Terrorblade and OD were two of my favorite Dota 2 heroes. Most of the Dota 2 hero backstories are fairly generic, but those two I found interesting, and if interpreted in certain ways, I could easily incorporate them into my fanfic. Also, Dota games also flow similarly to this - you rage and blame team until you win, then you're all friends (unless you lose the game that is). Also, as for the WoW powers, Morgan Freeman explained back in Chapter 10, "The stick projects great power to begin with beyond one's imagination, but whoever controlled the Stick controlled power one can possibly imagine."
Also because it's South Park, and if M&T drag other literature and media into their own show, that means I could do the same :)
Chapter 13
At 5:35 am, we found ourselves at the parking lot of the South Park Police station hidden behind a bush that stretched from one corner of the parking lot to the other.. We already packed our stuff back into our backpacks. I was particularly uncomfortable kneeling down because of how cold the ground was, and I swear I could freeze my knees off. It was probably no more than 60 degrees Fahrenheit outside, and I could see the sky slowly light up, but the circumference of the sun did not pass the horizon yet. As I twirled the twig crown in my hands, I saw two policemen smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee outside.
"I heard the Nazi Zombies are receding here," one police officer said, "but it's spreading to Middle Park." Hm, shit. That's something I did not account for. If the plague already reached Middle Park, then it's only a matter of time until it reaches North Park. That could potentially pose a problem for us in the long run.
The second officer blew smoke from his lungs. "Hey, at least we don't have to deal with it, no more, thanks to those little kids playing Dungeons and Dragons." As the words left his mouth, the two officers laughed. What assholes - they basically implied that they had the children use their WoW powers to clean up the mess while they sat on their asses telling racist jokes. Then again, the police in this town wasn't exactly the most competent ever. That being said, I do hope the kids are alright, but the kids here are well known for surviving disasters like these and staying out of trouble. This also implies that they police have no idea that Harbinger existed, and due to a lack of zombies, I could conclude that Harbinger did clean up the mess in South Park.
"What do you think the new Taco Bell is going to serve?" the first policeman asked.
"I really hope the bring back the Doritos Locos Tacos, man I enjoyed those," the second replied. Those are pretty good, yes, but it's pretty clear the police officers didn't know an actual UFO crashed. Or maybe they just didn't pay any attention.
"It's been a long damn time since I had some Mexican food," the first said.
"Authentic Mexican food, yes," the second added. Then both of them started laughing. Taco Bell...authentic my ass.
The shrill whisper of Wendy came into my ears. "Stan, this is a retarded idea. They're cops for Christ's sake." Sometimes, I enjoy the lovely banter of our "loveliest" forth grade couple, and this is one of those times. "I expect the stupidity from Cartman, or maybe even Bebe, but you? Comeon!"
"We'll be fine," Stan whispered back, "I drove my dad once to a church so that he could see a holy Miracle with a statue of Mary. If I could drive my dad to a church, I can make us to North Park. Eeeeeaaaassssyyyy." That word "easy" left his mouth cockily. I mean, I agree with Wendy, this idea is dumb, and I'm fairly skeptical of Stan's driving ability to be honest, but then again, there really wasn't a better option. "It's all about the disciprine."
"Disci...prine?" Wendy raised an eyebrow at Stan.
"Yes, discipRRine." Stan put extra emphasis on the "R" sound in the word "disciprine." I know he really meant "discipline" but for some reason he decided to sound like a jackass mocking a stereotypical Chinese accent today.
"Stan, you haven't even taken any driving lessons," Wendy continued, "and how the fuck are we going to break into a police car anyways? If we break a window, the alarm will sound off, and we don't have a key." That's right, we are planning to steal a police car. There certainly could be nothing that could possibly go wrong, right?
"I thought we were supposed to trust each other," Stan countered, "that's what Harbinger said." Shots fired.
"He meant we're supposed to trust each other in our emotions and feelings like a proper boyfriend-girlfriend-couple, not condone doing dumb shit like stealing police cars," Wendy shot back.
"Well if you have any better ideas to get to North Park quickly, do tell me, because I'm not walking," Stan replied.
