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BAG BOY

CHAPTER 14

CougarCougarCougarCougarCougar

The next ten days were bittersweet. We slipped into a routine; our time together felt less frenzied, more tender. I'd dropped the games. He'd stopped asking if he could stay the night; there was no longer a question. Still, a dark cloud hung over our breezy happiness.

He stopped at home every morning to shower and change for work and "show his face at the breakfast table." He'd managed to pile up enough shit for school that his parents weren't breathing down his neck, but Mama Cullen put her foot down about spending Edward's last night at home with his family.

He broke this news to me as I was drifting off to sleep in his arms on what I now understood would be our last night together.

"When did she make this announcement?" I asked.

"A few days ago," he said. "I didn't want to tell you. I was afraid it might spoil our day tomorrow." Edward's last day off. Our last precious expanse of time together. "You're not angry, are you?"

I tipped my face toward his, but all I could see in the dark was the sharp line of his jaw. "Of course not." I brushed my thumb across his lips and pulled him toward me into a kiss. "We'll just have to make the most of tomorrow."

I felt his lips curl into a grin. "I'm sure you'll think of something."

"Let me sleep on it."

I woke early with an idea bright on my mind, but to be fair, the idea belonged to Edward. He'd beat me to the kitchen, where he stood at the coffee machine with his back to me, his adorable little ass cupped so perfectly by his tighty whities.

"You're up early," I said, letting my robe fall open as I pressed up against his back to drop a kiss on his cheek.

He let out a soft grunt. "Didn't sleep."

"Poor cub." I wrapped my arm around his belly and pulled him into my body. His head fell back against my shoulder. "Are you ready to hear what we're doing today?"

His mouth dropped open, and a soft chuckle fell out. "Have I ever been ready for anything with you?"

"Actually, this is something you asked for a while back."

"We're doing repeats now?"

"Nope."

He turned to face me, his expression as open and curious as I'd ever seen him. "Really? Hmm, I can't think of anything we haven't done."

"Did you bring shorts?"

"Yes . . .?"

"Great. Why don't you make us some breakfast while I pack a lunch."

He snapped away from me with an eager grin. "Pack a lunch . . . as in, we're going out together?"

I gave his butt a friendly slap. "Oh, and make sure you bring your driver's license."

~#~#~

If you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to want another. Give him the keys to your Roadster, and his smile might just break his face . . . and your heart.

Top down and sun warming our shoulders, we picked up the PCH at the Santa Monica Pier and headed north. Edward grinned for a solid twenty minutes until we reached Malibu. It was hard to tell if he was more excited to drive my car or show me his favorite canyon, but I couldn't take my eyes off him.

"God, this is fantastic!" he said as we turned onto the canyon road and began winding our way up the mountain. "So much pickup!"

I loved that I could make him so happy. I swallowed all my Are-we-there-yets even as it seemed we'd reached the peak of the canyon road multiple times. Every switchback took my breath away with views more miraculous than what had come before.

"You've really never been up here before?" he asked with true disbelief. "Didn't you grow up in L.A.?"

"I'm more of a sea level kinda girl."

Edward shook his head and grinned as he did so often around me. "It's just around this bend," he said, maneuvering the car into a patch of dirt at the side of the road before cutting the engine. "That was amazing. Thanks for letting me drive, Bella."

"Glad you enjoyed yourself." I climbed out of the car and stretched my legs. "Are we coming back here to eat, or should we bring lunch with us?"

"I can carry it. You're going to need both hands free for part of the climb." He reached into the back seat, pulled the plastic bag with our sandwiches and drinks from the cooler, and looped the handles over his shoulder.

"Well," I said, taking his left hand in mine, "until we get to that part, I'll be holding onto this—if that's okay with you." Our hands fit together comfortably though it was our first time intertwined, at least while we were both vertical.

He gaped at our joined hands and squeezed my fingers as if surprised they weren't trying to escape. "That would be more than okay with me." He smiled so hard, I'm not sure how his mouth formed such a perfect kiss on my lips.

