Chapter 12 – To Sadden
Kagome yawned as she stretched, feeling her muscles complain. Even though she hadn't trained with Sesshoumaru yesterday, her body was still sore. He didn't go easy on her and this gave her the confidence that maybe she wasn't that bad in fighting after spending a whole year without training.
Carefully getting up to not wake Rin and Shippo, who were cuddling with Ah-Un, she started to walk through the woods until she found the river she had seen on the night before. Splashing some water on her face and pushing the images of her dream away, the miko decided that she was awake enough and looked around, trying to find something to eat.
Once she spotted an apple tree, she got up and started to pick a few of them, making sure she had enough to feed everyone, even Ah-Un, and Jaken. Humming as she walked back to where her companions were, Kagome couldn't help but think about the events of yesterday.
Kikyou had easily accepted her back, hugging her and claiming that she would never let Kagome out of her sight again. Her companions were also nice, the slayer was strong yet gentle and the monk kind and wise, though Kagome thought he was way too nice sometimes. InuYasha was different, while the hanyou could be annoying and harsh, Kagome believed he had a friendly and good side, otherwise Kikyou wouldn't speak so highly of him.
They still needed to decide what to do though, part of Kagome wanted to search for the jewel with Kikyou since she couldn't help but feel it had been partially her fault that all of this happened, but the bigger half of her didn't want to leave the shiro. She had grown used to Shippo and Rin playing around her, she would miss being their teacher, and she admitted she would even miss Jaken's annoying voice and Sesshoumaru's quiet presence, as well as Ah-Un's sweetness.
He was truly a loving and caring beast. She never expected a dragon to be so nice to the point of letting children sleep on him just because he was warm, she had heard tales about them being bloody thirsty beasts and they couldn't be more wrong. Taking a bite of her apple, Kagome realized that she should just stop listening to rumors, most of them were false and only served to stain one's reputation.
Looking around, Kagome noticed that Rin and Shippo were still asleep, just like Jaken. Walking to where the toad was, she put an apple next to his hand and moved to do the same with the children, then she fed Ah-Un, who was already awake.
Frowning when she didn't see the daiyoukai, Kagome looked around and spotted his white fluff behind a tree. Deciding to follow it, the miko quietly walked until she saw him resting against a rock with his eyes closed. Biting her lip, Kagome tip-toed and when she was about to put an apple next to his hand, his eyes snapped open and she squealed in surprise.
Raising an eyebrow at her, Sesshoumaru silently asked what the miko was doing and Kagome huffed as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. ''How did you know I was there?''
''I am a daiyoukai, miko.'' He simply said, as if the answer was obvious, and Kagome sighed.
''Damn, I managed to surprise everyone but you.'' She muttered as she tossed the apple at him.
Catching the red fruit with his hand, he raised yet another eyebrow at her, making Kagome feel rather stupid and annoyed with his behavior. ''Don't look at me like that, I didn't see you eat anything ever since we left and I was starting to get worried."
''Miko, I a-'' The inuyoukai tried to speak but was rather rudely interrupted by the girl, who also had the audacity of rolling her eyes.
''Yeah, you are a demon, whatever.'' She muttered as she took a seat next to him. ''Jaken and Ah-Un are demons too but they eat.''
The look on Sesshoumaru's face clearly told her that her comparison had damaged his ego. How dared she to compare a youkai of his status to those who were not mindless beasts out of sheer luck? Deciding that maybe the time spent away from society had damaged her brain, he decided to enlighten her on the current subject of their conversation. ''I am a daiyoukai, I do not require food daily like Jaken and Ah-Un, who, while still youkai, are inferior in power to me.''
''I know but still," The miko said as she pointed at his apple. ''I never see you eat, even when I am at the shiro. Do you even eat at all?"
Once again, the daiyoukai questioned her cognitive abilities before speaking. ''Of course I ingest food,'' He even managed to sound slightly offended at her mindless question. ''I simply do not require it as much as humans do.''
She narrowed her eyes at him, and after being silent for a while and making he wonder if peace was finally achieved, she destroyed his hopes of a few more minutes of rest by opening her mouth again. ''Then prove it, eat the apple."
