Chapter 13 – To Belong
''Your place is with us Kagome, why can't you see that?'' Kikyou spoke, pressing her lips together.
''We don't need the wench, just get the shards and let her leave." InuYasha barked, making the older miko turn to glare at him as she hissed her response.
''Don't insult my sister!"
''Ladies and gentlemen, why don't we try to solve this situation without violen-'' Miroku tried to intervene but was interrupted by InuYasha's growl.
''I don't get why we need her anyway,'' He bit out, making Kikyou's face turn into an angry shade of red. ''She's useless to us, just get the damned jewel and let's get going!"
''My mama isn't useless, mutt!" Shippo shouted, throwing a pebble at the hanyou's face.
''Do not think that this Sesshoumaru will let you get the shards he found on his territory, half-breed.'' The inuyoukai, fed up with his brother's stupidity, decided to speak.
''I really don't think shouting will solve anything guys-'' Sango tried to speak too, but InuYasha's voice drowned the rest of her sentence with his shout.
''Throw another fucking rock at me and I will kill-'' His rant was interrupted by yet another pebble hitting his nose, making his eyes twitch in annoyance. ''You little brat, I'm going to-''
''You're not going to do anything to my son, hanyou!" Kagome snapped, hugging Shippo close to her body as she glared at Kikyou's companion.
Today, she decided, was not a good day.
First of it all, she had a mental breakdown caused by the nightmare she had last night and cried in front of the Western Lord, making her feel rather pitiful once she realized she was sobbing on his white pelt.
Then she realized she needed to decide what she would do from now on but she simply couldn't make up her mind and ended up with a migraine. Lastly, when she finally realized that she simply couldn't leave her new life behind in order to chase shadows of a past relationship, she found herself in an argument with Kikyou, who simply couldn't understand that there was nothing left for her besides living with her son in the West.
There were many reasons as to why traveling with Kikyou wouldn't work, the first one obviously being the annoying hanyou dressed in red, which seemed to hate her guts and didn't lose the opportunity to insult her. There was also Shippo, who wouldn't be able to travel with her, and Rin, who she had become greatly attached to.
Kagome would miss Ah-Un's sweet company, as well as Sesshoumaru's quiet one, and she even admitted to herself that she would miss Jaken's complains about her being too slow as they traveled. She also couldn't forget that she swore loyalty to the daiyoukai and couldn't simply walk away whenever she felt like it, if he required her presence, she would need to stay.
In the back of her mind, Kagome was almost hoping that Sesshoumaru would play the heartless demon and order her to stay in front of everyone just to avoid listening to the arguing anymore. She was sure her head was about to explode at any second.
''It's because of you that she doesn't want to stay!"
''Oi, how is this my fault?''
''Kagome-chan won't leave, she likes living with Rin-chan and Sesshoumaru-sama!"
''You're insulting her, it's obvious she won't want to come with us."
''I'm not insulting the wench, I'm describing her and- Ouch! I'm going to fucking kill you, you stupid kitsune!"
''InuYasha, please don't curse in front of the children."
''Stop bad-mouthing my mother, mutt!"
''You're fucking dead once I get my hands on you-''
''Guys, I think it would be better if we all just stopped to take a deep breath-''
''We should let Kagome-sama decide, it's her life after all and-''
''Why are we even trying to bring the wench with us? Just get the shards and-''
''Shut up!" Kagome suddenly screamed, making everyone turn to look at her with wide eyes. ''I'm tired of listening to this, I'm staying with Sesshoumaru-sama, I can't simply leave them behind."
''Great, now give us the shard!" InuYasha spoke, extending his open hand in front of Kagome, who glared at him in return.
''You can't leave them behind but you can leave me behind?'' Kikyou spoke, her lips pressed into a thin line and her eyes showing how hurt she was. ''Are you really going to leave me for the daiyoukai?''
''Don't you dare!'' Kagome snapped when she heard the hate in Kikyou's tone of voice. ''Don't you dare to say this again, if it wasn't for him I would be dead right now. Dead! You would have never seen me again, can't you understand that?''
