The episode with Beck catches everyone off guard and the Asset can feel the unease among the Avengers as they go over the incident once things calm down. Beck himself is taken and put into police custody, and Stark instructs JARVIS to go through his records and find something they can pin on him. "People don't go off the rails like that without leaving a trail behind them," he says darkly. "I'm sure we'll find a skeleton or two in his closet that we can hand over to the police."

Technically, Stark explains to him, they could simply go to the police with what Beck had done to him, but that would involve a long explanation and would probably open a whole new can of worms that they don't want to deal with yet. "We'll get him though," he says definitively. "There's no way he will get away with this."

The Asset doesn't doubt that. It's almost surreal to him, but a low-level anger seems to run through the team as they discuss what Beck had done. He knows now that his triggers are from Hydra and that he doesn't need them, but it still feels strange for the Avengers to be so upset at the triggering and at the fact that Beck had done it to him without his permission.

"If I'd known he was nuts I never would have worked with him," Stark says as they sit around the common room couches, his hands flexing with pent up tension. "I didn't realise he was so upset." He runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head. "He worked for Stark Industries. He developed BARF for SI, it might have been his idea, but we still had the right to use it as we saw fit." He presses his lips together. "Guess he had a problem with that."

"It's not your fault you didn't know, Stark," Romanoff states firmly, her eyes sharp. "None of us saw it either."

Stark huffs and leans back. "You didn't work closely with him," he says bitterly. "I pulled him into the process because it was his idea. We could have easily done it without him, but that didn't feel right and, given what we know now, it would've just pissed him off quicker… but–" He shrugs one shoulder. "He wouldn't have been in a position to hurt anyone."

The Asset shifts uncomfortably in his seat next to his handler and looks down at his clasped hands. Stark seems upset that he hadn't somehow known about Beck and stopped him, but that isn't fair because– "Beck didn't want you to know," he says, the muscles in his lower back tensing as everyone turns to look at him. "He never said anything while you were around."

Stark blinks at him and sits up abruptly. "Wait. He said something to you?" He asks, looking a mix of concerned and surprised. "What did he say?"

The Asset rolls his shoulders and squeezes his hands tighter together, trying not to stress out too much about the interrogation. "It wasn't really anything," he mumbles, ducking his head, trying to think back to the things Beck had griped about while they waited for Stark before their sessions.

His handler shifts next to him. "Bucky," he says, looking at him intently. "If Beck treated you poorly, then we need to know about it. It isn't okay."

The Asset presses his lips together and tries not to squirm, the outpouring of concern in the room settling strangely in his chest. "He— I didn't know he was so angry," he tries to explain, keeping his eyes focused on his hands. "He complained about the sessions but—" But I didn't report it, he thinks as he chews on his bottom lip. Maybe if he'd been smart enough to report Beck when this had all started, then none of it would have happened. But he hadn't realised it was a problem. Beck hadn't really been acting that strange. Maybe he should have reported his complaints against Stark, but he hadn't been acting that strangely towards him.

"But he was acting like a normal agent," he says, trying to explain, even though explaining had never helped before. He should have reported Beck, but he hadn't and now he'd caused a lot of trouble for the Avengers because he hadn't followed protocol. "Agents are always–" He waves a hand, trying to come up with the word. "–dissatisfied. Working with the Asset outside of missions. He thought I could be used better—"

He cuts himself off, because at the time, when Beck had said those things to him, he hadn't realised yet how bad his missions with Hydra had been, and how badly they had put him to use. Part of him had agreed with Beck because he hadn't known any better and now Beck had tried to trigger and use him and this all could have been avoided if he'd just reported him like a proper asset— but he hadn't— he hadn't realised it was so important. Beck had been acting like all the other agents he had worked with.

Except for the Avengers, of course, and he realises now, with dawning comprehension, that maybe that's part of the reason why Hydra was so bad and the Avengers are so much better than them. Because their agents are not allowed to— to treat him like—

"Bucky." His handler's voice is soft, and he turns to look over at him, his mind alight with his recent discovery. His handler twists his hands together for a moment, as if he isn't quite sure what to say, before catching his eye. "Buck, people—" He breathes in. "The way Hydra agents treated you… is not how people are supposed to treat you." His eyes seem to stare into him, confirming the Asset's newfound suspicions. "It was wrong of them to do it," his handler says, the lines around his eyes tightening. "And whatever Beck did was wrong too."

The Asset swallows and nods, and his handler leans forward slightly. "Next time," he says. "If anyone makes you feel like that, please tell one of us, so that we can help."

The Asset darts his eyes down to his lap and nods again, internally berating himself again for not reporting Beck earlier. "Sorry," he mumbles. If he'd reported Beck, even just for the things he'd said about Stark, then none of this would have happened and nobody would have to be so worried.

