaurant for lunch. It is going to be interesting to go through the day now I can hear, my beanie hides all the implant equipment, so I can't be teased from it. People are mean and don't often care about the story behind the person being bullied by them.
George sent me a text, he got a tattoo which looks like a cochlear implant and I showed my mom. He said he was doing it so that I could have confidence when I was ready to not wear beanies everywhere I go and that I had his support. They still don't know that it works yet, that will be revealed tomorrow probably because I can't wait. I am super excited to just sit there like normal and all of a sudden at something to their conversation. That is what Jorel and I have decided that we are going to do as our reveal. They also do not know when the implants are being turned on, they only know that it is happening this month sometime. I am super excited to surprise the guys with the fact that I can hear.
"Can't wait to see their reactions tomorrow when we go to the studio and carry on as normal then boom Danny can hear," Jorel says, we are in the car right now and there is no chance the guys will hear us. I want to play the instruments I already know how to play and see how they sound now, if I am actually as good as people keep telling me I am. "That will be fun, I want to play some guitar songs and some piano songs to hear what I should like," I tell them. I am learning everything, what everything sounds like. We are now at the restaurant of my mom's choice. She said it is a quite one at lunch time, so I won't get overwhelmed with all the new sounds I am hearing. All of this is going to be hard to adjust to.
Lunch went better than I expected I felt so happy to make the order on my own and to hear all the sounds going on. I wasn't even mad when a toddler cried next to us, I distracted them instead while the mom was struggling. I wouldn't have done that before because I would not have heard the child. Jorel smiles and so does my mom as I work on distracting the child while the mom helps her other children out. The mom was looking around, wondering where her crying child was and saw me helping her and smiled. The mom seemed to be a single mom at her wits end, but I don't want to make assumptions on her situation. At least I made her smile and I even entertained the other children for a while.
"I'm proud of you Danny. You are such a selfless man, even when you couldn't hear you probably would have helped them if you saw," Mom says, when we are on the way home. I smile at her; I know I thought before that I would not have done it. I have always tried to help people wherever I could, but the deafness made it more of a struggle than I would have liked. At least now I have literally no excuse to not help someone in need. "Well, I didn't want to be that person that is like ugh a crying baby when I could do something about it," I tell her, I had a mouse plush in my jacket pocket for some reason, it helped a lot. Maybe I should keep it in my pocket it might come in handy more often to help.
I hug Jorel tightly when I get inside. I know how much he wanted me to have this operation for my own sake than his own. He was literally going to earn the $75,000 if we had not found out that my insurance company was probably going to cover the cost. "I'm so happy you can hear Danny. My love for you has never changed but I am overjoyed you can hear me say the words. Like these," he says, in our living room and gets down on one knee. I gasped and I saw my mom with her phone out and tears in her eyes. I can't believe he is doing this right now, I thought he would have gone for an onstage proposal or something. "Daniel Rose Murillo, you make me the happiest man on the planet. Will you do the honours of marrying me?" Jorel asks, bringing out the ring.
"Of course I will," I tell him, and he slides the ring onto my finger, a perfect fit. We share a passionate kiss and mom applauds. "I couldn't wait to do that," he tells me when we sit down on the couch and mom takes a few pictures of us together snuggled on the couch. That will be a double announcement for the guys tomorrow then. "I'm glad I could hear that moment. I did think you were going wait until we were in front of a crowd of like thousands of people though," I tell him. He laughs, and I smile at him. I am finding it surprisingly easy to talk now I can hear; I could say very short sentences before now. "Nah I prefer the more intimate settings for something like this," he tells me.
~The next morning ~
In a few short hours, I will be revealing to the guys that I can hear. I have been wearing beanies since the operation, so they will not suspect a thing. The first thing they saw was the ring on my finger when we walked in holding hands. "Congratulations guys," Jordon says, and he signs it too. I sign thanks, I am gonna let him think I am deaf for a little while longer. "Thanks Jord," Jorel replies and kisses me on the cheek. I kiss him back and we sit down on the couch. I am going to keep going as if nothing has changed until they notice. I signed to George that I loved his tattoo and he signed thanks back and showed the others. I think Jorel is getting it done next week or something, he won't tell me exactly when.
I also told him that he did not have to get the tattoo if he did not want to. I don't want any of the guys to feel as if they were forced into getting the tattoo to support me. Just them wanting me in the band regardless of my condition was enough support for me. They could have said "Yeah you're talented and all but we can't have a deaf lead singer" even if they knew I was going to have the surgery to hear again. They don't even know right now that it was a success and I can hear. The only one who knows is Jorel who is keeping it secret from a very persistent Jordon. I'm suddenly not sure how long Jorel and I can keep this a secret from them. I can hear Jordon begging Jorel to tell him when the devices were being switched on in my ears, so they could be with me when it happened.
Jorel was cleverly using the argument that the doctor would only allow no more than two people at a time at the appointment. It would be best to prevent me from becoming overwhelmed if they did work because it would be scary at first. Luckily for Jorel, Jordon reluctantly accepted the answer because they didn't want to upset me. Jorel texted me and said that we should try and go until after lunch before announcing/revealing that I can hear again. That seems like a good plan to me, I didn't have any alternatives to offer to him to be honest. I was happy to see how long I could push it for, but at the same time I was getting desperate for them to now the good news since they have been eager to know how it went.
To be fair on them we did wait until after lunch. They were getting a little desperate now if they were not already before lunch. "Danny," Jorel says, he was a little way across the room with my cookie I forgot to get from him at lunch. I turn to look at him and he waves the cookie at me. I heard the gasps and smiled. I was facing the total opposite way to Jorel when he called my name. "Woah Danny, when did that happen?" George asks, I take the beanie off to reveal the implants to them. This was one of the only times I am doing this though because I was scared. "Yesterday, just kinda wanted mom and Jorel there with me. He proposed to me when we got home," I tell them and Jorel went into detail about the story behind the proposal.
They were so happy I can hear now, and they all hugged me. "This is going to be so much fun when American Tragedy comes out. Have you seen this song yet?" Dylan asks, and he hands me the lyric sheet with the title "Hear me now." I roll my eyes but keep reading, it can be our little inside joke at least. I don't have to tell the fans that without the implants in my ears I can't hear anything. The song was really good though fair play to them. We didn't do much work after that which was what I was expecting after they found out I could hear for the first time in 24 years. Jorel said he couldn't wait to have the movie night tonight as we were so wrapped up in the proposal bubble that we forgot to do it yesterday.
I really enjoyed the movie night; everything was so different now I could hear what was being said. I put up with attempting to read the lips and I knew I was missing words because it is very hard to lip read movies. I fall asleep that night in Jorel's arms feeling so happy.
And that is the end of another one shot. I hope you enjoyed and see you next time.
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