Things change a little bit. He stays in his ha– in Steve's rooms for now. He knows that eventually he will have to move out and work on that part of living, but for the moment he's just trying to get used to literally everything else. He does decide to be more involved though, and it's decided that he is in charge of every other meal.

"If there's ever a day where you're not feeling up to it, let me know," Steve tells him as they work out the schedule, a look of intense sincerity on his face. "We all have our good days and bad days, so, don't worry about it."

With that guarantee, He finds he enjoys being able to cook for Steve – once he gets over his initial nervousness – and it helps him feel like he and Steve are in a more equal relationship than before. His h– Steve had told him that they had used to share an apartment together, and he finds that their current arrangement is beginning to feel more and more similar to how he would imagine that going.

He still… has to come to terms with everything else his recent revelation had implied, and he finds himself mourning his Hydra missions all over again. Before, he had been upset for multiple reasons, but he'd still been thinking of himself as a tool. A tool that had been stolen and misused, but still something that had been designed for what Hydra had been doing.

But that isn't the case at all. He had never wanted to do anything that Hydra had made him do. He understands deeply now the few memories he has, of fighting against Hydra. Even the one where Pierce had tricked him into coming back to them. In the memory he'd been lost and struggling against a myriad of confusing and contradicting memories… but almost the instant he had had any free will at all, he had tried to leave Hydra.

Of course, that had probably been moderately soon after Hydra had first captured him. Obviously, Hydra had been able to carve away that part of him over the decades.

But… even as he thinks that, he can't help the thought that even after everything that Hydra had done to him, even after the years and years of torture and brainwashing… he'd still left them in the end. He'd still chosen Steve over Hydra. And he may have thought that Steve had been his handler at the time, but he had still known that Steve had been acting against Hydra's best interests. And he had chosen Steve, even though the thought had terrified him to his core.

It's that thought that comforts him a little and allows him to keep functioning as he works through what had been done to him. He still doesn't remember everything about who he had used to be (and honestly, he's not sure how he'd be able to know if he did), but he does work up the courage to finally open up the book that had started this all.

His progress through it is slow, because he finds that as he reads, little bits and pieces of his life come back to him, and he makes a habit of reading with his journal by his side, writing down whatever comes to him, no matter how small the snippet might be.

He's in the middle of doing that, the book busy telling him about how he'd apparently been on the rugby team in school, when the door to Steve's room swings open, and he looks up to see him step out, his leather jacket on.

Steve's eyes catch his, and his mouth quirks up into a smile. "I'm just on my way to an appointment," he says, adjusting the cuffs of his sleeves. "I'll be back in about an hour and a half."

Bucky nods back at him, because the ritual of Steve leaving for his doctor's appointments is familiar enough, but he can't help the worry he feels as he watches his friend head out of their room. He'd wondered about Steve's reoccurring doctor's appointments before, but as the Asset he'd felt it wasn't his business to know about it. Now though…

He sets his pen down next to his journal and looks up at the ceiling. "JARVIS?" He inquires, reminding his nerves sternly that he has no reason to worry about asking a question. "Can you tell me where Steve is going? And why?" He presses his lips together as his stomach gives a little thrill at calling Steve by his name out loud, and he breathes in steadily as he waits for JARVIS to reply.

The AI seems to stay silent for a moment longer than usual, before finally responding. "I apologize Sergeant," he says. "I am afraid I am unable to reveal any personal aspect of someone's life without their permission. I cannot discuss Captain Rogers with you at the moment."

Bucky's brow furls at that, because this is the first time JARVIS has ever refused to answer one of his questions, and he feels the tendril of worry in his stomach grow in response. His lips thin as he thinks over what he'd been told. Something is happening with Steve, and it's something to do with doctors.

His mind jumps back to a flashback he'd seen of Steve once, small and sick and practically on his death bed. His hands tighten on the book in his lap, and his lips thin to the point of disappearing. Something is happening with Steve. And he needs to figure it out.

oOo

Once he starts thinking about it, he can't believe it had taken him this long to start getting suspicious about Steve's past and present health. Over the next few days, he keeps his eye on Steve, trying to determine if there's something wrong with him, and while there doesn't seem to be anything the matter, the time gives him the chance to start remembering the stranger things about Steve that he'd picked up on.