He pulled back gently, wonder and awe filling his eyes. "I can't wait to show you my favorite spot on earth."

He led me around some random scrub to a narrow dirt path without any kind of marking, the kind of not-quite-a-real-trail I never would have chosen to follow on my own.

"You sure this is the spot?"

Nodding once, he said, "One hundred percent."

"Okay, then."

I didn't ask how far or how steep or how treacherous. He'd obviously been here many times before, and I trusted him to keep me from harm. I followed his lead as if blindfolded. That same liberating rush came over me—no decisions, no responsibility.

Was that it, really? Just not having to think and plan? No, there was more to it. The answer hit me with startling clarity though the last time I remembered experiencing the feeling with such force, I'd been a young girl looking up into the eyes of her brother: faith in another human being.

We walked for twenty minutes, stopping a few times to enjoy the stunning view of the canyon below. Each time he pulled me aside, I wondered if we had arrived. He'd shake his head, give my hand a tug, and off we'd go again.

We passed a few couples going the opposite direction, and Edward would give them a "Hey, man" or a knowing grin. I didn't think to be worried about being seen with him.

His pace picked up as he drew me toward a large rock formation jutting up from the ground at a slight angle. Clearly, many others had been here before us with spray paint and sharpies, as the surface was covered in graffiti –hearts with initials inside and declarations of love and "so-and-so was here."

Edward released my hand and clambered up the face of the stone like a mountain goat before turning around to flash a grin at me. Arms spread wide, king of the hill, he tipped his chin my way. "Well? Isn't it great?"

"It's very romantic."

"Exactly," he answered. "Will you climb up here and sit with me?"

"That depends," I said, hands finding my hips. "How many other girls have you brought here?"

"Zero. I've only ever come here alone. You're the first girl—woman—I've ever wanted to share this with."

Cripes. "Oh, Edward. That is so sweet."

"Is that a yes?" He was irresistible.

"I guess so . . . if I can get my ass up there."

I half expected him to offer to come get me, but he didn't. "The direct route is a little tricky, but it's flatter if you come up the side over there . . ."

I didn't let him finish before making a beeline straight toward him.

"Yep, that's pretty much what I expected," he said, chuckling. "Careful of that loose rock right there . . . wow, okay, you nailed it!"

When I got close, he reached for my hands and pulled me to the plateau where he was standing. "Welcome to my happy place."

Climbing inside his arms, I nestled my back to his chest and took in the view in every direction. Embraced by Edward and surrounded by messages of love and affirmation as we beheld the spectacular valley below, I felt, quite literally, on top of the world.

"I can see why you love it here."

"I've been wanting to bring you here for a while."

I turned to face him, finding his eyes brimming with emotion. "I know, and I'm sorry I didn't agree to it earlier. I know it seems silly, but I just didn't want to risk losing what we had by exposing us to the outside world."

"No, I get it," he said, twisting our joined hands higher between us. "I think that's why it was so important for me to bring you here. I wanted"—his gaze fell away—"I guess I wanted a written record so I would know it really happened."

"Oh, Edward. It happened. We happened. This is real." I pressed my lips to his. Edward took over the kiss, and I let him.

"Hey, Bella, mind if I ask you . . . what made you decide to break your rule about seeing me outside of your house?"

I could have told him I'd allowed the excursion because it didn't matter anymore, that we'd reached the end, regardless, but that wouldn't have been authentic. It was only that the certainty of our end gave me the freedom to offer what I feared most.

"When you asked me to meet you in the bar at the Roosevelt, I'd already agreed to your terms. I wasn't going to go back on my word. And then, that next morning, watching you swim, when I—"

"Pretended you didn't know me?"

Ouch.

"Yes. That was hurtful. I'm really sorry about that."

Edward sighed. "Yeah, I don't think it would've bugged me as much if it had happened a couple weeks earlier. It's just . . . after that night . . . I kind of felt we were in a new place together, but then you shut me down. All I wanted was to eat lunch with you."