"It's not your fault, Buck," his handler reassures, and when he risks a glance upwards, he finds him offering him a small smile. "You didn't do anything wrong. None of us could have predicted what Beck would do, but now we know."

The Asset starts to nod slowly before his eyes jerk up to the ceiling as JARVIS speaks up. "If it is any consolation, Sergeant," the AI says, sounding regretful. "I too did not suspect Beck, even though I was privy to his behavior towards you. His complaints were sporadic, and did not seem to cause you much distress, so at the time I did not take any action… and for that I apologize."

The Asset blinks at the apology, part of him relaxing at the reassurance that JARVIS had also seen what Beck had done and hadn't reported it, meaning his response is a little more justifiable than he had first thought. "It's okay," he tells JARVIS after a moment. "I didn't realise it was a problem either." He looks down from the ceiling and across from him, Romanoff is watching him with the barest hints of a smile on her face. He blinks at her because he's not exactly sure what she's smiling about, but soon finds his attention taken elsewhere.

Next to Romanoff, Barton huffs out a breath and shakes his head. "You should put in a new protocol, Tony," he suggests ruefully, waving his hand. "Anyone who's a dick to Barnes automatically gets a red flag." He flashes the group a crooked smile. "A 'true test of character' kind of thing."

The Asset is pretty sure Barton is making the suggestion humorously, and Stark smiles at it, but there's a considering look in his eyes that makes him think the engineer might actually look into the idea. He watches Stark's eyes grow distant for a moment, as though JARVIS' coding was right in front of him, before giving his head a little shake and looking them all over.

"Well." He rubs both of his hands along his jeans. "At least, out of all of this, we know that Barnes can resist the triggering sequence now." Everyone in the room seems extremely proud of that fact, and the Asset finds his cheeks heating at their impressed looks. He looks down, a cheerful pleased feeling growing in his chest, despite everything else about the situation.

"Yeah." His handler does nothing to hide the pride in his voice as he looks over to him. The Asset finds his blush growing, and for a second, he has to fight the inexplicable urge to reach over and shove his handler's shoulder, the image of grabbing him and wrestling him into a playful headlock suddenly seeming a lot more natural than it should.

He doesn't do it, of course, but part of him can't help feeling it would somehow help alleviate his embarrassment at the positive attention.

oOo

Progress with the triggering sequence aside, he and Stark decide to take a break from the BARF tech for a while. They both know that they will still have to test the sequence a few times, and make sure the Asset is truly resistant to it, but the process is a little less urgent now, and the Asset will readily admit that they both probably could use some time away from the tech for now. He can't deny that the thought of going back into that room so soon after his last incident makes him slightly nervous, even though he knows it will need to be done eventually.

He doesn't exactly say all of that to anyone, but nobody suggests he go in for any sessions, and Stark tells him they will just wait until he's ready, so they seem to know anyways.

Without the BARF sessions, he doesn't have a lot to do besides his usual activities and training with the Avengers, but he does work up the courage to go back to the garage every once and a while, and work on Stark's cars for the first time since he'd learned about Howard and Maria. He wears the special glove Stark had made for him, and one time, when his handler had learned where he was going, his handler had come down too, and spent the afternoon next to him, working amiably on his motorcycle.

Things remain calm like that for a week or so as fall begins to take over the country, and he watches the leaves on the trees begin to slowly fade to yellow on his most recent walk with Banner, the two of them heading for the library. It's still a nice day out, and neither of them need to wear much more than a jacket as they make their way through Bryant Park, the stone structure of the library approaching up ahead.

He finds he enjoys going to the library with Banner. After the first few times he had gained enough confidence to browse the shelves by himself, and Banner usually now leaves him alone to wander the building for a while, flipping through any book that catches his eye. He hasn't actually borrowed any books yet, although Banner had explained to him the process and promised him the use of his library card, but he still enjoys looking through the books he finds.

It's midmorning when they reach the library, but it's a weekday, so the building isn't overly crowded, mostly filled with older seniors, a few parents with young children, and people seeking shelter for one reason or another. The librarian smiles at them from the check-out desk as they enter, and Bruce offers a small wave in response, their attendance at the library a regular enough occurrence to make them recognisable to the staff.

The Asset offers a nod at her greeting before turning to walk off to the stacks, Banner peeling off to go peruse the display of new books. For his part, the Asset doesn't really have a destination in mind. He enjoys walking up and down the aisles of the shelves and letting his eyes wander, because the librarians often face out interesting books at the ends of the shelves. The displays are helpful since without them he probably would have no idea when to stop and look at anything, and they offer him an easy choice of reading material.