Kikyou's eyes suddenly became cold, making Kagome sigh in defeat as she tried to think about a way to make her see that she wasn't leaving her to live with demons. When she met the miko, it had been hard to try to make her see that not all youkai were evil. Kikyou, being the next in line to protect the jewel, had been taught since she was very little to hate youkai.
Kagome had been raised differently, while most mikos in the shrine harbored the same hatred for demons, Kaede-sama was different. She taught Kagome that there were bad humans and youkai alike, and told her to follow her heart when it came to deciding who she should trust, making Kagome believe that there were good demons too in this world.
There was a lot of controversy in the shrine because of the way Kaede raised the younger miko, but the woman always claimed that Kagome was special and shouldn't be treated like the others, and that was proven when the girl managed to surpass everyone in power at the age of fifteen. Still, it had been a hard task to make Kikyou stop hating every demon she saw, and right now Kagome could see all the progress she made slipping away.
''I don't want to fight with you,'' She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. ''But do not force me to stay. I will keep collecting the shards I find in the West, we can meet every once in a while, but I can't stay here. I have obligations now and I will not leave everything behind.''
''Of course, but I can be left behind.'' Kikyou spat as she got up, making Kagome flinch slightly when she saw her friend turning to walk away.
Huffing, InuYasha got up too, muttering something about stupid mikos and stubborn wenches, leaving only the monk and the taijiya there.
''Kami, when did she become so unreasonable?'' Kagome sighed as she hid her face in her hands, tired of arguing.
''Don't blame Kikyou-sama,'' Miroku spoke softly, trying to appease the situation. ''She always spoke to us about you, and there were a few times she cried in fear of never being able to find you again.''
''She misses you and doesn't want to see you disappear again,'' Sango spoke, smiling slightly. ''She's just scared, give her time and she will understand. Try to make a deal with her or something, reach a compromise.''
''What kind of deal could I possibly make? She refuses to listen to anything I say...'' Kagome sighed, petting Shippo's fur and watching as the small neko youkai the taijiya had as her companion moved to rub herself on Rin's leg.
It was an interesting sight, a demon exterminator had a youkai as a partner in battle, and Kagome wondered how they had found each other since neko youkai were known for keeping as much distance as possible from humans.
''Maybe promise you will visit her every once in a while, stay in touch,'' Miroku said, shrugging. ''Just assure her that you won't disappear again.''
''It's not like I wanted to be kidnapped and turned into a slave, she's acting like it's my fault." Kagome groaned, glaring at nothing in particular until her eyes met the daiyoukai's ones.
''You.'' She said as she pointed her finger at him, making him raise an eyebrow. ''Do something, don't just stay there looking bored and help me."
''And what exactly do you want this Sesshoumaru to do, miko? The girl is your problem, not mine.'' He simply answered, making Kagome narrow her eyes at him.
''I don't know? Use your influence and say that you need me to take care of Rin,. I bet she'll stop complaining, I doubt she would dare to argue with you.'' She spoke, making him raise his eyebrow yet again.
''It's your life miko, not mine.'' The daiyoukai simply answered, turning to face the sky once again and ignoring the girl. ''This Sesshoumaru has said it before, there is always a choice.''
Kagome's eyes widened slightly as he repeated his words, and she suddenly felt guilty for wanting him to make the decisions for her.
''I'm sorry.'' She muttered, then sighed as she gave up on trying to think about what she should do.
''May I ask the reason why you don't want to go with your sister, Kagome-sama?'' Sango spoke, making Kagome smile slightly.
''I already told you two to drop the sama, I feel uncomfortable. Just call me Kagome.'' She spoke and Sango nodded.
''Okay, Kagome, can you answer my question?''
''It's just that-'' The miko tried to speak but struggled to find the right words. ''When I was running away I thought that even if I managed to escape Onigumo's men, I wouldn't have a place to go. I had no family, the shrine was empty and the priestesses were gone, what was left for me? I thought I would have to start stealing food to survive, and then Rin-chan and Sesshoumaru-sama appeared.''