For one thing, the fact that Steve is even here is a little bit of a mystery. So far, is seems that everyone else in his life, besides Hannah, has lived and died. He'd already come to terms with that, mostly. He'd been with Hydra for almost seventy years. It stands to reason that everyone he'd known would be dead or dying, having lived their life to old age.

Steve… isn't though. He looks the same as how he can remember him from before he fell, and that doesn't make sense.

Also, the way Steve talks about his past is a little strange now that he comes to think about it. Steve had never mentioned what he'd done, or what had happened to him while he had been busy being the Asset. Instead he keeps mentioning about how he'd 'woken up' here. He'd also mentioned how he'd been given files, to learn about the modern era, and Stark had talked about how Steve had come to the Tower with a box and a bag only.

Bucky shifts in his spot on the couch and draws his brows together. Something had happened to Steve. That much is obvious. And whatever it is, it seems to still be affecting him, given how regularly he goes to the doctor. The fact makes him anxious, because JARVIS won't tell him about whatever it is, and he keeps thinking back to how sick Steve used to get.

The serum is supposed to keep him safe, and theoretically, the Avengers would be more concerned if something were seriously wrong with Steve… but he still can't seem to get his mind off the topic.

What frustrates him the most, is that he can't remember enough of Hydra's files on Steve to know if he secretly already knows what had happened to his friend. He's sure Hydra had debriefed him on Steve, along with the rest of the Avengers, but he doesn't know what bits and pieces he can remember are actually from Hydra, and which are from his own past life. Either way, his memory isn't being helpful right now, and he has no idea what is wrong with Steve. His flashbacks are generally uncontrolled, so who knows when he'll actually remember something useful

He blinks, and his mouth opens slightly as an idea dawns. He might not be able to remember right now… but if he does know something about whatever had happened to Steve… then that information is still in his brain. All he needs to do is get at it. And he has the perfect tool for that.

oOo

He feels a little awkward approaching Stark, although the man seems at least neutral, if not positive, about his presence in the Tower. Still, while he may trust Stark to treat him fairly, he doesn't want to crowd him, and he doesn't exactly know how to act around him.

For one thing, the name thing comes up all over again with him. He's been working on getting used to thinking of the Avengers by their first names, since they aren't actually agents working over him, but with Stark… he can't help noticing how the man has yet to actually use his first name. So… until that happens it's probably a good idea to stay on a last name basis.

Even with that decided, he's a little cautious as he asks JARVIS to take him down to Stark's labs. Steve is, at least, busy training with Wil– Sam, currently, so his trip is relatively private, but he isn't sure how Stark will react to his venture, or his request.

JARVIS lets him down though, so that is probably a good sign, and Bucky reminds himself to breathe evenly as the elevator doors ding open and reveal the entrance to Stark's lab.

He enters quietly, part of him determined not to be noticed, despite the fact that he had asked to come down here in the first place. It's all for naught anyways, because almost as soon as he steps into the labs, he is met by an excited screeching of wheels and high pitched beeping as both DUM-E and U whirl around to race at him.

He finds his face breaking out into a smile as the bots roll up to him, their claw arms waving animatedly as he takes the time to thoroughly pat both of them down, DUM-E in particular trilling in approval.

"Well. Looks like you have a fan club."

He darts his head up, having momentarily forgotten his purpose in coming here, and he catches sight of Stark sitting a few tables away, a pair of safety glasses pushed up on his forehead and a few grease smears on his arms. Beside him, U beeps, upset that his hand had frozen, and he resumes his petting, hoping that Stark doesn't mind.

The engineer doesn't seem overly bothered, seeming to watch the scene with some amusement, and the relaxed line of his shoulders gives Bucky a bit more confidence in what he is about to request. "I…" He swallows. "I was wondering if you could do something for me," he says, his eyes on his hands instead of Stark as he continues to dole out affection to the two robots around him.

