WARNING: This chapter contains . . . [Language / Suggestive Dialogue]


Edit Update: 1/1/2016

Did some majorly minor editing.


"What the-?" I threw a quizzical look at the camel I was riding. "Why did you bring me here of all places?"

He replied by spitting at my face, covering my goggles with a thick coating of saliva. I was used to it by now; so much so that I had named him Spittle. For some reason the name gave me a craving for skittles. And I don't even like skittles. But anyhow, as I once again wiped my goggles with my sleeve, I grimaced at the picture of a smiling whale carved into a rock to my left. It was really starting to creep me out.

"Let's go somewhere else." I told Spittle. "The last thing I want to do is spend the night in a place called Cum Town."

Spittle grunted, and I guessed he was agreeing with me because he turned around and went in the opposite direction. As he walked, I pulled out a map that I had found at the hideout. It was obviously Marik's 'cause it had random writings about the different locations scribbled all over it. But after scanning it for a while, I realized that it was 100% useless and threw it over my shoulder with a sigh. Was I ever going to get home?

It wasn't until we had been traveling for half-an-hour or so that I practically jumped out of my seat. "For the love of Pete, Paul, and Mary! Why didn't I think of it sooner?!" I took a deep breath and sang, "Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there."

A young lady with a white toothed smile and long dark hair suddenly appeared in front of me. "What can I do for you?"

I half grinned at her and leaned forward, stroking my chin as I did. "I think you mean, what can I do for you."

"Huh?"

"Nothing." I straightened up. "Can you get us out of here?"

"Sure, no problem."

Before you could say 'bye bye desert', me, the girl, and Spittle were teleported into a large hotel room that was bigger than my entire house. As the camel wondered around to check out his new surroundings, I plopped down on the plush couch and stretched my stiff arms and legs. It felt good to be sitting on something soft that didn't bounce and spit.

"Thanks." My half grin returned. "Maybe we can order room service and-"

"Glad to help." The girl from State Farm said before she disappeared in the blink of an eye.

"I try." I mumbled before I heard shouting coming from the TV. Next to me sat Spittle, who was holding the remote with one hoof and stuffing popcorn into his mouth with the other. "I guess I'm spending the night with you, eh?"

Spittle stared at me for a moment before sending another projectile of camel drool at me. Lovely.

Once again I thought about those two teenage boys. "They must be having a much better time than I am right now."


After licking his dry lips, Bakura glanced at Marik, who was slipping in and out of consciousness as he mumbled to himself. Just as he had predicted, they had been unsuccessful in finding land, and now they were withering away underneath the sun's brutal rays. Bakura had never thought in five thousand years that he would go out like this.

He tried to turn on the motor once more - which had stopped working an hour ago - but it still only sputtered before going silent. Bakura would have kicked it in frustration if he had the strength to do so.

"Are we there yet?" Marik asked. For a long while he had repeated that question like a child who was impatient to arrive at Disneyland, but now there was no energy in it and his throat sounded hoarse.

"No, we're not." Bakura sat down next to his companion, who was sitting on the floor with his back pressed against the port side of their watercraft.

"How about now?"

"No."

"How about-"

"Marik." Bakura had tried to raise his voice but his parched throat wouldn't allow it. After a long silence he continued. "There's something you need to know."

"I already know."

Bakura felt his non-existent heart skip a beat. "You do?"

"I have known about it for a long time now." Marik turned his head and the two of them stared into each other's eyes before, "I know you've been going into my room and reading my pornographic comic books."

Bakura blinked, unsure if he had heard him right. "What?"

"I saw you reading one of them."

He remembered now. His computer had broken down and he needed to satisfy his craving for gay sex. It was the only thing that kept him sane while living with Marik, forced to repress his raging hormones. "That's not what you need to know."

"Then what is it?"

"Marik, I . . . I hate you. I hate you with all my heart. I hate you more than I've ever hated anybody. I hate you so much that I can barely take it. In fact, I want to go on hating you for the rest of my life." There, he said it. Yes, he had to replace one of the words with something else, but now he felt like a huge boulder had been lifted off of his shoulders.

"Oh, Bakura!" Marik leaned forward, putting his face up close to Bakura's, who had to resist the urge to kiss him. "I had no idea you felt that way about me." Marik looked away and lowered his head. "If, if it makes you feel any better, I . . . I hate you too. I think I hated you from the moment I first met you."

Bakura hadn't realized until now that he had been holding his breath. Was Marik really saying that-? But then he remembered that this was Marik he was speaking to. He had to test it out. "In that case, Marik, if we survive this, let us make sweet hatred together. Just you and me. Hating each other. All night long." If Marik didn't get what he truly meant from that, then he was even more stupid than Bakura had thought, which was saying a lot.