"I'm sorry."

"I know," he said, sighing.

"I've learned the hard way that this . . . lifestyle I've chosen requires certain sacrifices be made."

"Lifestyle?" His lips pinched as if I'd made him suck a lemon. "You mean your 'cub' thing?"

Stay positive, Bella. We can do this without hurting each other. "Overall, I'd say it's been worth it, wouldn't you?"

"Of course. I wouldn't have traded this time with you for anything. If I have to be your dirty little secret, so be it."

"To be fair, Edward, have you told anyone about us? Your parents? A best friend?"

"No," he admitted with a sheepish shrug.

"Hey. I didn't bring that up to make you feel bad; I just wanted to point out we both have valid reasons for keeping our secret. There's no reason for any hard feelings."

"No, you're right." He fixed a smile on his face and tipped his chin to an unpainted spot near our feet. "I wish I'd known we were coming here today. I would've brought something to write with."

"I have a bottle of nail polish in my glove compartment, if you want to hike back after we eat."

He grinned for real as he checked out my Big Apple Red fingernails. "That'd work."

~#~#~

"Should we go with initials or names?" Edward watched for my answer, the brush from the nail polish lid poised over the spot he'd scoped out.

Bella + Jake 4ever. That old oak tree behind Lambda house still told the lie to anyone who walked by.

"Let's go with initials," I said.

"Sounds good." He set directly to work, forming "IMS" with the precision of a heart surgeon.

"You remembered my middle name," I said, making him grin.

"Cost me my shirt to find out. I wasn't about to forget it." He finished the plus sign under my initials, replaced the cap on the nail polish, and handed me the bottle. "Your turn."

"I don't know your middle name."

"Masen," he replied. "My mom's maiden name."

"Edward Masen Cullen. Nice." I painted "EMC" below my initials, then sat back to take a look at our creation. "Hmm, it's missing something . . ."

Edward's head tipped as he watched me draw the first half of a heart. I dipped the brush into the bottle again and offered him the lid. "Your turn," I said, "if you're feeling it . . .?"

He took up my challenge without a moment's hesitation, finishing the heart I'd started with a perfect mirror-image swath of red, taking extra care to connect our two sides so you couldn't tell where one ended and the other began.

Bagboybagboybagboybagboybagboybagboybagboybagboy

We held hands the whole ride back to Bella's, my thumb sliding back and forth across her silky skin. Better late than never.

I wanted to watch the way she rested her head against the seat back, wanted to brush the hair from her eyes as the wind blew it every which way, wanted to memorize the expression I'd put on her face right now—content, loved—but I forced my eyes to the road because it was time to remember how to live without her. Every mile of road I ate up drew us closer to goodbye.

Parked inside her garage, I brought Bella's hand to my lips before letting go to switch off the engine. The Roadster gave off one final shiver. I slumped back against the seat, unsure if my feet would actually carry me away from her.

"Do you have time to come inside?" she asked.

"It would have to be a quickie, and I'm not sure I could handle that right now." Honestly, I wasn't sure there would be enough time for the range of emotions to work themselves out.

"I understand," she said softly. She reached out and pushed her fingers through a clump of hair by my ear. Damn, her hands felt so good on me—anywhere, everywhere. Goodbyes always sucked, and this was gonna be a motherfucker. "How about a kiss?"

"Always."

I unbuckled my seat belt and twisted toward her. The imposed distance might have been a mercy. I tucked her wind-blown hair behind both ears and drew her face to mine. Just before our lips met, I caught the sadness in her eyes.

We kissed for a long time, our whole strange relationship replaying inside my head while our lips and tongues held us together. That first time I walked her out in the rain, the blueberry delivery, the sneaky way she got me to agree to four days of self-imposed celibacy, her mad teasing for hours and days, getting her off with her vibrator, the crazy-hot massage with the happiest ending of all, waking up in her bed, our sexy night at the Roosevelt, painting our initials on my rock. So many kisses.