He finds his feet taking him off to the colourful children's section, and he sweeps his eyes over the low shelves, the tops covered in various picture books. He steps forward and walks along the first shelf, his eyes scanning the books in front of him. The first few times he'd come to the library, he'd been too intimidated to come into the children's section. The presence of families with small children was almost entirely foreign territory to him, and he hadn't been completely certain as to whether or not he was actually allowed to look at the kid's books, since they were for, well, children. But eventually, he'd worked up the courage to at least do a perimeter check of the area, and he'd found the space somewhat relaxing, despite the occasional rowdy child.

It's bright, and colourful, and there is an open space with wooden blocks and stuffed animals for the children to play with, and there is a nook with beanbag chairs and computers for the older kids. The books are nice too, because they are simple and straightforward, their stories intending to be easily accessible to their audience. There had been a few times – after Banner had shown him how to look things up on the library computer – that he had specifically searched for his topic in the children's section first, just so he could get a simple baseline of information.

Today, there isn't very many people in the children's section. A mother sits in one of the colourful chairs off to the side and she glances at him as she rocks the stroller next to her, while two kids sit at the computers, talking excitedly to each other as they play some kind of game together. Across the room, a man browses the early reader chapter books, a bag in hand as he presumably searches for something for one of his kids.

For his part, the Asset looks over the picture books, admiring the colours and furling his brow a little at some of the weirder concepts (like the strange consequences of giving mice cookies) before moving on to the non-fiction section. He walks until he finds the cookbook section and then crouches down, sweeping his eyes over the selection. He doesn't actually plan to borrow any of the books, but the simple recipes might offer him something to suggest next time Wilson decides to teach him to cook.

A few minutes into his browsing (he finds a dessert book that looks rather interesting), he hears a flurry of footsteps and he looks up to see a little girl, maybe seven, rush down the aisle and plant herself in front of the shelf next to him. He watches bemused as she scans the shelves before darting her head up. "The horse books are here, mom!" She calls, to the world at large.

"Alright!" The Asset hears the distant, amiable reply, the girl's parent probably taking a more leisurely route to the children's section.

The girl grins excitedly and begins to pull out a few books, her hands moving with a familiarity that makes the Asset suspect she's borrowed these books before. His mouth quirks up slightly at her excitement before he turns back to his own books, reaching up to pull out a book labeled Cupcakes, the picture on the front looking promising.

"Woah."

He blinks and turns to find the girl staring at him opened mouthed, her eyes pinned on his left hand. He realises abruptly that the sleeve of his jacket has ridden up enough that she can see his whole hand and wrist, and he darts his eyes over her face nervously, not quite sure what to expect. He usually wears long sleeves while in public, so most people don't notice his arm, and if they do see it, they don't say anything.

Kids don't have the same filter as adults though, and the girl beside him looks positively enraptured. She darts her eyes to him. "That's so cool!" She gushes, her one hand reaching out for his. "Is that your hand?"

He fumbles and drops the book he'd been holding, managing to avoid her questing hand as he reaches down to pick it up, his eyes wide. He hasn't really interacted with children much, not in his stay at the tower or in his missions with Hydra (and he's quick to shut down thoughts of the few times he had with them), so he's not quite sure how to react. Still, his flashbacks show that he had, at one point, worked with children, Alice and… and Becca, right? So, he should be able to handle it.

"Um," he replies eloquently. "Yes." He flexes his hand a little for her, and the girl's eyes light up.

"That's so cool!" She says again, her hands thankfully back on her own books. Her eyes widen and she looks up at him. "You're like Cyborg!" She exclaims, although he has no idea who she's referencing. Her eyes drop down to his right side. "Is your other hand a robot too?"

He blinks at her and raises his right hand to show his flesh fingers, shaking his head. "No."

The girl pouts for a second before looking back at his left hand. He lets her look, feeling slightly bemused by the excited attention. After a moment, she looks up, catching his eye. "How come you just got one?" She asks. "What happened to it?"

He opens his mouth before pausing, at a loss for words because he doesn't exactly know the answer. "Well… it's gone," he finally answers, and the girl nods sagely like he'd actually answered her question. She looks at his hand for a moment longer before her eyes suddenly brighten and she turns back to the shelf in front of her.

"I saw a book like that!" She exclaims, her hands running along the books in front of her. "It was about a horse, 'cept she was missing her leg." He stays silent as she chats, finding a small smile growing on his face as he watches her cheerful search. After a few minutes, the girl gives a triumphant cry and pulls out a thin orange book from the shelf. "Here." She turns to him and holds out the book. "This is for you."

He accepts the book graciously, looking over the photo of a black horse standing with a prosthetic on its front leg. The title reads, Molly the Pony: A True Story, and he stares at it. It hadn't occurred to him until now that there may be books about other people or animals that are also missing limbs.

"Cecilia!" The girl's head darts up at the sound of a woman's voice and she reaches down to gather up her horse books.

"I gotta go see my mom now," she tells him easily. "See you later—" She pauses and looks at him, a sudden intent expression on her face. "Wait. What's your name?"

