WARNING: This chapter contains . . . [Language / Suggestive Narration]
Edit Update: 1/1/2016
Did some majorly minor editing.
"Oh bugger."
Somehow they had come to a cluster of ancient trees. This wouldn't be a problem, except for the fact that the roots were as massive as Kaiba's ego, creating wooden hills that sloped up and down for at least a mile. And when Bakura touched one of them, he discovered that they were covered with a thick moss that felt slippery from moisture that remained trapped in it like a sponge. If they tried climbing them, they would probably slide right off and break their necks. But if they went around it, that might set them off course and their chances of finding the trail again would be quite slim. They had to continue on in this direction. But how?
"Okay," Marik stomped forward, placing his hands on his hips. "Which inconsiderate douchebag planted all these trees in the first place? They're just getting in everybody's way! I mean, there could be, like, five parking lots here."
Bakura rolled his eyes and ignored his companion - who continued to rant and bray about how inconvenient trees were - and looked at the map again, hoping that it would reveal a shortcut of some kind. It did not, which made him want to crumple the map into a ball and throw it into the distance. Killing those monkeys had only acted as a short fix, like drinking a glass of light beer when you really craved a bottle of whiskey. Now he had a short fuse, and the littlest things were setting it off. Including these stupid trees!
"What are you doing over there?" Marik asked, and Bakura saw that Artax was jumping from root to root with great ease. "Get back over here. You're not the Little Engine That Effing Could."
"I guess that horse is good for something." Bakura said to himself, now glad that he hadn't eaten Artax back on the rowboat, and called the horse over with a loud whistle before jumping onto the stallion's back. "Grab on." Bakura told Marik, holding out his hand.
When Marik grabbed Bakura's wrist, a tingle shot up the white haired boy's arm as he pulled his companion up, placing Marik behind him and filling Bakura with the same wave of warmth that he had felt when they were back-to-back in that clearing. But now it was more intense. Instead of a mere nuclear explosion, it felt as if the entire bloody world had become engulfed in flames and was reduced to ash. He could feel his hormones returning, and he felt tempted to get off and risk climbing the roots. But he didn't get the chance to. Artax had begun to jump, causing Marik to wrap his arms around Bakura's waist to keep himself from falling. Perverted fantasies began to enter his mind once more. Before, he would have told himself that this was as close as they would ever get to second base. But now . . .
"Get! . . . Me! . . . Off! . . . This! . . . Effing! . . . Thing!" Marik shouted between hops.
Well, that certainly killed the mood.
Soon Marik's constant yelling was causing Bakura's ears to ring, and he felt a tad disappointed that Marik wasn't taking this opportunity to let his hands lower and grab something else. Wasn't he at least a little bit turned on by this? Bakura began to wonder if he should have let Marik ride in the front. That changed when Marik squeezed him tighter, holding on for dear life. The only way they could have been closer was if they were completely nude, and in Bakura's mind they were.
"Bakura." Marik whined as he placed his chin on Bakura's shoulder. "Make it stop."
"Quit your whining. We'll be there before you know it."
"I don't feel so good." And he didn't look so good either. Bakura saw that the boy's tanned face had turned a sickly shade of green.
"Marik-" was all that Bakura could say before Marik tossed his cookies.
It felt like hours before the A-Team finally stopped bickering and came up with a plan. They had decided to let BA drive me to . . . wherever it was that they were taking me, while the others flew with Murdock. I didn't argue and soon they grabbed my chair once more and we were heading upstairs. But what we found up there made us all gulp. An army of guns were pointed right at us, and the ones holding these weapons was a harem of women. Women. Lots and lots of women.
"Hey, man!" BA shouted as he glared at me. "You just about drooled all over me!"
"I'll handle this." Face said with a confident smile as he strutted forward. "Hi, girls. How are you all doing?" They didn't answer. "Ah, well. Good to know." He tried to laugh, but they weren't buying it. "Listen. We just want to take our little-"
"Little?!" I interrupted. Why did everybody have to make fun of my height? It wasn't my fault that I was the child of two short parents!
"Our client to that plane over there." He held out his hands and smiled. "You wouldn't mind lowering the guns, right? And maybe some of you could even come on board with me and-"
"Dude." I jolted my head, indicating that he should come over.