She covered my hands with hers. I felt her fiddling with the rubber band around my wrist, the symbol of my loyalty to her. As long as I lived, I would never forget the moment she placed that ugly green band around my wrist and took control of me. She must have been remembering, too.

With one quick flick, the rubber band was off my hand as swiftly as she'd put it on all those weeks ago.

I broke off our kiss. "Hey! What are you doing?" I'd been wearing that damn thing so long, I felt naked without it.

"I'm setting you free, cub. Time to run wild again."

"Why are you doing this, Bella?"

She stroked my cheek, and I felt the moisture under her thumb. My tears. "You know what they say, Edward. If you love something, set it free . . ."

Only Bella would use goodbye to say I love you.

"What if I don't want to be free?"

"My sweet boy. What choice do we have?"

"What do you mean, what choice do we have? I'm only an hour away. You could drive up on Fridays, and we could meet up at a hotel for the weekend. Or I can drive home, and—"

She pressed her hand to my mouth. "Easy, cub."

I swallowed my words. What made me think I could change her mind when I never had before? I nodded to let her know I was done trying, and her hand fell away.

"I knew you would be mature about this. It's one of the reasons this is so difficult."

"It's difficult for you, huh? Doesn't seem that way to me." Judging by the words coming out of her mouth, Bella was totally fine with ending this.

"Of course it is. You're very"—her voice broke—"very special to me."

"As far as cubs go," I said, hating the bitter tone in my voice but unable to stop it.

"As far as anyone goes."

"Then why are you pushing me away? Why aren't you fighting for us?"

"Edward." She pulled in a heavy breath and blew it out toward the roof of the garage. "I'm a zero-drama human being. I don't want to manufacture some artificial conflict here to make it easier to walk away from you. There's no reason at all why we should hurt each other over this. The simple truth is I love you, but—"

"And I love you."

She only paused for a second to acknowledge my declaration. "But the fact is, you're going back to school, and you deserve a fresh start. That's the whole story. Please don't overthink this and start to doubt what we had. I mean, despite our many differences—not the least of which is fifteen years of life on this planet—I think we're actually really great together."

"You realize you haven't given me one good reason why we should break up."

"I don't have one," she said.

I huffed. She was so exasperating. "Dammit, Bella, I'm trying really hard not to explode over here."

She eased away from the center console, already putting distance between us. "Look, I fully realize it's not up to me to tell you what to do or who to be with. You're not my cub to boss around anymore. All I can do is step aside and give you the freedom to make your own decisions."

"Jesus, Bella. Do you honestly think I've done anything I didn't want to while we've been together?"

Her lips curled up, but it wasn't what I would call a smile. "No."

"I only wore that stupid rubber band on my wrist because I wanted you to have the security of knowing I didn't want anyone else but you."

Bella let out a huff. "You see? That alone shows you're more considerate than any man I've ever been with, including the cheating asshole I gave the hottest ten years of my life."

"Pshh, if you were any hotter, I'd be dead now."

Her shoulders shook, gently at first. I thought she was laughing until I saw the tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Bella. Shit. Can I hold you? Please?"

She held up her hand. Hard no. With a loud sniffle, she scared away her tears. "I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to cry."

No, that wouldn't have been her plan, and Bella always had a plan—like breaking up with me across the front seat of her car, where I couldn't reach her to offer comfort or vice versa.

I spoke as evenly as my intense frustration would allow. "I understand what you're trying to do for me, but I don't need you to release me like some butterfly trapped in a jar. I never asked to be let go."

"I know," she whispered. "You've been amazing."`

"Bella, this whole thing has been amazing. I hope you know that." I waited for her to meet my gaze. Then, I waited for her to match my smile. "I don't know why you picked me that day at the store, but you are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I was a loser dropout, drifting along in a dead-end job, a nobody at the bottom of the totem pole—"

"Not true. You've never been a loser or a nobody, and you were already on a good path forward when I met you. You sell yourself short."