"What would that be?" Stark asks, and when he looks up, Stark's face is mostly neutral, although a little curious at his request. He breathes in, trying to gather his thoughts.

"I need to remember something," he blurts, his eyes on Stark. "I don't— I don't know what it is yet, but it's important. I know it is. So I— I was wondering if you could help me use the BARF tech again."

Across from him, Stark looks a little surprised by his request – and part of him wonders if it's more to do with the fact that he's making the request, rather than its actual content – but he doesn't look upset by it. Instead he actually looks a little thoughtful.

He runs a hand through his hair, knocking his glasses off in the process and pouting a little as they clatter to the floor. He shakes his head and brushes it off, looking up at him. "I don't really mind I guess…" he says slowly. "But, you know, Steve knows how to use the tech now too. He could help you."

Bucky bites his lip and looks down, continuing to pat DUM-E as he tries to come up with a good way of explaining himself to Stark. He knows he could simply ask Steve to help him but– "I need to remember something about Steve," he says quietly, glancing back up at Stark. "It's— something important, I think. But I want to figure it out first."

Stark nods slowly in understanding, and Bucky relaxes slightly at that. "Alright then." Stark rubs a hand over his face and pushes himself away from his table, looking up at him. "You good with going now?"

Bucky nods, and he soon finds himself standing in the elevator with Stark, waiting as JARVIS brings them up to the floor with the BARF room. It's still a little awkward, standing with Stark, but he tries not to let it bother him, waiting for the man to lead the way once the elevator stops to let them out.

"Okay," Stark says as he heads over to the computer terminals and hands over the BARF glasses. "Let's get this baby warmed up and ready to go." He fiddles around with the console for a moment and Bucky gets himself situated in the middle of the room, the glasses on his face. "Okay, we're ready," Stark says, looking up and giving him a thumbs up, before his expression shifts into something slightly awkward. "Did you want me to stay or…"

Bucky swallows. He hadn't actually thought about that. He's used to Stark staying for the BARF sessions though, and he's not exactly sure if he's ready to face whatever he's going to pull up alone. "Maybe… maybe it would be good if someone stays," he admits, his eyes dropping in embarrassment.

In front of him Stark nods briskly and settles down into the chair by the console. "Sure, okay," he says lightly, although Bucky isn't sure how much of that easiness is genuine and how much is put on for his benefit. "Go ahead, I guess," Stark finishes, waving his hand, and Bucky breathes in, trying to center himself.

He doesn't exactly know what he's looking for, but the BARF tech has picked up on his subconscious thoughts before, so he's hoping it will come through now. He closes his eyes. What happened to Steve? He thinks pointedly, hoping to give the tech some direction. I've got to know something. Hydra must have told me something.

The faint sound of clinking metal makes him open his eyes, and instead of his chair, and perhaps a debriefing file, like he'd sort of been expecting, he's confronted with a mass of blackness. He can still vaguely see Stark on the other side of the room, but the entire projection field of the BARF tech is filled with an opaque, inky blackness. He stares at the square of darkness, and it isn't until he hears the clinking noise again, and the quiet breaths of a person, that he realises that his holo-self must be in there, sitting in complete darkness.

A shiver runs through him, before the hologram suddenly brightens, a light overhead being switched on. He twitches in surprise, and squints, the newfound light revealing the stone walls of his correctional cell in Siberia, and his holo-self, hunched near the misty edges of one of the walls. He too flinches at the onslaught of light, bringing up his arms— arm. He only has one, his right arm lifting to shield his eyes, and his left one ending in a bandaged stump just past his shoulder.

He stares, his left arm feeling suddenly heavier as his holo-self shifts, a chain around his ankle clattering as he angles himself so that his left side is behind him, his head lifting to look to where Bucky realises must be a door.

He's right, because a second later, a heavy metal door materialises, its hinges letting out a small whine as it's pushed open by a blond-haired man. His mouth opens slightly as he watches the man lean against the doorway, the cocky expression on his face irritatingly familiar.