He opens his mouth, the question catching him off-guard. "Asset," he manages to get out, the name fumbling around in his throat.

The girl grins at him and wraps her arms around her books, standing up. "See you later Mr. Asset!" She calls, before darting off. He watches her go in a sort of stunned awe, before looking back down at the book she had given him. His eyes skate over the prosthetic of the horse, and he flips it open, losing himself in the simple story of a horse who is first rescued from a hurricane, before losing her limb to a dog attack. Molly goes through a rare surgery to replace her front leg and then must embark on her new mission, making friends with and comforting children in hospitals as a therapy animal.

It's a touching story of survival, and he finds himself laying it down reverently once he's finished with it, something about it, and the girl who had given it to him, causing a warm feeling to grow in his chest.

He moves on from the kid's section after that, moving up and down the adult non-fiction shelves at a leisurely pace, his mind mostly focused on the book Cecilia had given him. He flexes his metal hand and puts it in the pocket of his jacket. He hadn't really thought about it, but of course, most of the people he meets have two arms, and he'd had two arms at one point too. He doesn't exactly remember when that fact had changed, but he'd had two arms when his handler had been small, and he can remember having two arms on his missions when his handler had gotten big.

He can't remember ever having two arms on any of his Hydra missions, so it's possible he had gotten it with them at some point. But he still isn't quite sure why they would have done it. His metal arm is a good weapon, of course, but it does hurt if he doesn't take his medication, and it requires regular maintenance… so Hydra probably wouldn't have given it to him unless they had needed to, right?

He really doesn't know, and he can't help wondering if the answer lies in the file Hydra had given his handler on him. He's never seen the file – he hadn't seen it in his handler's room when he'd looked that one time – but Stark had seen it too at one point, or so he assumes. He actually has no idea if his handler even still has the file, and part of him can't decide if he would want to read it if he did. Setting aside the question as to whether or not he would be allowed, he's not sure he wants to see all his Hydra missions spelled out in front of him. He has to admit though, it might help him organise his memory of his time with Hydra, since he seems to remember things all out of order.

A second later, and all thoughts of his current dilemma are shocked out of his head when, out of the corner of his eye, he sees a book on display that causes him to stumble to an abrupt halt. He stares at it, open-mouthed and eyes wide, as his own face stares back at him, standing amid a group of men who he can recognise as the team his handler had used to lead. The Howling Commandos, the book reads. The Men Behind the Man.

His mouth feels dry and he finds himself reaching for the book, his thoughts racing but his movements feeling disconnected, as if he were in a trance. His mind can't quite seem to grasp what he's seeing and it's hard to actually think beyond his shock. He… he had never expected to see a book about him, or anyone he had worked with because— because his missions were supposed to be secret. No one was supposed to know about him, he wasn't supposed to be seen.

But of course, maybe that isn't true. That woman, Darcy, she had known about him, and people obviously know about his handler, so… So maybe it had only been Hydra who had wanted his missions to be secret… and that— That would make sense, because his missions with Hydra are bad

His hand shakes slightly as he picks up the book and opens it to look at the inside cover. It's a big book, almost two inches thick, and it's new, the plastic cover protector shiny and crinkling sharply as he looks it over. A summary for the book is listed on the inside flap of the dustjacket, and he reads it, his mind almost numb as he tries to process the words.

Captain Steven Rogers, it reads, also known as 'Captain America' has been a national icon for decades. Dozens of books, articles, documentaries and even children's comic books have been made after the man. Less attention, however, has been paid to the amazing men who worked shoulder to shoulder with him, namely, the Howling Commandos.

For the first time, author Robin Schaefer takes an in depth look at the extraordinary stories of the men who worked with Captain Rogers every step of the way, and who continued his work afterwards.

Rife with hardship, sacrifice, and untold bravery, the Howling Commandos are an inspiring example of brotherhood and comradery in the face of mounting odds, prejudice and the unprecedented horrors of World War Two.

A few short, raving reviews are listed at the bottom, but he ignores them, reading the summary over several times, his eyes wide. Something about this— something about this book feels monumental in a way he can't quite grasp yet, and he reaches with a trembling hand to turn over to the table of contents.

Table of Contents:

Introduction

Chapter One: James "Bucky" Barnes: The Early Years

It goes on, presumably, to list the rest of the team members, but he doesn't see it, his breath stalled in his chest as he stares fixatedly at the first chapter. His heart pounds loud in his ears and his hands shake slightly as they tighten around the book.

Wh… what?


AN: So Bucky got to come to the realisation that Hydra's treatment of him (and Beck's) was wrong. And he got to see that Avengers' anger on his behalf.

Also, I wanted to save showing Bucky's trips to the library with Bruce until this point, so that you can see the important book he found! As you can tell, it's VERY significant.

And Molly the Pony is a real book! I thought it was perfect for this.