By this point, Sesshoumaru wondered if the miko suffered from any mental condition and started to question his choice of putting her to be Rin's mentor. After a whole minute of staring at her with a blank look on his face, the inuyoukai realized she wouldn't back down until he did what she wanted.
He was taken back to the moment where he met his ward, remembering that she would stay sitting in front of him for hours, simply staring, while the fruits she brought would lay next to his feet. He eventually realized that the only way to make her leave would be to eat whatever she gave him and wondered if this would work with the miko too.
Looking at the human one more time, Sesshoumaru noticed that she was still there and sighed mentally. It was like dealing with Rin all over again, except this human was older and had a deadly aim when it came to using a bow.
Raising the hand that held the apple, Sesshoumaru watched how Kagome's eyes followed his movement and decided to just do what she wanted. Bringing the fruit to his mouth, he bit it and watched a smile take over the miko's features, making him wonder how such a small action could make the woman so happy.
Quickly finishing his food, Sesshoumaru threw what has left away and raised an eyebrow at the miko, silently asking her if she was satisfied.
Smiling brightly at him, the girl cheerfully spoke. ''Thank you, Sesshoumaru-sama!"
He almost felt like grimacing, Rin did the exact same thing whenever he ate what she got for him and he wondered for a second if his father was laughing at him from his grave. Maybe the humans had been sent by the ghost of the Inu no Taisho, the miko and his ward were too much alike to be just a coincidence.
The wind blew softly and the daiyoukai closed his eyes, convinced that the miko would leave soon, and focused on gathering all of his patience before dealing with his half-brother again. The hanyou couldn't go on for a whole minute without spitting curses and simply being ignorant, and more than once it made him wonder how they were even related. Sesshoumaru had seen how his eyes widened at the sight of the shards around the miko's neck, and in that instant, he knew he would've to keep an eye out in case InuYasha tried to do anything.
When he heard that his half-brother had been helping a priestess he got suspicious, especially after said priestess affirmed that at first, InuYasha tried to steal the jewel. After seeing his reaction to the sight of the shards though, the inuyoukai had no doubt that the half-breed was either doing this to steal the jewel from the woman later, or they had some kind of agreement over what would happen once the Shikon no Tama was whole again.
Mentally scoffing, Sesshoumaru couldn't help but feel slightly disgusted by the hanyou's attitude. He had accused the daiyoukai of wanting the jewel because of its power but at the same time, he was the one who desired it the most, most likely thinking about becoming a full blooded demon.
InuYasha was still a hypocrite even after all those years, and that made the older demon wonder if he would ever grow up and be responsible. Holding back a snort, Sesshoumaru realized that putting InuYasha and responsible in the same sentence just didn't match, it would never happen.
''Sesshoumaru-sama?'' A quiet voice shook him out of his thoughts, making his eyes widen slightly in surprise.
Turning to look at the source of the disturbance, Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow when he saw that the miko was still there. This was new, Rin usually skipped off to collect flowers by this point.
''Have you ever failed to remember something that you never thought you would forget?'' She asked, her voice no louder than a whisper, and Sesshoumaru frowned in confusion.
''I do not understand what you mean, miko.'' He spoke, noticing the far away look she had in her eyes.
''When I was there, I was locked away,'' She mumbled, turning her face to look at the sky with a lost expression. ''I spent most of my time locked in a small room with other women sewing kimonos for the men to sell, the rest of the day I was either being beaten for not being able to sew the quantity they wanted or sleeping in a cell without a window.''
The daiyoukai didn't say anything, merely continued to stare at her, wondering why she chose to tell him this but reasoning that she just needed to let it go. Past experiences with his mother taught him to just listen without saying a word when a female started to speak out of the blue.
''One day, while I tried to remember a few happy moments of my childhood, I realized that I forgot most of it...'' Kagome spoke, biting her lip. ''I didn't remember the faces of the ones that I used to play and train with, I didn't know what I liked to do anymore or what my favorite toy was, and I started to get scared.''
