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Snow paced back and forth in her room. She swears it's probably caved in by how much she has done it, but she continues, unable to break her habit of both pacing and worrying. Regina was out on an excursion with her father and was both incredibly bored and irrationally stressed.
On her bed, sat Regina's spellbook, with Rumpelstiltskin's name engraved on the inside of the cover. When she found it, it had been collecting dust and she trusted that she hadn't practiced for a while.
While her infatuation with Regina increased, so did a rebellious part of her that she never knew existed until she came waltzing gracefully into her life. And as Regina's fondness turned into a fast budding romance for Snow, there was still that small voice in her head telling her to blame the girl, the one who killed her beloved and replaced him by a king who could never love her as he did Eva, but she didn't mind; it was only fair, she could never love him as she did Daniel.
Whatever happened now, she knew one thing but refused to agknowledge it. She was hooked into Snow like sharp barbs under her skin, and even if she wanted to, she couldn't detach herself. She could never go back from this strange relationship with Snow.
Snow didn't even begin to know what she had with Regina. Was it an affair? Was it a romance, was she courting her? She didn't bother to try and figure it out. In her head, she would call it 'mutual love that isn't technically allowed but brings warmth to her everytime she steals a glance in court.' That sounded right.
Regina couldn't stop the worry overtaking her. She knew that Snow would be safe, she'd been alone all the time, with the maids and the guards to keep her company, or something close to it. But still, she couldn't shake the feeling Snow was up to something, something dreadful.
Back at the castle, Rumpelstiltskin appeared after being summoned once more by the girl.
"Oh, god, what do you want?" Rumple asked from her armchair, his head resting on his hand, fingers curling up over his cheek.
"I want you to teach me magic," she stated confidently. He chuckled amusedly.
"You. Magic. Why, that's ridiculous, dearie, you are the definition of pure. You don't want to stain your heart with magic."
"Then why did you do it?"
"…we aren't talking about me. Now, why on earth would you want to learn magic."
"I want to be with Regina, forever. I can't if I have no power." Rumple giggled.
"How do you propose you do that?"
"I can take us somewhere where we can be together."
"You really think she would want to run away. With you. Dearie, she could barely stand the sight of you a month ago, what makes you think she changed so rapidly?"
"Because she is good. She may be trying to learn magic, but she is still the woman who saved my life. She is a woman tainted with sadness, and I need to fix it."
"You can't just assume you'll be able to fix your problems with a snap of your fingers. Magic can do much, but nothing as drastic as this. She barely even tolerates you."
"Well, on her good days, she likes me. It's just the days in between that she's just…you know." Snow motioned. Rumple got up from his chair and to Snow standing open the middle of the room.
"First of all, you really think you can leave with her and automatically assume she won't snap your neck when she's having her bad days? Second, the fact that your little brain can't comprehend that Regina will never love you fully is baffling." Snow's face fell.
"I already know that she doesn't always like my company, but she's warming up to me, I think." Rumple giggled.
"You aren't the one who's warming her up. The idea of crushing your heart in her fingertips is the only little bit of happiness she has." Rumple sighed,"Congratulations, you've wasted my time twice in the two times I've interacted with you." Rumplestiltskin flicked his hands in a curling motion and he disappeared in a cloud of purple mist. She sighed.
She knew she needed her dose of reality, but she was hoping if she avoided the fact that Regina may never love her as much as Snow wants, it could be avoided. Maybe she could figure out a way to both please Regina and get her way. Leopold was going to regret raising Snow as spoiled as she was.
Regina watched a sleeping Leopold, wishing she could sleep, but the nagging feeling she got ate at her from the inside out. Instead, she looked out the window to the kingdom around her. The musky scent of forest, the small taverns littered a few miles apart from each other, in the hopes of getting travelling customers and their business.
She felt they were nearing the castle, they passed the landmark she always used, a water well surrounded by shrubs and bushes, with Snowbells surrounding it. She contemplated getting out and fetching Snow a bouquet of flowers, but decided against it, the rational and emotionless part taking over for the time being.
Regina contemplated a lot of things. She was once going to escape before her wedding, but her mother caught her. Then, she was planning on hanging herself, but she could admit, that was the darkest place she had ever been in, and had since erased any thoughts relative to it. She contemplated killing both Leopold and Snow, but they weren't so bad sometimes.
Little did she know or guess, Snow had caught on to her deceit, or better put, half-deceit, and had caught on for a while now. She did enjoy her time with the girl and did not regret their weird and a little crazy relationship in the slightest, but she could say she wasn't exactly warming up to her, or wanting to, for that matter. She was doing just fine without feeling anything for Snow other than slight hate and tolerance, as well as the small feeling that her new romance gives her, even if Regina tries to deny it, no matter how hard she tried, it was there and wasn't giving in. She just crossed her fingers and hoped that the feeling wasn't what she thought it was.
Snow was well in bed when they arrived back at the palace, but still, Regina knew Snow created trouble, she knows first hand that it's one of her specialties. The maids could never have gotten Snow to bed without difficulty, but they did, which all but affirmed that she was up to no good.