I guess it's time for me to remind the gang about the situation in Middle Park, according to what the police officers said. "Also, they said zombies have been spotted in Middle Park...so..."
Wendy groaned. "Alright, alright, fine, I concede. But it's still a bad idea. And we don't have keys."
"Ray, your water elemental is bugging me," Isaac complained. "Stop it."
When Isaac said that an idea immediately came to me. "Wait, Ray could use the water elemental to spray water into the keyhole, then freeze the water to form a duplicate key made of ice, then unlock the car."
Everyone else was silent for a moment. Then Stan spoke first. "That's...wow, I didn't even think of that. Holy crap."
When I peaked out of the bush, I saw the policemen turn back into the Police Station to go inside. "Alright, them cops are gone. Let's go."
I heard Isaac snicker. "You're becoming more redneck each day, Cole." He was probably referring to me saying "them cops" rather than "the cops". A mistake, really.
"Shut up, Isaac," I retorted.
The five of us enough immediately hauled ourselves to the sidewalk and went into the parking lot. There was only one police car parked at the moment. I looked around. Luckily no one was outside within our line of site. Then again, it's not even 6 am yet, so I'm not really surprised no one is outside. It is serene. Peaceful. Quiet. Although buildings and cars were destroyed, there were no more screams in the horizon. Then Ray's voice broke the silence. "Uh, the keyhole is closed, and we need a key to open it." Oh right, I forgot most keyholes had a "door" in car doors so that rainwater doesn't get in.
Then that gave me an idea. I snapped a little twig off of my branch-made crown. I went over to the car door and modestly shoved the sharpest point of the twig into the keyhole such that the small "keyhole door" was open. "Alright Ray. You know what to do."
Ray pointed at his water elemental, then at the keyhole, and so a stream of water splashed forth, hitting the door, the keyhole, and my face. As I wiped my face off with my left sleeve, Ray kneel down next to me facing the keyhole. He held his hands out, as if taking a mock snapshot with his fingers. Permafrost glowed in his hands, and all of a sudden, as he whirled around his hands a frost ring stuck out about three inches in radius, the surface area of the ring facing perpendicular to the ground. "This is how you do it." Ray grabbed the ring and twisted the ring in a clockwise direction, and all of a sudden, the door opened.
"Wow, that's cool!" Isaac exclaimed. "I wish I were a mage!"
I saw Stan roll his eyes. "Shamans can do this it too, dude. They have control over water and ice, I thought you knew this. Don't you play World of Warcraft?"
"I do!" Isaac replied. "I just find it hard applying Shaman powers into real life."
"Alright, elemental, go away." As the words left Ray's mouth, the elemental dissipated into mists, and its bracers faded away. Ray unlocked the door. "Alright, guess Stan's driving." Ugh. I didn't agree having Stan drive, but unfortunately, the rest of us don't have any experience driving a real car.
Wendy took the passenger seat. Isaac sat in the middle and Ray sat on the left side. When it was my turn to take my seat, I went over to the very right seat in the back only to see a package. Well, it wasn't really a package, it was more like a small black box with a 0-9 keypad, like the one used for phones. Then I looked closer. On the very top it said "C4". There was wiring all over the device. I gasped. "What the fuck? A bomb?"
"What?" Isaac immediately jumped. "Oh god!" Everyone else in the car jumped.
But then I looked closer. It wasn't even ticking nor flashing. It's not even armed. "Ok, don't panic, it's not armed."
"I'll take it." Wendy took the bomb from Isaac and placed it into her backpack.
"...why are you keeping that thing around?" Stan asked, "and why was there even a bomb in here in the first place? Ray, I need your frost key to start the car by the way."
As I took my seat and shut the door, and as Ray handed Stan the "car key", Wendy smirked. "Trust. It's what friends and couples do, right?" That's exactly what Stan said earlier, so I know Wendy said that just to mock us. Now I don't know what Wendy wants with the bomb or how she could possibly operate a C4 explosive, but I have a feeling it's going to be very important later.
"I don't condone doing dumb shit like keeping around a deadly bomb," Stan muttered. Like déjà vu right there.