"I think… I killed him," he says, slightly stunned. Across the room, Stark looks up at him in surprise, and Bucky swallows. "Trying to escape," he clarifies, watching as his holo-self glares at the blond man with undisguised dislike.

Now that he looks more closely, he can tell that already his holo-self's time with Hydra hasn't been treating him kindly. While he still looks to be completely himself, his hair is greasy, and his chin covered in scruff. Heavy bags sit under his eyes, and his top half is completely bare – besides the bandages on his arm – revealing recently lost weight, and an unhealthy grey tinge to his skin.

The blond man, on the other hand, seems to be in perfect health, and he smirks as holo-Bucky shifts uneasily in front of him. "Have you changed your mind yet?" He asks tauntingly, his accent unmistakable. "Our ranks are still open for another addition."

Across from him, holo-Bucky scowls, his teeth clenching before he pulls back and shrugs his right shoulder, his face shifting into an expression of mock-casualness. "Well," he drawls. "Your accommodations are swell." He gives the blond man a look. "But I gotta say… I'm still not convinced."

The blond man sneers at him, before his mouth slips into something close to a smile. "I thought you might say that," he says, his eyes glinting. "So I got you something." He pushes away from the doorjamb and brings up his arm to reveal a folded bundle of paper in his hand.

Holo-Bucky tenses at his movement, and eyes him warily as the man tosses the paper into the middle of the room, the bundle flipping open to reveal the front-page cover of a newspaper.

"A present," the blond man says, as holo-Bucky makes no move towards the paper, his eyes glued suspiciously to the man in the doorway. "One of my agents got it for you, all the way from London." His smile turns cruel. "I heard they're busy over there," he says, putting his hands in his pockets. "Planning Captain America's funeral."

Bucky and holo-Bucky's breath catch at the same time, and as one, their eyes dart to the newspaper. "No," holo-Bucky breathes, the horrified denial cutting right into Bucky's core. He swallows painfully, and in front of him, his holo-self sucks in a steadying breath and darts his eyes up to the blond man, his voice hardening. "No. You're lying."

The man laughs and shakes his head. "Read all about it, Sergeant," he says, waving dismissively towards the paper. "Heard he went out with a bang. Sacrificed himself for the world. Real honourable." Holo-Bucky stares at him, his gaze burning, and the blond man scoffs, his expression hardening. "Your Captain's dead Sergeant," he spits. "No one's coming for you."

With that, the blond man sneers one last time and steps out of the room, pulling the door closed behind him with a deafening thud. Inside, holo-Bucky's eyes drop down to stare blankly at the newspaper in the middle of the floor, his breath shuddering slightly as he sits, seemingly in shock.

After a long moment, he blinks and sucks in a breath, his eyes betraying his reluctance as he painstakingly reaches with his right arm and pulls himself towards the paper, his chain rattling against the floor as he moves. He reaches for the paper and Bucky watches in frozen horror, his breath tight in his chest. This is not what he'd been expecting, this is not—

His breath catches, and he can hardly breathe, staring down at the bold ink in front of him. SACRIFICE AND VICTORY the paper announces. CAPTAIN AMERICA PRESUMED DEAD; REDSKULL DEFEATED. He stares, and then he stares some more, willing for the words to change. He hunches over the paper, his heart twisting in his chest as a buzzing fills his ears.

No one's coming for you. The words echo in his head and he shudders out a ragged gasp, his fingers clenching at the paper. He'd known that. He hadn't been expecting— He hadn't told anyone about the serum, so of course they all thought he was dead. He didn't think Steve would come. He didn't, but he'd hoped— He'd hoped that at least one of them would make it through this war.

He stares at the paper, and while he doesn't exactly know what day it is in this place, the paper is older than he'd been expecting. That's one of the things that makes him believe it's real, and not some Hydra mind game. If it's really from London, then it would have taken time to bring it here, wherever he is. And the other thing– the other thing that drives home the horrible cold truth, is the news of Redskull's death. Hydra wouldn't give him that, wouldn't tell him of the death of their leader, if the rest of it wasn't true as well—

Bucky sucks in a breath and blinks, his eyes wet as he looks back at his holo-self, sitting frozen over the paper. He— he still doesn't understand exactly how that paper could have been printed, since Steve is still here with him, but it solidifies his hunch that something had happened to Steve, and the thought of Steve dying makes his chest feel heavy and hollow at the same time.