"Yes!" Marik exclaimed before the rusty gears in his head began to turn. "Wait a second, are you coming onto me? I already told you, Bakura. I'm not gay."

Bakura slapped his hand over his face. Sure enough, he had been expecting too much from him. "We're in the middle of the bloody ocean and we're going to die out here." He looked at Marik and glared at him before he snapped. "There's no reason for you to hide in your imaginary closet anymore, Marik! So step out of it already, you f***ing wanker!" He had never yelled at Marik like this before, but he couldn't hold it in anymore. Bakura groaned as he looked away. Why did Marik have to be such an oblivious idiot? And why did he have to have such strong feelings for him?

The two of them didn't speak to each other until Marik said, "Bakura." He waited for the other boy to face him, and when Bakura turned his head enough to look his way he continued. "I . . . I'm ga-"

Their rowboat jolted slightly, and when the teenage boys scrambled up to look over the side, they discovered that instead of water their vessel was now on sand. They had somehow found dry land. They were going to survive after all.

With a loud cheer, Marik jumped out of the boat and ran around in circles and zigzags on the beach, laughing and giggling all the while, before he tripped over something, landing face first on the ground.

"Marik." Bakura said as he stepped out of the small vessel. "What were you going to say?"

Marik spit out a mouthful of sand. "What? Oh, right. That. I was, uh, just saying that I'm gagaga gorgeous. Yes! I'm not just gorgeous, but gagaga gorgeous. Which is the same thing, but better. And sexier!"

"Is that so?" Bakura crossed his arms over his chest. "Because it sounded to me like you were about to say that you are-"

"I'm not gay!" He interrupted, pointing a finger at his partner in crime. "And I shall prove it to you!" Without another word, Marik stomped off towards the dense jungle.

Bakura watched him go - glancing at his butt as he did. Marik had been so close to confessing. If only they had stayed out on the ocean just a few seconds longer. Why did he always get his hopes up only for them to be dashed over and over again? Maybe it truly was just not meant to be.

After letting out an exasperated breath, he grabbed the horse's reins and began following Marik. As he did, Artax saw an opening and readied himself to snap his teeth on Bakura's bum as payback for threatening to eat him earlier.

Bakura sensed what was happening. "Do that and I will ship you to Burger King."

Artax instantly stopped and snorted as Bakura saw a sword with dried blood on its curved blade, which was pierced through a human skull. This told him that the natives here weren't friendly. But of course, neither was he. Bakura walked over to it and pulled the sword free, like a grotesque version of Excalibur. He preferred his knives, but it would probably come in handy.

"Bakura!" Marik called out as he waved to him, a huge smile on his face. "Last one to El Dorado is a rotten egg!"

"Marik, we're not going to-" Before he could finish, his companion ran off. "Marik!" Bakura groaned and was just about to chase after him when he heard a scream. A moment later, Marik came running back, a small snake resting on top of his blond head.

"Get it off of me! Get it the frig off! Why is Odion never around when I need him?!"

"Hold still!" Bakura shouted as Marik ran in circles around him. "I can't get it if you don't-!" When he saw that Marik wasn't listening, he grabbed the hood on Marik's shirt and with lightning speed snatched up the reptile before tossing the snake into the ocean. "There. It's gone."

Marik breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Bakura. You saved my life!"

"I highly doubt that." It had been a harmless garter snake.

Marik grabbed his Millennium Rod and brandished it. "As a reward, I shall give you one-third of the gold I take from El Dorado!"

"We are not going to El Dorado."

"We are, too!"

"No, we are not."

"Are too!"

"Are not."

"Are too!"

"Are too."

"Are not!"

"It's settled then." Bakura said with a smirk as he walked off.

"Wait . . ." After a few seconds, Marik realized what had happened. "Hey! That's cheating!"

"No, you're just an idiot."

"I demand a rematch!"

"We are going home, Marik." Bakura placed his hand on his knife. "There's a certain someone I would like to send on a one-way trip to the Shadow Realm."

"But Bakura!"

"What?"

"We have to go to El Dorado so that we can get enough gold to invade Saskatchewan!"

"El Dorado can go to buggery for all I care!"

"Bakuraaaa!"

Bakura stopped and spun around. "No, Marik!" The tanned boy's face became crestfallen and he looked downward, halfheartedly kicking at the sand. Bakura massaged the bridge of his nose. He knew that if he took him home like this, Marik would spend hours - if not days - sulking. "Fine." He finally said. "We will go to bloody El Dorado first."

Marik smiled from ear-to-ear, like a child on Christmas morning.

"But we're going home right afterwords!" Bakura added.

Marik nodded vigorously and grabbed his pale friend's hand, dragging him towards the jungle with Artax following close behind.