Wendy's next few words were sweet and seductive. "That makes two of us, honey." Wendy kissed Stan in the right cheek and immediately he peered his head out the still-open driver doorway to vomit. And I'm not exactly sure what he vomited, given we haven't had breakfast yet - like seriously, what can you possibly vomit if you have neither eaten anything nor consumed any sort of liquid for the past eight hours? I don't want to know regardless. Not to mention, the stomach acid burns your throat. I don't know how Stan's throat isn't completely burned away from all that vomiting he's done over the past two years. Nevertheless, the smell of vomit came up to my nose and almost made me myself puke. Nice.
"Ew!" Ray and Isaac exclaimed.
"What are you planning to do with that bomb anyways?" I raised an eyebrow at Wendy.
"We might need it later, it never hurts to be prepared." Wow. Can't argue with Wendy's logic there.
Stan closed the door. As soon as he turned the key to start the car, the car made a loud rumble - possibly loud enough to attract attention of the cops. I peered to the Police Station to see several police officers gazing out the window - towards us! "Stan, we have to move. Now." I quickly buckled up my seatbelt to prepare for the ride.
"Hold on, let me get this thing right..." I felt a sudden jolt, my face falling forward into Wendy's seat. The force of me hitting the seat stung my face pretty nicely, but I still looked behind me. The car backed up and drove towards the police building.
"Stan!" Wendy shrieked. "Don't drive us in there!"
All of the sudden, the car stopped moving and I was thrown from Wendy's seat to my own again, my back slamming down on my own chair again, my head hitting the headrest. As I shook my own head, I heard Ray scream, "Oh my God, they got their guns out! Drive! Drive! Drive!"
"What?" I turned around to see about six police officers with their pistols out aimed down right at us. They were with their backs against the wall of the police station. "Oh shit it's the cops!"
All of a sudden, gunshots rang through the air. I heard a few bullets contacting the metal surface of the car. I bent down and covered my head to avoid getting shot. Holy shit, cops actually try to shoot you down just for stealing a car? "Stan! Drive!"
All of a sudden, the car revved up, and I was thrown back into my seat. We made it out of the parking lot and began to head past the police station east along the road. The car radio made static at first, but then a male voice came into sound. "We have five delinquent kids who just stole a police car and are now just past the police station heading east on 2nd street. Four male, one female, all about ages eight-to-eleven."
Wendy grumbled under her breath. "Ugh, kill the radio." She raised her left hand, curled it into a fist, and was ready to punch it out. However, that would mean we would lose communication with the police department - but then I remembered that we would lose contact anyways should we head out of South Park. Holy light enveloped in her left fist and as her fist made contact with the stereo, a burst of light demolished the stereo completely.
"What was that for?" Stan made a hard left at the very first intersection to which the police station was located on.
"There's a camera there, and I don't want us being video taped." Ah, so that explains why she punched out the radio control. Good thinking.
I heard more sirens behind me. As I looked behind me, I saw three cop cars following us closely. They were no more than a few yards behind us. "PULL OVER THE CAR NOW YOU DAMN KIDS!"
"Oh no you don't!" Stan did the opposite - he stepped on the gas pedal as hard as he could. I jolted back once again and let the car take me along for the ride.
"Can't this car go any faster?" Isaac panicked.
"I'm making a hard left!" As the words left Stan's mouth, I could feel the car slow down a little. All of a sudden, I got thrown to the right car door, and I could feel Isaac's crushing weight forcing me further into the door. "Sorry!"
I heard a few cars crash. When I looked out the car from whence we came, apparently two of the police cars crashed into the Tower of Peace, which is some Asian-cultural tower constructed by the local Mongolians a few days ago. They say Mr. Kim, the owner of City Wok, likes to spit on the local Mongolian kids as he takes his evening walks around South Park. That being said, I'm sure he'll be real happy when he sees the police cars catching fire on the Tower. Fireworks flew outward, and a few plummeted into the third police car, blowing it up. "Holy shit!" Oh god. I might be a dick, but I'm no murderer. I didn't intend those officers to die. "No, I'm not a murderer! Oh god no!" My dad can tolerate many things...but I doubt any responsible parent will tolerate their kid murdering cops (albeit unintentionally).