He'd hoped that at least one of them could have made it through the war.

In front of him, the scene shifts, the stone walls of his cell fading away. He's not exactly sure if it's because he thought of it, or if his holo-self did in his moment of grief, but the scene changes to one from before he had been captured.

His holo-self sits on a stool inside a tent, hunched forwards slightly as he talks to Peggy, sitting across from him on her bed. "If I die," he says softly, looking up at her imploringly. "I need you to promise to look after Steve." Bucky's mouth opens in shock, because he remembers this, he remembers this scene.

"If I die, Steve'll try to mourn all private-like," his holo-self continues intently. "Draw into himself and bottle it up until he finds himself another mission." Bucky's stomach plummets, and in front of him, his holo-self clenches his teeth. "And when he does that, he won't stop pushin' himself until he drops," he says. "He'll find himself a goal and then he'll push himself to the end of the world if he has to, in order to complete it."

The scene fades back to the Hydra cell as his holo-self lets out a strained sob, and Bucky gets it. He gets it as an old, remembered pain, breaks open in his chest and his eyes fill up with tears. Steve had done… Steve had done that. Steve had done exactly that. He had died and Steve had—

He pulls off the glasses, his other hand coming to press against his eyes as he hunches forward and breathes in raggedly. He breathes for a few moments, but even as he struggles to come to terms with what he had just seen, a part of his mind is still aware of Stark sitting awkwardly by the computer consoles, a stricken look on his face. Part of him feels a little bad for making him watch that, but he's also glad he's here because– "Steve," he grits out, wiping his face and looking up. "Can you– can you get Steve?"

Stark nods immediately, looking slightly pale as he calls for JARVIS to bring Steve to the BARF room. Bucky sucks in another breath and lets it out slowly, trying to remind himself that Steve isn't actually dead. He's alive, and he's here, even though something had happened to him, he's still alive, and he's still here.

He knows it can't really be that long until Steve rushes into the room, but it feels like ages, and his heart constricts at the sight of his barely contained worry. Steve stumbles to a stop a few feet inside the door, his eyes glancing between both him and Stark, obviously unsure what is going on and what he should do about it.

Bucky wipes his face and lurches towards him instinctively. "You stupid idiot," he rasps out wetly, pulling Steve into a bewildered hug. Behind them, he's aware of Stark quietly making his way out of the room, and Bucky clutches tighter at Steve, his friend's arms coming up around him too after a moment of confusion.

"Bucky, what–?"

Bucky pulls back slightly and glares half-heartedly at him, the effect ruined slightly by the fact that his body is still trying to cry. "They told me you died," he gets out, not letting up on his hold on Steve. "I thought you died. They told me–"

He swallows heavily and a devastated look passes over Steve's face. "Oh," he says, very quiet, his hands tightening on Bucky's sleeves. "Oh, Buck. I'm so sorry."

Bucky pulls back a little further, wiping his face with one hand, his other still gripping the BARF glasses and Steve's shirt. He breathes in and sniffs, trying to steady himself. "What happened?" He asks roughly, staring at Steve. "Why did the paper say you died? What happened?"

Steve winces slightly and runs a hand over his face before looking at him, his lips pressing together. "I…" His eyes flick over him before glancing down briefly. "Maybe we should go back to our room for this," he says, looking up.

The request isn't promising, since it implies a long, unpleasant story, but Bucky nods determinedly, releasing Steve to step away and set down his glasses by the computer terminals. That finished, he turns back to Steve, sniffing again to try to clear his nose and running a hand through his hair, trying to calm himself down after everything.

Steve offers him a half-hearted smile before turning towards the door, and Bucky follows him out, his mind racing as he tries to guess what Steve could possibly tell him that would explain what he'd just seen. While he supposes Hydra could have actually been lying to him… something had happened to Steve. And Steve hadn't been surprised to learn Bucky had been told he'd been dead.