"What is it?" He asked.
I rolled my eyes. "Come here."
He mimicked my gesture and grinned at the girls. "Would you please excuse me for a sec?" When he walked over to me, his smile was gone. "What?"
"Dude, they're not going to listen to you."
"I know they seem a bit hostile right now, but-"
"No, like really. They are not going to listen to you."
"She's right." Hannibal said as he pointed at the feminine battalion in front of us with his trademark cigar. Every one of them was wearing yaoi T-shirts with pictures from a wide array of different anime.
"They only listen to fellow fangirls and gay characters." I explained. "Actually, mainly just gay characters."
"Oh." Face held his hands up in surrender and the others followed, dropping me in the process. Ow!
"There's no getting away from us this time." In spite of our situation, I smiled when I saw Stacie step forward. "Surrender now while you still have limbs." And there goes my smile.
"You can handle it from here." Face told me before walking off with his friends, who were heading for the exit.
"Wait a ding-dong minute!" I shouted. "You guys are just leaving me?!"
"I ain't stickin' 'round here to be put in some fangirl's fanfic." BA said as he marched to the door.
"I'm too old to be in a slash fanfic." Hannibal explained as he placed a gloved hand on his back for emphasis.
"I can't let them ruin my reputation." Face said apologetically as he too headed for the door, followed by Murdock, who was telling me something by mouthing words that I couldn't hear.
After the door closed, I was left completely alone and at the mercy of a horde of happy trigger-finger chicks who were thirsty for blood. My blood.
"Any last words?" Stacie asked.
I opened my mouth to ask if I could get a goodbye kiss when the windows shattered and more women poured in. I must have died and gone to Heaven!
"What's going on?" Stacie asked before looking at me. But I was too busy checking out the view.
"Who are you guys?!" Marge demanded.
They showed us their shirts, which had anti-yaoi pictures and fonts on them. I could practically hear the girls growling at each other, and it kinda turned me on . . .
"You're drooling all over the carpet!" Marge complained.
Stacie groaned before unstrapping me from the chair. I would've tried to escape, but she had grabbed the back of my shirt before I could even make a move. I didn't complain, though. "Did you come for this idiot?" Stacie asked the yaoi haters.
Their leader, a cute girl with wavy chestnut colored hair and wearing a jean skirt and red jacket, stepped forward with a smirk. "Sorry to interrupt your little pervert parade, and I do feel embarrassed for saying this, but we do share a common goal."
"Oh?" Stacie cocked one of her strong eyebrows. "And what's that?"
The other girl's smile widened. "We also want to kill her."
"What?!" Why did everybody want me dead? I wasn't that unpleasant of a person, was I? I mean, yeah, I liked staring at pretty girls, but it's legal in all fifty states now, right? "Why do you guys wanna kill me?"
She crossed her arms and glared at me with icy blue eyes. "You were writing a yaoi fanfic."
"Well, technically it's a shonen-ai." There is a difference.
"And that we can not forgive." She let out a small laugh, and as soon as she lowered her head, all of her followers pointed their guns at me. "Slash fanfiction is an insult to the original author." The anti-yaoi leader pointed a finger at me. "For that, you must die!"
"You can't kill her!" Marge protested.
"Marge." Tears of joy appeared in my eyes. And now that I thought about it, she was quite a looker herself. What with her long black hair and dark eyes. She also wore a lot of blue, and I love blue. Especially on her.
"Quit your drooling." Stacie said before punching me.
"You can't kill her," Marge explained, "'cause we called first dibs! We're supposed to be the ones who kill her!"
Why does every female I fall for wanna kill me?!
The yaoi fangirls and yaoi haters all pointed their weapons at each other and began throwing insults while explaining their reasons for wanting to murder me and how they would do it. As you can imagine, I didn't wanna be a part of that discussion. So I tried to sneak away while they were busy. But that's kinda hard to do when there're around twenty girls in the room with you.
"She's getting away!" One of them shouted.
I bolted out the door and soon I was being chased down the street by an angry mob.
"This isn't Tokyo Gore School!" I cried out as I kept running to stay alive.