"This is like Grand Theft Auto!" Ray was doing some dance in his seat.
"SHUT UP, RAY!" the rest of us told him.
As we head west into 1st street, four more cop cars came after us. Oh man, we're in big trouble now. This is probably the most terrifying experience I ever had, probably even more terrifying than the Nazi Zombies that temporarily attacked this town. My life is on the line and in the hands of Stan Marsh. When we passed the final buildings, the road dipped downward a few yards then curved right and North. More gunshots rang through the air, and one penetrated the back window, landing into the punched-out radio.
"Ah!" Isaac put his arms on his head while cowering in fear in his seat. "I almost got shot!"
"What are we going to do?" Wendy asked.
Stan swerved the road to avoid many bullets as possible, and this continued on for about ten more minutes as the sun slowly peaked into the sky. Everytime a bullet came through, it would nearly hit someone. Somehow, none of us were hit.
"Oh my God, Stan, this is even crazier than I thought!" I could see Wendy clinging onto her seatbelt praying for dear life.
"Sorry, but this is the quickest way I know," Stan replied.
Wendy gulped. "I can't imagine it, 'Wendy Testaburger, the straight A student who is also an accomplice to carjacking, destruction of property, and second-degree murder'. I never thought I'd be an actual criminal."
"Well Harbinger said the American government is coming for us anyways, right, simply because Ray exists," Stan retorted, "not trying to blame you for anything, Ray."
"...oh yeah, I forgot about that. Huh." I expected some sort of argument out of Wendy, not this response.
I looked ahead and we reached Middle Park. The whole town was crumbling with chaos, with Nazi Zombies running amok everywhere, massacring the townsfolk. "Oh no." Cars were littered on the streets. The townsfolk were panicking while the children had swords and bows out dressed in chainmail. I observed their movements and fighting, despite the chaotic manner Stan drove this police car. The kids didn't look like they had WoW powers, then when I took a closer look, one male kid our age was particularly dressed similarly to Gandalf the Grey, with a grey robe, a grey wizard hat and a wooden staff. A ball of light illuminated from the tip of his staff, and holy ethereal horses came from his staff, trampling down the zombies. The kids in Middle Park must actually be playing Lord of the Rings.
"Will you look at that," Ray saw in awe. "They're actually playing Lord of the Rings for real."
"Why do we have WoW powers while they get Lord of the Rings?" Isaac asked.
"I guess every town is different, I don't know?" Ray replied.
Wendy's panic interrupted my thoughts. "Stan! Look out!"
I looked and in front of us swarms of Nazi Zombies charged headon into our car. But Stan must have given no mind, for he only sped up. When we made contact, some zombies rolled over us while others were rolled on and were crushed by the sheer mass of this car. I could feel myself jump everytime we ran over a zombie. The car wobbled on its tailside and for a second, I was worried for a tail spinout, but Stan's great reaction with the steering wheel managed to stabilize this car - just in time for the broken bridge up ahead.
"Please tell me we're not going to try to drive that," Isaac groaned.
But Stan was showing no signs of slowing down. I could tell he really wanted to make the gap, and to be honest, I didn't want to be stuck in a Nazi-Zombie-infested Middle Park. I looked behind me and the cops were no longer following us. They must have gotten lost in the chaos that is the Nazi Zombies. In the sky I could see Harbinger himself taking down zombies from the rooftops before they could close the distance on the innocent townsfolk. It was rather heartwarming seeing him reach out to the other towns to help them out with the zombie infestation. "Stan, we're not going to make it!" Wendy exclaimed.
But we couldn't stay here. I'm not about to get trapped in a zombie-town. "Step on it!" I yelled.
Stan did exactly as I told him. He took the police car into full power, and the speed grew at an exponential rate until it hit the speed of about one-hundred sixty miles per hour. And thus, we drove the jump. I could feel nothing but freefall for these moments as all of us screamed at the tops of our lungs. I closed my eyes.
The next thing I knew, the car crashed onto the ground. I slowly opened them...only to see the car on the road again, with wide-open snowfields in our view. "Holy shit! We made it! Haha!"