They make it back to their rooms, and Steve settles down on the couch, his shoulders slightly more hunched than usual as Bucky sits down on the other side. Silence sits between them for a moment before Steve takes in a deep breath and lets it out again, turning to look at him. "I don't… exactly know how to start," he admits, before running a hand through his hair and glancing away. "I haven't actually had to explain this to anyone before. Most people already know."

Bucky blinks at him in surprise, before realising that if Steve's death had been reported to the world, then most people would already know about it – and, he assumes, his miraculous recovery. Beside him, Steve sighs and rubs his hands on his pants, catching his eye.

"It started… after you died," he says finally, pursing his lips slightly. Bucky swallows, drawing his hands into his lap and looking steadily at Steve. He doesn't think this conversation is going to be easy for either of them. "Basically…" Steve sucks in a breath, steeling himself. "We were able to capture Zola," he says, rolling his shoulders. "We'd been hunting down the dredges of Hydra, and Zola told us where Redskull's last hideout was."

Steve looks down and fiddles slightly with the fabric of his pants. "If we moved quickly, we thought we could take out Hydra for good," he says quietly, and Bucky thinks he can see the beginnings of the mission that Steve had latched himself onto in the wake of his death. "We stormed the base," Steve continues, looking towards the windows beyond the TV. "And it was going well… except Redskull had this bomber plane he'd built, and he tried to escape with it."

Steve looks back at him finally, and his mouth quirks up. "I managed to get aboard," he says, and Bucky has the distinct feeling that he's leaving out a few dangerous details about how exactly he'd managed to get aboard an accelerating plane. Steve looks down. "I ended up fighting with Redskull, and–" He looks up. "I don't know if you remember, but Hydra was using the Tesseract to power a lot of their weapons, a sort of, blue cube thing."

Bucky nods, because while he might not know much about a blue cube, he can vaguely remember Hydra's blast weapons, which had definitely been blue. Beside him, Steve tugs on one lip with his teeth, his hands moving to fiddle together in his lap.

"The cube was in the plane," he says, looking somewhere into the middle distance. "It got bumped out of its containment unit during the fight and Redskull freaked out, picking it up." Steve frowns and shrugs his shoulders. "After that he just kind of–" He waves a hand vaguely. "Well, it kind of looked like he got sucked into space. Knowing now what the Tesseract can do, I'm not surprised, but–" He shrugs ruefully and looks over. "At the time, I had no idea what had happened."

Steve's eyes flick away for a second, and he sucks in a deep breath. "The Tesseract didn't go with him," he says, going back to not looking at Bucky. "It fell down and sort of melted through the floor, into the ocean after he got zapped away, so…" His lips press together. "So I thought it was taken care of."

His jaw clenches for a moment before he seems to slump slightly into the couch, turning to look at Bucky again. He can't quite seem to meet his eyes though, and his hands twist together in his lap, prompting a spark of unease in Bucky's stomach. "Redskull's plane had bombs on board," Steve tells him quietly, his face somber. "The ship was on autopilot, and it was heading for the States. For New York."

Bucky's eyes widen as a horrible mental picture reveals itself to him, and he stares at Steve, his breath suddenly tight in his chest. "I contacted our team," Steve continues, in the same quiet voice as before, his hands still in his lap. "Peggy answered." Steve swallows, his hands tightening and his shoulders stiffening. "There wasn't… there wasn't time," he says, looking down. "The bombs were set to go off automatically, I didn't know how to disarm them. The controls were a mess from the fight. If we waited too long, then the plane would make it to New York and—"

He breathes in. "I couldn't risk all those people," he says roughly. "I couldn't risk the Barneses, not after—" He flicks his eyes over him before clenching his teeth and continuing. "Even if there was a chance, I couldn't risk it so—" His throat flexes as he swallows heavily. "So I— I was flying over the Arctic, and I thought, I thought it would be better if the plane crashed where it couldn't hurt anyone."

Steve flickers his eyes up to him, and Bucky sits frozen, his eyes wide as he looks at Steve. His heart pounds loud in his ears, and he can't actually feel his hands anymore, his body mostly numb as he takes in what Steve is saying. "You crashed into the Arctic," he says dazedly.