Sighing, Kagome recalled just how lost she had been and how insane was what she had done. With no backup plan she had set the world on fire and watched it burn without a care, making up her next steps as necessity called for it. She had truly been on the brink of insanity because if she had a bit more of thoughtfulness, she would never have done any of that. Her lack of plan to escape was suicidal, and she wondered if she was only still alive by some sort of miracle.
''When I woke up in the shiro I was confused, but most people there were nice to me. When Sesshoumaru-sama appeared, I started to wonder when he would ask me to leave, I had no use for him and to make things worse, I was a miko in a building full of demons.'' Kagome bit her lip, frowning. ''I never expected him to offer me a place to stay so I grabbed the opportunity, it was like the Kamis were giving me a second chance, I would be a fool to deny it.''
Watching Shippo skip around the field in front of her, looking healthy and determined to stay alive, she really couldn't find it in her to just let everything she had achieved go away.
''I slowly got used to the shiro and surprisingly, just a few demons didn't like me, most of them were really nice and thanked me for keeping Rin in line.'' Kagome chuckled, watching Rin and her son chase Kirara through the pink and white flowers. ''When I was at the shrine, I never felt like I belonged there, you know? I just lived and did what they expected me to, but in the shiro was different. No one expected me to do anything and after living my whole life without being free, I finally was.''
''I understand,'' Sango spoke softly, smiling at the miko. A sort of bond had been created in that fleeting second, and she understood better than anyone what the girl was feeling. ''It was the same in my village, I never really hated youkai but they expected me to kill them, so I did.''
''So the reason why you don't want to leave the shiro is that you fear to feel trapped again?'' Miroku asked, thinking he finally understood, but Kagome shook her head.
''No, once the jewel is complete everyone will go back to their villages and start their lives from where they stopped. If I leave the shiro, where will I go once this is over? I don't want to feel like an outsider again, the West started to feel like home and I know I'm selfish but I don't want to leave it just yet,'' Kagome sighed, looking at the setting sun and suddenly feeling lonely. ''Maybe when Rin is older and married I'll have to leave, but I'm still needed there and I want to stay as much as I'm allowed to.''
A moment of silence passed by, the laugh of the children being the only sound heard for the small group. Understanding seemed to dawn on the monk, and he nodded his head as he pondered about what the girl had just said. Before he could finish his line of thought however, the daiyoukai broke the silence, catching the attention of all of them.
''Foolish,'' Sesshoumaru spoke, turning away from his ward to face the miko. ''You have pledged allegiance to the House of the Moon, you will live in the West for as long as you want. There is no such thing as not being needed. Do not be a fool, it's not a good example for Rin.''
Eyes widening, Kagome didn't know if she should feel offended for being called a fool or not. She tried to feel angry, she really did, but found herself unable to when his words reassured her so much. The miko was slowly starting to realize that this was his way of comforting the others, with a kind of honesty so brutal that left no room for argument and somehow suited him perfectly.
''Thank you, Sesshoumaru-sama,'' She spoke, smiling softly at him even though he had turned to face the woods again. ''I will do my best to make you and Rin proud, don't worry."
''We can try to speak with Kikyou,'' The taijiya offered after watching the strange interaction between the miko and the daiyoukai. ''I'm sure that if she hears this, she will understand.''
Nodding in agreement, the monk spoke too. ''You just regained your stability and a sense of belonging, you're not being selfish for not wanting to leave it all behind.''
"I hope you guys can do it..." Kagome smiled softly, watching both the monk and the taijiya rise from the soft grass.
"We will do our best, try not to worry that much in the meantime." Sango spoke, giving the woman a pat on the back before bidding everyone a good night and retiring for the day.
As Rin and Shippo settled down to rest, Kagome looked at the stars and couldn't help but wonder what the sun would bring after rising yet again.
She could only hope it was comprehension from the one she considered as her sister.