Regina slunk through the halls and pressed her ear up to Snow's door. Once she confirmed that there was no sounds, she opened the door just a crack to make sure she was in bed. She crept in further to find her own spellbook on the stone floor, opened to a random page in the middle.
She looked to Snow again, and worried for her life. If this girl ever got a hold of the magic she dabbles in, the world had better watch out. She grabbed her book, tucked it under her arm and ran to her own room, before slamming the door shut and hiding it under her mattress.
When Snow White awakened, her book was not on the bed where she put it, and not on the floor, where it could've dropped, so she began to panick, her breath quickening as she looked under her vanity, in the closets and drawers.
Regina entered, expecting Snow in her bed or in the lavatory, but found her tossing dresses and clothes out of a drawer in her dresser.
"Snow, what on earth-"
"I lost it," she muttered. Regina rolled her eyes.
"This?" Regina held up her book and Snow gasped.
"You found-"
"Of course I found it. If you want to hide something, hide it somewhere good," Regina interrupted a babbling and reddened Snow.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
"Damn right you are. You will never touch this again or there will be grave consequences. Understand?" Snow nodded, keeping her head low.
"Good. Now why on earth did you have the urge to try and use this?" Snow didn't reply.
"Answer," she ordered, firmer than before.
"You don't love me. Not as much as I want you to, or ever will." Regina cackled.
"You are too selfish for your own good. You are a hard person to love, as am I." Snow looked up, as Regina wiped off a single tear falling down her porcelain face.
"Hey, don't cry. I'll just have to learn to love you. And you will have to learn to wait for it, because magic will only allow the darkness in your heart to be free."
"I don't have darkness in my heart," Snow denied.
"Oh, my darling, of course you do. Everyone does." Snow nodded and held onto Regina, soaking up as much time with the relatively-tolerant Regina.
"Do you think you will ever love me? As I hope you to?" Regina hesitated.
"In think so. As long as you overcome your selfishness." Snow nodded.
"Anything for you," she whispered, winding her arms around her neck and kissing her tenderly. Little did they both know, a maid heard it all when hearing the loud voices coming from Snow's room. Fearful, she peeled in just in time to see Snow draw in for a kiss.
And boy, did the gossip train leave the station after that encounter. Thankfully, the king never listened to the horrid gossip that continuously circulated around his castle, but Snow heard it all and intended to do something about it.
Three days after the incident, Snow heard two guards in the courtyard talk about an alleged affair between the Queen and her stepdaughter. On the verge of tears, she ran to Regina's study, where she would be studying maps for the king and ran inside.
"People know," she whispered.
"About…what, exactly?"
"About us. Guards were talking about someone seeing us." Regina dropped her pen.
"Did you tell?"
"No." Regina sat back against the wooden seat and bit her lip in deep thinking.
"We need to do something," Snow said. Regina looked at her.
"Why would we do anything about it?"
"Because of my father. If he hears about this, surely, you would be executed." Snow sobbed and Regina held her in her arms. Snow leaned forward to kiss her, but she stopped her, planting two fingers on her lips and pushing her head back.
"If someone sees us, they will surely tell the king himself. Other than that, we will lie low and do nothing like this, unless we are alone, in our place. Do you understand me?" Snow nodded furiously.
"Good, now go to the library and pick up some books. We can leave when I finish this."
Regina knew it was risky to leave with the princess for a secluded area when rumours have been spreading about their relationship, but if they acted like it wasn't normal, the rumours would no longer be just rumours.
Snow ran outside with her leather satchel filled with books and snacks and asked the stable men to saddle up their horses. The two men looked at one another, but were ordered sternly from the girl again and obeyed.
Regina packed up her books, papers and materials and met Snow in the stable.
"How about we go somewhere else, dear. I found another spot that I would like to show you." Snow nodded and followed the older woman through the trails and roads throughout the forest.
"Are we there yet? I think my horse is getting a little tired."
"I'm glad you're thinking about your horse and not you, but no, we still have a little ways left."
After what Snow thought of as hours and Regina as minutes, she stopped on the trail and hopped off.
"Our secret spot is the middle of a road?"
"No, dear, look." Regina pulled back branches of a tree and found a large-hollow log about twelve feet away.
"Woah, someone could live in this," Snow whispered.
"Exactly. Let me show you the inside." Snow hopped along next to Regina, who sauntered in front. Snow stepped inside after her and gasped.
The log had a lantern hanging from the ceiling and a bed in the corner, with chests and a small low table with two rocks as the seats. On top of the tabletop was a bowl of bread.
"When we want to escape, we can come here. This could be like a cabin, like a second home. Do you like it?"
"I love this! Did you furnish this yourself?" Regina nodded.
"Thank you, this is amazing. I can't wait to visit here with you often." Regina smiled.
"How about we do our lesson outside?" Snow nodded and followed the woman out and to an area behind it. They sat down on soft grass and leaned up against the trunk of a large tree.
After their lesson, snow sat up against Regina.
"What will we do? Everyone except father knows." Regina stroked Snow's hair and swept it away from her face, holding her cheek in her hand.
"We will do whatever it takes." She whispered, then closed the distance between them. Whatever it takes. Snow will do it, anything for her. She has fallen too far down the rabbit hole now. And Regina is starting to find hers. Snow was just awaiting for when she falls.