"See, I told you all this is like Grand Theft Auto!" Ray smirked.
"We made it..." Isaac passed out from there. And so did I.
I woke up to the feel of the car slowly coming to a stop. I yawned, and so did Isaac. In front of me were lots of buildings and to the right of the road was the sign "Welcome to North Park, Colorado." I looked outside. There was nothing around us. Nothing that would have caused us to stop. I looked ahead. There wasn't anything that seemed wrong with South Park. The traffic was at the bare minimum, and in fact, no cars were around us. We were parked off to the side of the road right below the "Welcome to North Park, Colorado" sign. Why did we stop? I looked at my phone. 6:57 am. The sun was already halfway over the horizon due east, so it shone brightly on my right cheek.
"Stan, why aren't we moving," Wendy asked.
"Uh.." Stan tried twisting the frost-key but it didn't work. Then he looked closer at the meters. "Oh godamnit. This car is out of gas."
"You're telling me the police forgot to fill up gas?" Ray asked. "Why didn't we stop by a gas station earlier?"
"Because if we stop to get gas," Wendy asked, "people will notice five kids coming out of a police car with no police officer. They'll ask questions, and we don't want that kind of unwanted attention."
"Basically what Wendy said," Stan added.
"Oh..." Ray rubbed his chin. "I haven't thought of it that way."
I pointed at the buildings, which only seemed like at worst a ten-minute walk. "Town's just up ahead."
As the four of us piled out of the car, Harbinger the obsidian gryphon landed next to a "Speed Limit: 65" sign. When he saw the vehicle that we all piled out from, he laughed harshly. "I didn't expect you kids to make a risky play like that and have it pay off. Stealing a law enforcement car and driving all the way here with the cops on your tail."
"I saw you take down the zombies in Middle Park," I said.
"I might steal people's intelligence," Harbinger answered, "but I'm no thief. I give it back as well." Yeah, in the form of a large psychic blast haha. "There's something I forgot to mention last evening. There are two people need to see, who come from a land far north of here and are visiting North Park today. They are the master monks of sorcery - the way of the Voice. Dovahkiin will need to complete his training before you all head into Sovngarde. Trust me on this one."
"Master monks?" Ray asked.
"There should be enough clues all over town," Harbinger replied, "they are skilled in their farts like you. You kids will understand. And you'll want to hurry, the zombies I think are swarming to North Park as well."
"That's not good," Stan groaned.
Harbinger clutched his staff in his hands. "I'll buy as much time as I can. Get to the monks and hurry." He then took off into the skies again.
All of a sudden my stomach rumbled. I grabbed it. Oh boy, I'm hungry, and I haven't had breakfast yet. "Lets get some food. I'm hungry."
"Yeah," Isaac added, "I'm starving too!"
As the five of us began to make our way into town, Wendy stopped in front of us. "Stan."
"Sup?" Stan asked as he handed Ray the frost key and Ray disintegrating it in his hands. Wendy punched Stan in the right shoulder with her right fist, and Stan jumped back, gripping it in pain. "Ow! What was that for?"
"That's for scaring the shit out of me earlier this morning with your driving skills. No offense Stan, but remind me never to be in the same car as you." Wendy then leaned in to hug and kiss Stan in the lips for five whole seconds. Stan, once again, threw up, and Wendy dodged it. The vomit once again landed on Isaac's legs. It was mostly body fluid, and if I counted correctly, he would have been vomiting body fluids three times within the past two hours all due to Wendy's kissing. Holy crap. That doesn't seem healthy at all.
"Ugh, not again! Stop vomiting on me!" Isaac complained as he washed the vomit off with elemental water of his own.
"...and that, Wendy?" Stan was obviously dazzled and starstruck by Wendy's charm.
"For getting us here...um, 'safely'." Wendy scratched her pink beret. "If you can even call it that. I'm confused, actually."
"It was pretty efficient," I remarked.
"At least that part's true," Wendy replied.
Wonderful, wholesome chapter, yes. Hopefully you enjoyed the action. I will be busy this weekend so I don't know when the new chapter is going to be posted.