Steve nods, and looks away, his eyes focusing on something distant. "I got knocked out on impact," he says, a dull tone creeping into his voice, as though he isn't actually speaking about himself anymore. "When I woke up, the plane was filling with water, and I—" His gaze skitters for a moment, before he shrugs, staring off to the side. "I froze, down there. I thought I died but—"

He looks back at him, and Bucky feels his heart lurch, horror at what Steve is telling him welling up in his chest. He does not want to think about Steve, alone and freezing on a ship. His bones ache with cold at just the thought. It reminds him too much of his cryofreeze, and Steve should never have to go through that. (He thinks back to Steve's reluctance around the fridge, and suddenly things make a lot more sense.)

"I didn't. Die," Steve continues tightly. "The serum kept me alive, and SHIELD found me in the ice last year." He looks away, his knuckles white from where he's clasps his hands together in his lap. "It was– a bit of a shock, getting used to everything." He stares blankly ahead of himself for a moment, and Bucky chews on the inside of his lip before Steve breathes in sharply and relaxes against the couch, looking at him with a bit more life in his eyes. "It was hard," he says quietly, his eyes on him. "But… but it was worth it." His jaw clenches and he gives him a small smile. "I gotta find you after all, so… so in the end, I guess it was worth it."

Emotion claws up in his throat. He's not exactly sure what kind of emotion yet, but it's big, and he finds his eyes growing distinctly wet again. "Yeah, well–" His throat closes up, and he has to swallow to get it open again. "Don't ever go do something so stupid again." Steve blinks at him in surprise, and Bucky wipes determinedly at his eyes. "I mean it," he gets out, his voice growing stronger as he gives Steve a look. "I'm going to be pissed at you if you ever do something like that again." He raises his chin, breathing in. "You know, I bet that's why I didn't die. So that I could haunt you from beyond the grave."

Steve barks out a surprised laugh before pulling back slightly, an appraising look in his eye. "I'll… be sure to keep that in mind," he says as his eyes flicker over Bucky's face, a gentle smile growing on his own.

Bucky huffs, and then sniffs, trying to clear his nose from all the emotions of the day. "Good," he says decisively, folding his arms, and looking over Steve, noting the tired lines on his friend's face. He had been right about the difficulty of the conversation. He breathes in and shakes out his hair slightly, catching Steve's attention.

He thinks they both need something now to help settle themselves, and he has a guess at what might help. "Aren't you supposed to be making tea now?" He says, ignoring the tiny part of him that still tenses at the idea of telling Steve what to do.

For his part, Steve blinks at him for a second, a little stunned, before his grin turns sly. "Oh, is that what I'm supposed to be doing?" He drawls, making a show of pushing himself off of the couch.

Bucky scoffs and watches as he heads towards the kitchen, his shoulders slowly relaxing. "'Course," he says. "That's what we always do, isn't it? Drink liquids and talk about feelings?"

Steve laughs from the kitchen, and Bucky feels some of the tightness in his chest ease as he hears the sounds of the kettle being filled. He settles back to wait for Steve to come back, thinking over what he'd just been told. Today had been… a rollercoaster, honestly. And while he may not have learned exactly why Steve is constantly going to the doctor's yet… he had learned a lot.

His eyes flick to the kitchen, and he swallows back a wave of sadness at the thought of what Steve had done and gone through. He understands why he'd done it, and he's not exactly sure if any other option had really been available… He breathes in and sets his jaw. Of course, that doesn't mean he's okay with what happened but…

It was worth it, Steve had said, and well… at least, something good could come out of it. Eventually.


AN: As a side note while writing this chapter, it was actually difficult for me to get used to writing 'Steve' and 'Bucky'. I also found that when Bucky gets nervous, I start wanting to write 'the Asset' again. I imagine Bucky probably would have a similar difficulty XD

Other than that, I thought that this chapter was pretty important. Bucky learns what happened to Steve and some of what he went through, which is an important part of rebuilding their relationship.