"Yes, I did. Until you chose me. How could a badass, hot cougar mama from Beverly Hills pick a loser? See how that works?"

She huffed out a chuckle. "Sure."

"Good. Obviously, you don't need my permission to do what or who you want, but I have no desire to go running wild again. Been there, done that. Didn't end well. I think I'll try getting serious about my classes this time around. I might even pick something I want to learn about and not just what seems to be the path of least resistance."

"I'm really glad to hear that. You shouldn't settle for anything that doesn't make you happy."

"Exactly." Was she even listening to herself, or did Bella not believe she deserved to be happy too? "I hope you'll stay in touch with me while I'm away—"

"Edward, you shouldn't—" Hell, no.

"—and I really hope we can pick up where we left off when I come back"—I plowed through her little huff—"but if you're not into it, I'll deal."

She gave me the saddest smile ever. "Done?"

I hadn't really expected to change her mind, but I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I left without speaking my piece. With a weary sigh, I nodded.

"For the record," she began, "I would never 'not be into it' with you. That's number one."

"Okay?" Do not get your hopes up.

"Okay," she repeated, making sure I'd really heard her. "Number two, as for staying in touch while you're at school, I am here for you anytime if you need a friendly ear."

"Why does it sound like that doesn't include phone sex?"

"Because it doesn't." She looked at me as if I were a hot fudge sundae, or maybe in Bella's case, a super fresh salad. "No phone sex. No sexting. And no talk about getting back together when you come home."

"Okay," I replied because I had no choice. Bella's rules.

"Number three, and I really hope this doesn't sound heartless"—I braced myself for the most heartless bullet point ever—"I cannot be the one to initiate the conversation. I'm sorry," she said in response to my weary sigh, "but I don't trust myself to be altruistic given that kind of opening."

"Hmph. Afraid you might drunk-sext me?"

"I am," she said, serious as a heart attack. "Or worse."

Yep, those pesky feelings could be a bitch to repress, huh? As much as I wasn't ready for goodbye, this conversation was getting downright depressing. "Is there a number four?"

She studied me before responding. I held her gaze, trying like hell not to reflect my disappointment.

The moment of decision flickered behind her eyes. "Yes."

I braced myself for the next dagger through my heart. "Hit me."

"About picking up where we left off . . ."

I squared my shoulders. "Mmhmm?"

"As long as you promise not to blow off someone who might be really great for you on the off-chance you and I will have some pie-in-the-sky, fairy-tale ending . . ."

"Yes?"

"I'm not ruling it out." It took a beat for her words to jumpstart my hopes.

"You're not, huh?"

"Nope." Her smile spread as slowly and surely as mine at the possibility of a future with Bella.

"Huh." I pulled in a long, deep breath and exhaled before attempting a response. It was Bella's turn to wait it out. She was trying to be cool, but the anticipation played along her forehead until I spoke again. "Wellll, I suppose I can live with that . . . if you give me a better kiss before I leave."

She smiled full-on, high-beams and jumped into my lap. Of all the kisses we'd shared so far—and there had been many, ranging from tender-sweet to fuck-me-against-the-wall—this goodbye kiss was the one I'd think about tomorrow and the next day and the weeks and months we'd spend apart.

Bittersweet though it was, the ten-ton weight lifted from my heart. An off chance at a fairy-tale ending was way more than I'd ever hoped for with Bella.


A/N: Parting is such sweet sorrow... but riddle me this, astute readers: When is a door not a door? *wink*

Also, did anyone happen to notice we've broken ranks here with the usual ABA pattern of POV? Thought they deserved equal time sharing their brains with you guys for this all-important chapter. And I wanted to make sure you were all paying attention out there in Fanficland!

Oh, and if you want to engage in a dialogue about my characters and their choices, I'm here for it, but I can't respond to a guest review so sign in or forever hold your peace. Especially if you are going to equate Bag Boy Bella with Beyond Inappropriate Bella. Dude, that's just all wrong on so many levels. 'Nuf said. :)

XOXO
~boh