There was a pause, and the daiyoukai noticed the tremble of her form while she gathered enough courage to speak whatever she was thinking.
''The breaking point was the day where I woke up from a black and white dream and realized that I couldn't remember how blue the sky was.'' The miko said, now turning to look at him with a scared look on her face. ''I was terrified. I knew it was blue but I couldn't remember what blue was, I started to lose what was left of my sanity that day. I saw many slaves lose it while I was there, their screams and cries kept me up all night sometimes, and when the soldiers came, I knew they were far too gone to be brought back to reality.''
Sesshoumaru stood still, quietly listening to the girl as he moved his eyes from her to the great sky above them, wondering just how close to insanity she had been to forget what a color was. It seemed impossible for him to forget such thing, but the fear that clung to her skin and the raw emotions flickering through her scent told him that what she spoke was nothing but the truth.
''Some tried suicide, not wanting to deal with Onigumo's men for one last time. I've seen many people vanish into the darkness of their minds, I just never thought I would be one of them.'' The miko shakily continued, and he noticed the tight grip she had on the hem of her pale orange kimono.
''After realizing that I didn't know how the color blue was anymore, I had a mental breakdown. I tried to remember small details, like what my favorite flower was or how the sky looked at night, but I failed miserably.''
The daiyoukai truly didn't know what to do or say, no one had prepared him for a situation like this, not even his ward's past had been this dark and twisted. In the back of his mind, he wondered how not knowing how to react had become something quite common when dealing with the miko, but he decided to focus on this later when the woman kept speaking.
''I was frightened of myself in that moment. I was exhausted and had no more strength left, lost and unable to cry out for help,'' She said, her voice wavered for a second, and in that moment Sesshoumaru knew exactly what she was going to say next. ''I was going to commit suicide, I didn't care about finding my friends and the others anymore, I just wanted to be free from the hell that my mind was.''
The fact that he knew what she was going to say didn't ease his shock at her words. He would never be able to imagine that her life had been like this, the happy facade she put on every day was too convincing to make anyone think it wasn't real.
''On the day I was going to do it, Shippo was thrown at my cell,'' The woman said as she chuckled dryly. ''When I saw him there, weak and afraid, I realized that I couldn't traumatize him anymore and decided to take him under my wing. He always says that I saved his life but the truth is, he saved mine. He gave me a reason to keep fighting, to hope again.''
After a few seconds of silence, Sesshoumaru realized that the woman was fighting to keep her tears at bay and sighed. ''The sky, is this the reason why you always seem so fascinated by it?''
Nodding, the miko smiled shakily at him and Sesshoumaru couldn't help but compare her to a tiny bird with a broken wing, she seemed as fragile as one, ready to break down. Taking one more look at her, he allowed his mokomoko-sama to encircle the miko's body, much like he did to Rin when she was upset, and watched as her eyes widened in surprise before she buried her face on it.
Sighing, he realized that though she had moved her hands to hug his pelt closely to her body, she still seemed upset and he could smell her tears in the air.
Remembering what his mother used to do to him when he was a child, Sesshoumaru moved his hand to pat the miko's head softly and tried to calm her down. ''The past stays in the past. Do not think about what is already gone and focus on the present, otherwise, you might fail to notice something of considerable importance. What you did and what you could have done point to just one end, the present, and it would be a waste to watch it fly away while you drown in memories of who you once were.''
Eyes widening when she heard those words, the girl nodded shakily and proceeded to cry softly as she hugged his pelt even closer. Still staring at the girl, Sesshoumaru added one more comment as an after thought.
"Remember your eyes if that ever happen again," He softly spoke, forgetting for a second that the human hearing wasn't nearly as sharp as his. Still, she seemed to have heard him and so, he kept going. "They are of the brightest blue I have ever seen, perhaps even brighter than the sky itself."
The smile she gave him in response seemed to erase any darkness around them, the change in her scent pleased him and he gave her head another pat before turning away. In the back of his mind, he realized that it wasn't only her eyes that were brighter than the sky, but her smile too seemed to be brighter than the sun. And maybe, just maybe, the girl herself shone with a light that seemed almost ethereal to him.
